A/n So here's the next chapter, sorry for the wait. My brothers broke his toe, and we've started putting Christmas stuff up. I probably won't be updating that often untill after Christmas.

Chapter 5

He was taking me home.

Within minutes, I was sitting on his lap, I didn't look up so I didn't know what room I was in. I did try to pull away, but he pulled me closer to him. Eventually I gave up my escape attempts, and just sat and cried.

Once again I blocked out the world around me. I didn't hear the comforting words he was whispering in my ear, and I tried to pay no attention to the fact that I was absolutely furious with him.

I managed to pull my knees up to my chest, and curl myself into a ball. This made him hold me even tighter. I don't know how long I sat there like that, But eventually I fell asleep against him, his chin resting on the top of my head. He was humming my lullaby and I felt a wave of calm wash over me. Damn you Jasper….

When I woke up it was dark, I was lying on a bed in Edwards room and I was alone. I still had my long sleeved t-shirt on, so hopefully no one saw the cuts. I got out of bed and walked as quietly as I could to the door. For some reason I thought this would mean that they couldn't hear me.

I crept downstairs. I hadn't seen anyone so far.

"BELLA!" I heard someone squeal. Alice. Crap. I had just about made it to the door when I was enveloped in a hug. I didn't hug back. Once again, I knew I was being rude, but I was furious, I was beyond furious. I was pissed.

" Alice, I have to go." My voice sounding raspy and weak, she released me and I turned away from her before she could say anything else. I had to leave. I needed to cut, desperately, and I wanted to try and figure things out.

I left the house. Nobody followed me, I guess Alice was the only one home. Luckily I don't think she knew my secret, at least something was going right.

Unfortunately I couldn't stop thinking about Charlie, and tears kept streaming down my face. I sobbed even harder when I realized I would have to walk home. I don't even know why that upset me so much. So I started walking, not even looking back as their house disappeared out of view.

So I didn't have a coat, I had no money, I was freezing, its dark and I'm alone, surrounded by forest. I must have the IQ of a peanut. For some reason the knowledge that I was completely helpless made me laugh. And I mean really laugh, I was in hysterics, with tears stinging my cheeks. Perfect. That was another thing to add to the list. I'm insane.

After walking for a few minutes, I heard a car coming up behind me. I turned around and stuck my thumb out, not the smartest thing to do, it was a stranger. But it was dark and I was cold.

As the car got closer, it slowed down, it was going to stop. It stopped right in front of me. Shit. It was a shiny, silver Volvo, and Alice and Edward were sitting in the front.

"OH COME ON!" I shouted and continued walking

"Bella" He growled. Was I making him mad? Shame. I carried on walking. I decided to go extra slow, remembering how he enjoyed breaking the speed limit. Mow they were driving along next to me at a snails pace.

" Bella, just get in we'll take you home" Alice pleaded with me "We know your mad, but please let us take you home, we'll explain everything" I stopped and looked at her.

"Fine" I said, and got in the back seat. I stared out the window, this time I would not cry. I'll wait till they leave.

There was an awkward moment of silence, none of us knew what to say. I wanted to scream how much I loved him and that I was so glad he was back. But I was pissed at him. And I wanted to keep cutting. I loved Edward, and the rest of the Cullen's, but with them around they were bound to find out what I was doing. Unless they already knew, if Alice had a vision….

"So why are you guys back?" Surprisingly my voice was the complete opposite of how I was feeling, it sounded strong and emotionless.

" Because we missed you" Alice laughed like it was the most obvious thing in the world, acting like she hadn't noticed my bad attitude.

"We.. I couldn't stay away from you any longer" Edward said, and for the first time since he left, our eyes met. I begged myself to look away but I just couldn't. The walls I had built up just disappeared and im sure he saw everything. The hurt, the depression , the pain. And the cutting, what I had become to escape from the agony of being without him. I looked away, but I saw the look in his eyes, he knew something was wrong. He continued to stare at me, as if he was trying to read my mind. He looked really…concerned then looked away.

We arrived home and I opened the car door, Edward was already standing there ready to help me out. I ignored him and walked to my front door. I didn't open it, I knew the second I got in there I would break down, and I didn't want anyone here for that.

"Leave" I whispered to them.

"What?" Alice questioned. Edward must have said something to her, because the next thing I knew she was gone.

"You too, Leave." I said it a little more forcefully this time. He took another step towards me, noticing the tears that were beginning to fall." PLEASE JUST GO" I screamed at him.

"I will never leave you Bella, Never." He was right in front of me now, his golden eyes burning into mine, begging me to let him stay.

"Please, I need to be alone, for a bit, I need to think." I said, softer this time, I needed him to leave.

"Can I come back?" He asked. What was I supposed to say? If I said he couldn't, he would stay here all night. But if I said he could, he will leave.

"Fine" I whispered, knowing he could hear me. He wiped the tears from my face with his thumb, and before I could blink he was gone.

EPOV

I followed Bella to the door, Alice trailing along behind me. I was going to explain everything to her. She was really angry. I have never seen her in so much pain, and knowing I was the one who caused it just made it worse. I needed to fix things between us.

She stopped in front of the door. I thought for a moment that she was to scared to go in, Charlie wouldn't be there. The whole house would remind her of him and she would probably fall apart. I was going to be here for her.

"Leave" She whispered. She didn't want us around anymore, I knew that, but I would not let her go in there alone.

"Alice, go home" I said it so that Bella couldn't hear.

What!!! NO!! why?

"Because" I knew this was not really a good enough reason, but it got her to leave.

"You too, leave." Her saying this broke my heart. It hurt that she didn't want me near her. But I was not going to give up.

Tears began forming in her eyes, and it took all the strength I had not to run to her, wrap my arms round her and never let her go. I stepped closer.

"PLEASE JUST GO!" She screamed at me.

"I will never leave you Bella, never." I was right in front of her, staring into her eyes that used to sparkle, but now they were just full of pain. What have I done to her?

" Please, I need to be alone, for a bit, I need to think." She had calmed down and was no longer shouting at me. I hoped she was beginning to forgive me.

" Can I come back?" I asked. I did not want to leave her. Not now. She shouldn't be alone at a time like this. But I really wanted to give her what she wanted and I wanted her to forgive me. I looked at her pleadingly.

"Fine" I wiped the tears from her face and left. I had to talk with my family. She was hiding something, and I was going to find out what it was.

BPOV

I ran through the front door and up into the bathroom. Tears were streaming down my face and I was sobbing so much that I was surprised I even made it up the stairs, let alone through the front door. Charlie was gone, and he was never coming back.

I paced around the bathroom, deciding whether I should do this or not. I already knew the answer. I grabbed my toiletries bag, opening it. It was full of different sharp objects. I got out a razor blade and just collapsed to the floor. I had no idea what time Edward would be back, so the quicker I did this the better.

I pressed the cold razor against my wrist. I was going over one of my old scars, since I had no room left on either arm. It hurt more than normal, but the pain felt amazing. Everything I had felt today just started slipping away. The crimson red blood dripped through my fingers and onto the floor, staining it. I really should clean it up. I grabbed a towel and held it against my wrist, blood still pouring from it. I cleaned up the floor, and rested my arm against the sink, so that the blood washed away. The last thing I wanted was for him to figure out what I was doing.

I was going to forgive him, I had to. I've lived without him for to long, and I really didn't want to be alone. But I wasn't going to tell him that yet. I'm still unimaginably pissed at him, at all of them. I know they only did it to make me safe, but look what they made me do.

I cleaned up the new cut, making sure that he would never be able to tell. I spent the next hour looking around the house, snapping the rubber band against my new cut. It hurt like hell, so it managed to stop me from completely breaking down. Until the band snapped. Perfect.

I went into Charlie's room, I knew that for some reason he always had a collection of rubber bands on his desk. . The second I got in there, I fell to the floor, my legs refusing to hold me up any longer. I always seemed to be crying. I lay like that for about an hour, to swallowed up in my pain to remember that Edward would be coming back.

I woke up on the bed surprised by the sound of the door bell. I really didn't want to face anyone. I walked down stairs, tripped once at the bottom and landed by the door. Picking my self up I peeped through the peep hole to see who it was.

I was shocked to see that all the Cullen's were standing on the other side of the door. So they decided to knock for once. Well I was soo not letting them in. I turned away from the door, and sneaked away slowly. They could hear, and I knew that they knew I had seen them. But I really really didn't want to talk to them right now.

" COME ON!! ANSWER THE DOOR ALREADY" Alice shouted.

" damn it!" I walked back to the door and opened it. "Hello" I said politely. They weren't going to say anything till they could come in, so we all stood there in an awkward silence staring at each other. They wouldn't stop staring at me and it was really freaking me out. I panicked and looked at my arms, no they couldn't see anything. I breathed a sigh of relief. " Do you want to come in?" I said sheepishly and moved aside as they stepped in.

"We came to keep you company." Alive explained.

"We didn't want you to be alone" Esme said pulling me into a hug which I returned.

"Thanks, you really didn't have to…" I said.

"We wanted to. You shouldn't be alone ." Edward said standing in front of me. I ignored him and went to sit down.

They all took seats around me and began explaining what they were doing when they were gone. Turns out they weren't doing much. I zoned out. I knew I really should have been listening, this was probably really important but I really wanted to cut. Charlie was gone and he was never coming back. Ever.

They all started talking about what a great person he was but I stayed silent. I had to keep myself together, I did not want to embarrass myself in front of all of them. The more they talked about Charlie, the more I needed to cut.

"Are you hungry?" One of them asked me, I wasn't paying attention.

"No thanks." I said my voice quiet.

"Are you sure? I haven't seen you eat anything since we've been back." Edward asked

" I'm sure" They all eyed me suspiciously, Causing me to panic. They probably think that I have an eating disorder or something. Oh this is fun. I know that they can probably tell that I haven't been eating, but they really shouldn't worry.

They were still looking at me. I must look worse than I thought. I know that I look paler and I'm really skinny, but it cant be that bad can it? Jasper is giving me a look, I'm panicking and he's noticing.

"Bella, are you okay?" Jasper asked. This caused them all to stare even more.

"Yeah, sure" I couldn't take this any more " Ill be back in a second." I said and left the room. I climbed the stairs and went into the bathroom. Could I get away with cutting? it's a stupid thing to do in a house full of vampires but……….There was shouting coming from downstairs. I opened the door a bit, just enough to hear what they were shouting about.. They must have heard me because they started talking so quietly I couldn't hear them.

I decided that I couldn't cut………yet. They cant stay here forever. Tears started forming in my eyes again but I wiped them away. I walked down the stairs to see that Edward was waiting for me. His expression was one of pain, confusion and guilt. Everyone except Carlisle , Jasper and Edward had left.

"Bella…" He whispered, sounding like he was in pain " What have I done to you?"

A/n So what did you think? And what do you think they'll do now they've found out? R&R Please.