A/N: Yay! Chapter 3! What an accomplishment! Anyways, I'm RIDICULOUSLY excited about this story. I'm already like fifty chapters ahead in my mind XD. I might start doing a few one-shots but most of my dedication is here until I finish! And for some chapters I'll also give you the name of a song I think goes with it just to get you in the mood XD A soundtrack, if you will. If you have any ideas for that just let me know! Have fun!

Disclaimer:I do not own Naruto or any of the characters in it. Yosh.

Fun With Jiraiya-Sensei

"Stupid, asshole, impossible, conceded old man..." I grumbled irritably, kicking a small stone out of my way as I shuffled down the dusty road. We had stopped in this inconspicuous little village Jiraiya had called 'Isawari' a few hours before sunset and the old fart had the nerve to dump me at some shaggy inn, saying he had 'business' to attend to. Naturally, my ability to entertain myself lasted a grand total of twenty seconds before I climber out the window and explored.

The village was quite literally like something I'd seen in my History book. No cars, no cellphones, nothing - just bustling people in funny monotonous clothes, cheerfully circulating inwards towards a general marketplace. Everything was made of wood, too. Like, everything. I mean, after trudging through so many shacks, I'd half expected the peopleto be made of wood. I'd always loved little towns, though. Growing up in Miami, bustling villages with clean air seemed like a fairytale. I even found myself enjoying it - but that didn't stop me from cussing Jiraiya to the ends of the Earth.

Anyway, I'd made my way to the outskirts of the village by now and the people were starting to slowly trickle away. Children and their distressed mothers waddled in and out of booths, hurriedly trying to finish their shopping before the sun went down. A breeze whistled through the trees and I plopped down defeatedly by the wall of a bathhouse building. I'd never actually been in one, and I wasn't so eager to try, (sitting in a room full of naked people... honestly?) but I could tell by the steam drifting out from the cracks in the wooden planks that it was in good business. I closed my eyes and thumped my head on the wall, contemplating my situation.

Jiraiya had said that I was to be his apprentice for a while (I tried furiously to block out the mental image of my face on his body) and that, apparently, was a great honor. In fact, I'm sure it would have been if I'd known anything else about him besides that he took pride in being a sage of... well, toads. And to be honest, I wasn't really sure what I had cut out for me, being a ninja and everything. At first I had picture myself all clad in black, sneaking about and kicking bad guy's asses with only my pinkie finger and my own radical theme music - but one look at Jiraiya told me that wasn't quite right.

I sighed inwardly; these were the times when I wished with all of my heart that I had actually listened to my sister's incessant ramblings. I ran through all of my most recent encounters with the bouncy blond and frowned despairingly when all I'd found were blanks. I really did need to start listening better. A hazy image of her making some odd hand gesture floated through my memory. What was it again... a hand seal?

I scrunched up my face and squeezed my lids shut, trying to keep the picture there while I had a go at imitating it. After a few moments, I opened one eye to take a peek. It wasn't exactlywhat I'd had in mind - my pinkies were sticking up at an odd angle and my thumbs pressed together awkwardly - but it was the best I could do. I scanned my surroundings suspiciously (for what, I wasn't sure, but something told me that was the sort of thing ninjas did) and sniffed the air before bowing my head in concentration. Something was supposed to happen now, right? Like a smoke-bomb going off or someone turning into a lizard or something. There were several minutes of an almost comical silence and me 'concentrating' so hard my face turned blue, before I finally gasped for air and glared at the dirt. I would never be able to stay focused long enough to figure this one out. Maybe I needed an incantation or something. Like in Harry Potter!

Sounded logical.

I squeezed my eyes shut again, pressing my fingertips together oddly and whispered, "Abra Kadabra!'

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!"

I probably jumped out of my skin just then, whipping my head around wildly. There was a cacophony of women screaming and cursing and dangerously loud splashing coming from behind the wall. I lept onto my feet, fell flat on my face, lept up again, and ran for my soul through the back door, fearing prosecution for homicide. I tumbled ungracefully past an alarmed receptioness and turned a sharp corner, flying through the wooden halls towards the commotion. A few girls stumbled out of a door in a cloud of steam, yelling and cursing to and fro about 'perverts' and 'lawsuits'.

I nearly sobbed in relief that my 'jutsu' hadn't murdered anyone, but almost screamed when I saw a hoard of angry women beating up on a mound of white hair...

You have got to be kidding me.

"JIRAIYA!!"

The old sage twitched weakly behind the melodramatic X's across his eyes, a goofy smile spread across his face and little birds dancing around his head. A nosebleed was dripping off his chin.

"YOU SON OF A BITCH! I knew you were a pedophile, I knewit!" I shouted as I pushed through the angry crowd of half- naked victims and grabbed him by the collar with both hands, using whatever might I could muster to drag him out of the bathhouse - narrowly avoiding a mob of women looking for blood, of course - muttering all the way.

"Business my ass! Stupid sage, do you realize how unappealing of a mentor you're turning out to be?! I want you to know that I no longer feel secure in your custody! I'm going to start carrying Mace and I'm not afraid to scream RAPE-"

"Well, well, well... what do we have here?"

I dropped Jiraiya's head unceremoniously to the ground and spun around. Three reallybig guys stared back at me. They weren't as big as Jiraiya, but seeing how he was incapacitated and everything, that wasn't really relevant. The first two were twins, both with an identical mop of auburn hair, thin noses, sparkling brown eyes, and both ridiculously tall. Ridiculously. I lovingly dubbed them 'Big' and 'Bigger'. In front of them was a slightly shorter one with muscles so big you could see them pulsing. I called him 'Brawn'.

Bigger got a stupid smile on his face, "I'd say these were the two peepers from Tika's-bath, wouldn't you-?"

"Uhm, correction," I interjected quickly, "The onepeeper from Tika's-thing. As you can see, he has a very serious mental impairment,"

I jerked my thumb over my shoulder to where Jiraiya was beginning to regain consciousness, rolling his head from side to side and drooling all over himself.

"Hmmm... yeah, I see it," Big said, nodding solemnly, "But we still gotta take you in. Village procedure. We'll take the guy and you can go with Ita to take care of the fine," he nodded towards Brawn, who gave me a creepy, gap-toothed smile.

Ew. No thank you.

"Uh... uh... ABRA KADABRA!...?" Nothing. Except for a few 'Old man's not the only one' looks.

"NO JUTSU!" Jiraiya suddenly shouted drunkenly, rolling around on the road, "You have to say, '-NO JUTSU'!"

"I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU!" I pointed at him accusingly.

I turned around again and put my serious face on while forming my funny, made-up hand-seal and trying to conceal my panic. Big and Bigger looked alarmed at first, then confused, then amused. If they were ninja, I couldn't tell, but even if they weren't they could probably see I was improvising. Meanwhile, Brawn was still giving me that creepy smile, and just that was enough to inspire me.

"Please Please, Oh My God Do Something - no jutsu!"

Then, something AMAZING happened. (cue sparkles)

I felt a little spark - right in the core of my belly. It grew and grew and trickled through my arms like electricity to where my fingers were joined; I started giggling a little through my clenched teeth - chakra fucking tickled- and tried desperately not to break my focus. I wasn't exactly sure what the hell I was doing, but there was chakra involved, so it must be at least a step forward, right? The tingling built up until my fingers were almost numb, and for a moment I panicked a little because, 'what the fuck do I do now?', but my body moved on its own accord.

My hands flew apart and formed identical sign-language Y's, pinkies pointing at either Big Brother, both thumbs at Brawn.

'Oh yeah,' I thought, 'Bitches goin' DOWN'

"NOW!" I commanded. Blue electricity twirled and danced around my fingers for a moment, then it shot out in long streams. I could still feel it once it left my body and as it collided with something soft, but the connection broke as it invaded their bodies and I was sent skidding backwards on my ass into an almost-sane Jiraiya.

Zap. Zap. Zaaapp.

Thud.

I opened my eyes carefully, rubbing my aching head irritably. "So much for tha-" but I was cut off when I saw just exactly what I had done.

And almost gave myself a brain lesion, laughing.

Big, Bigger and Brawn - in all their mighty glory - were all sprawled helter-skelter, and quite literally wriggling on the ground. Like worms. Or like their bones had suddenly been converted into Jello. It was probably the funniest damn thing I'd ever lain my eyes upon and I couldn't help but take pride in my work. Their mouths gaped open like fish and their eyes searched frantically for, well, probably something to kill me with.

After a good minute of laughing so hard I choked on air, I figured that it would wear of soon and that we should probably leave before I get charged for assault. Still cackling, I grabbed Jiraiya by the sleeve and took off, dragging him haphazardly through the dirt and rock to the inn. Once I'd collected my bag, I threw the old man over my shoulder (with the help of a very sturdy dresser, of course) and sped back to the hermit-cart.

It was dark by now, but I supposed I could scrounge out a couple of sleeping bags to camp out in once we got far away enough from the village. I dumped Jiraiya in the back with the luggage and hurriedly grabbed Sweetie's reigns, (I'd named him that specifically after Jiraiya made me run to keep up with the damn thing... asswad...) jumping in the front and speeding away. The cart jumbled a dangerous amount and I almost slowed down in case the piles of crap Jiraiya had had fallen over on him, but then thought better of it as a particularly rough bump sent us flying like Santa Clause.

'Bastard asked for it,'

"You're not trying,"

"..."

"Kaya-Chan, you can't take the seal off until you focus,"

"..."

"..."

"You need to-"

"God DAMNIT Jiraiya, I swear on everything holy that if you don't stop interrupting my stream of consciousness, I will exploit your demeaning 'research' to every tabloid on this planet!"

So there.

He smacked me upside the head.

"Owww..."

"Pay respect to your sensei,"

Oh yeah, I had to call him 'sensei' now, too. Karate Kid much? I would have made a snarky comment, but I figured that Jiraiya was the kind of guy who could disable all of your limbs with, like, a banana or something. Better to do what he says.

"Jiraiya-senseeeiii! This very clearly isn't working!"

"Because you're not focusing,"

I groaned in exasperation. I swear this guy could be so bipolar sometimes.

IT had been about two weeks since I was forced to drag Jiraiya out of that village and my training was going terribly slow. He'd taught me a lot about ninjas, though - the whole system was fairly simple really. There were three different divisions- -genin, chunnin, and jounin. Right now, I'm apparently on my way to becoming a genin (which is totally awesome, mind you) - but the problem is... well, I suck.

So far, at least.

Jiraiya says that I'm excelling in taijutsu (hand-to-hand combat) and that my 'technique', albeit stupid looking, is effective. What he doesn't know is that the only reason I'm doing so well is that I've always been abnormally flexible and that I'm relatively calm in a state of panic. I didn't have the heart to tell him that my 'technique'was a combination of random flailing at whatever surface seemed potentially bruisable and Karate lessons I had when I was ten. But, hey, I didn't end up with too many injuries. And I healed overnight in this world too! Cool, huh?

Ahem, anyway - I'm not so lucky with ninjutsu. I wouldbe so much better if Jiraiya would let me take the seal off,. but he won't touch it until I eat sleep, and breathe chakra. Literally. I have to breatheit out systematically. He says I'll have troubles on missions this way, but that what I lack in stealth I'll have to make up for in speed. Or something.

Last, but not least, is genjutsu - which I was most eager to learn about. He didn't tell me much, only that he refused to teach it to me because I wasn't ready to toy with people's brains.

Yet. (Insert evil maniacal laughter.)

He'd also told me where we were actually headed - a village called Konoha. The way he described it made it sound like a nostalgic heaven, I swear. Oh yeah! And he'd also asked me who Jesus was after one of my particularly colorful cussing sessions. I'd laughed and said,

"Jiraiya, do you live in a hole-?"

And then I'd collapsed on the floor in hysterics.

"Oh my God! You do live in a hole!"

Then he'd cuffed me over the head again.

Anyway - Konoha. It had struck a chord, so I asked him about it and he told me that I was to meet the Hokage.

(cue gong) BINGO!

Apparently, a Hokage was the leader of this Hidden Shinobi Village. I was to meet him when we arrived there and he would tell whether I was allowed to become a ninja. Honestly, I didn't really care if he did or not - just getting to this 'Hidden Leaf Village' would get me closer to familiarity. No matter how little it may be.

And we would be there in a week.

So here I was, training my little heart out while my not-so-closet-pervert-sensei chewed me out about focus, sitting Indian-style under the shade of a big oak at our camp. I hadn't let Jiraiya stop at another village for obvious reasons, but I kind of liked camping here. The bugs weren't nearly as bad as they were back in Florida. And bathing in a lake was a monumental experience.

The exercise I was supposed to be doing was to focus the extra chakra leaking from my system into my pores for emergency release. I'd succeeded in doing absolutely zip so far, but I could feel my concentration getting sharper... sort of.

Jiraiya sighed, "Okay, we'll try this one more time before we stop for lunch,"

My stomach growled loudly and I nodded enthusiastically in agreement before bowing my head again and closing my eyes.

'If I can do this one damn exercise,' I thought coaxingly, 'Then I can eat something else besides rice-balls,'

Of course, that did it.

The spark in my belly flared up again, except this time, instead of turning into electricity, it shot up towards the top of my head where it slowly slid downward over my skin, oozing like gel. I shivered involuntarily and unconsciously whispered "release," just like Jiraiya had told me to. The oozing suddenly evaporated and it felt like my body was steaming.

"Perfect! Absolutely perfect! Now just do it fifteen more times,"

I groaned again and opened my eyes to see my vision tinted that funny blue color again. I raised a brow quizzically and looked down at my lap...

"Agh! JIRAIYA I'M BLUE! GROSS - dead people - corpses - EW!"

Jiraiya rolled his eyes as I toppled over stiffly and squirmed on the grass.

"It will fade away if you stop moving,"

I immediately froze in an awkward position and waited stalk-still until the blue dispersed. Jiraiya chuckled lightly as he got to his feet and dusted himself off.

"We ran out of riceballs last night. Have you ever tried dumplings?"

I hopped up energetically and bounded after him.

Kaya truly did have a vexing mentality, he finally decided as he poked the campfire absently. How she had come up with that 'bughole' theory was all but lost to him, but the scary thing was that she had made it make sense. Wherever she came from must have been something... She was certainly one of the spunkier little girls he had met, but she wasn't unintelligent - and with that kind of power, the safest place for her would be Konoha.

Jiraiya leaned back against a tree-stump, watching the shadows play across the camp, flickering over the retired cart, Kaya's slumped sleeping bag, and 'Sweetie's' resting form. He chuckled. Yes, she was definitely something else.

It was odd though. how her chakra somehow found little bursts of random inspiration to surpass the suppression of the seal. She had earlier mentioned a system she had of bribing herself into doing things. If she could harness that kind of control 24/7, she could very well excel in ninjutsu, as well as taijutsu and genjutsu. Her taijutsu habits were untamed, and odd to say the least - but Jiraiya was positive she would improve in Konoha.

He wasn't worried about Sarutobi-sensei accepting her as a ninja - anyone could see her good intent and sheer will power - and meeting him didn't seem like something she was worried about, so the only problem was her control. With a temper like hers, only time could tell.

His head flicked up as a twig snapped, but it was only Kaya rolling over and throwing her arm over her eyes. Gaining a sudden inspiration, Jiraiya lifted himself carefully from his spot and tip-toed over to her side, placing a chakra-charged index finger to the center of the seal. It was very clearly wearing down with every time her chakra broke past it. It would be easier to apply a new one while she was unconscious so that:

a) The chakra wouldn't flare up and cause her nervous system to have a dangerous reaction, and

b) So that she wouldn't bitch him out about "oppressing her Constitutional rights" or one of her other odd ramblings.

He sent a jolt into the seal to disarm it, then slowly and cautiously peeled it off - another one ready in the other hand for an immediate exchange. The paper detached steadily, little strings of glue-paste snapping off each time he gave a gentle tug. So far, so good. It was already half-way done and the chakra flow hadn't been disturbed one bit - albeit it was circulating much stronger. Jiraiya inhaled deeply, then quickly tore the seal away, leaving a patch of red irritation in it's goose-bumped wake. Her chakra glowed around her like an aura for a brief moment as he reached over quickly to reapply the seal, but suddenly died down and began circulating again. He blinked, hand frozen above her forearm. Did she just...? He carefully pocketed the seal and changed the course of his hand to her mouth, closing his eyes as he waited for her to exhale. She mumbled something incoherent and breathed out contentedly, a decent amount of chakra flowing steadily from her lungs.

Jiraiya looked down at her face, pleasantly surprised. 'So she had been training after all...' He smiled a little and stood, making his way to his own sleeping bag. He'd see how her body adapted without the seal in the morning. Right now, a little sleep would do...

When Jiraiya woke up, it was to a dim sunrise, a restless Ox, and delighted peals of laughter. He lifted his head groggily and turned on his side, not entirely sure who it was until an empty sleeping bag rolled into his vision from across the expired fire. He grumbled incoherently and stood, rubbing the fog out of his eyes while silently cursing adventurous children. He pushed irately through some tough bushes and followed the laughter as he entered a clearing and lifted his bleary eyes, striding towards a particularly giddy figure, jumping around on a pond. Yes, on. He blinked as she spun in circles joyfully, one of his old T-shirts billowing around her calves and some battered old sweats much to big for her he had picked up in Isawari rolled up to her ankles.. She turned to face him on her toes, sending ripples through the murky green.

"Jiraiya-sensei! Look!" She called out excitedly, suddenly sriffening her legs and arms, hobbling around on the water's surface, "I'm Jeeeeessuuuusss!"

Jiraiya rolled his eyes and turned back towards camp.

Yeah. She'll fit right in.