The Haircut
There was a loud boom followed by a large crash in the next exam room over. Angeal had a guess as to the cause. Genesis was in that room. That would normally have been enough but today there was even more reason to believe that the fiery redhead's temper had been piqued. Angeal's own lab technician had just informed him that they would be required to shave off all of their hair for an upcoming experiment.
"Should've sedated him first," Angeal said to no one in particular. He propped his feet up on the table and crossed his arms over his chest while the lab tech could only stare at the door in horror. He turned to Angeal, beseeching the SOLDIER First to go in there and see what was happening. Angeal wasn't in the mood to be accommodating.
"Not my lab," he said stolidly. He was sick of playing babysitter. Let someone else deal with Genesis for a change.
A few more mini explosions sounded from the room and the lab tech looked like his limbs were about to fail him. He silently pleaded with Angeal once more, hoping that the SOLDIER's infamous sense of honor would kick in.
"No." Angeal's voice was hard. The crease between his eyebrows was more pronounced and his nostrils were flaring dangerously. The scientist shrunk before him and looked as helpless as an infant. Angeal started to shake his foot to give it something to do other than carry him over to the next room to survey the crime.
"…please?" The word came out as little more than a squeak. It was almost drowned out by the sound of Angeal grinding his teeth. Both feet were shaking now and if it was possible for steam to come out of his ears it would have.
"Fine!" The lab tech looked tremendously relieved when the other man begrudgingly got up and stomped over to the door. "But you really need a back-up plan in case he gets out of control and I'm not here," he rebuked severely.
"Oh, no! We never schedule Genesis if you're not here. Just in case you need to…" The lab tech trailed off when he realized he had said too much.
"I see. And am I getting paid for this service?"
"…no," the lab tech said timidly. "But we don't bother you with any unnecessary questions during your check-ups!" He chirped excitedly like this somehow made up for it. When he saw the look on Angeal's face he quickly provided an example. "We make Genesis answer a bunch of embarrassing, personal questions because he's…well, difficult. Like, if he's ever fantasized about being with an animal or something. There are loads more- funnier ones! We read them aloud-"
Angeal cut him off, looking skeptical. "He can't possibly believe that's a valid question."
"He didn't at first! But, then we fed him some very convincing abstract technical jargon about how prolonged Mako use affects the brain and the way you perceive yourself and the things around you and that this loss of sense of self can lead to unconventional urges." The lab tech puffed up his chest, shamelessly proud of the fact that the scientists had gotten one over on the big, bad SOLDIERs. "That's right, brains always conquer over brawn!" He pumped his fist in the air and then seemed to recall the fact that he was standing in very close quarters with one of these big, bad SOLDIERs. "Oh, umm…no offense."
"You guys are more vindictive than I thought," Angeal said gravely. They really needed to get out more, maybe get some sunlight or something. They were starting to act like Hojo, but strangely less principled. At least Hojo could say that everything he did was in the name of science. "But since it is my brawn you will be requiring I'll make a deal with you. I'll take care of Genesis if you and the rest of your scientist friends end this little game of yours and get seriously acquainted with the lab's privacy and confidentiality policies."
The lad tech's face fell. Apparently he had expected Angeal to be overjoyed by this information. "No, please! The others will kill me when they find out I ruined it for them! It's the only fun we have around here!" He looked even more scared now than when he thought he was going to die.
"From now on you will only stick to the procedures and questions that Hollander sees fit and if I find out (and I promise you, I will) that you have continued to take advantage of your position then I will tell Genesis what you've been up to. And he will kill you."
The threat sounded all the more deadly by the utter lack of flourish. The lab tech didn't have to be a scientist to figure out that what Angeal said was the absolute truth. If Genesis ever got wind of this he probably wouldn't hesitate to burn down the entire facility with all of the perpetrators inside. He nodded his head weakly and mumbled, "Fine, we won't do it again."
"Good, now get everyone out of the lab," Angeal commanded as he finally opened the door to Genesis' exam room. The lab tech didn't need to be told twice and scurried out before he could get himself into any more trouble.
When Angeal entered the room, he was met by a dazed ShinRa employee covered in a mountain of books. The man looked like he had been used as a human wrecking ball to bust through the bookshelf-lined wall. Angeal sighed and walked over to the hapless chap, hefting him up with one hand before dusting him off and guiding him out of the room to safety.
He shut the door and finally forced himself to direct all of his energy on the room's other occupant.
"Relax, Gen, it's not the end of the world," Angeal said in a half-hearted attempt to soothe the (soon to be ex) redhead. "I have to cut all of my hair off too," he offered mechanically. He sounded about as comforting as an emergency broadcasting system. If he didn't think Genesis was passed the point of consoling he might have tried a little harder.
"HOW DARE YOU COMPARE YOUR LOSS TO MINE?"
Here we go, Angeal thought tiredly. He had been bracing himself for an outburst like this. And by the looks of it, Genesis was only getting warmed up. "THOSE GREASY, LUSTERLESS, BLACK BRISTLES THAT HANG LIFELESSLY OUT OF YOUR SKULL DON'T EVEN DESERVE TO BE IN THE SAME DRAIN AS MY RICH, SATINY AUBURN LOCKS!" Yep, all warm now. "People spend a lot of time and money to get their hair even close to looking as good as mine!"
"Yeah and you just magically wake up that way," Angeal muttered under his breath. No one gave more meaning to the term 'bed head' than Genesis. Some mornings his hair stuck up in such odd angles that the only possible way to duplicate it would be to stick your finger in a light socket and hold it there for a while. This information was highly classified and fiercely guarded on threat of death by rapier. Even Sephiroth's hair which was practically knee-length and required an entire bottle of shampoo and conditioner each time he showered took less time to tame than Genesis'. This was another point of contention between the two Firsts. For Genesis anyway.
"And no one gives a shit what you look like!" Genesis spat, as if the very idea disgusted him. "You're about as sexually appealing as Heidegger! It was only a matter of time before you cut it off anyway. Every beefy, macho, homophobic, Neanderthal, meathead asshole has a shaved head!"
"Homophobic?" Angeal wasn't sure that was entirely fair. They both had some pretty compelling evidence to the contrary. He supposed Genesis could have perceived their countless romps as more pain than pleasure but he seriously doubted most homophobes were that committed.
Genesis gasped suddenly, a frightening thought occurring to him. "Oh no! What will my fans think?"
"If they're as crazy as you they'll probably shave their heads too." Angeal had had the unfortunate pleasure of meeting some of these people. They weren't so much part of a fan club as they were a cult.
"Oh my god, you're right! I am way too influential." The insult completely went over Genesis' head. "I can't start a buzz-cut fad! What kind of message would that send? That we're a bunch of fat, lazy fucks too stupid and unimaginative to figure out what to do with hair longer than an inch? That we've completely given up on ourselves and refuse to make any effort whatsoever? How will people distinguish between my people and your people? It'll be pandemonium! These lines need to be drawn so that people know who to associate with! Imagine if some skinhead approached one of my highly cultured, well-groomed, sophisticated followers and tried to get them to join some ragtag neighborhood gang! They can't join a gang! Gangs are for poor people!"
"I'm sure that won't ever be a problem." No self-respecting thug would ever enlist one of Genesis' little freaks to join them for so much as a cup of coffee- hair or no hair.
Genesis continued to lament. "My hair! My beautiful hair! What will become of me? It'll be like having this gorgeous masterpiece without a frame to put it in! Not like yours. The only reason a savage like you even has hair is to cover up your stupid, disgusting face! And possibly to trap in offensive odors so that people give you a wide berth."
"Huh." Angeal didn't bother to contribute more than that. Genesis wouldn't have heard him anyway. He was too far gone now. This was beyond a typical Genesis rant. He was in a full blown tantrum. Angeal knew the symptoms well. Whenever Genesis was this upset about something all rationale went out the window and the insults became more and more off target. At this point he was just slinging shit without a thought or a care as to what he hit.
His eyes became frantic and unseeing. His mouth was the only thing that was functioning properly and for Genesis, that was always a bad thing. "This is too cruel. It must be a joke. Someone's out to get me! Hollander always had a grudge against me. And Sephiroth- Sephiroth's got a sadistic sense of humor and he knows-"
Genesis was interrupted by Angeal's fist connecting with his face. Angeal had learned long ago not to take any of Genesis' comments personally when he was in this condition. But that didn't negate the fact that Genesis was getting on his nerves. Especially when he started going into his 'everyone's out to get me' spiel. (Though in light of recent events Angeal might have to give it to him that that was indeed the case with the science department.) So, if Genesis was going to accuse him of being a 'beefy, macho, homophobic, Neanderthal, meathead asshole' then that was exactly how Angeal was going to act.
The punch brought Genesis back down to earth instantly. He peeked over the table he had been catapulted over and stared wide-eyed at Angeal. He had a look of pure shock on his increasingly red and swollen face like he had no idea what had provoked this sudden attack. It was like he had been awoken from a dream by a bucket of ice water.
Before Genesis had time to respond however, Angeal looked down at him, his expression and demeanor unnervingly calm and radiating raw power. "There. Now you don't have to worry about being a pretty face either." Then he strode out of the room not giving Genesis a second thought.
...o0O0o...
For the record, I think Angeal is very attractive in a sexy, manly way- as does Genesis I might add- but Genesis is just really upset right now.
Last chapter coming up next. Thanks very much!