?!?: Growing strong, at least I have a plot to follow by.

Leon: Isn't that wonderful?

Big Cheese: As long as I get to touch people.

?!?: Yeah, you can touch Ashely.

Leon*perks up*: Oh yeah, go to touch the pretty girl, she like you.

Big Cheese: Really?! Oh Boy! *walks out*

Leon: My dirt is done for the day.

XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDD

+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+

Night 1- No Title

*&*

Salazar had some damn nerve. He had already packed Leon some supplies for survival: hunting knife(no suprise there), some Kool-Aid(oh boy! blue raspberry-lemonade!), Spam(oh whoopie...), and a few other boring items. He packed it all in a special-made Captain Commando Knapsack!* (available from DC Comics. Some items may vary.) All with a smile on his face.

After handing his bag of treats, Salazar and 'escorted' him out of the door leading to a thick forest enviornment. Don't ask me I don't know.

"Good luck Mr. Kennedy. All you must do is stay alive for 3 days." "So is that like 3 business days or staring from now, morning, what?" Leon might as well, since he might die right? I swear if this runt chuckles one more time-Salazar giggled at the question. "Staring from tonight, don't worry, you'll have 3 hours for a head start." Huh? "What happens after 3 hours?" Leon could take the two of them out alone, so why wait?

"Suprise surprise, hit you right from the side." (sfx: crickets chirping) "Or was it from behind?" (lol, that's worse) "Ciao!"

And they left him outside, just like that...

Leon's gonna have abandonment issues...

*&*

Leon wasted no time. The first thing he did was run. He was determined to get to a spot where someone could least walk up on him. He wondered about what Salazar told him. Other people where in the same situation as him. A Luis Sera. Anyone would make Leon feel better. Nearly half way into his first hour, Leon spotted...A small village?

/That must be where his servants live, they could help me!/

At that Leon dashed to the front door of the nearest house. All of them seemed kind of drabby, and they all were on two sides, creating a large space, odd. Almost for traffic. Knock Knock my n*gga. No answer. Leon noticed a paper at his feet.

Spanish? It said:

We ain't home. Went out to prepare for celebration.

Brains, Wicker men, the usual. Be back when I'm done with yo mama! LOLOLOLOL!

Pablo Esteban

*gasp*" They're planning to kill people! Like me! Dude!" Leon seriously hoped he didn't eat any brains. He rushed away back into the foliage? Faster than Leon's evaporated hope, he was knocked out instantly from behind.

?

"Owwwwww. DAMN! What the hell..." Leon roused from his K.O. Tied to a tree, of course. Leon tried looking around, but it was completely dark, if he could hold his hand up, he probably wouldn't be able to see it. A voice was calling...

"Hey amigo, hey hey listen to me listen to me wakey wakey wakey eggs and bakey get get get up!" A light cleared the darkness. "I heard you the first time," Leon groaned. He reopened his eyes. There was the most peculiar person he met all night. "Ahhh!"

"Hey partner. So you're that Leon guy the retart mentioned."

"And I suppose you are Luis Sera." The other man clapped. " Oh boy! Someone knows me! You know how I got here? I crashed my ship here... My dad's gonna be pissed...Well," he turned to Leon. "How did a good guy like you end up on a freak show island as this?" The man could talk.

"Hey! Untie me! Why the hell did you knock me out? You could have killed me!""Wow. That would've sucked!" Calm down. Count to 10. 1...2...3-

"YOU DAMN FOOL, LET ME GO!"

"Alright alright, no need to get so emotional..." Luis easily cut the rope binding Leon. "Okay homey, there...Too bad, I kinda like tying you-" Oh, he didn't get to the fact a fist went upside his head. "Okay, we have to come up with a plan," said the blondie who was shaking his fist from such hard contact.

"Hey, he didn't give us a damn watch! How the hell are we supposed to know when all hell breaks loose," Luis pointed out. He was right! "Well, damned if I knew. But there must be weapons, tools, anything we can grab!" Luis agreed fervently, and they started towards the village again.

Once again, Leon went towards the front door of the same house. "On three homey," Luis counted for them to slam against the door. "One, two-aww f^ck it!" Wheee! Both bodies push with all of their might. But Mr. Kennedy didn't think to check the door when he first came. So they basically flew into the tiny house.

"Ack!" Leon fell first, followed by a suprised Luis. Plop. Luis just fell all over Leon, a little suggestive position...Wha-wha wee wha! xD! Leon, still laying down on his stomach, scanned the room. The room was filled with weapons! "Oh hell yeah!" By now, it really didn't look right since Luis was nuzzling in Leon's hair. "How do you get it so soft?" He himself was in a Johnny Cage -movie star tux as well. "You're like the Cuddle-"

*CENSORED* (No need asking...)

"Jeez, these people are packed," Leon dusted his hands off, walking towards a small gun on the wall. 'Red9' said a tab under it. "Can I get a Hoo-hah Sergeant," Leon touched the gun with awe; snatching it from its resting place.

WHEEE WHOOO WHEEE WOOO!!

"The hell?" IT'S AN ALARM RUN! "You ain't gotta tell me twice! Leon, smash and grab!" Luis, went for the nearest rifle and another small handgun. They, of course, cleared it.

*&*

They were now a couple of yards away from the village. Exhausted, they sat down for a break.

"Hey Leon, got any more Spam?" "You ate yours already?" Leon checked his own bag. "Damn you! You ate my Spam already! Oww," His head was buzzing with pain. "Are you alright, I'm sorry about eating your food, Spam is so addictive," He had a real look of concern on his face. Much so that Leon felt a little sorry. "I'm fine, but are you," "Really gay? Yeah, I was flirting for a reason, I thought it was obvious." "I was going to ask are you okay, but thanks for the info," "Oh." As always, love interest ruins a movie, so the quaint little villagers were on their way.

They started back on the path, this time with a little more hope than ever before! Hey, listen to me! The villagers are coming your way! "Leon, aren't you just glad there aren't any authors talking to us?" "I sure am Luis!" Alright, fine!

It so happened that the path had gotten even wider. Far off was a yell.

"Winabego!"

The jerks stopped laughing. "Did you hear something about an Winnebago?" Leon asked Luis. "Naw, it sounded like something about winning a bagel..." Then they saw them. The villagers were heading towards them! One was holding up the all too familiar torch. Toldja so! But not just in front of them, from the sides and behind as well!

Their backs to each other, as the crowd honed in on them.

"Astey arouf awy, wroh!"One of them hollered. "Ahhhhh!" Luis just fired blindly from shock. "Owie," the guy with the torch said. "Did you really have to shoot, I mean seriously, dude," complained Mr. Torch. "Huh?" Leon blinked. "You mean you aren't here to kill us? But that note on the door..."

"That? Honestly, if we were going to make you two Wicker Men, would we have put it on a note? It was a joke!" Oh. Didn't see that one coming. "So what were you guys up to, no one's home!" "Salazar invited us to a party on the other side of the beach," a woman spoke up. "So, if you guys aren't the bad zombie people, then what was Salazar's suprise?" Leon wondered out loud. "What?" a villiger asked.

"None of this matters! You knew comers must pay the price!" A man dressed in a dark blue-black cloak that covered his face. "Now strangers, to survive, you must take the ultimate test."

*gasp*(again)!

"What the hell is it?" Leon demanded. "Oh I can't tell you, it's the end of the chapter, and please, call me Merchant." "Oh, cool, we'll just wait," Luis said politely.

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?!?: Long chapter! Whoo!

Reader: When do we get to the yaoi?

?!?: Never.

Reader: But you put down yaoi.

?!?: No, I put yaoi/shonen-ai. Disclaimer.

Reader: WHATT!!! I'm wasting my time for nothing! RWARRR!!!

?!?: The hell is 'RWARR' is it even a roar?

Announcer: Finish Her!

?!?: Sounds like Mortal Kom-

*?!? lol?* (Kano's fatality-must be censored)

Reader: That ought to teach you...*walks off*

Leon: My HERO!!! MARRY ME!

Luis: Oh HELL NO!

*CENSORED* (heh heh heh)