Chapter 3: Fun with jackals

The despondent students left the auditorium, grousing about the coming pain. The mini-Jackals were already mingling amongst the masses, sniffing at legs here and nipping at ankles there, and generally having a good time. The same could not be said, however, for the students.

"Now what?" Aly asked her new friends, part of the tail end of the crowd that was filing out of the Bubble.

"We could go back to our room and see if our other roommates have showed up," Zahira said.

Aly bit her lip. That sounded...well, it sounded boring, quite frankly, and she hadn't signed up for this place to be bored. Not that she was likely to be once classes started, but she'd never been known as a patient person.

Thankfully, a loud growl made her decision for her. At first she looked around, expecting to see one of the minis about to sink its teeth into her leg, and then realized that the growling was her. "Uh..." she said sheepishly. "What time is it?"

Zahira glanced at her watch. "Looks like lunchtime."

"Super," Ray said, grinning. "I could stand a snack myself."

"Anyone know where the cafeteria is?" Aly asked her group. Unsurprisingly, Zahira nodded. Despite her sheer crazy, she seemed to be the most knowledgeable one of the group.

"Yeah, it's not that far from here. Come on!" she said cheerfully and started off in a new direction. Some other students were headed that way as well – Aly guessed that they were hungry, too.

The three of them led the wave, Zahira at the head. Some of the mini-Jackals were following them, either because they wanted to beg for food or because they wanted to harass the students, and possibly for both reasons. This gave Aly cause to go just that little bit faster, until Zahira grabbed onto her arm. "Don't," the Arab-American girl said grimly, her eyes on a nervous-looking girl to their left. "Watch."

The other girl had broken off from the pack, clearly unnerved by the mini-Jackals' constant stares and nips. She started to run, soon passing the three new friends in the front. As if they had been commanded, the little jackals all surged ahead of the main body of students, in obvious pursuit of their prey. Aly was struck dumb by the remarkable similarity this showed to a wolfpack on the hunt that she'd seen on the Discovery Channel one time. It looked like this was going to have the same tragic conclusion.

The lead mini yipped, and its packmates spread out, racing to encircle the runner in a pincer movement. The girl shrieked as she saw some of the mini-Jackals running ahead of her, and some of them started to nip at her legs. She shrieked again. The entire column of students had stopped to watch the impending carnage, as if it were a spectator sport. The jackals looked to be herding her into a prime position for the kill. Suddenly, they sprang upon her, knocking her down as she screamed. Aly watched, horrified, certain that the creatures would kill the girl. The mini-Jackals, however, weren't trying to rip out her throat. They were all standing on her, biting at her arms and legs and prodding her with their claws.

"Are they playing with her?" Aly asked, staring at the odd scene.

"Ohmigod, I am never going to run away from those things," Ray said. "They'd, like, get their nasty little paws all over my clothes and mess up my hair! Totally unfab."

Aly was pretty sure that Ray had his priorities all messed up. She'd be more worried about the Grievous Bodily Harm, herself.

Miss Christine seemed to appear from nowhere, and, after a moment of letting the minis play with their prize, hauled the traumatized girl up by her wrist, without any apparent sympathy. The poor unfortunate's mascara was running as she blubbed. "Oh, stop it, you're all right," Miss Christine snapped.

"But, like, they bit me!" the girl wailed. "I'm going to get rabies!"

"Nonsense. My charges are quite clean," the black-hatted Staff member said stiffly. "Can't say anything for the state of their health after biting you, though." She dragged the student off. "Come on, if you're going to whine so, I'll take you to the Infirmary. Come on, you silly girl," she said, hauling the dirty and frightened girl off. "Though I feel compelled to warn you that the head physician is an alcoholic British expat..."

Zahira was shaking her head critically. "She shouldn't have ran," she said. "They think you're prey if you run. Triggers the hunting instinct."

"How do you know all this?" Aly asked incredulously.

"I've got a dog at home," she said, as if that explained everything.

"Does it, like, shed, or something?" Ray asked. "'Cause, ew. It would totally get all over my clothes and stuff. It's, like, impossible to get out."

"That's cats, Ray. Well, dogs too, but mostly cats," Aly said.

"You don't know anything about animals, do you?" Zahira asked. The entertainment was over, and everyone began moving towards the cafeteria again, directed by the mini-Jackals. Aly got the distinct feeling that she was a sheep, being herded by big, shaggy dogs in New Zealand, or Greece, or wherever the sheep lived nowadays.

"I don't like the ones that shed," Ray said, sounding miffed. "Lizards are cool."

"Yeah, but man, you don't know what you're missing..." As the two of them began a spate of pointless fake arguing, Aly tuned out. She would swear that Ray and Zahira were meant for each other if Ray wasn't gayer than a picnic basket full of unicorns. Maybe Freud was wrong, and not everything was based in some deep, secret sexual whatsit.

Oh, but life – and fanfic – was so much more fun that way.

Almost before she knew it, the minis had stopped herding them, and they'd arrived in the cafeteria's seating area. Aly literally could not believe her eyes. This place was huge! "Holy crap," she said, looking to the far end of the gigantic, well-designed room. It could easily seat every single one of the students and all of the teachers and staff, and still have enough room for all of the minis to have their own places at table. "I think the CIA overdesigned their cafeteria space."

"Hm, I don't think so, Aly," Zahira said. "The intelligence community can really pack away the sloppy joes. I mean, on any given day this cafeteria will serve as many as eight thousand chicken fingers with a choice of three kinds of dipping sauces."

"Sixty tons of tapioca pudding per day!" Ray continued, then helpfully added, "Gross."

"Okay, I'm sorry I ever doubted the CIA's cafeteria!" Aly laughed.

"Come on," Zahira said. She had already gotten into the lunch line, and Aly and Ray dashed to follow her.

"I can't believe it," Aly said, shaking her head and looking bemused. "This place is gigantic."

"Probably has its own zip code," Ray said as they shuffled forwards. Aly caught sight of a whiteboard by the entrance to the food-purchasing area that had the day's specials on it:

Spaghetti w/ meat sauce

Fruit slices, assorted vegetables

Jello

Caffeine-free Diet Coke

"Caffeine-free?" Zahira muttered, eying the whiteboard with distaste. "Really?"

"Those are just the specials," Ray noted. "Great, 'cause I don't want any of that. You think they have sushi?"

"If they did, would they waste it on us?" Aly asked him.

Ray's face fell. "Guess not...but I want some anyway."

Finally, the lot of them entered the cafeteria proper. If the seating area had knocked the wind from Aly's sails before, this completely capsized the boat, and smacked her in the head with the boom for good measure. It looked like a food court in there, though with less neon than usual.

"Not bad," Ray said, sounding pleased as he surveyed the fields of food. "Not bad at all."

"That's an understatement," Zahira said dryly, grabbing a pink plastic tray and moving to the burger booth. Aly was craving a cheeseburger herself, so she waved goodbye to Ray and followed her roommate with a tray of her own.

"Save me a spot!" Ray hollered to her. She flashed him a thumbs-up and returned her attention to the burger booth.

"Can I help you?" an eerily calm male voice said. Aly looked up...and tried very, very hard not to giggle. The speaker was one of the suits from before (or maybe not...they all looked alike, anyway), except now he didn't look half so threatening in a hairnet and teal apron.

"Uh...cheeseburger and fries, please," she managed to choke out, somehow keeping her face almost completely straight. The emotionless, hairnetted suit carefully placed a cheeseburger on a plate, along with what Aly thought was a far too stingy portion of French fries. "Enjoy your meal," he said in a monotone, handing the plate to her over the sneeze guard.

"Thanks," Aly mumbled, putting her plate on the tray and trying not to look at the suit. Zahira was smirking, Aly could tell, but she'd coughed suddenly to try and hide it. They moved on to the drinks area, where Zahira skipped right to the Mountain Dew. Aly, taking her time about it, finally selected a Diet Coke. No need to go all out, after all.

The two of them searched the cafeteria for a good three minutes before Ray finally caught their attention. The teenage boy had started to wave to them from the table he had found. "Hey," he said, grinning again as they sat down. "This place maybe isn't so, like, bad, you know?"

"No sushi?" Zahira asked, indicating Ray's salad with one hand as she layered fries underneath her burger bun with the other.

He shook his head. "Nah. Which is kind of unfab, but whatever. This salad's pretty good, actually."

"I didn't take you for the rabbit-food kind of person," Zahira said, and took a huge bite of her bacon cheeseburger. "Mmmm."

"That totally looks like a heart attack just, like, waiting to happen," Ray sniffed.

"'S good," Zahira said thickly once she'd swallowed the massive chunk of cheeseburger. "Want some?"

"No, thanks," Ray said, shaking his head. "You keep your bits of dead cow."

"More for us, then," Aly quipped, and picked up her cheeseburger. As she was about to take a bite, she felt something tugging on her burger. "Zahira, cut it out, you have your own," she said, sounding irritated.

"Hey, that ain't me," Zahira said, her mouth half-full.

"Ray?" Aly asked quizzically.

"Not me. You couldn't, like, pay me to touch that thing. All the totally unfab Mad Cow and junk."

"Then who's trying to take my burger?!" Aly asked, and raised her hands up, fighting the resistance that was tugging on her food. She tried very hard not to to scream. A mini-Jackal had somehow gotten on the table and was trying to take her food! The jackal growled and she instinctively dropped the burger. Seeming satisfied with itself, the small beast ripped off half of her cheeseburger and dashed off.

"It stole my goddamn food!" Aly yelped. She looked up at her two table-mates. Zahira had bitten her burger and was carrying out a game of tug-of-war with another mini-Jackal, and Ray was watching her and eating his salad, quite amused and unmolested.

"Mmhy mmuckhin' mmurher!" she growled, staring down the mini. It growled back. Zahira imitated it, and then shook her head, trying to shake the jackal off of her burger. The mini held on, tenacious as its target. Finally, Zahira shook her head hard enough, and the mini came away with a little less than half of her burger. It growled at her again and dashed off, its prize secured.

All over the cafeteria, similar scenes were occurring as students tried to fight off the ravenous beasties that were after their food. In most cases, the minis took about half of the assorted foodstuffs; the truly unlucky students were left with a few scraps.

"Oh, man," Ray chortled, looking at the two unhappy girls. "You should see the looks on your faces..." As he was laughing at their misfortune, another mini came up and ate about half of his salad. "Hey! That is, like, totally unfab! Give it back, you little furball!"

The mini swallowed a cherry tomato and snarled at him. Ray decided to back down after that, and the jackal ate a few more lettuce leaves and trotted off, apparently very self-satisfied.

"I thought jackals didn't eat vegetables," Ray said, sounding lost as he stared forlornly at the remains of his Caesar salad.

"They're omnivorous," Miss Christine said, waltzing by to look over her charges' handiwork. "You'd do well to look after your food here. Survival of the fittest is still very much a rule." Smiling slightly, she tossed her blond hair over her shoulder and walked off, tugging the brim of her hat down.

Zahira stared at the remains of her burger for a good long minute before she stuffed it unceremoniously into her mouth, fries and all.

"That's double-disgusting," Ray said, but his heart wasn't really in it. He jabbed at a crouton listlessly.

"'M mrngn' mmphns mm mh mh'st mheel," Zahira said around her food.

"Say again?" Aly asked, holding her half-burger and looking around for any more marauding jackals.

Her roommate finally managed to swallow without choking. "'M bringing weapons to the next meal," she clarified, and took a huge gulp of soda to help the burger on its way down.

Aly sighed and started eating what was left of her own cheeseburger at a more sedate pace. Maybe this place wasn't as fun as she thought it would be. "Do you even have any weapons?"

"I can get some," Zahira asserted.

"Yeah, right."

"Just you wait, I can so!"

"Look out, I think they're on their way back," Ray cautioned, now shoveling lettuce and croutons into his mouth at superhuman speed. Aly wasted no more time talking, and followed her friends' lead. She wasn't about to be robbed a second time.

Meanwhile, back at the staff table, Miss Christine had finished with her rounds and returned to her seat. "Marvelous creatures, these little jackals."

"You would think so, wouldn't you?" Miss Stephanie asked dryly, a forkful of spaghetti halfway to her mouth.

"Yes, actually," her friend said, tucking into her own plate of ravioli.

"What kind of ravioli is that?"

"Rat," Miss Christine said sedately.

"You are disgusting."

"My little pets bring them to me. It's kind of sweet, actually. They're like cats."

"Hm." Miss Stephanie returned her attention to her own pasta. "What are you going to do when they bring back students?"

Miss Christine looked contemplative. "Well, there's a lot more meat on them. I fancy we could have a go at making some pies."

"As entertaining as making meat pies out of students would be, it's not exactly canonical. Or sanitary," Miss Sara pointed out from further down the table. Unlike the others, her plate was full of smoked salmon. "Who knows what kinds of diseases the students have?"

"I can always add anthrax," the only male Staff member piped up.

"Shut up, Markoff," Miss Alex said, smacking the Russian head of security on the arm lightly. "We're not adding an anthrax plague on top of everything." She paused. "Yet."

"Can we wait on the biological weapons until Thursday?" movie-Bourne, hereafter known as Jason, asked from further down the very long table. "I've got plans until then." The way he said 'plans' did not imply that these plans would include going out fishing on the Potomac.

"Jason? You've made lesson plans? Can I take a look?" book-Bourne, hereafter known as David Webb, said curiously.

"They're all in my head, Professor," Bourne said with an apologetic smile. "I try and keep what I can remember in there. My journal's only for memories."

"Well, whatever works for you. Me. Us," Webb corrected himself.

"David? Is that a tinge of multiple personalities I hear over there?" Panov called from the other end of the table.

"Hey, you try interacting with your doppelganger," Webb shot back as Bourne became quickly engaged in a conversation with Marie Kreutz.

"I don't have one!" the psychiatrist said cheerfully. "I'm Sir Not-Appearing-In-This-Film, remember?"

"Cheeky bastard."

Yes, the staff – both upper and lowercase – were just as mature as the students. Barely.

--

Enrolment is still open! New students will begin to appear next chapter. Thanks to all who have sent in applications already!

Whoever can spot the mildly obscure reference to Bourne-related funny in this chapter will win a goat. Well, okay, not really. But mad props are almost worth a goat, right?