Authors Note
Yes it's been ages since I last wrote in. Sorry to all those that reviewed. For all those that didn't you can kiss my shiny metal … Plate. (Forgot this is "k" rated) 'See I was writing my chapter and it was crap so I didn't really want to keep going. It was only today that my friend suggested this. Thanks CaTmAn. Disclaimer: I disclaim any thing that aught to be disclaimed anything that no one has heard of belong to me and you can't use 'em. (I will sue you) My godfathers a solicitor and I've always wanted a swimming pool. (Be warned I-- have already said that hmmm) I'm bored can I start the chapter now or will youkeep interrupting….. But why did you say that then? Oh cripes just shut up and let me start. (Please note I was looking at Joe's reviews). Someone told him that I write well, but have nothing on him. Whoever you are I will not accept a review (even if you send one I will not acknowledge its existence) from you. You hurt my feelings. Oh yeah I'm a boy, HA I'm not allowed to have feelings.
The Boy That Cried Mom
2am
Dante: Mom!
Eva: What!
Dante: I had a little accidement.
Eva: Ok honey I'm getting up
3am
Dante: Mom I want a drink!
Eva grumbled and got up, tripped down the stairs and went back to sleep.
Dante went to the kitchen picked up some ice cubes and dumped them on his mother before retuning to bed.
4am
Dante: Mom!
Eva: What!
Dante: Oh false alarm. I was just seeing how fast you'd react. Five seconds. You're getting rusty.
5am
Dante: Moooom!
Eva: Yes?
Dante I had another accidement. I spilled my drink on my pyjamas. Now I need new pants and a drink!
Eva: Ok I'm getting up.
5:08 When Eva has just managed to get back to bed.
Dante: Mom!
Eva: WHAT!
"My throat is sore"
"Oh, my poor boy, are you sick? Where's the pain?"
"I just told you idiot, my throat's sore"
As Eva made a fuss of her youngest neither of them noticed Vergil walking past them carrying what looked suspiciously like a remote to a doomsday device.
He also had a line to the world leaders.
Eva walked out to get Dante some medicine
She knocked into Vergil and he dropped the remote.
In space, a satellite swung around and began to charge pointing at New-York.
As the laser began to charge, hundreds of missiles from all over the globe racing towards it.
As the first one connected the explosion light up space and each army leader saw that it was protected by a force field.
Then, when all hope was lost, a bottle soared through the air from the general direction of Ireland and jammed the on-bored laser condenser.
The whole thing blew up in a wonderful eruption of flame.
Down in Ireland a teenage by was staring up in the air, having a brake from writing his fan-fic.
I drop my second bottle and return to my room to type.
"DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL" howls Vergil returning to his room.
"You'd better get some good sleep tonight Pinky" he continued to his faithful lab-rat.
"Why Brain?"
"We'll be busy tomorrow night Pinky."
"Wha'll we be doin t'morrow noit Brain?"
"The same as we do every night Pinky TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD"
At the doctor things went more smoothly than usually.
Vergil read while Dante bit a frightened two year old and jumped on the seat.
When it was their turn to go to the doctor Dante was examined said "Aaaah" when he was told and bit everyone a bit more.
"I'm afraid he'll have to have his appendix out" said the doctor.
"What?" said Vergil "You mean his tonsils, you insufferable fool!" as he examined Dante's records.
"You aught to neuter him too" said Sparda rubbing his arm with a bight mark. "Might stop him being so savage"
Dante was bawling his eyes out.
He was in a large cage used for animals as Vergil had refused flat-out to stay in the same seat as Dante so he was trapped.
Vergil had at one point woken up from a nap and thought that Gladius was inside.
He had foolishly inserted his fingers.
Vergil now also needed to get into the hospital because he needed heavy bandaging.
Sparda was insisting that Dante should get a rabies injection too.
Dante still did not know he was not going to be neutered.
Sparda was very happy.
He was also unaware that Dante was not going to be neutered.
They went to Mc Donald's to try and cheer both boys up.
It was now Vergil's job to insert French fries into the cage.
He got two in, gave up and ate the rest himself.
At the hospital Dante was given a room near the play room and Vergil was given the one beside him.
It was Vergil's turn first and he spent the first twenty minutes criticising their method of bandaging, the next suggesting higher standards for life support system.
Dante looked in the mirror at his tonsils.
Sadly, he bit the doctor as hard as he could for the last time with his full mouth.
They quickly turned on the knocked out gas.
For his last seconds Dante stared at a very attractive nurse.
He and his family didn't know that sometimes you speak exactly your own mind.
Out Loud.
"Man" said Dante staring at the nurse "She's hot, I'd like ta-"
Then he went to sleep.
Vergil was walking by an operation theatre when he saw a doctor saying "Dammit, he's gone"
"Stand back" said Vergil reaching across to the body.
"Excuse me, little boy" said the doctor.
"Shut your face you abomination of a bovineish looking organ and circuitry system with the severe deficiency of attraction in the facial region giving a humorous appearance of faeces"
"He means "Shut up you big, fat cow with a face like shi-" said Dante.
"Scalpel" said Vergil, sweating slightly "Needle…In my pocket, there's a highly advanced laser cutter"
On the life support system there was a dull
Bleep…Bleep…Bleep, as the heart rate increased.
Vergil was celebrated as a hero and rushed about saving at least seven people.
Dante sidled up to a doctor and announced "I'm as good a circermaple smistem surgeon too"
Dante was given a job at a dying patient.
"Err…scalpel…anaesthetic … football … basketball. Telly"
"What are you doing?" said a nurse.
"And just as a matter of interest we're going to try and stick this cotton in too."
The nurse now saw that Dante had somehow managed to cram all of the objects under the patient's skin and that his heart had given out a long time ago.
Dante was now grounded to his room.
Vergil arrived soon with a new co-op PS2 game.
They played for an hour then decided to watch TV.
Dante turned on a nature program about the worlds most poisonous snakes.
Both boys watched happily for a while until Dante accidentally turned on a cartoon.
Dante did not turn it off.
"Dante put that back on" said Vergil.
Dante instinctively grabbed the remote.
Vergil grabbed the other end.
They fought was viciously over it kicking and punching until they reached the balcony.
Vergil fell over the other side.
He was still holding on to the remote.
Dante held the other end.
"Don't let go" howled Vergil "You can have it."
"Oh yeah" said Dante "Maybe I don't want it"
Dante was easily seduced by reverse psychology.
This usually helped his family in arguments.
Sometimes however, this was a disadvantage.
"I'll give you anything you want"
"I do' wannit" said Dante, and thinking he had just won an argument, he let go.
Vergil lay with his leg in a cast in, a trolley bed.
Dante decided to cheer him up.
"Come on" said Dante
"Let's play Racing Driver"
Using the bed like scooter, the two boys raced along the corridor at brake neck speeds, knocking things and people flying.
This exhilarating race ended abruptly when Sparda turned the corner intending to visit his sons.
The resounding crash shook the entire building.
It was just plain bad luck Sparda had been climbing the stairs.
Eva walked calmly into a room containing Dante Vergil and Sparda in full body casts suspended from the beds they were in.
"Don't laugh" said Sparda resentfully "Don't even chuckle".
This authors not would be blank if I wasn't here telling you that this authors note would be blank if I wasn't here telling you that this authors note would be blank if I wasn't here telling you that this…etc etc!
Also I swear if I don't have at least fifteen reviews by the time I bring out the next one I'll stop. I MEAN IT. If you're just reading this please just type one word like good or crap. How long will that take! I have eight hundred and something hits and eleven reviews.
Even send a flame I don't care just REVIEW!
PLEASE!