I'm so sorry for taking so long t update! I had forgotten before that i have the school musical which i am working on 7 days a week for another week or so, so i dont have much time. Thanks so much to all those who reviewed the other chapters and please continue, even just a word or two. Here is the fourth installment and kepp on the lookout for the 5th which i will have up as soon as i can...


Chapter 4: Losing Srength

Summer hunched her shoulders and followed the shape of her dad towards the hospital doors. She looked at her feet as she walked, her brain racing with jumbled thoughts yet also feeling numb and empty. Her whole body was numb, the only feeling being the gentle breeze that was blowing her hair over her face. The journey in the car to the hospital was a complete blur. In fact right now her whole life seemed like a blur. Nothing seemed to fit anymore, now that Marissa was gone. It was only now that she was gone that Summer realised how important and influential Marissa was in her life. But now it was too late.

"Summer?" She looked up at her dad and realised that she had stopped in front of the doors. He was bathed in light from inside the hospital. But it wasn't the beautiful light of an angel it was blinding, sharp light that felt like daggers going through her eyes. Instead of lighting up her world, it only made her more aware of all the dark corners that she wanted to forget about. She decided that sometimes ignorance is definitely bliss. She breathed in deeply and walked through the doors, feeling her insides tighten with the insistence that everything would be alright. That is what she hated most about hospitals. They were always so bright and almost cheerful. But Summer was not deceived. She could see past the bright lights and the white walls to the pain and suffering.

Neil gently led Julie in. Kailtin walked in behind refusing to be given any help. She didn't want people to take pity on her just because her sister was dead. She didn't need their help. Or at least that was what she was telling herself.

Neil caught the attention of a nurse.

"Umm excuse me, this is Julie Cooper..." he said gesturing towards Julie. The nurse nodded needing no more explanation.

"I'm so sorry for your loss."

"One," Julie counted in her head. She didn't want to think about how many people would be saying that to her. She looked at the nurse coldly. How could she be sorry when she didn't even know Marissa? Julie knew that she was just being polite but she couldn't stand the sympathy.

"If you would like to go to the waiting room and I'll inform Dr McAdam that you have arrived. He will talk you through everything."

"Thank you." Neil said to the nurse when he noticed Julie's cold stare. He protectively put his arm round Julie's shoulder and headed for the waiting room. He glanced over his shoulder to check that Summer and Kailtin were following. Both girls had their heads hanging low and their arms folded tightly across their chests as though trying to protect themselves, from all the pain and suffering. But he could tell that it wasn't working .

Seth felt his eyelids gradually grow heavy. He felt guilty for falling asleep while everything was happening but he couldn't help it. Suddenly there was a knock at the door and he bolted upright smacking his head off the wall behind him.

"Oh sh…" he rubbed the back of his head as Kirsten stood up. The door opened and the nurse walked in.

"Hi, sorry to bother you but I thought I should tell you that Julie Cooper has just arrived. Dr McAdam will be talking her through everything. She'll be taken to see her daughter but she'll need all the support she can get."

"Could you let us know before she goes in after she's finished with the doctor?"

"Of course."

Kirsten nodded in thanks to the nurse who closed the door behind her.

"Wait, wait…" Seth stood up and called to the nurse who walked back in. "Umm was there a brown haired girl with her?"

"There was a man and two girls with her."

"Ok, thanks," Seth said weakly. He sat back down as the reality of the horrible situation started to sink in.

"Hey remember what I said," Kirsten said to Seth as she felt for her son who was going through something that was terrible for anyone never mind an 18 year old. "Just be yourself." Kirsten felt almost guilty for saying this to him as he probably wanted to be anyone but himself right now. Well apart from Ryan.

Sandy turned his head slightly and looked at Ryan who was sitting beside him against the wall.

"This probably won't help but I'm going to tell you anyway," Sandy said breaking the silence. He turned his head again to look straight ahead of him. "When I was 15 I had a friend, Craig, who was killed in a car crash. And I know that it doesn't mean I know exactly what you are going through right now but I know you're scared….and confused, but you're not alone. Just know that." Sandy glanced to Ryan who was sitting completely still staring ahead.

"I'm sorry," Ryan said quietly still not looking at Sandy.

"Oh you don't have to be. It was a long time ago."

"Right and time heals all wounds," Ryan said almost sarcastically.

"No," Sandy said matter of factly, "but it is one hell of a band aid."

"How did you do it? How did you cope at the beginning?"

"I didn't. I spent the next month in my room, hiding. Until I realised there was nothing to hide from. You need to have time to grieve but don't disappear. Don't hide because there is a chance you may never be found. We both know that Marissa wouldn't want that. Live your life to the fullest. For Marissa."

Ryan eventually turned to look properly at Sandy. He nodded his head slightly.

"For Marissa."

Sandy reached out and placed his hand on Ryan's shoulder. He squeezed it gently oblivious to the fact that this simple act of love and support was enough to make Ryan realise that hope is a waking dream. Marissa may be dead but she would never die in Ryan's heart. She had left a mark in his heart. A mark of beauty and love, and it was never going to leave him. She was never going to leave him, not inside.

Neil looked from Kaitlin to Summer then to Julie. He noticed a change in all of them, because Marissa was a huge part of their lives and now that she was gone nothing was going to be the same again. He heard a quiet sniff beside him. He kissed the top of Julie's head as she rested it on his shoulder. She was holding a tissue up to her red and puffy eyes. She had taken to crying silently. Not because it didn't hurt anymore but because it hurt too much. She was too tired. Too scared.

Summer looked to the side to her dad. For a second she felt jealous that Julie was getting his attention but this quickly vanished when she realised that the woman had lost her daughter. She took her hand out of her pocket. Her perfect varnished nails caught her attention. Marissa had done them for her, one of the last things they had done as best friends. She chipped a bit of nail varnish off one nail and watched as it gently floated to the ground, disappearing before her eyes. Just like Marissa had. But she could repaint the chip on her nail but she couldn't replace Marissa. She slowly moved her hand towards her dad. She found his hand and slipped hers into it. He gently squeezed it as he attempted to make her feel safe.

"Mrs Cooper?"

Julie looked up as she heard her name being called. She nodded her head to the Doctor.

"I'm Dr McAdam, I would like to talk you through everything so if you would like to follow me," he said to everyone. They all followed him into a private room and sat down. "I just want to start off with saying how sorry I am for your loss. It's hard to lose anyone close to you but when they're younger it seems much worse. Now Marissa is still here in the hospital but we'll have to move her body soon."

""Can I see her before she's taken away?" Julie asked quietly.

"Of course, and any other family members, close friends…" he paused for a second. "I should warn you though that she suffered a head injury so there is still a lot of blood."

"Umm….," Julie held back a sob. "How did she….was she in pain when she…when she..died," Julie struggled through.

"She suffered massive internal injuries and internal bleeding as well as a head injury."

"But was she in pain?" The doctor breathed deeply.

"Severe internal injuries do not tend to have an immediate effect…."

Julie closed her eyes and let out a sob. She knew that was just a polite way of saying that she was in pain.

Summer felt a tear roll down her cheek. If there was one thing that she was hoping for it was that Marissa had died painlessly, but now even this one glimmer of hope had faded into the dark hole that was her life. Dr McAdam sat back for a second to let them all soak it in. He reached down into his desk.

"I know it's the last thing you want to do right now but there is some very important paper work."

Julie looked up and wiped away at her eyes. She reached out her shaky hand and picked up a pen lying on the desk. She wrapped her fingers around it. Fingers that had once held the hand of her little girl but fingers that were now gripping a pen to sign away that same life. But she wasn't ready to let go of that hand. Not yet.

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