"Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs are people who have come alive." - Howard Truman
Haley sat back reflecting on her past year with Nathan . They became friends by force and lack of free will, but in the end they formed a bond that most would not even begin to understand. She remembers the first thing he ever said to her, "I won't change for you." That became the basis of why she became so involved. Nathan was so set in his ways that nothing was going to shake him. No matter how hard she begged and cried, he stayed the same. Haley desperately searched for hints to why Nathan was this way, but in the end she found nothing. After quite some time she decided to give up and let Nathan be who he wanted.
She blames herself for how they are and why things never changed. One night she made a mistake and gave into this unknown desire and Nathan never let her forget it. His blue eyes were so inviting and warm, but she knew better, or at least she thought she did. Haley always had pride for being the smart girl who never let a boy get the best of her, but Nathan Scott knew how too. Every word that came out of his mouth was cold, but there would be these rare moments when the walls would crumble and he was vulnerable.
In a lot of ways, Haley felt responsible for Nathan . His well being mattered to her and she hated to see him suffer. When they would sit and have their talks, he would pace with nerves, showing Haley that there was something going on, but he never let her know.
"Nathan, will please just sit down?" Haley asked as nice as she could. It had been an hour and all Nathan did was walk back and forth, chewing on his lip nervously. Something was bothering him, but every time she brought it up, he would just glare and then proceed to roll his eyes. "Are you going to tell me what is going on?" She asked softly. Nathan said nothing, but sat down in a chair, staring out at the window. "Fine, have it your way."
Time passed slowly, but Haley would not budge. Over her dead body would Nathan win this one. He was going to talk if she had to strangle him. "What is your deal?" Nathan finally spoke. "Why do you want to help me so much?" Haley shrugged, wishing she could give him an answer that made sense. Truth be told, she wasn't sure what it was that attracted her to Nathan Scott, but she knew one day it would all make sense. "I'm not exactly a stand up guy. Why would someone like you even want to be around someone like me? Seriously, I already took advantage of you once, but you didn't leave. Sure, you were pissed and punched me right in the nose," Haley giggled at the memory, "but you stuck around. I just want to know why..."
"You ask a lot of questions, Nathan." Haley said with a sly smile, similar to the one he gave her earlier. "Why do you spend so much time trying to figure out why things are the way that they are? You should just live your life and see what happens." Nathan shrugged, obviously not understanding her whole concept. "I really just wish you would be more open with me. I'm not out to judge you."
Nathan scoffed at her statement. "We all judge, Haley. I judge you and you judge me. Don't sit here and act like you are so above me. I get the fact that you want to help me, but did you ever stop to think that maybe, just maybe I don't want your freakin' help?" Their eyes locked and Nathan smirked. He knew where it was going and he was going to win it. "You need to stop wearing your heart on your sleeve. Imagine what would happen if you actually had a social life. Guys who screw you left and right because you actually think they care."
Tears began to well up in her eyes as she listened to his cold, evil words. Never had she met a person who could be so cruel, but that was Nathan. "Wow, tell me how you really feel..."
"I won't ever love you, Haley. You're the girl that guys will use and then throw away, because you show your weakness. People are going to rip you apart if you aren't strong enough." Nathan stood up and leaned against the door frame of the classroom. "I'm sure you think that there is something going on between us, that we have this deep connection that could only be true love, but that isn't the case. Yeah, I think you're hot and if I had the chance I would totally do you again, but I won't love you." The tears were free falling now, but Nathan didn't care. He was angry and she was in his line of fire. "I don't even believe in love, Haley. Seriously, something like that can not be real. Happiness does not exist. Dreams do not come true. Whoever feeds kids that line of crap is going to burn in hell."
Haley jumped up from her seat, ready to challenge him. "Fear is doing this to you. You try and act like you are all big and bad, but really you are just a scared little boy. I see right through you, just like you see right through me. Sure, you have the rest of the world fooled, but not me." Nathan turned away, but she grabbed his face, demanding his attention. "There is nothing wrong with dreams. Don't make me go all Jiminy Cricket on your ass and sing 'When You Wish Upon a Star' because I will. Whoever told you it's not okay to wish and hope they are wrong. Nathan, I know that deep down you are a good guy, but something has you so closed off..." Her thoughts were interrupted by his soft lips landing on hers. Every instinct was screaming to pull away and run far from him, but her heart was just crying out for more.
His hands moved slowly down to her waist and pulled her close. His lips hungrily took hers and his tongue slipped into her mouth and she was lost. With each deep kiss, it was as if Haley was falling and falling fast, but she couldn't let him have this, not this. It was time she took control. Haley pulled away and gave him a cocky smirk. With all her strength she shoved Nathan up against the wall, her hands raking up his chest into his hair. Their kisses were violent and quick, but soon became slow and mesmerizing. Haley pulled away and looked up him, his blue eyes clouded with lust. "I don't need you to love me, Nathan," He cocked an eyebrow. "Because I won't ever love you."
"Seriously?" He asked softly.
That was the moment she made her biggest mistake. Nathan never fell in love with her because he knew that the feelings would not be returned. It was a lie of course, because even then she was in love with him. They never truly defined what they were, because it would just complicate things more and Haley didn't want that. Sometimes they would be friends, and other times they would be lovers, but never a couple. It was hard, but Haley was willing to risk pain just to have Nathan in her life. He was her weakness and she was unable to fight it.
When had things in life become so dysfunctional? Haley never wanted a life that would be complicated, but that is what she got. Time was running out for her, though. Nathan was leaving for college in the morning and she was going to tell him how she felt, even if it made no sense and was completely irrational. At least he would know that she did truly care about him. It was time to say goodbye to Nathan.