A/N: My favorite chapter thus far! Please review... I love reading what you guys think!
Derek loved her. Addison. For the second time in under a year, Derek had chosen her. Addison. He had ended his relationship with Meredith, for her. These new, and completely unexpected, revelations had been thrown haphazardly at Addison in the middle of the Neonatal ICU during what she thought was a fight.
Derek loved her.
Yet Addison wasn't quite sure what to make of all of it. Any proclamation of love coming from Derek sent her heart soaring. With the exception of his frustrated admission from just minutes before, Addison couldn't even remember the last time he had told her he loved her. But there was no doubt it had been a long, long, long time.
It amazed her that, even now, hearing those three words made Addison feel like she was the luckiest 23 year old just falling for the hottest medical student in their year. She could remember nights spent in his arms, as close as two people could be. She could remember him flashing her his trademark grin and making her feel like the only woman on earth.
The effect of a simple "I love you" from Derek terrified Addison. She couldn't trust herself to keep an even head around him. She needed the reassurance that his break-up with Meredith was really the end. He needed to reaffirm that she was his choice. They needed to have a talk that consisted of more than heated, snappy comebacks.
And, as she rounded the corner and the trailer came into view, Addison couldn't figure out for the life of her how to make everything happen.
Derek's figure was silhouetted against the light coming from the trailer as he watched Doc run about doing his business. He made almost no movement of recognition while her car slowly approached, and she wasn't sure if it was indifference or Derek's attempt at being casual. Regardless, he said nothing as she got out of her car and approached him, calling on all of her self-control to not throw her arms around his neck and pledge undying love.
"Hey," She called out softly, trying to mimic his attitude as she moved to stand next to him.
He glanced over at her for the first time and gave her a quick smile, "Hey."
That smile. A woman could get lost in that smile. Addison knew all about losing herself in that smile for it had once been the only way he looked at her. Addison was thankful that it was dark and she couldn't see it clearly.
Addison's concentration had been so focused on ignoring his smile, that she hadn't noticed Derek shifting his weight between his feet and cracking his knuckles in nervous movements. She hadn't noticed him open his mouth several times to say something, only to stop when he thought better of it.
She finally forced her eyes up to his face, silently reminding herself to remain levelheaded. It was then that she noticed the fear and reluctance in his eyes and realized that Derek may have been sharing her emotional roller coaster. She took several moments to appraise him before inhaling deeply and trying to get her confirmation.
"Derek?" Her voice was weaker than intended, and she couldn't manage to finish with anything more than his name.
"Hmmm?"
"Did you—" Addison cut herself off, trying to find the proper wording for her question, "In the gallery, I saw—I mean, was that really—"
Derek, who seemed to have finally found is voice, cut her off, "The end."
Addison answered with a hesitant nod.
"I—I know what it might have looked like," He spoke slowly, "And I guess, you should expect that."
Derek's voice trailed off. Addison opened her mouth to respond, to reassure him, but he silenced her with a hand motion.
"Please, don't interrupt me," He looked desperate and lost, "I went to watch your surgery, for you, Addison. Meredith found me. And, it all comes down to me loving you, Add. I can't be friends with Meredith if I want to love you."
She'd been strong and stoic for far longer than she'd ever thought possible. It was a miracle in itself that she had made it this far without throwing herself in his arms. She couldn't help it. Derek's statements of love had always been her weakness.
Still remaining as collected as possible, her lips curled into a huge grin and she replied, "I love you, too."
Addison waited, but Derek didn't respond. His eyes seemed to be searching and were pointedly avoiding her gaze. She watched as he opened and closed his mouth twice, words failing him.
After at least a minute of his stunned silence, Addison felt her stomach clench with nerves. She couldn't stand it, "Derek?"
At this, Derek met her gaze and shot her a playful grin. He barely allowed her a moment to consider what he might be thinking because, before she even knew what was happening, Derek had grabbed her arms and kissed her square on the lips.
Kissing Addison with enough passion to leave them both breathless was the most natural thing in the world to Derek. And, yet, it registered that he hadn't initiated a kiss like this in more than a year. Far too long for a couple that, at one time, considered a day without affection unbearable.
He pulled away from the kiss, their heavy breaths mingling in the short space between them. His lips curled into a grin as her eyes slowly opened and locked with his. She leaned back in for a quick kiss before stepping away.
"Derek?" Her voice teemed with uncertainty and her eyes were fixed on some indiscriminate point near his shoes.
"Addie," He reached out and lifted her chin, "I love you."
"I love you, too," She confirmed with a breath of relief.
He stepped closer to her, his arms wrapping around her waist and leaned in to press a kiss to her lips, "Addie, I think we've done enough talking for today."
She gave an incoherent murmur of approval while their lips were still locked, causing Derek to grin. He broke away while their lips were still locked and allowed her to lead him onto the trailer's porch.
Needing the feel of her lips against his as soon as possible, Derek spun Addison around as she was reaching for the door and pinned her against the side of the trailer. He hovered his mouth just above hers, relishing in the closeness before pushing her even more forcefully against the trailer with another kiss.
He trailed his hands up the side of her body and tangled them in her red hair. With his hands in her hair and the weight of his body pinning hers against the trailer, Derek was in complete control. A breathy moan escaped Addison's lips as he pulled away to bite playfully at her lower lip.
"You're beautiful," Derek murmured.
And it was the truth. Her head was resting back against the trailer, almost as if she didn't have the strength to keep it upright. Her eyes were fluttering between completely closed and halfway closed, a sure sign of the deliriousness his attention was inducing. And her swollen lips were slightly parted, just waiting for him to kiss them.
So he did. His lips met hers and his tongue met hers, and he kissed her. And, for some time, all Derek did was kiss Addison. It was erotic and powerful. It was intoxicating, and Derek was intent on continuing it for as long as possible.
But, finally, he conceded to needing more than just kissing. He freed one of his hands from her hair and slid his fingers along the closed buttons of her shirt. As if reading his mind, Addison freed the shirt from her skirt, and his hand made its way up the inside.
His hand cupped her breast, and he lightly thumbed her nipple through the light fabric of her bra causing Addison to moan.
Derek grinned. Listening to Addison never got old or mundane. Though he could usually pinpoint exactly how she would sound at any moment, it never bored him. In fact, he relished in hearing her breathy moans a soft touches like this. Later would come the deeper ones that usually were accompanied with his name. There were a million others in between and they were all turn-ons.
When Addison moaned again her body lurched slightly, creating friction against his groin. Derek's eyes rolled back in his head, and he bit his lip to stay in control.
Addison obviously caught sight of this because, before he even knew what was happening, her hand was square against his chest pushing him backward. She took a fistful of his shirt in her hand and pulled him in for a forceful kiss that was all Addison. She flung the door to the trailer and began pulling him inside.
"My turn," She smirked pushing him hard against the counter and nipping at his earlobes.
Her hands dug at the waistband of his jeans, freeing his shirt. She began trailing her lips down his neck as she unbuttoned his shirt only far enough so that she could pull it over his head. Her kisses continued their way down his now naked chest, making it impossible for him to rid her of any clothing.
She stopped her trail of kisses at his belly button and flicked her tongue inside the concave as she her hands worked at undoing his jeans. When he brought his hands to help she playfully swatted them away and all he could do was tangle his hands in her hair and enjoy whatever it was she was doing.
Once Derek had been freed of his pants, Addison took his lips in another kiss and began guiding him toward the bed. She pushed him down onto the bed and crawled so she was straddling him.
Derek smiled, her face was directly above his and her red hair was everywhere, "How is it that I'm always in my underwear before you've lost any clothing?"
"I like my Derek naked," She shrugged, capturing his lips in a kiss and reaching down to shove his boxers from his legs.
Figuring he wasn't in any room to complain, Derek just grinned and brought his hands up to begin undoing her blouse.
With Addison's help, her clothing was soon discarded in a pile on the floor.
Now that she was sufficiently without clothing, Derek used his strength to turn Addison over so now he was on top. He grinned down at her and lowered his lips to hers for a passionate kiss.
When the kiss ended, Derek locked eyes with her, and Addison gave him an almost imperceptible nod. Taking this as a sign, Derek pressed his lips to hers and entered her, eliciting a low groan from both of them.
"I love you, Addie," Derek whispered as they began moving together.
"I love you, Derek," Addison repeated the sentiment breathily.
After that, everything became a blur for the both of them. They moved together until he pushed her over the edge the first time, his name resting on her lips. The second time Addison came, Derek did too. Their sounds echoed in the trailer long after Derek had collapsed on the pillow next to her.
It took minutes for Derek's heart rate to slow and his breathing to become even once again. Until that moment came, however, he kept his eyes closed reveling in his post-coital satisfaction. Making love with Addison was far greater than any pleasure he had ever known, and he knew it had been months, years even, since they had truly made the connection.
He wasn't about to forget this moment, this moment of pure bliss. But finally he opened his eyes and turned his head to look at Addison. Their eyes met, and he could see the uncertainty and fear clouding them.
"I'm sorry it's been so long," He whispered, uncertain of his own voice.
Addison's only response was to nod her head in silent understanding and scoot closer to him, resting her head on his chest.
Their encounter in the NICU had not gone at all like Derek had planned. It had been optimistic and naïve, but he had thought finding her there would be a fix-all. He could tell her about his feelings and how he was going to make a change and begin loving her. Of course, there would still be work to do, but he'd wanted to leave the NICU hand-in-hand with her by his side.
But Addison had abandoned her indifference and attacked him verbally. Derek knew he deserved it, but it had ruined his game plan. Instead of walking from the NICU with Addison at his side, he had yelled at her and stormed away alone.
After experiencing one plan destroyed by his own stupidity, Derek returned to the trailer working on another. By the time Addison arrived, he had a plan. He would confess his sins, apologize for his transgressions and profess his love. It was simple and foolproof.
It was as foolproof as any plan involving Addison Shepherd could be. She'd always had a way of throwing Derek's preconceived notions right out the window with her beauty and flair. The terrified look in her eyes as she had stepped out of her car was what had ruined his second plan.
She was there. She was hurt. She was gorgeous. And she was standing a few feet from him, waiting. Derek knew he should have started with apologies and explanations followed by proclamations of love when she greeted him. He wanted to wrap her in his arms in a gesture of comfort and shower her in kisses. All he actually managed was a quick smile and a feeble, "Hey."
Their eyes met for a moment, and Derek was no longer seeing his broken wife standing next to him. She was suddenly the fiery red-headed med student who had shown him what it was like to experience true passion. She was the beautiful girl who had pledged the rest of her life to him with a soft-spoken, "I do." She was sexy.
And that made him nervous. He had twelve years to live up to. He had a myriad of transgressions to apologize for. He had an amazingly gorgeous woman to love. It all seemed like a bit more than anyone could actually handle, much less a simple man like himself.
He opened his mouth to explain himself, but nothing seemed adequate. He tried again, but it was still futile. Only Addison could degrade him to a crumbling tower of inadequacy. It was unsettling, but he also found it oddly comforting. It put him in his place.
"Derek?" Addison weakly broke his thoughts.
"Hmmm?" He responded, anticipating the worst.
There was an uncertainty to Addison's voice that comforted Derek. She was struggling, too. Suddenly he felt much less alone.
Taking this comfort, he interrupted, "The end."
Her hesitant nod let him know there was more to explain, "I—I know what it might have looked like. And I guess, you should expect that."