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To show our appreciation for your continued support Meg, aka SnozzberryFaery, has whipped up this little outtake for your reading enjoyment. We hope you enjoy it as much as she had fun writing it for you.
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Stephenie Meyer owns it, we just take them way back…
HS Pre-Grad Party Outtake – I Want You To Want Me
(BPOV )
Dear Lord, those green eyes, and those adorable glasses…battered jeans that hug him in all the most spectacular places…what I wouldn't give to be that flannel, all wrapped around his chest and arms…and that sexy voice lights inferno-like fires down below every time he—
"So, Bella are you going?" a very un-sexy voice asked close to my ear, distracting me from my task of ogling Edward shamelessly from across the room.
I shook the indecent thoughts from my head and reminded myself where I was. English class. Right. I turned and found myself looking into eyes that were a dull blue – not vibrant green – and an expectant face that was tinged with slight annoyance. He must have noticed where I was looking. I wasn't exactly discreet, but I usually banked on his below-average intelligence, and the fact that he was hopelessly unobservant.
"I'm sorry, what? Am I going where?"
"Gosh Bella, if I didn't know better I'd think you were totally ignoring me," he spat petulantly. "Lauren's party tonight? Ring a bell? You told me you'd let me know, and I still haven't gotten an answer yet. Do you want me to pick you up?" Mike asked, and continued to disgust me thoroughly by trailing his finger up and down my arm suggestively. "I can come by early, if you want. Your dad works late tonight, doesn't he?"
I resisted the urge to shudder visibly. He had become unbearably more persistent as we neared graduation, and he obviously was under some perverse delusion that we would be commemorating our exit from high school with a sweaty roll in my bed. On that point he would be very very mistaken, because that was never fucking happening. It was kind of sad, actually, because he wasn't always so revolting. He really used to be nice, and sweet, and safe, but I think almost two years of sexual deprivation had clouded his mind and turned him into a total sleaze.
It clearly annoyed my long-term-but-not-long-in-any-other-department boyfriend that I still hadn't let him in my pants, but I simply couldn't justify giving up my virginity to someone whose idea of a romantic date is dinner at the local pizzeria and groping me in the backseat of his car in said pizzeria's parking lot. Then there was the entirely separate fact that I wouldn't let myself get close to Mike like that when my heart was already someone else's, even if that someone else didn't exactly know it…yet.
"You know Mike, I think I need to give it some more thought. Will you meet me in the quad after last period? I have something I need to talk to you about." I smiled at him with all the sweetness I could manage, mostly to insure he would actually show up. I was going to do what I should have done so long ago. I was going to the party, but hopefully it wouldn't be with Mike's lame ass. Some might call me cold hearted for allowing things to continue with Mike when I didn't have feelings for him, but they would never really understand my reasoning, no matter how I explained it. I simply preferred the safety of a consistently unsurprising relationship to one that I was emotionally invested in and could potentially break my heart. I'd never had the guts to put my heart out there, because the possibility of my love being unrequited was far too terrifying.
But high school was coming to an end, and I knew that the object of my secret adoration would be moving away for college, leaving me so little time left with him.
It was time for me to stop being a pansy-ass and grow some courage. I was going to ditch the dead weight and go after what I wanted.
I was going to finally tell Edward how I felt about him.
--
Biology with Edward brightened my day considerably. It was the one class I had with Edward that Mike wasn't in. I kept my eyes from lingering on his mouth or hands for too long, like I'd normally do, and instead focused on getting my classwork done. If I let myself think too much about what I was planning later I would end up never going through with it.
Wait, is he even going to the party? You might wanna make sure, before you get too excited, smarty.
"So, Edward, are you going to the party tonight?" I asked. I hoped I sounded nonchalant, and not desperate.
"Well, I wasn't exactly invited Bella. It's not really my scene. Besides, I think your boyfriend would dislike my presence, don't you?" He frowned, and his eyes darkened slightly at the mention of Mike. He nervously pushed his glasses up his nose. I couldn't help but grin.
"Don't worry about him, and I'm inviting you. I'd like it if you'd go. I'll be there. We can hang out. I figured maybe I should make an appearance at at least one of these things, and I'd like it if you were there too. Please? Will you go?" I batted my eyelashes at him and poured it on thick. I wasn't entirely sure my efforts would work on him, but I saw a suppressed smile on his lips.
"Okay Bella. If you want me to, I'll go."
I did a little internal fist-pump at the news, but kept my face even and nodded at him.
"Cool. I think it'll be fun," I said calmly, but was doing a happy dance in my head.
It was all I could do to not stare at him for the rest of class. I felt like an obvious dork, like he could see right into my brain and read every thought, but I also sort of wished he could.
--
The rest of the afternoon dragged, and I was wrapped up in my own thoughts. The fuckery that was my relationship with Mike had gone on far too long, and it was time to do what was right for me. I was supposed to be leaving in just under a month, and if that was all the time I may get with Edward before he left for Dartmouth, I wanted to take advantage of every moment.
After the final bell rang I dragged my feet getting packed up and ready to go, because I knew Mike would be waiting for me, and I also knew what was coming.
The afternoon rain had finally let up, and as I exited the building I saw Mike leaning against a damp picnic table just outside the doors. His face lit up a little, and he smiled when he spotted me. It made me feel just a little bad for what I was about to do, but at the same time, he had never really understood the shallow, superficial nature of our pairing. He had always felt more for me than I ever did for him, and while I knew I had led him on to an extent, he'd never really asked me how I felt about him. He simply believed what he wanted to believe, and I let him.
Because you're saving the nookie for a certain green-eyed someone else, and you're too much of a chicken-shit to just admit it.
I tried to muster a smile in return, but out of the corner of my eye I spotted a familiar shock of unruly auburn hair in the distance, and a glint of silver as Edward opened his car door and slid inside. I wanted so badly to turn and look, wave, something, but I knew I'd be seeing him at the party later, so the pleasantries would have to wait till then. I just needed to get through the next few minutes.
As confidently as possible, I strolled over to where Mike stood, and dropped my bag on the table top.
"So what did you want to talk to me about, baby? I hope it's what I think it is," he said, as he grinned at me sleazily and tried to give me bedroom eyes. Too bad he didn't know he just looked really constipated.
"Um…I'm not sure what you think it is, but I can almost guarantee you're way off. Look Mike, I—"
"Baby, it's cool. I totally understand that you're nervous, but I promise I'll make it good for you. I'll even get some candles and stuff for your room so it can be romantic. Doesn't that sound nice?" He grabbed my hand and stroked it between his.
"Mike, I—"
"You look so pretty today, baby. It makes me wanna do bad things with you. Don't you wanna be alone with me later?"
"Listen, I—"
"We can spend a little time together, then go over to Lauren's and get all fuckered up. Sounds like fun to me," he said in a low voice, then kissed and gently licked the back of my hand.
Don't puke in your mouth, don't puke in your mouth, think Edward, think nice thoughts…does he actually think this nasty shit is sexy?
"Mike!" I shouted, getting his attention. I looked him directly in the eyes, and took a cautious step back from him, removing my hand from his sweaty paws. "We need to have a little chat, and it's really important, so can you just listen to me for a second?"
"Sure babycakes. I'm all ears. Hit me." He crossed his arms over his chest and stared at me me with mock rapt attention. He had no idea how literally I wanted to take his words and punch him right in the gullet.
Don't tempt me shithead. You deserve at least one good wallop to the head for every time you "accidentally" grabbed my tit in front of my father, among other things.
"Listen Mike, I know we've been going out for a while, and I know you have feelings for me—"
"You bet I do Belly-button. I have all kinds of feelings for you."
"Ugh! Will you shut the fuck up and listen! This isn't working. I'm not doing this with you anymore. I'm sick of it. It's been going on for too long, and it's time it stopped. I don't think we should go out anymore, Mike."
He blinked dumbly at me a few times, then scratched his head like the words just hadn't sunk in.
"So, you don't want to go to the party tonight? Did you want me to come over instead? We can skip the party, it's cool. I can gank some Vitamin R from my Dad's stash and bring it over. We can have our own party."
Oh. My. Fuck…he has to be the most thick-skulled person on the planet.
"No, Jesus! Please listen to me. I don't want you to come over! I don't want to do anything with you, especially anything involving us being alone. Look, I'm moving soon, and it's time that you and I go our separate ways. This isn't working out, and it hasn't been for a long time. We're done, Mike. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
"Oh, babe. I think I know what's going on here. Are you getting cold feet? I hear it's totally normal for girls to freak out a little before they get their V-card stamped. Are you nervous because we're getting so close? I mean, we both know you aren't really going to move away and leave me behind after you get a taste of the Newt-juice. Let's not kid ourselves."
Oh god, I'm gonna puke in my mouth again.
"Mike, I'm gonna try and be as clear as I can. You are a very nice guy…"
LIAR!
"…and we've had some fun times…"
MORE LIES!
"…but it's time we move on to other things. I'm moving to Florida, and your parents need you at the store, so we'll be doing completely different things, and going in opposite directions. It will never work."
Finally, something resembling the truth. Bravo, lady.
"Aww, sweetcheeks, are you dumping me? Nahhh. You couldn't possibly be...could you?"
I shuffled my feet and averted my gaze, wanting to be clear, but not cruel.
"Mike, we're done. Over. Kaput. I'm sorry, but this is the end of the road for us. There's just no point in prolonging something that isn't meant to be. I'm really sorry."
I thought I saw the understanding finally flash over his face briefly, but it was quickly replaced with a mixture of disbelief and irritation.
"Wait, you can't dump me! We've been together for too long, and you've taunted me with the goods too many times to not finally deliver. What the fuck?"
"How about I say 'what the fuck' back to you Mike? You think I owe you or something? Listen to yourself for two seconds. You sound like a complete prick."
"A prick? Really? Well you haven't minded me all this time, now have you? Why the sudden change? Oh, let me guess. It wouldn't have something to do with Cullen, would it? I've seen you looking at him, Belly-button. I don't get it. Like that dork has anything I don't."
I stifled a laugh, partly because he didn't realize the utter falsehood of his statement. Edward had so much that Mike just lacked.
"Cullen is a loser, Belly. He's a geek who probably will never see a naked chick in his life, and he probably wouldn't know what to do with her if he did. You can't possibly want to lower yourself to his level, especially after you've been with someone as awesome as me. We're amazing together, and Cullen just can't measure up."
His comments finally went too far, and I wasn't going to allow him to talk shit about someone I cared so much about.
"Shut the fuck up, Mike. You don't know what you're talking about. Edward is a nice guy, and I'm not surprised you don't know what one looks like when you see one. He's an awesome friend, incredibly sweet, and any girl would be lucky to have him."
He let out a laugh that was both totally inappropriate for the situation, and strangely disturbing.
"You're funny babycakes, you know that? Did Crowley put you up to this? You really had me going. For a minute I was really convinced you were serious. That is, until you went off the deep end with all the 'oh, Cullen is great, blah, blah, blah'." He continued to laugh, and pushed off the table, leaning in towards me. "I'll see you tonight at the party, okay? We can skip the pre-party festivities if you want, and I'll meet you there."
K!!!!!!!! Fucking moron still doesn't get it!
"Mike, really--"
"Bye, babe. I'll see you later."
He backed away from me, pushing his earbuds into his ears as he walked, effectively ending the conversation, and frustrating me to no end.
Well, i guess he'll eventually figure it out when you're no longer talking to him or letting him touch you, right?
Something told me it wasn't going to be that simple.
--
After school I wasted time doing some research for a report, answering emails, doing laundry...pretty much anything I could do to make time move faster. I ate a Hot Pocket for dinner, and watched a couple episodes of Real World, all the while staring at the clock and willing the minutes to tick by. The party was supposed to start around eight o'clock, and when the clock hit seven-fifteen I darted up to take a shower and start getting ready.
I was ordinarily not interested much in what I wore--God knew I was no fashionista--but as I tore every item of clothing I owned from my small closet, you'd think I was trying to get ready for the Oscars. I knew I didn't have anything to prove, but I figured at the very least that thinking I looked good would help boost my confidence.
What I wouldn't give for a friend that had a clue about this stuff.
I finally settled on my most comfortable jeans, a cute pair of checkered Vans, and a royal blue top I knew Edward liked, because every time I wore it he looked at me just a little bit longer.
I took the time to flat-iron my hair and put on a little make-up, and by the time I was done I was pretty satisfied with how I looked.
I grabbed my purse and keys, and bounded down the stairs, nearly knocking into Charlie on his way up.
"Dad! I thought you were working the late shift tonight. You scared me."
Too bad I didn't actually have Mike come over after all. Charlie seeing a boy in his house unexpectedly might have gotten Mike tased at the very least, and it's amazing how amusing that sounds. Probably far more than is healthy.
"Nope. Got off work a little early. I got the new deputy to work the late shift. What good is it being Chief if I can't pull rank once in a while? I'm just gonna go change. Wanna get some dinner at the diner?"
I didn't want to leave him hanging, but I had far more important things to attend to than another diner meal with Dad. I knew he missed me, and I definitely hoped he hadn't gotten off work early just to have dinner with me only for me to ditch him, but if I didn't get to that party and lay my heart on the table I might never have another opportunity. Edward was waiting for me, and Charlie would just have to understand.
"Dad, I'd love to, but there's this thing...like, a pre-graduation party thing...at the Mallory's house. I know I didn't ask if it was okay, but it's the last party of the year--"
"Bella, you don't have to dance around it. It's Friday night, you're about to be done with high school, and you've never given me a reason to think you'd be up to no good.I understand if you want to go out with your friends. Just be careful, be smart, and be home by one. I'll see you in the morning."
He continued up the stairs, unclipping his gun belt on the way, without turning back around. I hadn't expected him to object, but I also hadn't expected him to be so approving.
"Okay, thanks. See you in the morning. Love you, Dad."
"Love you too, Bells," I heard him call from inside his room.
I grabbed a Diet Pepsi from the fridge and ran for my truck, unable to wait even a minute longer.
The Mallory's lived on the other side of town, but with Forks being so small it took less than five minutes to get to the house. Even if I hadn't known where there house was, I probably could have followed the ridiculously loud sound of bass-driven music coming from inside. Definitely not what I would have chosen, but no one ever said my classmates had good taste in music.
I spotted Edward's silver Volvo on the opposite side of the street a ways down, and I tried to park close. There were cars parked at every angle all up and down the street, and if I wasn't careful, I'd end up boxed in and stuck. If things didn't go well, I wanted an easy exit.
There were people milling around on the lawn and in the driveway, and the grass was already littered with red plastic Solo cups and various bits of trash.
I bet Mrs. Mallory will really love that, knowing how anal she is about what the neighbors think. It sure would be a shame if someone yakked in her prized roses. Or not.
I also took note of the fact that Mike's ridiculous raised Ford truck was parked in Lauren's driveway. I'd hoped that the message had finally sunk in and he'd decided not to come. Apparently, I wasn't quite that lucky.
I pushed my way into the front door, navigating a path through the hot throng of bodies that were undulating to some obnoxious rap song. My eyes scanned the crowd anxiously, and I didn't see Edward or Mike. I ditched my purse under a stack of jackets on the couch, and spotted Rosalie and Angela across the room. At the very least I could hang near them until I found Edward.
"Hey guys. Looks like the party is hopping. Where are the drinks?" I asked, trying to start a conversation.
Rose handed me a Bud Light, with the cap still on. They were smart enough to keep their own stash, making it virtually impossible to get something slipped into their drinks.
"Thanks," I tipped the bottle neck towards her in thanks and twisted off the cap with a hiss.
"No problem. So where's your man meat?" Rose asked with a smirk.
"Hopefully nowhere near. He's not mine anymore, thank God."
Angela giggled, knowing how unbearable Mike had become.
I was just taking my first sip when I felt a warm hand slide onto my lower back, and all I could think was please don't let it be Mike.
I turned and choked on my swallow of beer.
It was fucking Mike.
Of course it is. Because nothing can ever just be sweet and easy. It always has to be motherfuckingcocksucking complicated.
I made sure my gaze was as hard and impassive as possible, and I looked him directly in the eyes.
"Mike, seeing as how we're no longer dating, I think it's inappropriate for you to keep touching me, don't you?"
He sneered and chuckled, his eyes looking lazy and half-opened, indicating he'd already had his fair share of the keg.
"Shhhh, baybeee. You know you din'nt mean all that schtuff. You 'n' me, we're gonn' be together, like, forrreeeevvver."
Great. Drunk and delusional. What a happy combo.
He reached up and grabbed my left boob, and I smacked his hand away forcefully.
"Mike, I was being serious. Get the fuck off of me."
I pushed him away, and in that moment I saw Edward standing across the room by the makeshift bar, looking right at me, and the fuckery that was occuring. He didn't look happy, and he had a drink in each hand. I wondered how much of the scene he had witnessed. I hoped not much, but judging by the look on his face I was guessing he saw it all. I held up one finger, trying to let him know I just needed a minute. He nodded, and threw back both shots of something clear.
"Belly-button, you're my fave lady, you know dat? You say now thatchoo don' want this, but you'll be begging me to take you back by tomorrow, mark my words."
He was simply not getting the message, and I had a sneaking suspicion that he wasn't going to take me seriously until I'd already moved away. I'd done my best to get my point across, and I couldn't help it if he was completely unwilling to listen. It wasn't going to get in the way of my plan, though. I was going after Edward regardless of what Mike's dumb ass thought.
He was just leaning in to try and kiss me when Rose reached up and open-hand smacked him upside the head.
"You go ahead and hold your breath waiting for that to happen, dumb shit. You don't get to fucking touch her anymore. Now, run along. Jessica and Lauren are congregating around the keg. Go have at them."
Angela and I stared at Rose, our mouths open and our eyes wide.
"What? He's a complete douchebag. I did you a favor."
I just stood there, stock still, but grinning at Rose.
"Yes, you did. Thank you!" I hugged her tightly, then turned and headed towards where Edward was standing, waiting for me.
He was no longer scowling, but instead was smiling widely, far more then usual. As I approached I responded with a smile of my own.
"Hey you," he said, grinning from ear to ear and swaying slightly.
"Hey you too," I responded, noticing that the bright green of his eyes seemed slightly sparkly, and his posture was more relaxed than it normally was.
"Wanna come out on the porch and sit with me?" he asked, gesturing towards the covered patio out the back door.
"Sure, but it's a little chilly, isn't it? I forgot my jacket at home."
He slipped his arms from his heavy hooded flannel and draped it over my shoulders.
"Won't you be cold?" I asked, noting that without his flannel he only had on a long sleeved thermal.
"I'll be alright," he answered with a smirk. "I'm pretty warm already."
I had to force myself not to swoon at the delicious clean-boy smell emanating from the warm fabric.
"Better?" he asked.
"Much," I replied, and followed him out the door.
We found a quiet spot to sit on the far edge of the porch, and I slid next to him easily, wanting so badly to just lean into him, but i stopped myself. He was leaning back on outstretched arms, an almost constant smile on his face.
"You seem properly liquored up. I don't think I've ever seen you drink before. What's the occasion?
"The end of one thing, and the beginning of another," he slurred slightly. His smile was lopsided and adorable, and one look from him erased all the bullshit the day had held.
"Yep. Graduation is creeping up quick," I offered, not sure what exactly he meant, and still unwilling to believe he might mean what I wanted.
"Yeah. Something like that. Lots of new beginnings on the horizon, I hope."
"You mean, like, school, right? Aren't you leaving for Dartmouth soon after graduation?"
"No, not just school…and, I'll be around for a couple extra weeks. You'll still be here, won't you?"
"Yep. I should be. I'm not sure exactly what day I'm leaving yet. We don't have much time left...before, you know, school is over...and we move…and stuff..." I let the words trail off, not sure how to begin.
Edward slid backwards, laying flat on his back on the porch, angling his body towards mine, but still not touching. I mimicked his movement, and we laid like that for a while, on the cold porch, side by side, looking up at the roof.
I cleared my throat and tilted my face towards him. His eyes were closed, and his breathing was soft, but that same smile still stayed on his lips.
"Edward?"
"Hmmm?"
"Can I talk to you?"
"Yep."
"You're a great guy, did you know that?"
"Mmh. Thanks."
"No really. You're always so sweet to me, even when I think you have no reason to be. You're a good listener, and you make me smile. That means a lot. Thank you, just for being you."
"Mmm hmmm."
"I have something I want to tell you, and I think I just need to get it off my chest, otherwise I might explode. Are you listening?"
"Mmmm."
Okay. Here goes nothing…
"I...I like you, Edward. I like you a whole lot, and I have for a really long time. I'm a coward for not having said anything sooner, but I'm so scared, because we don't have much time left, with both of us going away to school soon, and long distance relationships never work, so I don't know if it's right for me to even say anything, not knowing what might happen, but i just needed to say it, so you'd know, and you can do whatever you like with the information. I had a whole thing I was gonna do where I was gonna try and corner you and do the whole 'I like you so what are you gonna do about it?' but that didn't seem like me, because it seemed too desperate, and I was afraid that maybe you'd say you don't feel the same, which is still a possibility, since you haven't really said anything…but I've been rambling now for so long, that I should probably just shut up and let you talk...so, I'm gonna shut up now...and let you…talk…"
Silence.
"So? Would you like to…respond…to what I just told you?"
More silence.
Then a soft snore.
"Edward?"
No response.
"Ed-ward?" I said his name in a sing-song voice.
Still no sound other than soft snores.
Oh my fuck, please tell me I did not just pour my heart out to him, and he's passed out.
"Edward? Hellooooo? Edward!" I nudged him with my elbow, and he grunted softly and his eyes popped open.
"Huh? What?" He looked around, seeming slightly disoriented, even though he couldn't have been out more than a few minutes.
"Did you hear me?"
"Huh? Oh, yeah. You said school will be over soon and stuff. Sorry, I think I drank more than I thought. Wait, did that make sense?"
I suppressed a giggle and helped him to his feet. "Let's get you home, okay? We can chat another time."
And chat we would. I was running out of time before he would be too far away for me to do anything. I couldn't let us go off to seperate colleges without at least getting the feelings off my chest. I didn't want to spend my college years haunted by green eyes that I could no longer look into. I was giving myself until graduation day to finally tell him, and when I did, I would make goddamn sure he wasn't snoring before the words left my mouth.
Today's outtake has been brought to you by Letter's to Cleo's cover of I Want You To Want Me, and SnozzberryFaery. Show her the love or you'll get the Newt-juice!