"For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else." Ralph Waldo Emerson

When one makes a mistake, they are forced to deal with it for the rest of their days. Those memories plague them and haunt them and all they are left with is an aching feeling in their chest. Nathan was no stranger to mistakes. In his life he had made many, but there was one mistake that he made when he was seventeen that would forever haunt him. If he had known the repercussions of his actions he would have never acted, but he was unaware and the moment happened. Regret was not the word he would choose to describe his feeling for the situation that changed him forever. It left him with a sense of longing, but it also brought great sadness. Nathan Scott was not good with sadness. It angered him that his heart was feeling something that he promised would never be there, but you can't control what is meant to be.

Funny thing about high school is that everybody talks. They are constantly in need of knowing what is going on with the popular kids. Nathan, of course, was always the talk of the school. Every one knew the latest girl he had slept with it, or about his infamous parties, and he was okay with it. Gossip was something he could never escape, so he just chose to take it. Nathan hated to admit that he ran his mouth from time to time. It had to do with the fact that he needed people to admire him and envy him, but right now he was not being admired.

Sleeping with Haley James was never on the top of his agenda. He in no way planned it and he was in no way happy that everyone knew about it. The moment he walked into school Monday morning, his best friend Tim ran up to him and began questioning him about his erotic night with Haley. Nathan couldn't deny it, but he wasn't going to admit that he slept with her. All he did know was that Haley James was going to be pissed.

"I am going to freakin' kill you." She shouted in the middle of the crowded hallway. Haley was never one to draw attention to herself. She normally hid in the shadows and stuck to her little group of friends, never really letting her self be known, but she sure had everyone's attention now. "If you are not in that classroom in less then one minute, I am going to chop of your balls and staple them to the damn wall!"

There was collective sound of "Ohhh" and "Ahhh" when Haley marched up to Nathan and grabbed him roughly by the arm, dragging him into the empty classroom. "Who the HELL do you think you are?" She huffed. Nathan began to speak but Haley smacked him across the face, easily shutting him up. "No, you will not speak unless I tell you too. Got it? Good. "

"Look, what happened between us was a mistake and I regret it. After it happened all I wanted to do was bury it, but NO. You had to open your big mouth and tell the whole damn school that you boned me. Right? Yah, that's exactly what I thought."

It was clear that her anger was not going to subside anytime soon, so Nathan stayed quiet.

"Why do you insist on being such a dick?" Haley questioned angrily. "I would never hurt you Nathan." She admitted softly, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear. "Why do you always have to hurt me and make me feel so low?"

"Haley, listen..." Nathan begged, but she wouldn't. There was nothing he could say to fix it. Nothing that would make this horrible memory be erased. "I didn't mean for it to happen this way. You really think that I wanted people to know about us?"

Haley let out a low, bitter laugh. "US? There is no 'Us' Nathan. You made that perfectly clear. I know that you don't care about me, but there is something I do know. People are always talking about the latest girl that you screwed and you don't deny it, but yet you deny even knowing me. I know that I am not considered cool by your standards or whatever, but I still have feelings. Sure, I act like what you say to me doesn't matter and that it doesn't hurt me, but it does. After our first meeting together, I went home and cried for two hours because you completely tore down everything that I believed in. Never have I questioned your beliefs, but you do it to me every single day."

"Then stop trying to be my savior. I don't fucking need you, Haley. I don't need you and I sure as hell don't WANT you." Nathan said his tone harsh and angry. "I've told you time and time again, I don't fall in love. I can't be what you want and I won't ever be the guy you talk about. "

He looked over at Haley who was now crying. "What do you want from me, Haley?" He cried out desperately. "Please, why can't you just leave me alone? I won't change."

"Fine, if that is how you want it, I guess there really isn't much more I can say." Haley whispered as she grabbed for the doorknob. "You'll come back when you're ready. You can't stay away..."

Where had he gone so wrong with her? Perfection was staring him right in the face and he chose to ignore it. Stupid. Haley was infuriating and she had all these habits that got on his nerves, but Nathan loved it. He loved her. Sure, it took him years after he left for college to figure it out, but deep down he knew it was always there. Falling in love with a girl was something Nathan never planned on. It was too difficult to let your heart and your emotions take complete control. Haley was a feeler and Nathan was a thinker. They just did not see eye to eye, but that in no way meant that he was not completely in love with her.

She made him laugh with her eccentric personality and corny jokes. Haley made him think. She challenged things that for so long he thought were right. Everything was perfectly designed for him to be with her. All the events leading up to the very moment he left for college were perfect, but for some idiotic reason he chose to ignore them.

Being without Haley was scary, but being with her was even scarier.

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Snow was funny in the sense that it made adults feel like children. It brings out a feeling of renewal and everyone needs that from time to time. Haley hated to admit that she missed Nathan . She desperately wanted to know if he was okay, if everything in his life was good, but most of all she wanted to know if he was happy. For quite some time Nathan treated each day like it was a burden, nothing would make him smile. He would merely sit in his familiar seat and stare out the window. Haley always tried to tell a joke, or a funny story, but nothing ever broke through those tremendous walls he had put up.

Looking back it all seemed like such a waste of time, but Haley knew better. Even though Nathan hardly spoke at first, she knew he was listening. There would be moments when he would stare her down with such intensity. It was obvious that he was searching for something in himself, some clue as to what his purpose was, and Haley hoped that he had found it. Not having that kind of security must be painfully heartbreaking and Haley couldn't bear if Nathan felt that.

As the snow fell on the ground, Haley let out a peaceful sigh. It really was magical.

It was there first day to meet. Haley was always looking for extra activities to partake in during and after school and this was just another program. A teacher would assign a student who seemed upset or trouble, maybe even sad to a person who was willing to spend a little time talking to them about their problems. Haley was unpleasantly surprised to see Nathan Scott on her list. She was sure the basketball coach had convinced Nathan to take in this because teachers talked about him quite a bit. Still, she was not sure why she had to be assigned to him. No good could possibly come of this.

"Hi Nathan. I'm Haley James." She said politely, extending out her hand for a nice friendly handshake. Haley wasn't surprised when he didn't say anything back, but turned to stare at the window. It had been snowing all day and it was really beginning to look like they were going to see a decent about. "It's pretty isn't it?" Haley said quietly, gazing out the window.

"Snow is so magical don't you think? It makes me feel like I can just start over. You know a clean slate?"

Nathan looked over at her, cocking his left eyebrow. He was not amused and apparently he did not find what she had to say insightful. "I take you really don't want to be here?" Haley asked sitting down next to him. Nathan shifted as he felt her tiny body rub against him. This girl just did not get the hint that he was NOT in the talking mood. "Okay," She huffed. "We are going to do things this way. Look, I know you don't like me and we have never talked before, but someone thought that you should be here. Your coach said you have been kind of - well he called you an ass, but I was going to say unkind." Haley giggled, but Nathan still did not respond.

"I saw a horror movie that started this way. Are you sure you aren't Damian? You kind of resemble him a bit..."

They sat in silence for a few minutes, but Haley was beginning to become annoyed. There was no way she was going to waste an entire hour in silence. It was physically impossible. "

Alright, stand up." Haley demanded. Nathan, of course, just said there. "Are you deaf, or just stupid? I said stand up." She said with her hands placed firmly on her hips. "Look, either you stand up or I will kick you in the nuts and then after you cry for a good couple of minutes, then you will stand up. Which way will you have it ace?"

He slowly stood up, his arms followed across his chest. Haley quickly took his hand and dragged him out of the building and out into the freezing cold snow. Nathan looked at her as she quickly ran away from him. His immediate reaction was to run back inside, but before he even got the chance to move he was hit in the back of the head with a snowball. "Hell no."

Haley's laughter could be heard from a mile away. She was cracking up, tears of mirth blurring her vision. "What, are you going to a little pansy and just stand there?"

"You are SO dead." Nathan yelled as he quickly made his own snowball.

"Oh! He speaks. Hallelujah Lord!" Haley said with a wink. "You won't get me Nathan. I am a girl of many skills."

Nathan threw the ball as fast as good and he was surprised that it hit her right in the face. For a split second he felt bad, but then Haley ran and tackled him. Not only was his head cold and wet, but now his whole body. What a great way to end the day. "I told you I had a lot of skills."

"Yah, well I am sure I will learn a lot about you in the next year..."