So this is Lissa's POV. It is actually Kind of depressing which is why it took me forever to write. (I have been writing this since I posted My Give A Damn's Busted) please tell me what you think, getting into lissa's thoughts are a lot harder than I thought and I actually pity rose for having to feel what she does. Lol, so Enjoy.

I watched as the pile of bags went up into flames. I was sure that wasn't everything that I had ever given her, but it still hurt seeing her end our friendship like this. Block her out, block her out.

I chanted in my head as I watched as people gathered around and began to sway with one another to the sound of music.

What hurt the most was that rose and Christian where dancing together as if they belonged that way. Christian is a good guy but he was mine and she stole him from me. Had he actually already forgotten about me? Those where the only thoughts that I could comprehend at the moment although I knew that I had been one of the reasons they where together now.

A few hours passed and curfew had come and gone. I could still see the fire raging in the middle of the quad as I watched from the window. I was relieved when I saw guardians surround them putting an end to the bon fire. But even that didn't help me sleep. Eddie was lying on my floor sleeping soundlessly. I envied him almost as much as I envied Rose's ability to just move on without a second thought. It hadn't surprised me much because that's just who she was, she hated being out of control of anything, emotions included. I had known that Christian was attracted to her before all of this I could tell being together in Spokane brought them a lot closer, but I didn't want to see it. I pretended to be blind for my own benefit. But it was something I could handle. When he told me he was in love with her it was more than I could handle. When you see Rose if nothing else you see a strong woman that doesn't let anyone stand in her way but when you see me you see the weak frail little Dragomire princess that always needs to be protected add that to the fact that My boyfriend is in love with her despite he best efforts to down play the attraction and you have a lapse of judgment on my part.

….next morning….

I sat beside Eddie in my booth, hoping that when rose came downstairs this morning she would talk to me. Look at me or something; I couldn't stand her ignoring me. But I had gotten down stairs to late. Eddie said he had seen her meet up with Christian in the quad.

"You know I think that she will come around." Eddie said reassuringly to me. I could tell that he wasn't really as sure as he sounded but I gave him a forced smile.

"I know you believe that but I don't think that she will, she hasn't spoken to me at all. Like we're strangers. But to an extent we are because up until the other night everything I knew about her was all a show to protect me." I said but there was still that hope in my mind that Eddie was right.

"Well obviously there are a lot of things that you two don't really know about each other. But I am sure when it comes down to it rose will realize how much you mean to her. But you have to give her time it hasn't really been that long and in her defense that was a huge blow to take." Eddie said. As much as I wanted to start cussing and throwing things telling him he had no idea what the hell he was talking about I knew that he did and that would push him away too.

"I just want my friend back I will do anything" I mumbled to myself letting a tear escape from my eye.

"Come on your going to be late I think that truancy is the last thing you need to worry about." he said in attempt to change the subject. It had worked and I quietly began to walk towards my next class with my mind still on my friend.

I was hyper aware that Eddie was maneuvering himself around my awkward strides. At times I was walking really fast and other times I was barely moving but he kept up easing in to the pace even more gracefully than I had. I had to hand it to him he was a good guardian but he wasn't Rose. He did this the entire morning, when time came to eat lunch we had both made the mistake of walking through the quad and what I saw was Rose and christian playfully throwing little bits of burnt fluff at each other both looking as if they where having fun. That little image was all it took for me to snap again. I broke out into a sprint towards the guess housing. I was sure Adrian had something to ease my sorrow. If I had to be surrounded by their happiness then I was going to be as numb as possible.

"What do you want?" he asked cracking his door.

"I just want to talk and drink if possible." I said stepping closer to the door. He stood and stared at me for a moment then closed the door. I stood so confused by his action that I hadn't noticed that he had come back to the door with a bottle of vodka.

"I don't want to talk to you Lissa, last time we 'talked' it cost me my girlfriend. But you can take this and drown in It." he said thrusting the bottle at me.

"Wait so you're saying that the other night meant nothing, not even the slightest bit of anything?" I asked to stunned to be angry at the fact that he had really only used me.

"Nothing, why did it mean something to you?" he asked scrunching his eyebrows. "Had Rose not been pulled into your head she would have never heard it from me Lissa, I was upset and I needed it I thought it was clear nothing else would come from It." he said not waiting for my answer.

"You used me, you made me betray my best friend and now you want nothing to do with me. How could I let this happen, I am so stupid, Rose wouldn't sleep with you and you took advantage of the fact that I would." I said on the point of hysterics. A few people passed and glanced in our direction. Adrian looked around to see if anyone else was watching before he spoke again.

"You did that yourself, last I checked you didn't need much convincing to have sex with me. You didn't stop me nor did you regret how far we went, you went right to see Rose after it happened like someone without a conscious. We screwed up but don't put all the blame on Me." he said in almost a whisper.

"You didn't try to stop me you knew I wasn't thinking clearly." I said still in hysterics. He mite as well have slapped me in the face but what he said next shut me down completely.

"You sounded pretty level headed when you where screaming my name, not Christian's but mine. Now either take the damn vodka or give it back but we are through" he said in a dangerously low voice.

I took the heavy bottle and shoved it in my book bag not even able to make my mind work again. Somehow though my feet began to move towards my dorm. I knew that I still had a whole day left but I needed to loose myself for a while. I don't think Eddie minded because he didn't protest when I made it to my dorm. I wanted to cry, to scream to yell, and do any other thing I could to make the pain go away.

"I need to take a shower" I said to Eddie.

"But I, um…" he said I could tell he didn't want to leave me alone in my room by myself. So I forced a sad smile to my face and reassured him that I would be fine.

Following him to the door I opened it and ushered him to the hallway. "My window is locked tight and you will be by the door so I will be fine I promise" I said again before I shut the door and immediately locked it afterwards. I heard him jiggle the handle and I shouted a few reassurances as I took my shirt and pants off.

Standing in the middle of my floor I thought about how empty I was at this moment and how much pain I couldn't express. I took the bottle of alcohol out of my bag and cracked the lid taking a huge gulp of it. It burned going down and I longed for that burn. It was my release. Before I knew it I had half of the bottle downed and was feeling very disoriented. Even through the haze though I could remember why I was drinking. He didn't give me enough. Was my immediate thought. I had gotten use to the burn as was now drinking it like water but it wasn't doing what I needed it to.

"Lissa are you alright?" Eddie called.

"Uh huh" I said rummaging through my closet for my purse and an old photo album.

When I had found them I returned to the middle of the floor and began to look thought the pages. I had to drink until the pictures didn't hurt me. Until I was the girl in those pictures again with my best friend. She had abandoned me. Adrian had abandoned me what did I have left besides my memories of what used to be? Opening my purse I pulled out two small blades. They where both clean and glistening in the light.

"If she wants to forget me then I will help her" I whispered aloud as I made a jagged mark across my right thigh and then my left. I watched as the blood began to drain from me. It was to slow and it didn't produce the pain I had wanted it to. Picking up the bottle of vodka and swallowing what remained I decided that everyone's life would be better without me. I picked the razor up before I could change my mind and gladly made a deep jagged line from my hand down to the middle of my forearm on my left wrist hitting every vein I could. There was pain but it felt good to let it take my attention it was still to slow despite all the blood now pooled around me. I heard Eddie banging on the door but I didn't care to answer anymore. I didn't care about anything anymore I began to repeat the process on my right wrist and was instantly light headed. I laid the blade back down beside the empty bottle and curled up on my floor letting the blood pool up around me. There was no getting around this, if she didn't come for me then she really didn't care and I wouldn't be missed. It seemed like forever had passed as I lay there letting my life leak on the floor I was now sure that she hadn't cared. What a way to die. I thought as I closed my eyes and let the drunken darkness take me.

Thanks for Reading please review. Srry to all of the Lissa fans out there, I had to do it. I mean how would you react if you threw everything away for a mistake? Oh and BTW we have 38 Inches of snow I am officially snowed in. meaning more updates (unless more power lines fall :( )