Chapter Seven- All My Fault

(Nick's POV)

Sitting in the waiting room in the hospital was total agony. I wanted to talk to Joe. I wanted to see him and know that he is ok. I knew it was my fault my brother was on the line of death. I hadn't realized I had been saying these thoughts aloud until Kevin said something.

"It's not your fault, Nicky," Kevin told me putting a hand on my shoulder to comfort me. It did no comfort whatsoever.

"He wouldn't be dying if it wasn't for me…" I replied, letting the fear show in my voice. I made sure not to look at Kevin, for my eyes were filled with unshed tears.

Kevin sighed and fell back into the chair. He knew it was impossible to convince me that it wasn't my fault.

Almost two hours went by and a doctor came to stand in front of me and my family. He told us the status on Joe before guiding us up to Joe's room.

Before opening the door, the doctor turned to look at us and said, "Now, he doesn't look like himself, just as a warning."

We all demanded to see him no matter what. The doctor opened the door and we started to fill Joe's room. I took a few steps scared at what I was going to see. My eyes widened and I froze a few feet away from the door. Joe had wires and machines all over him. His tan skin was now pale. The rosiness in his cheeks had lost the color. He had bruises showing on his face with bandages wrapped around more than half his body. The sound of my mother's weeping, the sound of Kevin's comforting voice trying to make everything better, was distant around me. Every sound and movement was beginning to get slower and more distant. Reality began to speed back into my head once I felt someone put a hand on my shoulder.

"Are you ok?" Kevin asked with concern in his eyes.

I shook my head, tears wanting to spill out. "Kev…He's dying…"

"He loves you, Nick," he continued," You need to see him. You need to let him know you love him too." I could tell Kevin was getting a little teary-eyed. He brought be into the hall so no one would be able to hear us.

"He needs you…" Kevin said quietly. I stood there like a statue. I blinked and a few tears slid down my cheeks. I didn't bother wiping them away. My older brother pulled me into the tightest hug as I buried my head into his sweatshirt and sobbed into his chest.

"He doesn't deserve this…Kev, what did he ever do to deserve to die?!" I cried.

He hugged tighter. Kevin was on the verge of sobbing himself

"I promised him I would be his hero like he is mine…" I looked at Joe's room window, "But I guess I didn't keep that promise…"

"He loves you, Nicky. He saved you from that gun shot. He would do anything for you and you know that. I would have done the same too if I was close enough," he replied. Right then is when the feeling of guilt came to me, not for the same reason it has been. I felt bad that I didn't give enough love to Kevin, my other older brother. I love him the same as I love Joe, but I know I didn't show it. Kevin looks out for me too, just as much as Joe. I didn't mean to favorite against the other.

I looked up at him with tears running down my face, "I love you too…"

"I love you, Nicky," he replied back softly with a small half-smile.

After minutes of consoling me, we both made our way back into the room to join Mom and Dad. Mom was sitting in a chair next to Joe's bed holding his hand while Dad was on the other side holding his other hand. Joe's eyes were barely open, but he was awake. Kevin immediately went to Joe's side as well right by our father. I stood at the end of the bed by Joe's legs. Joe's gaze moved directly towards me and our eyes met each other's. I looked away from Joe and looked down at my shoes.

"Can I talk to Nicky alone please?" I heard Joe say in a whisper causing me to shoot my head up. Before I knew it, I was alone with Joe. I gave him a questioning look. Why did he want to talk to me?

"What is it, Joe?" I asked, waiting for him to say something.

"Sit," Joe commanded with a smile and patted an open spot on the mattress that he was laying on with his fragile hand. I obeyed and sat on the edge of his bed.

"Joe…" I started but he interrupted me by putting his finger to his lips telling me to hush. I just looked at him, tears pressured to fall.

"I don't blame you for this, Nick. I'm so glad you aren't in this position. You wouldn't be able to handle this," Joe's eyes looked straight into mine. They were glassy. I couldn't tell if it was because of tears or because he was dying right in front of me.

"I can't even handle this, Joe…I can't handle seeing you like this…" a waterfall flowed down my cheeks. I couldn't hold it in. He moved his arm out to me to direct me to get closer. I did as Joe wanted and lay down next to him without a word. He put his arm around me and pulled me gently close to his body as I cried. Wasn't it supposed to be the other way around? Shouldn't it be me that's comforting him? We both eventually cried ourselves to sleep in this same position.

Later that night, Joe died. We question when death will be. We question what our next step will be, and he believes in us.