You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you just might find
You get what you need - The Rolling Stones
This moment was inevitable and Haley knew that. She stood awkwardly next to Nathan, waiting as he said goodbyes to his parents. You could tell by the gleam in his eyes that Nathan was glad to be leaving home. Haley, of course, could not blame him. She knew how Dan and Deb were, but everyone knew that. She always blamed them for Nathan's deep insecurities, and even though she did not know them, her heart held nothing but hate for them. After they all hugged and said goodbye, it was her turn. At first words seemed to fail her, but she had to say what her heart was telling her. No matter how hard that was going to be. "I cannot believe your leaving..." Haley murmured. "Please Nathan, take care of yourself."
He gave her one of his famous smiles and nodded. "You know me James, I'll be safe." It was no use trying to hide the tears or the pain, Haley was going to miss him. "Haley, I don't think we are ever going to see each other again." Honesty was something Nathan never truly understood, but Haley could tell that he was being sincere.
Was he right? Were the never going to see each other again. "At least we made the best out of the time we had." Nathan laughed softly, causing Haley to look up. "What, you don't think we had some good times?" It was easy to hide fear by making jokes.
"No, we had a lot of great times, but that doesn't change anything. When I'm gone, I'm gone. I won't come back here." She nodded in understanding. "I believe that when you have a chance to escape from the things that haunt you, that you should do it. For as long as I could remember, I wanted to be far away from here." He gazed at his familiar surroundings, taking it in for one last time. "Look, I know I am going to regret this, but I have to tell you something..." Haley's stomach fluttered with anticipation. Was Nathan going to say the three special words she longed to hear? "I'm glad you never gave up on me, but in some ways, I wish you did. We don't mean anything to each other. You were told to help me and you did your job, but maybe we should have just given up in the end. We let those physical attractions get in the way, and I regret that so much."
Haley felt ill. This was not the way she envisioned the day going. Nathan was supposed to tell her that he was in love with her and then they would be happy, but no. She thought that she should get an award for being insanely stupid and naive. Stupid - idiot - ass - ugh! "Right, we totally made a mistake." She said through clenched teeth. "I should have just done my job and not have slept with you. That might have made things A LOT easier." Haley laughed uneasily.
"Things wouldn't have been easy." Nathan said with a hesitant laugh. "There was a reason we never crossed paths until last year. I really cannot stand you." Ouch. Nathan really was just laying it all out on the table. "You cannot stand me either, so I guess we are alright."
Actually I am in love with you, Haley thought to herself before responding. "Right, you really are an ass." Nathan shrugged his shoulders and leaned up against his car. "So, you finally gonna tell me where you see yourself in the next couple of years?" Haley questioned hopefully. Her pain was unbearable and she just wanted to escape into a black hole, but she insisted on running her mouth.
"Who knows. I am just taking things as they come." He breathed in deeply, running a hand through his hair. "All I know that where I am going, who I was in Tree Hill doesn't matter. All the mistakes that I made here and all the people that I hurt, it's all forgotten.." Haley rolled her eyes, but the ones he hurt would surely remember. "I'm either going to crash or I'm going to burn, but I'm going to make these decisions myself. No one is going to influence me."
It was strange how open he was being, but Haley wasn't going to push the issue. Instead she just listened. "I thought a lot about what you have said to me and I think I finally get it."
"Oh? Well what did you learn 'Oh Wise One'?" Haley replied playfully.
"Just - everything you said made sense. I always thought that people who dreamed were weak and afraid, but really they are the strong ones." Nathan bit his lip nervously. Words never were his strong point, but that was not going to stop him. "People like me, Haley - we need to change, because who we are is not exactly admired, but people like you should never change. Promise me that. Don't ever change who you are."
How could she make such a promise? Change was an inevitable part of life, but Nathan looked at her like it was the most important thing in the world. "Is that really what you want from me? You don't want me to change?" Haley asked, inching closer to him. "Nathan, I'm just Haley James. There is nothing about me that is special."
"Your an idiot." Nathan responded quickly. "Why don't you ever give yourself credit? The things you say and the feelings you feel in your heart, they all matter." It seemed so unlike Nathan to be talking this way. Usually he was harsh and sarcastic, but all Haley could see was sincerity. "Well - " He coughed. "I guess it's time for me to getting going..."
"Oh yeah, of course. I don't want you to be late for whatever basketball things you need to do!" She responded with a big, genuine smile. "Good luck, Nate."
Her chance was gone. It wasn't the time to tell him how she felt, and it probably was never going to be the right time. All she was left with were memories and in a sense that was all she needed. Nathan gave her a hesitant smile and with that he was gone.
As she watched him drive away and out of her life, all Haley was left with was a bitter sadness in her aching heart. "I love you..."
-Ten Years Later-
Time is known to help you heal. You become aware that living in the past is only going to bring you down and you move on. The day Nathan left, was the day that Haley James changed. Her promise to Nathan couldn't be fulfilled, because a broken heart had left her a wounded soul. Sure, she put on a great act for people, but in reality she felt as if there was nothing left for her in life. As the years passed, Nathan became nothing but a distant memory. Whenever she would see him on TV after a big game, her heart would beat fast and she would be reminded of everything. Nathan was what she predicted and it made her laugh.
His life was typical and in no way was surprising. Nathan graduated from Duke University as the most sought after basketball player. Every team got him and in the end he played for the LA Lakers a team he always loved. He was successful and as far as Haley was concerned, he was happy. But then again who wouldn't be happy if they lived such a glamorous life? Haley on the other hand was much different.
Haley's life was her work and she really had no time to dwell on glamour or appearance. It took many years of school, but in the end Haley graduated and now worked at a hospital in Boston. It was a hard life, but she enjoyed helping people and it made her feel good. Sometimes she wanted to thank Nathan for it. Helping him was what helped her decide what career she should take.
"Haley, are you listening to a word I'm saying?" Her best friend Brooke whined. Haley met Brooke while in college and despite how opposite they were, they clicked instantly. Having someone like Brooke was good for Haley and she was thankful that they found each other. "Andrew is being such a pain in the butt. I think I am just going to dump him and be on my way. Like hello, I am a fashion guru and he treats me like I'm five."
"I don't know why you put up with him." Haley stated, stirring the straw in her drink. "Brooke, you can do so much better."
The brunette smiled and gave Haley her infamous "Duh" look. "Well I know that, but he is hot as hell and he buys me things!" Haley couldn't help but laugh, typical Brooke. "Enough about me Missy Poo, what is going on with you and what's his name..."
"Paul." Haley finished. "Things are - things are - things suck basically. I am so beyond bored with him and he drives me crazy. We never agree on anything. When I want to eat out, he wants to eat in. Hot and cold. I can't stand it!" She slapped her forehead in frustration. Men should not be this confusing, not at 28 years old. "I have come to the conclusion that I am going to die alone..."
Brooke laughed and hit Haley playfully on the shoulder. "If you die alone then I will become a cat lady. Which won't happen." Haley rolled her eyes while she blew a stray piece of golden blonde hair out of her eye. "You just haven't met the right guy. No one really gives you what want you want and they aren't what you need. I can safely say that Paul is a lost cause and you seriously need to dump his ass, or I will be forced to do it for you."
"Right, I will get straight on that Dr.Phil." Haley hated admitting that Brooke was right, but what could she do? Paul was lame.
"Actually, I think that I am more of a Dr. Ruth." Brooke winked and took a sip of her coffee. "Seriously, I could have a tv show and everything. It would be the greatest thing in the world."
Haley couldn't help but break into hysterical laughter. "Whoever is stupid enough to take sex advice from you is demented."
"You have taken my advice on a few occasions..." Brooke protested. "I mean if it wasn't for me, you would have never discovered how wonderful a vibrator is!" Her voice was quite loud and it caused a few people to stare.
"Brooke!" Haley hissed, her cheeks red from embrassement. "I am going to KILL you."
"Oh whatever."
-------
"Come on, baby." She purred into his ear, draping her bony arm around his neck. "I know you want me."
Nathan looked at the gorgeous woman in front of him. Standing in only a bra and panties, she was more the willing to fill his desires, but despite it all, he felt nothing. Usually the booze clouded his thoughts and he would sleep with girls who meant nothing, but being sober really changed what he wanted and WHO he wanted. He was almost 30 and it was pointless to still be living the bachelor lifestyle. Nathan wanted more out of life, but no one was willing to give him a chance. "Look, I want you to go." The girl pulled away and looked at him strangely. "Seriously, get the hell out of my house or I am going to call the cops."
After years of basketball and even though he retired, his lifestyle followed him. It was never supposed to be about sex and booze, it was supposed to be about the game. Sure, he played great games and was highly respected, but it never mattered, because each night he came alone to an empty house. Nathan watched as the skinny blonde left in a huff and he smiled. She really was irritating.
This was not the life he expected having, but then again Nathan was never sure what he wanted. Sometimes he wished that he never left that day. That he would have stuck around and listened to more of what she had to say.
Haley James changed him in a lot of ways. She instilled such a passion and zest for life in him and Nathan was nothing but thankful for it. There would be moments that he felt he owed Haley everything he had, but even that could not justify how much she helped him. Sure, he became everything she said, but he had more in life. The little things in life held more importance then they had in the past and Haley always told him to really take in the earth's beauty. Back then Nathan thought that she was nothing but a starry eyed dreamer, but she really was so much more.