A/n Sooo here's the next chapter. I'm so sorry that I take for ever to update, but from now on I promise to update more often. And I've been reading back through this story and I've noticed that I've been making stupid mistakes. So I will go back through and edit it.

And some of you wanted to know why my French teachers been talking about me. The thing is when I chose my options, I didn't choose French , I chose music. I ended up not being able to do that and the only thing I could do was French. The only problem is I'm not French, I've never been to France and I cant speak the language. So I'm really bad at it and I'm in a class filled with people who are practically fluent. So I'm the class idiot, . The teacher hates me because I do really bad. Also my twin sister is in this class with me and we sit together, she's the most annoying person everJ

Longest Author note ever………………….enjoy.

Chapter 8

I ran up the stairs and into the bathroom, slamming the door behind me. I needed to end this 'life'. Save myself from the pain. Its not like anyone would care. Charlie's gone, Mom would finally be able to sell this house and go back to her life with Phil. And Edward… well he didn't love me anyway, and I don't think the rest of them cared either. I was doing the world a favour, it didn't need or want me.

I frantically searched through the bathroom for one of my razors, not caring about the mess as I threw everything from the shelves on the floor. I just needed to get away from it all. None of my razors were in the bathroom. Which was unusual, I always kept one in here somewhere. I checked the cabinet under the sink, the window ledge, the shelves and through the stuff on the floor. Still nothing.

I must have left them in my room, I thought, making my way quickly to my bedroom. I opened the door and was met with a gust of freezing cold air. The window was open. I did NOT leave that open. That meant…..

" Bella…" A voice chocked from behind me. I wiped the tears away with the back of my hand, inwardly cursing at myself for being so pathetic.

I turned around, putting on the best fake smile I had " Edward" I sighed. I couldn't even kill myself in peace. He was standing right in front of me, staring into my eyes, looking even more beautiful than the last time I saw him. I didn't even know that was possible.

" You came back" I whispered. Id never been so happy to see him. I wrapped my arms around him as tightly as I could, His head rested on top of mine, one arm around my waist, the other stroking my hair.

I was torn. I hated him for leaving me, I never wanted to see him again. Yet I couldn't stop the part of me that wanted to hold onto him and never let him go.

" Bella…" He said, this time more pain showing in his voice. I tried to look up at him, but he held me even tighter and kissed the top of my head. " I never should have left, this shouldn't have happened, its all my fault." He muttered to himself.

What was his fault? What shouldn't have happened? Did he know?

I pulled away from him, this time he let me go. Something was wrong. Very wrong. He looked like he was in agony. His eyes never left mine, and looked as though they were pleading with me to forgive him.

"What's wrong?" I asked him for the second time today.

" It cant be true…..you would never….over me…God tell me its not true…" He was talking to himself again, and it was really freaking me out. He knew. I had no idea how he was going to react to this. He was going to hate me, he would be angry and disgusted. I couldn't take that again from someone I loved, I just couldn't. It would kill me.

" Edward." I said, my voice weak because I knew what was coming.

" Why?" He asked. I could hear the hurt in is voice. If he could cry, he would be in hysterics.

I didn't know what to say. But I knew I couldn't tell the truth. He will hate me. " Why what?" I asked, deciding to play innocent.

" You know what I'm talking about Bella." He whispered, talking to me like I was a three year old. He gently reached down and held my small hand in his. I shivered as I felt his cold skin touch mine. He pulled me closer to him, kissed my forehead and lifted my hand up to his mouth and kissed it to. I knew what he wanted. He wanted to see the cuts. His other hand then reached up and carefully touched my face.

I was frozen in place, I couldn't move, couldn't run away. I was to scared. H took my hand in both of his and looked into my eyes as if asking me and telling me he wanted to see my arm. I shook my head, tears already forming in my eyes. I weakly tried to pull my arm away, I just wanted to run and hide in a corner somewhere. But he gripped my hand tighter and squeezed it a little, trying to tell me that it would be okay. " I have to know" He whispered,, explaining why he was doing this, knowing that would hate him for it.

His fingers grabbed my sleeve and slowly pulled it up my arm, revealing all the damage I had done to myself. He looked down at my arm, then pulled up my other sleeve showing more of my self inflicted injuries.

His cold fingers traced over all the scars and cuts, helping the burning pain I felt from the newest one.

I kept my eyes on his face the whole time., I watched it change from one of disbelief to pure agony.

I was terrified, was he going to be disgusted by me like my mom was? Probably. He was going to leave me again. I knew it. Why would anyone want to love me? I didn't deserve to be alive. I was disgusting. Unlovable. I killed my dad and my mother couldn't even stand to be around me. Why should I torture the world with my presence?

To my surprise, he pulled me into his arms and just sat and rocked me. " I'm so sorry, I love you, its going to be okay"

That's when I snapped. I broke. I stood up and pulled out of his arms.

"Don't say that! Don't tell me your sorry, none of this was your fault! This is my fault, all of it, I'm the one causing all the problems! You should have never come back, you should leave me, save yourself, I'm only going to ruin your life again!!!!" I screamed at him as he stood up and made his way over to me.

"Ssssshhhh calm down" He whispered, trying to pull me into his arms again.

" You shouldn't love me, you can't! How could you! Nobody does. I'm pathetic. I don't deserve you, any of you. I don't deserve anything!" I screamed again, he looked at me in shock, his face full of concern.

He tried to speak, to comfort me but I cut him off. " I don't deserve to be alive. I'm disgusting. I cause everyone pain. I just ruin peoples lives. I'm a disease, I killed Charlie, its all my fault!" I shouted, unable to stop the words from flooding out of my mouth. My knees buckled and I dropped to the floor. I curled myself up into a ball again, with my head resting on my knees and my arms wrapped around my sides, trying to hold myself together.

" I'm disgusting, please just kill me, kill me please, please let me die, please I want to die, I cant live like this, please I want to die." I pleaded. I begged him to kill me. I didn't deserve him, I would end up hurting him and causing him more pain. He didn't love me. Why would anybody love me? I'm a mess, I ruin everything. I'm a screw up.

Edward was still stood in front of me, the look on his face was a mixture of confusion and anger. And pain.

He was to shocked to say anything.

Slowly he kneeled down in front of me, and slid down so he was leaning against the wall next to me.. An arm carefully wrapped itself around my shoulders and pulled me closer to him, and then positioned me so that I was sitting on his lap, my head tucked under his chin.

He didn't say anything this time, he just started to hum my lullaby and slowly rocked me again. I didn't fall asleep, I just sat crying silently to myself, the voices in my head still telling me that I should die.

a/n What did you think? Hope you liked it, please review. And I got shouted at in French, but blame Carlisle. I mean imagine this………………..a monkey in a doctors jacket helping people by force feeding them bananas. My French teacher asked me to explain what was so funny because I'm usually really shy. wasn't fun, especially with my sister next to me in hysterics. ITS ALL CARLISLES FAULT.