Santana

I need a mirror
And the eyes of a man
I need no protection from my
Bullet proof plan

Finn left the auditorium quickly after we were done with the song, which was perfect for me. Since we'd had sex, I had a weird feeling every time he was in the room with me. It wasn't a big deal, ever. I'd had sex with Puck before, and it wasn't like it really changed anything between us. But now it felt like I couldn't be in the same room as him without it eliciting some strange reaction to his presence. It sucked, if you asked me.

"She wants to stay here a while longer", Brittany said as she came closer to me, referring to Quinn.

"She ok?" I glanced at my friend, and saw her sitting by the stage, looking at nowhere in particular.

Brit looked the same way, and after contemplating for a moment, she nodded, quietly. "Yeah", she assured me, "She just needs some time right now."

She didn't speak on her usual chirpy tone, she hadn't for a few days now, but I pretended not to notice something was wrong. I didn't want to ask, mostly because I was afraid to deal with the answer.

"You're going to my place?" she asked, unsure.

I offered her my pinky, and she took it with a small smile. "Of course I'm going."

Cause I've got a ticket
For all that I lack
You might think that I'm gone for good
But I know that I'm coming back

Brittany's room was the most comfortable place on Earth for me. It had one light pink wall, the other white ones covered with photos and posters, and the huge queen size bed with a million stuffed animals on it. Right now, I was right in the middle of them while she brushed her teeth in the bathroom, the open door in front of where the bed was placed.

I lay on my stomach, holding a small brown stuffed puppy I'd given her the year before, when I felt the mattress sink a little to the extra weight when she appeared, laying on my side. I pointed the dog to her and touched her face lightly with it, causing her to laugh quietly.

"Nice breath", I talked through the dog with a silly voice, leaving it in front of her.

She took it and ran her fingers through the soft toy. "It's my favorite, you know?" Although she did have a smile on her face, her voice showed sadness, and it made me nervous.

Behind closed doors, Brit was so much more than the dumb cheerleader they all knew. She was my best friend, and she had a sweetness and understanding about her that I couldn't find in anyone else.

I turned to face her, supporting my head with my elbow, and used my other hand to brush through her hair. At that point it had become natural to us, doing these little things, walking hand to hand and going to each other's place after school almost every day.

Sit at my table
Sip from my bowl
I feel like I know you now
And I will do until I get old

She leaned into my touch and closed her eyes, and that was when I got closer and touched my lips on hers so softly we barely felt it. Her smile didn't last much more than that, either, but I didn't bring it up.

"I'll check my e-mail, ok?" she nodded and I pulled her laptop from across the bed without sitting up. She did, though, and ran her fingers through my hair as I logged in. It was the best feeling. Definitely better than being with any guy in school. I opened my inbox and immediately saw an e-mail from Finn. Nothing important, some stupid jokes he sometimes forwarded everyone. But when I selected his name only to delete it, Brit's hand stopped for a brief second. No word was spoken, and she soon resumed what she was doing, but I felt my chest constricting. "Nothing interesting", I said quickly, closing the computer once again.

Without any warning, she kissed me. This time, a real kiss. She did it with such an urgency, and I held on to her, reciprocating, because there was nothing else I could think of.

You might not see me
Or trust that I'll stay
But there's no sense in traveling
If we've already been that way

"Brit", I stopped her after minutes of heavy making out, "I need air", I grinned, and the moment I looked at her, I froze. Her face was reddish like mine, from all the kissing, but that was not the only reason. She was also crying.

Night is an adder
Hidden in grass
Bites like her life depends on it
And waits to see how long you last

We had kissed, we had slept together, we were best friends. And we never actually defined our relationship. I kept telling myself that there was no need for that. We were just… us. Best friends who happened to make out whenever we got the chance. She had tried to initiate the conversation a few times, but I always found a way to change the topic. Puck and I had slept together a few times last year. That was before anything happened with Brittany. This year, we sexted for a long time and even made out every now and then for a while, but it never went any farther than that. When the whole drama with Quinn was revealed, I stepped back. So it was just the two of us for quite a long time, until Finn.

"What are you so afraid of?" she shot the question, nearly yelling in frustration, with no warning, and I almost fell off the bed.

"What are you talking about?" I figured playing dumb was my best bet. But what not many people knew was that Brittany could be flaky about a lot of things, but this certainly was not the case.

"I thought…" she started, but soon closed her eyes and gave up. "You know what? Never mind. Q could get here any moment, anyway."

Seeing her like that suddenly made me want to know. I knew I was gonna feel like crap, but she deserved better. So I reached and pulled her chin up slowly, until our eyes met. With a hard sigh, I whispered, "You can say it. You should."

"I know you like me. I know this isn't just about having someone to make out with, because if it was, you could get the entire football team. God knows you do", the last remark was meant to hurt, and it did, maybe more than I had anticipated, "So why going to your best…" she hesitated again, and I hated myself for it.

The strange feeling I'd been having whenever Finn was around suddenly had a clear name: guilt. "I don't know", I admitted, breaking eye contact.

But you know better
You stand your ground
It might just sting a little
But she knows you're sticking around

This time, it was her who reached out to me, turning my head back on her direction. This time, it was her who found tears falling silently from my eyes. "See?" her smile was truthful this time, even if it was a bit darkened by sadness. She wiped my tears with her thumb, which caused even more to appear. "You do care."

I held her stare, until it got to a point where I couldn't stand anymore. I didn't just care. We both knew it, but I couldn't bring myself to say it. Not yet. I kept finding ways to push her away, but she was always there, even when I didn't give her any indication that I would do the same for her. Our lips touched again. No urgency this time, just tenderness, just my best friend, giving me what I wasn't sure I would ever be able to give back.

The beauty of uncertainty…

Song: Beauty of Uncertainty, by KT Tunstall.