A/n Sorry this has been so long. I've had science exams. This probably isn't that good. I decided to write instead of revise, so this better be good. AND MY FRENCH TEACHER HAS BEEN TALKING TO MY FRENCH CLASS ABOUT ME WHEN IM NOT THERE!!!!!!!!!! If you want to know why then say so in your review….love you all please review.

Chapter 6

BPOV

I stepped down the stairs, trying to act casual.

"What's going on?" I asked innocently, hiding the panic in my voice. My heart was pounding furiously at the thought of them knowing that I've been cutting.

"We'll give you some time alone" Carlisle said.

So then we were alone. I gulped.

"What's wrong?" He knew. I could tell by his face. His expression was pained and I could see worry burning in his eyes.

"Alice had a vision…"He chocked out. He definitely knew.

"You were..." Shit.

"What?" This was torture and he was dragging it out. I needed to know. He brushed some of the hair out of my face and stared into my eyes.

" Are you…Okay?" He asked, his golden eyes looking straight through me.

Okay? That wasn't what I was expecting. " What are you talking about? What did she see?" I demanded

"You were...gone" He whispered.

" Oh. Did she see anything else?"

" Yes. She did. When was the last time you ate anything?"

I ignored him and turned away. I hadn't eaten in days and I wasn't going to eat now. I had never felt so relieved in my life, if they found out I was cutting…I didn't even want to think about it. Besides, he cant just come back and start controlling my life. I was still angry at him but I loved him to much to push him away again.

I felt movement behind me and before I knew it he had picked me up and took me to the kitchen. He was going to make me eat. Great. I couldn't. I didn't even notice I was hungry anymore .The only way I knew that I was starving myself was the fact that I was getting thinner and you could easily see all my ribs. If I was thinner, prettier maybe he wouldn't have left me.

He sat down at the kitchen table with me on his lap and there was a plate of ravioli in front of us. I buried my face in his shirt ,as if hiding from it would make it go away.

"Please eat" He begged

"I cant" I whispered. Cant and wont.

"Eat" He said, picking up the fork and stabbing a piece of ravioli.

"Please don't make me do this" I begged him. Why was he doing this to me?

I expected him to answer, but he just ignored me. So I tried to stand up, but he wrapped his cold arms round my waist and pulled me back onto his lap. He stayed silent holding the fork.

"I'm not a baby, I can feed myself you know" I said sarcastically, taking the fork. I stared at the ravioli in disgust, I couldn't eat this. But I had to, just to shut him up. And I could throw it all up later. I put it in my mouth and swallowed it whole.

He was about to tell me to eat more when we heard a car pulling up in the driveway. He stood up, placing me on the floor beside him.

"Who is it?" I asked him, but he ignored me.

"I'll be back later, make sure you eat this." He said and then he disappeared.

I ran to the door and opened it before they even had a chance to knock.

"Mom!" I jumped at her and she hugged me tightly. I was so surprised, wasn't expecting her to be here. But this was a good thing. There was no way she was going to let Edward follow me round. Charlie had told her what him leaving did to me, and I'm pretty sure she hates him more than Charlie does…..did.

"I'm so sorry honey, I should have been here.." she rambled on, her voice raspy from crying.

" Its okay mom" I whispered, letting her walk past me into the house. " You're staying here right?" I asked , looking at her hopefully. I'd missed her so much and I really didn't want to stay here alone, even if Edward would probably be coming over.

"Of course I am, did you think I would leave you alone? And don't worry, I'm going to take care of everything, first the funeral. Then were going to sell this house and you can come back to live with me!"

I stared at her in disbelief. "What?" I whispered.

"Oww come on, I'm not going to leave you stuck here am I, I know how much you hate forks. Besides there's nothing here for you. To be honest I don't see why you came her in the first place." She started to smile at this point, making me even angrier. " And Charlie wasn't the best person to live with anyway, you were the one taking care of him, it should have been the other way around, I was going to come get you anyway so I guess some good did come of all this, I get my daughter back" The words flew out of her mouth so fast that I couldn't even believe she said them.

" How could you say something like that?" Her smile faded and she looked confused, as if she hadn't said anything wrong.

"What do you mean? Come on, you know he wasn't a good farther to you."

"THAT'S ENOUGH!! I DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO THIS!! MOM GET OUT!!" I yelled at her, grabbed her arm and pulled her to the door. She pulled her arm out of my grasp, and grabbed my wrists, pulling one of the cuts so it ripped back open.

"BELLA!! I DO NOT EXPECT YOU TO TALK TO ME LIKE THAT! I AM YOUR MOTHER AND YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO………………." This was ridiculous, after what she just said I should be the one telling her off! I had never been so angry in my life….not counting how I felt towards Edward. Who does she think she is…..

During my silent ranting the blood from the open cut had seeped through my sleeve and was now drying on her hand. I looked down to my wrist and then up to her face. She had gone pale, really pale and she looked like she was about to throw up.

"Bella….."she rasped

"Its not what you think, I was peeling potatoes...and the knife I was using to peel those err.. carrots just uummm slipped and got my arm" I lied badly. She pulled my sleeve up revealing all the razor blade cuts that decorated my arms….

"BELLA THESE WERE MADE BY A RAZOR…EXPLAIN YOURSELF……….." She looked at me, her eyes were furious.

" I umm I…" I decided to stick to my original idea " Like I said I was peeling the potatoes…"

" What happened to the carrots?" She asked me smugly. " I can't believe you'd do something like this…….it's so…" she paused and sat down, looking faint and I thought she was going to puke.

I had been dreading this moment ever since I started cutting. The moment when my parent's…parent found out. I expected that I would break down it tears but right now I couldn't care less.

"DISGUSTING!"

Disgusting? she thought I was disgusting!! She didn't understand. She couldn't…this was the best thing that ever happened me, it wasn't disgusting!!! How could she think that….

"Disgusting" I whispered. I wasn't expecting this, I thought she would want to help, force me to talk to her but this…this was terrible.

"I have to get out of here, I cant look at you….I'm sorry" with that she ran out of the house.

I stared after her. How could she have said those things? I felt awful. So my mom thought I was disgusting, the love of my life didn't love me and the only person who could have understood is dead…There was only one thing I could do.

I ran upstairs. I couldn't take this anymore. My life was worthless. The hole that Edward leaving caused came ripping back open, and this time there was no closing it. There was to much pain. I'm nothing. I'm unloved. I shouldn't be alive I'm so disgusting. I was going to kill myself. And I was going to do it now.