Finn

When there's nowhere else to run
Is there room for one more son
One more son…

It was weird to think of talking to Kurt about this. It wasn't like we were good friends or anything, plus he always looked at me kinda funny whenever we talked. But I could see this was really bothering him, and I didn't want him to think I was stealing his father from him or something. I had a father once, maybe I didn't really know him, but I knew I had him, and I guess that was enough.

I got out of the auditorium just in time to see him and Mercedes going into en empty room. For a long moment, I thought about turning my back and simply ignoring it, but that was what I had been doing so far, and I really wanted to change. So I got in, and it was pretty awkward if you ask me.

"Hey…" I half smiled, Kurt didn't seem as excited to see me as he usually did. Instead, he looked down and didn't say anything. It was her who spoke.

"Finn, if you don't mind, Kurt and I need to talk", she was sweet, but at the same time had this fierce tone that scared me a little bit.

"Actually…" I started, a little unsure, "I kinda need to talk to Kurt, too."

"Ok, then you wait a little and…"

"It's ok, Mercedes", his voice was not nearly as powerful as it was when he sang before, in fact it was quieter than normal. But he soon put his head back up and faced me, although he was still talking to her, "Can we talk tomorrow? I'll take you shopping", he smiled, she rolled her eyes but accepted with no problem, making me wonder, for a moment, why the girls I used to hang out with couldn't act normal like she did. Quinn, Rachel, Santana, even Tina, they seemed crazy all the time, like some permanent PMS or something. Kurt actually acted more like them than like Mercedes. Maybe that was why they got along so well.

"Fine", she sighed, walking out, "I'll see you tomorrow, guys."

I waved goodbye, still uncomfortable with the whole situation, but walked in, keeping some distance. "I did try, you know?" I knew I didn't have to explain what I was talking about, "I even made this huge scene with my father's ashes."

His eyebrows rose at the last comment. "You didn't try hard enough, apparently."

"It's not that", I shook my head, "Before I knew it, she was talking about how our family wasn't normal, and that she wanted a real family, and how lonely she felt all these years and I guess… I never stopped to think about any of this. I just missed my dad."

"I miss my dad , too. The saddest thing is, Finn, he's right there, everyday."

I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to think of what to say to that. I didn't do deep conversations about anything, not even with my best friends, it just wasn't like me to be deep. But this was something that involved our parents, our families were now connected somehow. Based on what his dad had said to me the day before, I knew I had to make an effort.

"Look, I didn't want this, and I certainly didn't ask for this to happen. But it did, and when my mom started talking like that, I realized I couldn't be that selfish. I don't need a dad, I was just fine with the way things were. But she needs someone, or at least she wants someone, I don't know. And your dad's pretty cool", I offered a small smile with the side of my mouth, soon regretting it when I saw the look he gave me.

"You don't get it?" he looked hurt as he talked, "You're the son my dad always wanted. He loves me, I know that, and he's been great with… everything", he hesitated and looked down, but soon continued, "But he still loves football and I still love fashion."

"It's not his fault…"

"Well, it's not my fault, either!" he interrupted me, almost screaming as he said the words, and I noticed he was about to cry. Suddenly I couldn't remember one single reason why I decided to do this.

"I'm not saying it is", I got a bit closer and sat on one of the chairs, "I don't wanna steal your dad. I didn't even want to like him. But he came and said to me, that he loves my mom, and he wants to be there for her, to protect her and take care of her, and she deserves all that."

He didn't speak for a long time. "It's my fault they're together", he said, finally.

"Maybe, a little. But if you wanna take the blame for something, I guess it's your fault my mom's happier than I've ever seen her."

"Dad's happy, too. It's just not fair that in order for him to be happy, he needs a new family, one that barely includes me."

"You know, the moment I asked your dad if he wanted to sit on that chair, my father's chair, this big part of me kept wishing he would say no", I admitted, "And when he didn't, the moment he sat, it was like my dad was gone from that house. My mom got rid of a bunch of his stuff, and the chair was kinda like the last reminder", I decided to open up, seeing how the situation was just as hard on him as it was for me, "Seeing another man sitting there was like admitting he was being replaced somehow, you know? It hurt. It sucks to me, too."

"Seeing you and him watching that game, getting along, it felt like I had lost him, too. On that moment, it was like you lost your father and I lost mine."

"I don't know what to do, man. I mean, is there anything to do, even? Something that will make everyone happy?"

"No", he admitted, at last, "No, I don't think there is."

I wanted him to know I was really trying to find some way to make this easy on everybody, and, yeah, I was never exactly the brightest kid in this school, but it didn't seem possible. Either my mom was gonna be miserable, or him.

"Do you miss, having a father?"

His question caught me by surprise, I hadn't spent much time thinking about it. "I never thought I did. But when your dad started talking about football, and we watched the game I realized what I was missing out on, you know?" Seeing his face sinking made me feel terrible. "I didn't say that to make you feel bad. You asked", I shrugged, "And that's the truth. But I wouldn't do this on purpose. I can… I don't know, maybe I can start avoiding him or something", I offered.

"No, it's…" he took a deep breath and shook his head, "It's not your fault either."

"I guess we'll both just have to… get used to it, right?"

His expression changed, getting a little less sad as he agreed. "Probably."

He got to the same conclusion, which meant that I hadn't been so dense about it, after all. Smiling sadly, figuring there was nothing else to say, he headed for the door. Before he left, he turned back. "Thanks. I mean, for trying."

I nodded, he left.

That night, when I got home, his dad was there. Instead of watching the game and eating sandwiches, I suggested dinner, the four of us. When he asked me about sports, I turned the conversation another way, and talked about school and the Glee Club. He smiled, turned to his son and asked what we were working on now, and we started discussing the songs, the people, the teachers in school. The conversation flowed naturally after a while. Kurt smiled, happier than he had been all week, and gave me a thankful nod. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I had done something good. And that maybe this family thing wouldn't be so bad.

I wanna stand up, I wanna let go
You know, you know, no, you don't
Help me out
Yeah, you know you gotta help me out…

Song: All These Things That I've Done, by The Killers.