Apparitions and Ailments
Chapter 3
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Disclaimer: See chapter 1.
A/N: I've been remiss in responding to all the fabulous feedback, but I promise I will. You have no idea how much I appreciate it.
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So much of what is best in us is bound up in our love of family, that it remains the measure of our stability because it measures our sense of loyalty. All other pacts of love or fear derive from it and are modeled upon it - Haniel Long
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Later, the doctor came back to the room with the release paperwork, hoping to change Sam's mind before signing the release paperwork, but he was not successful. Dean leaned on the wall across the room as his brother signed the documents that acknowledged he was leaving without the doctor's agreement. Dean didn't like it, but Sam was adamant.
Dean knew he probably could have gotten Sam to stay if he'd really tried, but he didn't want the resulting umbrage between them. If Sam was right, and instead of being sick he'd somehow been with their father, the doctors' actions would do no good and might even cause problems. If Sam had contact with their father, there was a reason for it, and maybe the reason was that their father needed help.
While Sam was cleaning up and changing into clean clothes from the duffle, Dean called Bobby. During their conversation, Bobby made it no secret that he wasn't any happier about Sam checking himself out of the hospital than Dean was, but he knew once a Winchester made up his mind, there was little chance of changing it. He encouraged Dean to take it easy on the drive and they ended the call after Bobby elicited a promise to call him at least once a day.
Slipping the phone back into his pocket, Dean glanced around the room. He hadn't let himself think about it until now, but everything in it reminded him of when he'd lost his father. He felt a lump in his throat and a sick feeling in his stomach; he hated being here and a part of him wanted to take Sam and run. He smirked to himself realizing that's exactly what he'd been wanting to do for a long time. He just wanted a little while to regroup and figure out what their next move should be, but Sam wanted to meet his fate head on. Dean would have been on board with that if they'd had any clue what that fate might be.
Dean stood up and paced for a moment. He didn't want to think about the possibility of his brother turning evil; it seemed so ridiculous. Dean knew Sam didn't have an evil bone in his body so what could possibly happen to change that? And would he have to find a way to kill his brother, the only family he had left? The person he swore to protect no matter what? How the hell was he supposed to do that?
Running a hand over his face, Dean realized he could hear Dr. Caulfield's voice in the hallway.
"Hey, Sammy," he called, rapping on the bathroom door. "I'll be right back."
The doctor saw him come from Sam's room and excused himself from the conversation he was having.
"Mr. Killmister; about your brother –"
Dean looked at him unhappily. "I can't stop him from doing what he wants. But, well, I guess I just need to know what I should be on the look out for."
"I wish I could tell you, but I don't know what's wrong with your brother. We've ruled out all of the obvious things; everything we could test for here. I really wish you'd try to convince him to see a doctor over at Hobart."
Dean said nothing and the doctor sighed. "All right. You've seen what happens when he passes out; you've seen that there isn't any real warning. All I can tell you is you should make sure he eats healthy, gets plenty of sleep, and I would have him avoid alcohol. I'm sorry, but other than that, I have no advice. Except, of course, to get home and take him to a specialist as soon as possible."
The doctor wished him luck before heading off to see another patient. Dean looked back toward Sam's room, desperately hoping his brother wasn't sick and that Bobby would be able to help them. When he went back into the room, Sam was dressed and sitting on the edge of the bed. Dean knew his brother's every expression and now Sam looked at him with a mixture of gratitude and confidence in his eyes.
"Here's the deal," Dean said as they got into the car a few minutes later. "You tell me the second, I mean the second that you don't feel right, if that happens."
Sam nodded at him. "I will."
"We eat regular meals and stop at a reasonable hour at night. It will probably take a couple of days to get to Bobby's and I don't want to take any chances." Dean turned the key in the ignition without waiting for an answer from his brother.
They headed back to the motel to get the rest of their things and Sam looked at his brother. "Dean?"
"Yeah?" he asked, briefly looking at Sam.
"Thanks."
He nodded, not at all sure he should have Sam's gratitude.
It was already late afternoon by time the brothers got on the road. After collecting their belongings from the motel, Dean insisted that Sam eat something. At the diner next door to the motel, Sam forced down half of a hamburger and a few French fries. It wasn't exactly healthy, but it was protein, and more than he'd eaten since the day before.
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Sam knew that Dean was nervous about taking him from the hospital. He wasn't angry that his brother didn't completely believe him, but was grateful that Dean at least seemed to believe in him. He did what he could to allay Dean's fear by not drifting off into his own world like he often did in the car; he kept the conversation going and did what he could to let Dean know he felt all right.
They stopped for the night much earlier than usual. Sam didn't mind; he was tired and wanted to stretch out. Normally he had no qualms about sleeping in the car and Dean never seemed to mind. Sam knew that he enjoyed driving and could spend many happy hours behind the wheel listening to classic rock music. Under the circumstances, though, Sam didn't think it would be fair to Dean if he tried to sleep. The last thing he wanted to do was add to his brother's worry.
"Are you hungry?" Dean asked as he dropped his duffle bag on the floor of the motel room.
"Honestly?" Sam sat on his bed. "No."
Dean looked at him and sat on his own bed.
"I feel fine, Dean. I promise," Sam said, as if reading his mind.
"Look, uh," Dean sounded nervous as he rubbed his palms on his pant legs. "I didn't ask, and you didn't say, but maybe you should tell me exactly what happened. With Dad, I mean."
Sam leaned forward with his hands clasped between his knees. He had known that Dean would eventually want the details of what Sam experienced, but he was glad it didn't happen right away. Sam had been thinking about it, but still wasn't sure what to tell him. He only remembered bits and pieces of it himself.
"I – I don't know for sure," Sam said as he looked at his brother, almost shyly. "It was like I woke up in a different place. I couldn't see much, but I know the walls were stone and the floor was dirt. I didn't see Dad, but I heard him."
"What did he say?" Dean asked in a whisper.
"He said that it wasn't safe there and I should come back. He said he didn't call me there."
"Who did?"
Sam shook his head. "I don't know."
Dean looked at Sam with a mixture of hope and fear on his face. Sam loved his father, but Dean had worshipped the man. Something fundamental changed in him, before they even burned the body, and Sam didn't think his brother would ever fully recover from the loss. In a way, he could understand that, but yet he had no way of really knowing what Dean was going through.
They had yet to put all the pieces together, but there were certain facts that could not be ignored. Dean miraculously recovered from fatal injuries, waking only a few minutes before their father died. And the Colt, the only weapon they knew of that could kill the yellow-eyed demon, was gone. Sam knew that Dean blamed himself for their father's death and guilt like that was something Sam understood all too well.
"Why do you think you went there?"
"I don't know," Sam said, almost apologetically.
"Do you think Dad is okay?"
Sam hated the despair in his brother's voice. He was used to Dean's confidence; his bravado. Sam knew that sometimes it was just an act, but it was still what he expected. It had always been Dean's job to take care of Sam and make things better for him. As much as Sam wanted to do that for Dean, he had no experience and was taken aback by Dean's willingness to let him see his weakness.
Sam shook his head and looked at Dean sympathetically. "I don't know. I wasn't there long enough and I could barely hear him."
Dean cleared his throat and stood up suddenly. "So, uh, I'm gonna run out to the fast food place I saw when we got off the highway. I'll bring you back a salad or something small."
He was gone before Sam could even react.
Dean parked outside of the fast food restaurant and leaned his head back against the seat, his eyes closed. He almost lost it in front of Sam and he could never let happen. He had to be strong for his brother no matter what; it was his job to make sure Sam was okay and he couldn't do that if he wasn't in control of himself.
He reached for his phone when it started to ring, sure it would be Sam. When he looked at the caller ID display, though, he was surprised to see Bobby's name.
"Hey, Bobby."
"Dean. You okay?"
"Yeah. Shouldn't I be?"
"Is Sam with you?"
"No, he's at the motel. I'm out grabbing us something to eat. What's going on, Bobby?" he sat up straighter in the seat.
"I've been looking for information; anything like what Sam said was happening to him."
"And?" Dean asked, fearfully.
"I still haven't found anything specific, but the visions he has are a type of psychic ability and he more than likely has some kind of connection to the demon –"
"The demon?" Dean repeated. "The yellow-eyed demon? He told me that Dad said he wasn't the one who brought Sam to him. Do you think the demon did it?"
"Slow down, Dean. I don't know anything for sure yet." Bobby's voice was soothing, but Dean was still on edge. "The reason I called was just to warn you that the demon is probably involved. I'm sure you already considered that. Those charms I gave you, after Sam was possessed, are you wearing them?"
"Yes."
"Sam, too?"
"I think he is."
"Make sure. If the demon is bringing Sam to his realm, for lack of a better word, the boy needs some protection. I'm looking for something more powerful now."
Dean sighed. "Thanks, Bobby."
"Is everything going all right so far? I was kind of expecting a progress report."
"I was about to call you. So far, so good. Hey, Bobby?"
"Yeah?"
"If this is all being caused by the yellow-eyed demon, I think I'd rather Sam be sick."
"I know what you mean."
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Dean hadn't been gone very long when Sam was tempted to call him. He had seen the look on his brother's face right before he bolted; Dean was afraid and still felt guilty that he was alive while their father was dead. Sam wished he knew what to say to him that would help. He didn't want any distance between them now; too much was going on and they needed each other too much.
He heard what sounded like a clap of thunder and went to the window to look outside. The parking lot was poorly lit and he could see stars overhead. He heard the noise again, but this time it sounded more like something crashing off in the distance. When he heard it a third time, he realized the same thing happened just before he lost consciousness in the hospital.
Sam.
His eyes opened, but he still saw only darkness. He felt the dirt floor around him and knew he wasn't in the motel room any more. He thought he'd heard something, but now there was only silence.
Sam, wake up, Son.
"Dad? I can't see anything," Sam said as he struggled to sit up.
Sammy, you have to fight this. You can't be here; it's not safe.
"You said that before, Dad. Tell me what's going on. Are you all right?"
Don't worry about me; I can take care of myself.
"Dad – look, Dean and I – can we get you out of here?"
This isn't the time to worry about that. You have to get back to your brother and stay with him. Don't come back here.
"Stop being so cryptic!" Sam exploded. "Dean told me your secret; that I might become evil. Is that what this is about? Has the yellow-eyed demon brought me here to turn me evil? And why didn't you ever tell me about that? Didn't you think I had the right to know what might happen to me? What if it happened when I was with Jessica? Or on the road with Dean? What if it happened before you told him about it and he was caught completely off guard?"
I didn't know about it myself until –
"Damnit, Dad –"
As much as I always enjoyed our fights, Sam, this really isn't the time. You have to go back to Dean and you have to figure out a way not to come here anymore. Dean can protect you –
"I don't think he can, Dad," Sam said sadly. He felt bad about picking the fight, but old habits were hard to break. "And he shouldn't have to. Do you have any idea how hard this is for him?"
Of course I know! Don't you think I'd rather be there to take care of you myself? But I had a choice to make and I knew you'd be better off with your brother than with me. I chose to save his life so you would have someone you trust to help you.
Sam didn't know how to respond.
You and I have been butting heads for almost as long as you've been able to talk. That doesn't mean I love you any less, but I knew you and I wouldn't be able to exist together. And Dean – your brother deserved to live, Sam. Not just to look after you, but because he ought to be able to see this fight through and find a life afterward.
"So you did make a deal with the yellow-eyed demon," Sam said.
I did what I had to do to protect my boys.
Sam cleared his throat. "But, Dad, if the yellow-eyed demon is bringing me to you –"
You aren't being brought to me, Sam. I can communicate with you, but we're not together.
"I don't understand."
I'm not in the same place as you are. I'm not even sure how I know when you get here, but I do. Sam, the yellow-eyed demon is bringing you here, but I don't know why. Something you have to understand is that sometimes it does things just to distract you and your brother; keep you off base. I don't know its plan completely, but I refuse to believe that your fate is sealed. Now, please, go back.
Sam looked around frantically, hoping to see anything other than darkness. "Are you in pain? Some other demons have told us –"
Sam –
"Dad, please, I have to know. Dean has to know."
Demons lie.
"I know, but –"
We don't have time for this! You have to go back to your brother and I –
"You what, Dad?" Sam was exasperated.
It takes a lot of strength for me to communicate with you –
"Dad, can you tell me – are you here forever?"
I'm working on that.
Sam could almost hear his father's roguish smile.
"We miss you, Dad. And Dean – he's not okay. Maybe it's not fair of me to tell you that, but he's not okay. He blames himself that you're dead and he – he's tired. He's got so much on his shoulders –"
I know, Sam. I've always put too much on him, and let him take on too much. I apologized to him for that right before I did it again. But I couldn't let the demon have you. It already took too much and it couldn't have you, too. If I'd let Dean die, you and I would have ended up at each other's throats and – it's better this way, Sam. Dean can handle it.
Sam wasn't so sure.
Go back, Sam. Go back before it's too late. You can't help me now, but you can help your brother. And he can help you. The yellow-eyed demon wants you. He wants to make you, and all the children like you, into something in his own image.
The voice was softer, like his father was moving away from him. Sam reached out even though he knew he wouldn't be able to touch him.
Sam?
"Yeah, Dad?" he responded sadly.
Bobby can help.
Before Sam could say anything else, even to just let his father know they were in touch with Bobby often, he heard a roar and felt a hard wind rush over him. He wasn't sure, but he thought he heard his brother's voice.
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Dean walked into the motel room carrying a bag from the fast food restaurant. After his conversation with Bobby, he didn't have much of an appetite left, but he couldn't make Sam eat if he wasn't willing to do the same himself.
Sam was on the edge of the bed, the television off and the room lit only by the light coming from the bathroom.
"Sam?"
"Hey."
Dean set the bag on the small table. "You okay?"
Sam didn't respond.
Dean felt his heart quicken. "Sam?"
"Dean?"
"What is it?"
"It happened again," Sam said unhappily.
Dean felt cold. "What?"
"I just woke up; I was on the floor."
"I haven't been gone that long."
Sam shrugged.
"Did you get hurt when you fell?"
"No," he whispered.
"Were you – were you with Dad?"
"Yeah," Sam said, still in a whisper.
Dean sat down next to him. "Tell me."
Sam took a long, shaky breath. "We had a fight."
Somehow, Dean wasn't surprised. His brother and father could never spend much time together without an argument erupting. "Is that all? Did he give you any information?"
"They yellow-eyed demon is bringing me there. He said that some of the things the yellow-eyed demon does is just to mess with us."
"That's just great. So you're being taken, but he doesn't know why?"
"He doesn't know for sure. He said my fate isn't sealed."
"Damn straight it isn't," Dean muttered. He looked at his brother. "What has you so freaked out?"
"Other than I had a conversation with my dead father?"
"Yeah, other than that." Dean pushed him gently.
A small smile played on Sam's face, but he didn't say anything.
"What, Sam?"
"We were right. He made a deal with the yellow-eyed demon. He wanted you and me together because he knew I'd need help not to give in to the demon. Dad figured he and I would be at each other's throats and he wanted me with someone I could trust. He thought I didn't trust him –"
"Sam –"
"But the main reason he did it was because he wanted you to live so you can see the fight through and make a life once this whole thing is over."
Dean cleared his throat. He glanced around the room. "I talked to Bobby. He wants us to wear those charms he gave us."
Sam pulled the charm from under his shirt to show his brother. "Dean –"
"I'm not going to talk about that, Sam. I'm not going to talk about what Dad said about why he did what he did. I'm not."
Sam didn't push him.
TBC