Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to the TV series, Criminal Minds.

Full Circle
Part 4

By N. J. Borba

Derek followed Emily through her house on Sunday morning. It was a small craftsman circa the 1920s, if he wasn't mistaken. There were just two bedrooms and one bathroom nestled between them. The living room was modestly sized with a fireplace. A small kitchen sat toward the rear of the house with a dinning area attached and a back door that opened on to a bricked patio. The home's decor consisted mostly of wood furniture, earth-tone colored walls and black and white framed photographs. And at the two foot level of the living room walls, several pieces of construction paper were tacked up; splattered with primary paint colored hand prints and random squiggles.

As Emily led the tour she had a permanent shadow in the form of a toddler. Beth poked her head around to stare at Derek from time to time, but mostly kept her face buried against Emily's right leg. "Why are you being so shy today?" Emily finally asked as they congregated in the kitchen. She lifted Beth and settled her on one hip. "Remember yesterday when you fed the ducks with daddy?"

Beth was more confident in her mother's embrace and flashed him a small smile. "Hi, daddy."

Emily grinned proudly as she turned to Derek. "We've been practicing pronunciation this morning."

"Hi, munchkin." He reached out to run a hand over Beth's soft head of hair. "You're a smart girl just like your mama, aren't you?"

"Smargirl," Beth repeated, mashing the words together as she chewed on her left index finger.

"Okay," Emily picked up her previous rundown of everything under the sun that she could think to tell Derek. "Silvia Bowen lives in the dark green two-story house to the left of us and she'll be home this afternoon. I already told her you'll be here with Beth. Her number is on the emergency contact list by the phone, along with the pediatrician and my cell. So, do you have any questions?" she asked, glancing at the microwave clock across the room to check the time.

Derek realized he did have one. "Is she potty trained?"

"We're working on that."

"Meaning... I'll need to change some diapers?"

Emily could see that he looked a little worried about that and she almost wanted to renege on her promise of allowing him to baby-sit. But she decided to give him plenty of leeway. "She wears a pull-up diaper. It's kind of like underwear to get her introduced to the idea. Usually before her nap and bedtime I'll sit her down on the potty. Sometimes she'll go, sometimes she wont. Sometimes she'll even come up to me and tell me she has to go, but that usually means she already has."

"And the answer to my original question?" Derek felt more confused than before.

She nodded. "Yes, you'll probably have to change her before she goes down for a nap."

He digested the answer, figuring he'd cross that bridge when it started burning. "Okay, and lunch?"

"She'll probably just want juice and crackers, but I try to get some protein in her and a veggie if I can. There's sliced deli turkey and some left over peas from last night's dinner that you can reheat. She loves fruit and we have strawberries in the fridge. There's also canned peaches and pears in the cupboard. But, honestly, if all she'll eat for you is juice and crackers, it's not the end of the world. Some days I make sure she has her chewable vitamins and then just hope for the best," Emily shrugged.

Derek felt a little more at ease to hear her say that. "And when is nap time?"

"Right after lunch, but some days she wont go down at all."

"So, if she doesn't nap that's okay?"

"It is," Emily replied. "She'll probably be crabby tonight, but that happens. If she doesn't go down, you can play in the back yard if the weather stays nice like this. There's a s-w-i-n-g out there and she would be on it twenty-four hours a day if I had the time and patients to push her for that long," she glanced at the clock again. "I really need to get going," she looked to Beth. The girl's big eyes revealed to Emily that she knew what was going on, and she didn't look entirely happy about it. "You be good for daddy, okay?" Emily kissed her cheek and handed her off to Derek. "She likes to watch me leave from the front window."

The two of them followed Emily to the door, Derek trying to hold on to the wiggling toddler. Emily grabbed her bag, gave Beth one last kiss and then was out the door in a flash. Derek finally put Beth down and watched her race to the window, standing tiptoed to look over the sill. He stood behind her and they both waved to Emily as her dark blue Subaru reversed out of the driveway. When she was out of sight, Beth turned around and stared up at him. Her bottom lip trembled and Derek saw the tears pooled in her eyes. Before he could try to distract her, the sobs came as she cried for her mama.

xxx

Two and a half hours after she'd left, Emily closed the front door of her home, happy to be back. She paused for a moment. It was very quiet, which was not typical when living with a two year old. A brief flash of panic gripped her, but she quickly stuffed it down and was able to be impressed, figuring Derek had managed to get Beth to take a nap. As she moved into the living room she was greeted by a gorgeous site. Derek was sprawled on the sofa, eyes closed and snoring softly as Beth laid on his chest, also completely zonked out. She watched them for a minute, trying to imprint the image in her memory for all time. Then another idea came to her.

She kicked off her shoes and pealed off her jacket, stowing them both in the hall closet. Then Emily grabbed her camera bag on the top shelf. She fished out the camera, an item that she used primarily for work; snapping shots of wives cheating on their husbands and husbands kissing their secretaries in seedy motels on their lunch hour. But she also used it to capture special moments in her daughter's life, from big events to the mundane. Now, as she stood beside Derek and Beth, she took several snaps of their first nap together. It was a big event, but also a simple, quiet moment.

Until her right heel connected with the wood coffee table and made a soft, but distinct, thud. She hopped over to the desk, sat her camera down and then rubbed the sore spot on her foot. When she looked up a few seconds later, Emily caught Derek staring at her, eyes blinking back sleep as one hand rested protectively against Beth's back. "Sorry," she whispered to him. "Why don't you put her in her bed. She'll probably sleep a little longer," Emily suggested.

Derek followed through and rejoined Emily in the living room a few minutes later. He sat down on the opposite end of the sofa from her. "The second you were out of sight she started crying," he told her, feeling like he was eight years old again and confessing to his parish priest about stealing a pack of gum at the gas station.

"How long?" Emily asked. "Not the whole time, I hope?"

"No, uh... for a while," he replied. "But she ate some turkey and maybe one pea for lunch. Other than that, mostly crackers and juice." Derek watched as she smiled softly to hear the report, but she seemed a little out of sorts. "Are you okay?" he asked. "How did your meeting go?"

Emily sighed. "Not great."

"Guy was cheating on his wife?"

"No, guy hired me to find out if his wife was cheating on him."

He could tell by the tone of her voice that something else was afoot. "So, she was?" Derek tried to keep their conversation rolling.

She shook her head. "Nope. But she was sneaking around behind his back. I found out that she has terminal lung cancer and was going to her oncologist without telling her husband. So, I ended up being the one to tell him that his wife is dying. And I sat with him for about an hour and a half while he cried and practically told me their whole life story. I tried not to take his check, but he insisted, saying that I'd done the job he hired me for." Emily took a shaky breath. "I think I'm just going to donate the money to the Seattle Cancer Treatment Center," she concluded.

"I'm sorry," Derek attempted to think of something more comforting to say, but nothing was forthcoming.

"Yeah, who knew that private detectives were meant to have psychology degrees?" Emily chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. She watched as he pulled his shoes out from underneath the sofa and started to put them on. "You don't have to leave," Emily let him know. "I'm going to make dinner tonight. Some grilled chicken, roasted potatoes and steamed carrots. Basically, boring bland kid-food," she shrugged. "But you're welcome to join us and you can entertain Beth while I cook."

Derek wasn't sure what to say. "I don't know if I should."

"You told me yesterday that your flight doesn't leave until 10:30?" She watched as he nodded an affirmation. "Well, we eat at six and Beth will be in bed by eight. So, even if you left here right after that you'd have plenty of time to catch your plane. I thought maybe you'd like to tuck her in tonight." Emily saw the yearning in his eyes as she made that suggestion. "You can go check out of the hotel right now while she's still napping and..."

"Actually, I had to check out this morning before I came here," Derek said.

"Then you have nowhere else to be," Emily made it sound final.

She was right, he had nowhere else to be. There was nowhere else he wanted to be either. Beth woke up a half hour later. The two of them played out in the yard, mostly on the swing and rolling a ball back and forth. Beth was sure to keep checking that Emily was inside, making sure her mom didn't sneak off on her again. And Emily's meal that night was better than she'd made it out to sound. Derek couldn't even recall the last home cooked meal he'd eaten. It had probably been something of his mother's during the annual birthday visit four months ago. Now he was sitting with Emily and Beth at their small table, sharing a meal with them. It seemed unreal.

"Bethy, take smaller bites please," Emily instructed the girl as she cut more chicken to put on the child's plate. "And chew slowly."

Derek grinned, watching the two of them interact. "Is this typical mealtime conversation?"

"With a two year old, yes," Emily nodded as she resumed eating her own food. "She always wants to do everything so fast. Some nights I'll watch her sleep for a while and I whisper to her subconscious: don't be in such a hurry to grow up. Sometimes it feels like just yesterday that I was holding her in the crook of my arm and nursing her. And some days I'm sure she's going to walk through the front door with her boyfriend or kids of her own in tow." She looked over and caught Derek staring at her. "What? Do I have food on my face?"

"No," his eyes moved to Beth. "It's just... the two of you look so much alike. But then I see those flashes of my mom and I, even my sisters."

"I know, I see my parents in her too," Emily replied. "Sometimes I call her my chameleon baby."

"Meleon!" Beth repeated, giggling.

After dinner Derek helped with bath time, washing off sticky potatoes that had gone down the front of Beth's shirt. He watched as she excitedly splashed in the water for a while, but by the end her eyes were already starting to drop. And when he plucked her from the tub her head suddenly seemed too heavy for her shoulders to support. Emily diapered, while Derek managed to wrestle a pair of pink and white striped pajamas on the little girl. They put her down together; kissed her, made sure her stuffed rabbit was tucked in close, turned off the light and left the door open a crack as they retreated to the living room.

"Explain the rabbit to me," Derek said when they were alone. "With her obvious love of ducks, it seems like she should have a stuffed one of those instead."

Emily chuckled. "She did have a little yellow one for a while, but by the time she turned a year old it had been drooled on, sucked on and puked on so much that it had to go to stuffed animal heaven," she let him know. "I want to get her a new one that looks more like the ducks we see at the lake, but everything I find is usually florescent or neon colored."

"I see," he nodded, while thinking about making it his mission to find the perfect stuffed duck for his daughter. It was already eight o'clock and Derek figured he should be on his way, but Emily asked him to wait a minute as she searched through a cabinet for something.

Emily presented a photo album to him. "For you to keep," she announced. "A lot of them I took and developed myself. I have a dark room in the basement. It's nice to go down there at night after Beth is asleep; helps me unwind." She flipped through the book and showed him one picture in particular. "My dad took this one. Beth was less than an hour old there, a bundle of slimy perfection. She barely even cried that day, already looking alert and ready to face the world. My parents cried, though, and so did I. Mostly I cried because I knew you should have been there too."

Derek couldn't say exactly how it happened, all he knew was that suddenly they were kissing, the photo album crushed between them. Their kiss tasted like the past and present all coiled into one complicated mess. It was bliss and agony. But the real truth was that he could see the future in that kiss too, a future where Emily and Beth fit perfectly into his life. It wasn't complicated at all. But he pulled away from her, fearing that future couldn't exist, because he'd never known a perfectly happy family like that. "I want a paternity test," he announced.

"Excuse me?" Emily's brows bunched together. The warmth where his lips had just touched hers suddenly turned to ice as reality came crashing down upon her shoulders again. "Derek, you've seen her, you even said she looks like your family. We were just talking about..."

"I'm not denying that she's mine," he explained. "But I want to make sure all my bases are covered, so legally and financially I have a leg to stand on."

She was still trying to fight down the desire she'd felt in their kiss, and couldn't seem to reconcile that feeling with his unexpected hostile shift. "I don't want money from you, Derek. And I admit that not telling you was a huge mistake on my part, something that I will always regret, but now that you know her and she knows you I'm not going to stand in your way of having a relationship with her."

"How do I know that?" he came back defensive, squeezing the photo album in his right hand. "How do I know you're not going to pack up and disappear again as soon as I'm back in Virginia?"

"Because I wouldn't do that to you," Emily replied.

He sighed. "Really? What assurance do I have? Your word? You'll have to forgive me if that's just not enough, because all I know is that you took off three years ago without telling me about Beth. Given that history, I figure you're liable to do just about anything."

She could understand the accusation, though she thought they'd gotten past most of that, but the venom in his words frightened her. "Why are you being such a..."

"What, a bastard?" Derek cut her off as he felt the avalanche in his heart continue its downhill slide. "Well, I never figured any child of mine would be a bastard either, but I guess we don't always get what we want do we?"

Her jaw clenched and Emily felt like there was a marble stuck in her throat. "A jerk," she finally bit off the words. "I was going to say, jerk."

"Emily..." She looked like she wanted to punch him in the face and he really wished she would. He'd regretted the words as soon as they'd escaped his mouth. He didn't mean them, but he couldn't stuff them back in either. He wasn't even that upset at her. More than anything else, he was scared. He was so afraid of never seeing either one of them again, and his fear kept manifesting itself as anger. Now he feared his temper had just crossed a line that could never be erased.

"You need to leave," Emily told him.

One slow nod of his head heeded her warning, but he pressed his luck. "Can I at least say good-bye to Beth?" Silence was his answer, her dark eyes blazing. He interpreted her silence as acquiescence and made a move toward Beth's room. She shadowed his every step as he continued forward. He could sense her eyes on him from the doorway as he knelt beside the small white bed in Beth's lavender room. Derek gently placed his hand against the sleeping girl's forehead. "I love you, sweetheart." With that, he kissed her, got to his feet again and promptly let himself out of the house.

He felt a tear roll down his cheek somewhere along the drive to the airport. And the memory of crying just after his father's funeral filled his head. It had only happened once, in the privacy of his bedroom; fat tears soaking his pillow. He'd mourned the loss of his father in a half hour, dried those tears and then vowed to be strong from then on; the man of the house for his mother and sisters. Now he mourned for having been such a naive child, thinking he could take his father's place. He also mourned for being a naive adult, thinking he could find Emily and pick up where they'd left off three years ago.

To Be Continued...