Firstly I want to apologise for the ridiculous length of time that I've taken to update. I hope that you haven't lost interest in this story and if you have i only have myself to blame. My pathetic excuses are that i basically had a complete block on what to write though i have parts written for later in the story, and also i just seemed to be really busy. Anyway enough of the excuses. Here's chapter 5:

Please, please review to let me know that people are actually reading it and havent just forgotten about it.

Chapter 5: A Memory

Julie felt her fingertips touch the cold metal, her hand shaking.

"Mom?" She retracted her hand away and held it close to her letting a sob out. Kaitlin walked slowly up to her. She held her hand out. Julie just looked at her daughter. She couldn't believe how grown up she was. She promised herself she would never let her leave again. She wasn't going to risk losing another daughter.

"Together," Kaitlin whispered to her. Julie reached out her hand and held tightly on to Kaitlins. They moved their hands over to the door handle and pushed it down. Julie quickly pulled her hand away again as the door opened a crack. She stood completely still just staring at the door in front of her. Kaitlin glanced behind her to Neil and Summer completely stuck for what to do. Neil nodded his head slightly to reassure her that he was there. He took his hand away from around Summer and approached Julie.

"It's alright. You're not alone." He gently placed his hand on her shoulder and encouraged her into the room. She cautiously opened the door further and walked in. Kaitlin followed close behind her. She turned around and closed the door, attempting to smile weakly at Summer and Neil. Summer looked away not able to cope with the fear that was covering Kailtin's face.

Kaitlin turned around and watched as her mom walked slowly towards the bed in the dimly lit room. The room was deadly silent. She could see the shape of her sister on the bed on the other side of the room but as she tried to walk over she felt her feet glue to the spot.

As Julie got closer her breathing became heavier as she felt tears resurfacing. She suddenly stopped a step away from the edge of the bed as she took in what she saw in front of her. Marissa's skin was completely white with dark circles around her eyes. Her white top was dirty. Her head was covered in blood. But what she noticed the most was that she was completely still. She just wished that she could see Marissa's chest gently fall and rise but she remained still. Julie suddenly threw herself towards the bed, crying hysterically.

"Marissa, please, no," she whimpered as she stroked her ice cold cheek. "Marissa…." She sat on the bed and pulled the limp body in to her. She rocked back and forth crying on to Marissa's shoulder. She lay her back down and grabbed on to her cold hand. "Wakeup, wakeup…" she whispered rubbing her hand. "Wa….." she let her head fall on to Marissa as her whole body shook with heart wrenching sobs. She hit the bed beside her with her fist, her head still resting on Marissa. "Wakeup god damn it!" she suddenly shouted, sitting up and hitting her fist off the bed again. "Wakeup!" she screamed holding on to Marissa's shoulders firmly. She shook her gently still screaming. She leaned forward and gently kissed Marissa's forehead. She patted her cheek lightly. "Come on, come on…." She suddenly stood up and grabbed the vase off the bedside table hurling it towards the wall. "AARGGHH!"

Kaitlin pressed herself against the door, terrified as her mom lost control, too scared to approach her.

"Mom," she whimpered as tears fell from her eyes. Julie ignored her as she rested her forehead against the wall. She hit her fist against it as tears cascaded down her cheeks. Kailtin turned around and yanked open the door, terrified.

Neil and Summer sat down on a couple of chairs just beside the room.

"Neil."

He looked up on hearing Sandy's voice.

"Sandy." He stood up and the two men shook hands firmly. Summer lingered in her seat for a second before standing up and hiding behind her dad. "Hey Kirsten," he leaned over and kissed her cheek.

Everyone suddenly went silent as there was a smashing sound from inside the room. Neil walked over to the door and was about to open it when it swung open to reveal a terrified looking Kaitlin.

"Kaitlin!" he said in surprise. "What's going on?"

"It's mom," Kaitling whimpered. "She's completely lost it."

"I'll deal with her," Neil reassured her. He directed Kaitlin away from the door towards Kirsten and Summer. They each put a hand on the young girls shoulders, as she shrunk back away from the door. Neil cautiously opened the door further, only to see Julie curled up on the floor against the wall. He rushed over to her letting the door close behind him. On the other side Kirsten seated the shaking Kaitlin on one of the chairs and comforted the young girl. Summer simply looked at Seth for a moment before walking over and hugging him. For a second Seth just stood there but quickly placed his arms around her. Ryan took a step away and turned his back on everyone not wanting to watch them go through their pain, finding it hard just to cope with his own. Sandy watched Ryan and knew exactly what he was doing. He knew Ryan always found confrontation hard, and he knew that all the emotion surrounding him was becoming too much. Sandy let him be and simply stood still, his eyes looking to the ground.

"Hey, hey. Come on, come here," Neil coaxed Julie as he kneeled beside her.

"What am I going to do without her?" she sobbed as she let Neil wrap his arms around her.

"You know who really needs you right now? Kaitlin." On hearing Kaitlin's name Julie looked up at Neil.

"I feel like she's a stranger. Marissa was the glue between us but now she's gone and I just don't know what to say to her."

"She's your daughter and she loves you. That's all that matters." Neil stood up, helping Julie along with him. Julie let go of Neil for a second returning to Marissa's bedside. She gently kissed her forehead again.

"I'm sorry Marissa."

Kaitlin looked up as she saw Neil lead her mom out of the room. Julie looked at Kaitlin.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered as Kaitlin stood up. She threw her arms around her. The Cooper hug wasn't the same without Marissa but at least she had someone to hug and for that she was forever grateful.

"I'm just going to take them home," Neil told Sandy who nodded in agreement and shook Neil's hand.

"Talk soon."

"Summer, honey, are you coming?" Neil asked her.

"I want to stay," she replied quietly.

"We'll get her home safely," Kirsten reassured him. Neil nodded and kissed Summer gently on the cheek.

"Love you."

"I love you too daddy."

Neil returned to Julie and Kaitlin and lead them both away, trying to protect them from all the pain and suffering though he knew that was impossible.
Ryan watched the door as it gently closed, clicking into place.

"Do you want to…" Kirsten motioned towards the door.

"I've already said my goodbye," he replied before pulling his eyes off the door and walking down the corridor. As he walked away he felt all their eyes burning into his back. With each step he took he felt himself start to let Marissa go. He knew it was going to be difficult to get over it but it had to start somewhere. Every thousand mile journey must start with a single step. He had taken that first step away from the door; now he just had a thousand miles left.

Seth felt Summer tense beside him as they all silently watched Ryan disappear round the corner. He felt her move slightly away and looked down to see her gazing with wide eyes at the closed door.

"Hey, you ok?" he asked her gently. She released her arm from around his waist and looked up to him fiddling with her fingers nervously.

"Could you come with me?" she asked him quietly. Going into that room was one of the last things Seth wanted to do, but what he wanted to do the most was protect Summer, so if that meant going in to the room then he would do it. He opened his hand out to Summer after realizing that for one of the first times in his life he was stuck for words. Summer warily took his hand which he squeezed gently to remind her that he was there for her. She lead him over to the door. She hesitated for a second before opening the door and stepping through the threshold, never letting go of Seth's hand. Seth quickly glanced back at his mom and dad. Sandy nodded to him to let him know that he was doing the right thing and that he was proud of him. As the door closed Kirsten watched as Seth turned away. She wrapped her arm around Sandy and leaned against him.

"When did he become so grown up?" she asked with a sigh. "Life just wasn't this hard when we were young."

"Honey, come on…we're still young," he replied jokingly. He looked at her when she didn't respond to his pathetic attempt at lightening the mood. "Hey," he said rubbing her arm gently. "Seth's a smart kid, he'll be fine. And Ryan just needs a bit of space. Maybe it's time we let them be grown up, hmm?" Kirsten nodded as Sandy kissed the top of her head. "We should go and fill out forms to sign Ryan out."

"I'm just going to wait here," Kirsten said quietly. "Just so you know…"

"Okay, I'll see you out the front," he said before gently kissing her on the lips. "I love you."

"Love you too," she smiled slightly giving him another quick kiss. "Bye," she whispered to him as he followed the same course as Ryan. She sat down knowing all she could do was wait. She promised herself that she would let Seth grow up but she also promised herself that no matter what she would always make sure he knew that he would never be too old to come to her. She would always be his mom and she would always love him. She just wished that Jimmy and Julie could have that with Marissa.

Seth lingered at the door as Summer boldly walked over to the bed. He watched as she gently lifted up Marissa's hand and held it close to her. He was tempted to turn around and run out the room; run to a place where Marissa was alive and he didn't have to watch his girlfriend say goodbye to her best friend. But when he saw Summer's small figure shake with grief he ran to her side. As soon as she felt his hand on her shoulder she swung around and threw herself at Seth, hugging him tightly and burying her face in his chest. Seth hugged her back, resting his head on hers. He swallowed deeply and closed his eyes when he saw Marissa's body on the bed. In that one second Seth got a hint of what Ryan had gone through. It was bad enough seeing her dead but watching her die was another thing completely.

"I'm here, okay," Seth said quietly.

"Okay," Summer replied, muffled through her sobs. Seth was glad that for one of the first times in his life he had said the right thing at the right moment. He thought it best just to leave it at that and gently rubbed Summer's back as her sobbing gradually resided. Summer eventually moved her head off Seth's chest. He moved his hand to her face and gently rubbed away some of her tears though he knew that he would never be able to rub away most of them.

"Just give me one second." Seth nodded as she turned back around to Marissa. She once again lifted up Marissa's hand and kissed it gently.

"Goodbye Coop," she whispered. That was all she said because she knew that Marissa knew how much she loved her. She was her best friend forever, or at least she was supposed to be. She walked over and picked up a sheet draped over the end of the bed. She opened it out and spread it over Marissa's body. She smoothed it out and lifted the top end, gradually pulling it up over Marissa's face. She let it fall as she said goodbye to Marissa forever. She turned around and allowed Seth to guide her away. Seth glanced back one last time and saw the white shape of Marissa. He realized that now Marissa was no longer a person. She was a spirit; an angel; a memory burned into the minds of those that loved her. That's all she was. Simply a memory; something that was, but something that no longer is.

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