The Twisted Doug Funny Fan Fiction Trilogy

Episode III

Porkchop eyed the unicorns like a hawk from above as he sat in his spot under the bed. He wondered if he would ever have Patti. Painful memories washed through his mind. He had been beaten as a pup before he found his way into Doug's home. He ran away, and was picked up by awful men with cages. He was forced into one, and taken to some wretched compound where several other dogs were locked up in cells. Kids like Doug would often come to the shelter and clean the cages. They talked about working their hours off and not being able to wait to smoke again. Whatever that meant, Porkchop didn't know, but he did remember one girl. Patti. She had worked in that evil prison long before she met Doug. Long before Porkchop ever knew what Bluffington was. Patti probably didn't even remember him, but she was wonderful. She took him out on walks, let him run free for just a bit while she sat back in a corner behind sheds and inhaled smoke from some large glass contraption that made bubbly noises. That was when Porkchop fell in love with her.

Patti ran down the street towards Doug's house. She had ran the whole way and had not stopped once. Her heart raced, her blood pumped, and her lungs heaved with every pace. Jumbo Street. She had made it. There was Roger's ride with all his buddies sitting in the back smoking. She didn't have time for that now. She had things to do. As she ran for the door, the three Klotz-followers stepped out of the car with evil grimaces. They all stood in her way.

"We knew you'd show, Patti. Roger had it all planned out," the short stubby kid said in a dumb voice before he giggled a bit.

"Get outta my way, shithead! I need to talk to Doug!"

"Ehh, not before we see what kind of panties you got on under there, ehehe," one of the guys in the back said before they all started coming after her with evil intent.

Patti's face went rigid as she was thrown up against the truck. Hands swarmed around her perversely. She tried to get away, but she couldn't. Her pants began to come off. She screamed.

Porkchop eyed the unicorns from under his master's bed. They had tossed Doug off of Patti, and had thrown her up against the wall. The unicorns were groping her and tearing at her clothes. They stopped breathing the fire. How he hated that gray funnel of fire that exploded from their mouths, but they had stopped. Porkchop worked up the courage, and dove out from under the bed. He grabbed the unicorn by the leg with his jaw, and pressed down with wicked intent.

The fucking Dog had torn right into his pants. He lost track of what he was doing with Patty, who now had her pants pulled down to her legs. Her skimpy, whorish panties were sliding off and barely covering her area, but he couldn't worry about that now. There was this fucking dog of Funny's trying to tear his leg off.

"HELP ME," he yelled. The other two kicked Porkchop in the head. They took turns bashing him with their boots, but he didn't let go. "Dude, let's get that fucking Dog high. He'll mellow out, HURRY!"

Patti took the opportunity and ran for it. They had let her go, and she didn't bother to pull her pants back up. She just kicked them off and ran. As a matter of fact, she didn't even bother to knock on the door. She just barreled in and ran up the stairs. She turned a corner and saw Doug standing in Judy's doorway with a gun pointed at Roger, who stood inside next to the closet. As soon as she saw him, Doug slipped to his left taking cover behind the wall. POW! She barely had a chance to hear the sound before the bullet flew from the barrel of Roger's gun and blew her fucking head off. The chunks of it fell on to the ground in slow motion and landed with a, "honk...cha cha cha cha cha..honk..cha..cha..cha..cha...honk..." And there was silence.

Roger wailed in horror. "PATTI!" he exclaimed. He dropped the gun and ran to her side. He stared at her half naked body in denial and delusion. "I love you, Patti. All this... All this, I did it for you." Doug stood being him with the gun pointed at his head as he watched in silence. Roger didn't even notice. "I'd been planning this out for years so we could be together, and now, in my romantic glory I will share my love with you." Roger frantically began pulling his own pants down. He pulled out his cock, which had blood stains all over it, and stared down at her beautiful body. He remembered his purpose, and slid her panties down the rest of the way. He put his johnson into position, and he fucked her headless body harder than he had ever fucked anyone.

Skeeter watched in horror from the bed where he sat with Judy's dead body lying in his lap and the debris from her exploded head all over his clothes. He shoved her corpse to the side, and stood. She gave good head, but he hadn't loved her. Those thoughts didn't enter his mind though; he was horrified at seeing what Roger was doing. For a moment, he believed it was but a dream, but it seemed so real.

"Hey.. Doug.." he began in his high-pitched voice. "Want to go to the honkerburger and get some shakes?"

"Sure, Skeet. Doug dropped the gun and began merrily walking down the stairs with Skeeter."

"Yeah, man. Honk-Honk. 'I NEED MO ALLOWANCE'"

Porkchop had torn the heads off of two of the unicorns. They had tried to destroy him with their flames. They blew it in his ear and up his nose. They kept laughing, as though the torture could possibly be funny. They got what they deserved.

Porkchop was just about to go for Patti when Doug walked outside with Skeeter.

"Hey, Porkchop, want to go to the Honkerburger with me and Skeeter?"

"EEERRRRR-ARF-ARF-ARF!"

"Hey, boy, I'll get you some fries. It's on me."

Porkchop thought it over for a moment, and after a period of silence, he lunged toward Doug with scowling eyes and fangs protruding from his lips. His teeth sank into Doug's face. He clung to him like a pit bull with lock jaw. He wouldn't budge.

Doug began frantically running around the yard in a craze. His blood spewed all over the grass, the bushes, Skeeter, the driveway, and anything in the general area. He screamed as best he could for help, but it wasn't much but a high pitched wail.

Skeeter watched Doug run around his yard with an insane Porkchop latched to his face. All the neighbors had come outside and were watching in horror. All except Mr. Dink who shouted above all of Doug's screaming, "HUH-HAH, GO GET 'EM, DOUGLAS!" But Doug wasn't getting much of anyone. He was running around in circles screaming and yelling. "It was," Skeeter thought, "so annoying." Skeeter couldn't take it. He raced to Roger's truck/car and jumped inside. The keys were in the ignition. He pulled it into reverse a bit, and then turned to face Doug and Porkchop.

"Honk honk," came from both Skeeter and the car simultaneously.

Skeeter raced forward. The car slammed into Doug and threw him onto the windshield and sent him flying off the back like a lifeless dummy. His screaming stopped. Porkchop lost his grip from the hit. Doug fell onto the concrete and cracked his skull open as he landed head first.

Porkchop flew in the open window leading into the hallway upstairs in the Funny House. Down the hall he saw Patti on the floor being taken by Roger. "That bastard," was all Porkchop could think. He moved in for the kill.

Roger felt sharp teeth land into his ass. He screamed as he pulled out of Patti, blowing his load all over the place at the same time. Her headless body lied there, now covered in his semen. A growling sound grew behind him. Roger flung his head around to see the fucking mutt. It was trying to ruin his romantic moment with his beautiful Patti. Roger dove to the ground to grab Doug's gun, the one he had dropped when he left with Skeeter. The two of them raced for it; Porkchop was faster. Porkchop rolled over as he picked up the gun and flung up onto his feet. "ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF!" he yelled. Then Roger's head blew off.

Skeeter left Bluffington that day in Roger's car. Too many crazy things happened, and he knew it was time for him to leave. From time to time he would HONK HONK as he sang Beets songs.

Porkchop danced around the halls with Patti in his arms. How she was so beautiful.

"Ohhhh, Porkchop. You're so rooomantic."

"Ar-ARF," Porkchop barked in agreement as he dragged Patti's lifeless corpse across the ground, holding her body up only as high as his height would allow. He was in heaven. He would swing this way and that, dipping her when he felt so confident. From time to time he would stop to take a break, but for the most part, they just danced and danced.