A/N: Just so you know, it will take a while for sasuke and team 7 to actually come into the story, but not forever. I promis to make up the time with numerous fluff scenes and teenage hormones! YAY! teehee... sorry im hyped up on sugar right now. Anyways, i promis you, my dear reader, that Kaya is not a Mary Sue. There is a perfectly logical explanation for everything happening in this chapter. Which you will find out later. Next chapter should be up next Friday or Saturday. Now read, my minions, REEEAD!!

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the characters in it. Yosh.

Of Hospitals and Sages

When I opened my eyes again, it was dark. And light. DarkLight... yeah. My brain was hazy and the most coherent thought I could manage was the fact that this place was very, very unfamiliar. First of all, there were too many stars. I vaguely remember there was only supposed to be one... and there was certainly way more than one here. They blanketed the sky - some in clusters, some red, some blue, some in funny positions I didn't recognize. I always did like stars. I rolled my head groggily to the side, only to be brutally attacked with sharp bullets of pain at the base of my neck. I opened my mouth in a silent scream while numbness returned to my body.

Okay, no more moving.

With my view of the stars partially obstructed, I peered through uncomprehending, heavy lids at my battered backpack that had miraculously survived the fall. Oh, right. There had been a fall, hadn't there? That explains the pain... My eyes rolled into the back of my head while I tried to recall what exactly got me here. A hole... tingling... it hurt to think. It took me a long time to open my eyes again, but I soon realized just how unfamiliar this place really was. There were... Trees.

Lots of them - everywhere. Seemingly even more than the stars. I'd never seen so much green in my life! But it looked strange and disproportioned... elevated. I blinked once, twice, and then inhaled sharply. I was lying in the middle of a huge crater. The stinging in my lungs increased exponentially with my labored breathing. I was having an anxiety attack. Why, you ask?

Unfamiliar forrest + large crater + lots of pain Very. Stressed. Kaya.

I don't remember much after that, only that after a few minutes of very painful hypervenalation, everything dissapeared again.

The second time I woke up, there were voices. One was irritatingly high and squeaky, while the other was gently and low. It was light again, so I didn't risk melting my retnas for a glance at them - instead, I focused lightly on their conversation. At first, I could only make out distant mumbles and squeaky... well, squeaks - but as I concentrated, the voices got louder and clearer until it almost hurt my ears to listen. I could hear the words 'huge' and 'hospital' and 'ninja' slip back and forth, but their voices got so loud that their steadied breathing was drowning out the noise. I wanted to scream at them to stop yelling right through my eardrums and to very politely go violate themselves, but my throat was still too abused to manage anything more than a coarse whisper. I scowled silently and squinted my eyes open to scan the crater for my little peace- disrupters.

I was cautious to only move my eyes while I looked for them, but as far as I could tell, no one was there. I'd figured I'd probably gone a little insane.

"...perhaps we should get a shinobi to lift her... crater that big... can't be good..."

"...obviously in pain!... take her to the hospital..."

OH HELL NO.

Let me get one thing straight: I hate hospitals. With a fiery passion. Whoever decided to devote an entire facility to excruciatingly sick and bloody poeple was completely beyond me. I wasn't bloody was I? Damn, I never considered that. I couldn't see my 'rescuers' so I figured they were probably somewhere behind me. I swallowed the sticky substance in my mouth and managed to groan out something along the lines of 'hospitals are for squares'.

The voices stopped immediately and an uncomfortable silence followed. For a moment, I feared that I'd scared them off or something (although how a broken girl with probably a million shattered bones could threaten anyone, I'll never know), but then Squeaky spoke again,

"... must be a ninja... can hear us from over here!"

That confused me - they were, afterall, practically yelling right at me... right? Well, I suppose that wasn't important at the moment... and did they just say 'ninja'? What were they, like, five? Seriously, where the fuck AM I? And shinobi... shinobi... I'd heard that word before on one of my sister's animes or something - she really was a freak about those. 'Oh great,' I thought, 'My saviors are a bunch of Naruto geeks. Why couldn't Mr. Serial Killer actually kill me?' Wasn't that, you know, supposed to be his job?And worst of all, they thought I was a ninja.

Oh. This would be fun.

I closed my eyes in a submissive 'I'm doomed' manner and let myself drift off into unconsciousness again. Let Tweedle-nerd and Tweedle-dumb do whatever they want - Kaya needs her beauty rest... or, you know, however beautiful a rest one can get on a mutilated forrest floor in broad daylight...

I woke up again to a white ceiling. I blinked my eyes a couple of times to assure that the burning sensation had dissipated, then let myself grin. Kaya: 1, Serial Killer:... 2... Well, it was a start. I twitched my fingers experimentally to find that most of the pain was gone too, but there was still a lingering ache that dwelled in my bones. I finally realized that I was on a rather squeaky cot. 'Oh no...' I sat myself up and took a good look at the wires tangled across my body.

Yep. Hospital. (Geeky traitors.)

The room was clean, really. White gauze curtains covered a daylit window so that only streaks of light made their way into the room. White cabinets lined the walls and a white night-table with a single, lonely flower sat next to me. The flower was white too. Go figure. The door was closed and the room had a lazy, but brisk feel to it. It made me sleepy. Or maybe that was the droning rumble of the monitors crowded around my head. Ugh, I loathe hospitals. I had to give them props though - it looked more like a mental institution/hotel than anything else (if you take away the IV and the eerie beeping machines). I took this moment to examine myself.

My clothes had been exchanged for one of those nasty looking paper- things and my backpack had been draped over an empty chair. They'd probably gone through it. Bastards. They had those weird circular hospital stickers all over me and a funny peice of red tape wrapped around my forearm. I lifted it up to discover strange, Japanese symbols on it...

Ha! A seal, I knew it!

It all made sense now! I'd fallen through some abandoned construction hole, gone through the center of the Earth, and popped out in Japan! Right? Okay, nevermind that was stupid... but it's something to build from. I gently tried to tug it, but it wouldn't budge. 'Ouch,' I thought despairingly, 'This is gunna be a bitch to yank off...' But it had to be done. I counted to three in my head before using all of my strength to rip the offending object away, but to no avail. 'Ugh, what's this thing made of? Superglue?' The harder I pulled, the more resistance seemed futile... haha... The Borg. Ack, focus! I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Typically, the way I keep myself focused on something is by offering myself a reward- like chocolate or something. It's a good enough system. 'This time, I'll break out of this place if I can just get the damn seal off.'

Nodding in affirmation, I took one more stomach of air, and pulled.

And it tore.

...

And suddenly, I was alive.

It was unlike anything I had ever felt before! Suddenly, I could see more, hear more, and just feel every particle of air swirling around me. My heart was pounding blood through me as thougha a huge plud had suddenly vanished from my veins and I felt like I could jump 20 feet into the air. Everything around me formed a blue tint and I couldn't help but break out into hysterical giggles. I just felt so good!

I ripped off the wired and hopped up onto my feet with rediculous ease and started jumping gleefully on the cot. Okay, so it was a totally four-year-old thing to do, but hey, I was practically high with energy. Soon I was back on my stomach, rolling around with laughter.If you had walked in just then, you would have thought I was high. Or insane. Actually, so did I. And so did the people who swung the door open five seconds later.

They were all dressed in white too (from what I could tell behind my tearing eyes) and staring at me with something akin to awe (cheh, what's new?). Some of them were old and decrepit looking, while most of them were young and alert.

Doctors. (Insert shiver here.)

My laughter grew uncontrollable despite my disgust for medical workers and I could vaguely feel hands holding me down.

"HOLD HER STILL!" one of them yelled while the hands tightened their hold on my limbs, "The chakra is moving through her brain too fast, we need to stabalize her vitals!"

'What the hell is chakra?' some conscious part of me thought as they attempted to pin down my left arm. A thin flash of light caught my eye and my laughter immediately died.

A shot. Fuck no.

Suddenly my thoughts became dazed and my hands balled into tight fists. They think I'm going to let them prick me with needles while I'm still conscious? Wrong.

"Ohh..." I chuckled darkly and I humored to appreciate the shiver that ran throughout the room, "Over my-" I broke free of the hands- "DEAD-" I grabbed the syrenge- "BODY!" and threw it at the wall.

I blinked.

Well actually, it went through the wall... I hadn't thrown it that hard had I? The doctors froze, looking frightened - hell, I probably looked a little freaked myself - and turned their awe to the hole in the perfectly crafted white. No chunks, no spiderweb-cracks, nothing - just an impeccable circle where that damned needle had slid through like cheese. Somebody behind me whispered 'Amazing,' and I was about to tell them off for interupting the silence, but somebody had cuffed me in the neck by then. I didn't even have time to finish my feminine bidding of "what the fuck?" when the darkness came again, but this time, I was simply too shocked to fight it.

A white-haired sage of about his early forties strolled happily down the roads of Kumogakure, hands folded lazily behind his head, whistling a tune. The sun shone brightly upon his contented countenance, bringing out the bright red stripes lined on either side of his tan face. He was currently heading to the Cloud Village Hospital to give his thanks to a very helpful medic that had so kindly informed him the location of the nearest bathhouse for the 'research' on his latest novel. He planned to leave town the next day in order to take care of some business he had down in the Village Hidden in the Shadows.Then perhaps he would pay a visit to the Hidden Ston Village... they had some sake to contend with...

He casually strode into the lobby, blinking to adjust to the change in light. Everything in this hospital was so white it almost hurt to look at - he would want to get out of here as soon as possible as to not damage his retnas (which were, in fact, worth a lot, mind you). The reception desk was crowded with nurses in white coats, gossiping about something or other. He snuck up up behind them stealthily and slipped his arms around their waists.

"Helloooo ladies! Wouldn't be talking about me now, would you?"

A couple of them blushed while the receptioness rolled her eyes.

"No Jiraiya. Unfortunetly, it seems there are more interesting things in this hospital to talk about than you,"

The nurses giggled while Jiraiya frowned playfully.

"Aww, you girls are no fun. Would you be so kind as to tell me where Fugi-san is?"

Her face immediately lit with excitement.

"Oh, he's busy right now, Jiraiya! You won't believe what happened - some locals were heading to the rice patties and found a girl unconscious in this huge crater! We had one of our Chunnins go pick her up but her chakra levels were through the roof! It was unlike anything we've ever had here before - we needed to put a seal on her just to drain it so it didn't kill her! Fugi-sama is up there right now running some tests-"

But she was suddenly cut off by a loud alarm. The nurses on either side of the old sage jumped out of their skin and immediately dashed out of the room. "Shit," the young receptioness cursed as she began mumbling urgently into the phone. Jiraiya was suddenly the only still person in the room. He was about to walk out out and give the medics their space when a girl's laughter rolled through the halls an made everyone freeze in curiosity. It got louder and louder and with it came an enormous wave of pure, unadultrated chakra that nearly swept the sage off his feet. He peered up at the ceiling intently and decided that this was worth investigating.

A hord of doctors, led by dear Fugi-san himself, came charging through the lobby and rushed, panic-stricken, towards the emergency staircase. Jiraiya pushed through the crowd of bustling white coats and ninja-smoked to the third floor, waiting patiently at the door-frame for the doctors to lead him to the right room. Normally, a chakra trail this big would have made the mystery girl rediculously simple to find, but he wasn't entirely sure what he was up against - better to let the doctors get to her first.

Sure enough, Fugi came swinging through the threshold not 20 seconds later, followed closely by his faithful companions. The toad sage waited a moment before tailing after them.Each hallway they turned was a new (and more frightening) shade of white, and with each step he took, the laughter grew louder and chakra signature stronger. It truly was like nothinghe had ever felt before - like tentacles reaching out and wrapping around whatever they could find, each one like rapid spit-fire. 'Unbelievable' he thought as he rounded the last corner he had seen the distressed medics take. He arrived at the doorway just in time to see the object of awe throw a syrenge right through a wall. The girl's eyes went wide (as did everyone elses') and went so pale she almost looked ill. Jiraiya had seen much worse, of course, having had Tsunade and her monstrous strength beat him to a pulp many, many times, but even Tsunade hadn't developed the technique until she was in her late teens. This girl looked like she was barely 13. 'And to do it unconsciously, no less' he thought.

"Amazing," one of Fugi's subordinates whispered. Something flashed through the girl's eyes dangerously, but before she could turn on the poor fellow, Jiraiya had crossed the room and knocked her out.

The medics blinked out of their trance and straightened up indignantly before replacing the monitors on the girl's skin and readjusting the machines. Fugi-san was last to break his transfixed stare and turned to face the bed, starting when he discovered the sage instead.

"Ah, Jiraiya-sama!" he said shakily, his young face blank in suprise, "Forgive me! I wasn't aware you were still in town! Is there something...?"

"Fugi-san," Jiraiya began in a stern voice, "Where exactly did this girl come from?"

His eyes widened, then wondered over to a black pack draped over a visitor's chair.

"We're not entirely sure..." he spoke distantly, "We found her in a very critical condition - it's a miracle her spine is still intact. Wherever she came from, she must have had one hell of fall," He turned back to face the sage.

"We did, however, find an identification card of some sort, but it was in a language none of our catography staff could identify..." Suddenly his eyes narrowed suspiciously, "What is the meaniong of this Jiraiya? You know I cannot share a patient's personal information,"

Jiraiya tilted his head back and pondered at the cieling for a long time, eyes twinkling thoughtfully, before he straightened up and grinned at the young medic.

"She's my neice, you see:" he explained enthusiastically, "I had been sent by her older sister to retrieve her and bring her home to the Konoha!"

Fugi didn't buy it. "And do you have any valid proof of your authority in this matter, Sage?"

Jiraiya's glare grew icy as he stepped threateningly close to the young doctor and tilited his head slightly, making sure Fugi got a good look at his numerous scars. "I think I have all the authorization that I need:" he said simply. Fugi gulped. Jiraiya of the three Legendary Sannin was not one to tassle with and - medical miracle or not - he valued his own life far more than some strange (and potentially dangerous) foreigner.

"...Very well," he said finally, relaxong when the powerful toad sage backed off and smiled lazily.

"Great! Just call me in when she's stable and we'll be on our merry way," and with that, Jiraiya folded his arms behind his head once again and strolled back into town, nearly forgetting the reason he had been there in the first place.