Ch 5: The hardest choice:

A/N: This chapter isn't as long as the last one, although it's still not a short chapter.

Kari's POV

I fidgeted with my phone; had I made the right choice? Sure, I'd dreamed of him asking me out in some incredibly romantic way... But I wasn't sure if my dreams would ever come true.

And then there was the other half; what if T.K did this again? What if he made a habit getting drunk? What if he became addicted? I was genuinely worried about him. After all, he wasn't JUST my crush. He was my best friend, and my best friend of many years, at that.

I would call him. I'd chew him out. I'd resolved to do that HOURS ago. I wasn't going to let T.K throw his life away. Not now, not ever. But I wasn't going to chew him out while we were still on our way home. Not with my parents so close.

But, I was worried about more than just the long run. I wanted to call him and see if he was alright. And I could do that NOW. But I didn't have the nerve; I was worried he'd be hurt by what he would have perceived as my rejection, if he remembered it at all.

So here I was sitting, fidgeting with my cellphone on a cramped train home. It would be ten or twenty minutes before we finally got home, and I didn't know if I could wait that much longer.

"I'll have to face him eventually." I muttered.

I dialed the number for Cody's phone, which T.K currently had.

"Hello, Kari. What's up?" T.K asked, sounding almost hesitant, as if he was afraid of me.

"Not much. Just wanted to know if you were alright."

"Yeah, I'm fine. Hey, about last-" He began, probably about to apologize.

"Don't talk about it. Please." I said, not wanting to cry again; It'd been hard to turn him down, and to be honest, I wasn't sure it was the right choice.

"Why not?"

"Because I was hoping you'd forget." I replied.

"I did, Johnathan told me what had happened after I pressed him for details."

I frowned, "You can't forget, can you."

"No." He said.

I had no idea what to say; I wanted to leave myself open to be asked out again, but I didn't want to make it obvious that I liked him, in case he didn't like me back.

"I'm glad you're alright." I said, "I'm almost home. Talk to you later?"

"Sure."

T.K's POV

As I closed the phone, I sighed slightly.

Cody apparently overheard my sigh, and commented, "If you like her, just ask her out."

"Yeah, only I'm not sure how well that will go over." I admitted.

"T.K, if you don't ask her, I promise you, she won't say yes." Cody said, and then let out a sigh of exasperation, "But that's true of everything; if you don't ask, you won't receive."

"But..." I began, only to have Cody cut me off.

"What have you got to lose?" He asked.

"I'm more worried about her saying 'yes', honestly." I admitted, "I need her as a friend, as well as wanting her as a partner."

"That's fair." Cody admitted, "But, I think you have to choose; get over her, or ask her out. Because you've NEVER dated. And I'm sure there are plenty of girls out there who would date you, so I'm going to assume you've been obsessed with her... well, since puberty."

"No, my mother just hasn't allowed me to date."

"There are a NUMBER of ways to work around that, and I'm sure you could have come up with one if you'd so desired."

"That's true. You're right, I do have to do one or the other." I admitted, "What do I do?"

"I don't know. That's YOUR choice. I can't make it for you." Cody said, shaking his head.

"I'm asking for advice." I said.

"That was advice." Cody said.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked, annoyed. Since when did Cody speak in riddles?

"I mean that the best advice I can give you is no one else can decide for you."

"Kari could ask me out." I pointed out, less annoyed, now that Cody had spelled what he meant out, but still vaguely annoyed; Cody had started with the riddles in the first place.

"Yes, but that wouldn't be deciding for you, now would it?" Cody asked.

"Again with the riddles!" I exclaimed, "When did you become Yoda?"

Cody rolled his eyes, "There are no riddles here, T.K, you are just being thick."

"Really? Well then, what DID you mean?" I challenged

"I mean that you'd still have to make the decision of whether or not to give up on her. You just would have to make it THEN."

"You're right. I am being thick." I conceded.

"It's cool. You also clearly DON'T want to decide." Cody said.

"True. True. But how pressing is it, anyway?" I asked.

"Well, considering that you plan on asking her if her parents can take you in for a few weeks tomorrow, I'd say it's pretty damn pressing that you get your relationship in order, wouldn't you?"

I paused. Cody was right, again. And I really didn't know what choice I had. There was no right choice here. This was too important to make the decision now. And yet, if I didn't decide soon, It would be a long time before I made any choice whatsoever. The worst choice was not to choose; I'd just hurt for her, and hurt for her, and still, some day, I'd have to choose. And, even if I did decide that I was going to move on, that I needed her too much as a friend, that I truly couldn't live without her no matter WHAT I did, it might take forever to actually find someone else. And that was probably what it would take, my feelings weren't going to magically disappear when I willed them away.

And besides, it felt like the cowards out. But... asking her out had other problems. I'd told Cody what was wrong with it.

I sighed, "Thanks. I needed that."

"Sorry." He said, "It's hard, I know."

"No, really. Thanks. I'm free now, and I can't keep living in a little box. It's time I started making decisions for myself." I said.

"No problem, then." Cody replied, laughing slightly, "You need to think?"

"I'm not sure I'll get anywhere. Honestly. What would you do?" I asked, looking for any help with this.

"I'm not telling you that." He answered, "It'll influence your decision."

"And? What am I supposed to do? Jump right into this without any advice at all?"

"T.K... I don't know any more than you do here, I've never had to deal with liking my best friend like that." Cody said, "But only YOU know how strongly you feel. Anyway, I'm going to play Super Smash Bros. Good luck."

So now all I could do was think. I liked her. A lot, I knew that. But yet, I knew I had almost no hope of staying with her, even if she said yes. But I wanted her SO badly that it was almost worth the risk. Almost. But giving up meant putting up with these feelings for as long as they lasted, every time I saw her. Dealing with them, and knowing that I didn't want to act upon them.

"I can't win." I muttered, "I lose no matter what happens. If I choose not to act, I will hurt whenever I am near her. I don't choose, I will feel awkward whenever I am near her. If I act, I will almost certainly gain nothing, and will likely make her angry... Well, if I don't just hurt like hell if she says no."

Realizing that she might say no changed my mindset entirely. Because that was quite possibly the best choice; I would not have to suppress my feelings, and while I might hurt, it was possibly the least I would end up hurting, and the easiest to move on from.

And that made it an obvious decision. I should act. Because every other line always lost, but this line only lost the vast majority of the time.

I walked down the stairs, and tapped Cody on the shoulder.

"Given up already?" Cody asked.

"No. I know what I'm going to do." I replied, smiling.

"Judging by your facial expression, you're going to ask her out, or something." He assumed.

"How do you know that?" I asked.

"Well, if you'd decided that you DIDN'T want to pursue her, you'd be unhappy, for now. But you're happy this way."

"If you knew I'd be happier this way, why didn't you tell me?"

"Because you are risking unhappiness later, and you know it."

"I guess so..." I said, "Well, now the easy part is done, it's all uphill from here."

I realized that this was true; I was still going to have a hell of a time asking her out. Even though, supposedly, I wanted her to say no, it was what I feared most. Because, logically, while it had seemed the best prospect, the only prospect that had been even vaguely positive emotionally had been her saying yes.

"Good luck, T.K." Cody said, "You want to play?"

"No. I'm going to call her."

"And tell her-" He began, going to ask 'And tell her how you feel?', but I cut him off.

"No. Not over the phone." I said, "I want to do this right, if I'm wagering the most important friendship I have on it."

"And what am I?" Cody asked.

"Cody... You are a very good friend. But you haven't seen the same things I've seen.." I said, "You were only there for the second time. Kari has a unique perspective; she and I went through very VERY similar circumstances." I explained, hoping I hadn't hurt Cody's feelings too badly.

"I was joking." He said, "I understand."

So I took the phone out of my pocket, and called Kari back.

She picked up fairly quickly.

"Hi, T.K, what's up?" She asked, and when I heard her voice again, what remained of the anger I had felt over the way I felt about her ebbed. I realized that she always calmed me, but I'd always tried to ignore this before. Because I didn't want to like her as more than a friend... Or, at least, I wanted to believe that it was a crush, and that it would pass.

"Not much. You home now?" I asked, smiling. I could swear that Cody tried to stifle a laugh.

"Yes." She replied.

"So, can your family take me in for a while?" I asked.

"Yes. But I want a promise out of you." She said forcefully, "You aren't going to drink again."

"Fine. I promise that I will not drink again. That was bad enough once." I vowed, and then laughed.

"It's really not funny!" She replied, but before she could say more, I cut her off.

"I know. I was laughing because I'd already promised myself that I'd never drink again... God, that headache." I explained.

"Good." She said, still forceful.

"Why are you so angry? I mean, I understood it before, but what's up now?"

"You worried me." She said, sounding hurt for a moment before becoming angry again, "You hurt yourself. You..."

"I'm sorry." I apologized.

"Thank you. I know, I asked you not to apologize earlier, and I am sorry for that. So," She said, "I'll think about forgiving you."

"Thank you." I said, although in reality I was a little hurt that she was only thinking about forgiving me.

"Anyway, when can you come over?" She asked,

"I don't know. Currently, I'm at Cody's."

"Ah. I'm assuming you plan to spend the night there?"

"Yeah, I mean, you are going to have to get unpacked anyway, right?" I pointed out.

"Sure. Well then, I'll see you tomorrow." She said.

"See you tomorrow." I agreed, and hung up.

Knowing that I would see her tomorrow excited me a great deal, and the excitement I felt disturbed me slightly.