A lone tear dropped onto the open letter in Merlin's hand. He quickly whipped his eyes to make sure none followed. It wasn't that he was ashamed to be crying, he just didn't want any more tears to fall on the letter, thereby ruining it. This was a sacred letter.
This was the only thing of Arthur's that Merlin had, and he meant to treasure it. It was more dear to him than even the book of magic that Gaius had given shortly after his arrival in Camelot. It was worth more than a mountain of gold.
When he had first heard of Arthur's death, he had wanted to do exactly as Arthur's letter urged him not to. It had been his destiny to protect Arthur and he had failed. He had failed Arthur, and he could not bear the consequences. He wished his life would end right then. He had even worked up the courage to do the job himself.
Yet, Arthur had known how he would react. Arthur had known him better than Merlin had thought. Arthur had known exactly what to say. Merlin no longer had the desire to take his life, instead he would do as Arthur had asked. He would live on for Camelot, but more importantly for Arthur. He would live the live that Arthur had prematurely been deprived of.
So Arthur had known the truth. Merlin could not have been more surprised than if Arthur had had magic himself. Yet he should have known that Arthur would eventually gets suspicious and figure things out for himself. Why hadn't Gaius told him that Arthur knew? Merlin wished he had. He wished that Arthur could have shared this secret together, but it was never meant to be. Instead, Merlin had lived a life full of secrets. Secrets that he should have entrusted Arthur with. He should never had doubt his friend of a second.
Merlin felt as if he did not deserve the praise that his friend had bestowed on him. Arthur had much more faith in Merlin than Merlin had in himself. Merlin had lied to him continually, yet Arthur still trusted him completely.
"We are like two sides of the same coin." The phrase made Merlin smile in spite of himself. That was not the first time that he had heard it, but it was the first coming from Arthur. Hearing it from him, made it seem all the more true to Merlin.
Brother. Arthur had called Merlin his brother. The moment he read that, Merlin knew he felt the same. Arthur was not just his master, but his brother in bond. The two had become incredibly close. Alas, that it could not continue.
Merlin knew that there would always be an empty space in his life from now on. Arthur was no longer there. There would be no more friendly bantering, no more fun adventures. Merlin would even miss Arthur calling him an idiot. He could put up with that if it only meant that Arthur were still alive. If only!
Merlin wished he could have told him about Freya. He could just picture them sitting around and talking about the women they loved and offering each other advice. It did not matter that Freya was technically dead. She was still fully alive in Merlin's heart and memory. So now would Arthur be. He would never be forgotten.
The only thing Merlin dreaded that Arthur had asked of him, was helping Uther. Merlin knew fully well how the king could be when he got angry, and Merlin feared being the object of that anger. Yet Merlin knew how Uther had loved his son. His grief would be deep and like Merlin, he would never recover.
Merlin would be there for him, just as Arthur had asked. He would be the son to him that Arthur had been, even if that meant putting up with a king that would gladly have him executed if he knew the truth. He would be there for Uther, even if Uther did not want him.
Then of course there was Gwen. Merlin had already decided to comfort her even before he had read Arthur's letter. She had been the first friend he had made when he came to Camelot and they were still very close. He could not bear to imagine her suffering alone and without comforted. They needed each other, more than ever.
He didn't know how she dealing with the loss. He had not seen her since they found out. She had mostly kept to her house. Since the whole country was in mourning, this behavior did not seem all that unusual. Almost everyone in Camelot had stayed indoors these last few days. The castle seemed oddly silent with so many of the servants gone. Uther had not seemed to even notice.
Only Merlin and Gaius understood how deeply Gwen suffered. For they were the only ones who knew about her and Arthur's love for each other. Uther had never been told. He would not understand. Merlin had always known that was the case, but he still felt that Arthur and Gwen deserved to be together. Now, they would never be and Merlin's dream of one day seeing them get married, was nothing more than that, a dream.
A knock on the door startled Merlin out of his thoughts. "Come in." He looked up surprised when Sir Leon entered the room. Merlin noticed that the knight looked as if he had been crying. The knights grieved deeply for their fallen leader.
"The king requests your presence in the throne room. At once." Merlin was surprised. He had not thought that Uther why summon him. What could he possibly want? Then Merlin realized that with Arthur dead there was no reason for him to remain employed in the castle. As he followed Sir Leon he hoped that Uther was not planning on firing him. It was with an anxious heart that Merlin was ushered before the king.