"There is one pain I often feel, which you will never know. It is caused by the absence of you."

People tend to have unrealistic expectations about key moments in their lives. Everything can be planned out perfectly, but it is just set in stone that something is bound to go wrong. Maybe that is to show people that life is never what it seems. It's those totally unpredictable moments in life that make your experiences ten times more enjoyable. Well, that may be for the rest of the world, but for Haley James - not so much. She had her evening with Nathan perfectly planned out; they would have a nice dinner and some casual conversation, nothing messy. Karma- it was the only option she could come up with for how the evening was going. Firstly, her hair was just not doing what she wanted. Sure it looked decent, but it was in no way spectacular and she had a cold, so that just added on to all the mess. Not only was she in a pissy mood, but she realized something, Nathan Scott had NOT changed. He was being his stupid, inconsiderate, seventeen year old self and that did just not fly. "Are you kidding me?"

"No?" Nathan responded, sipping his drink. "Haley, come on. You seriously can't be serious."

She laughed, rolling her eyes. "I am dead serious. You are so - ugh. I cannot believe I freakin' agreed to do this." Nathan sighed, now chugging down his alcohol. "Stupid me, I actually thought you changed. Sure, you were all cordial and sweet on the phone, making me remember the not so good days, but then we meet up and it's high school all over again."

"You still whine." He muttered. "Look, tonight was not supposed to be like this, but you make me so damn angry." Nathan sighed. "This was a mistake, I think."

A sharp pain hit her heart and she felt tears welling up in her eyes. No, this was not supposed to be like this. Nathan was not supposed to be this. She wasn't supposed to be like this, feeling that familiar pain all over again. It was all supposed to be different. "Right, well you do realize that you were the one who called me."

"I was lonely." Nathan replied snidely. "Maybe it was just a booty call?"

Haley sucked in her breath, gripping the edge of the table in anger. "You were always kind of freaky."

Haley took her glass of water and threw it on his face. HA, Nathan Scott was not going to make a mockery of her. At first he just sat there not saying anything, but then he picked up his glass of water and threw water in her face. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" She shrieked, wiping her eyes. "Great, you ruined my dang makeup."

"Whatever, this shirt was expensive and now it's all wet." Nathan said as he glared at the other customers who were currently watching their antics with great interest. "I should just leave you right now and you can take the bill."

Haley snorted. "Sorry, but that is not going to happen." Nathan rolled his eyes, quickly pulling out his credit card. This night was clearly over. "Hey Nathan, how have you been feeling lately?"

"Fine. Why do you ask?" Nathan responded uneasily. Oh God, he was really dying this time. She was going to tell him he had some strange, rare case of herpes and there was no cure!

She shrugged her shoulders. "You look a little bit - odd." Haley was trying not to burst out into a fit of giggles, but this was just too priceless. Nathan was looking around nervously and he looked like he was about to pass out. She knew he had a fear of diseases and it was so wonderful toying with that. "Have you seen a doctor lately?"

"No..." He whispered. "What?" Haley turned away, which only caused him to become more nervous. "Am I DYING?!" He shouted. "What is it? Tell me. I can take it."

Haley sighed, lowering her head. "Nathan, I'm sorry but I think that you have - Youareanassflumitosis. It's highly dangerous and you will suffer with this disease for about, well - the rest of your life."

"Oh my God, what do I do?" He questioned, clearly not getting the whole gist of her joke. Nathan frowned when he saw Haley laughing hysterically. "Wait, there is no such thing as Youranassflumitosis. OH, I get it now." He murmured. "You are not funny." Haley nodded, still laughing. "I knew it was all a joke.. I just was playing along, yeah."

Sighing, Haley leaned back in her chair. "I guess I am going to head out of here. Dinner was - dinner sucked. You are on your way to being completely smashed and I am not in the mood to deal with you anymore." She didn't say much, but quickly grabbed her coat and walked out the door, leaving Nathan wet and stunned.

Why did she have to be so stupid? Nathan couldn't be nice to her. It was his default setting to treat her like she meant nothing to him, but maybe she didn't? As she sat on the bench, taking in the scenery she felt a body sit next to her. "Haley, look I'm sorry."

"It's okay. We don't really know each other anymore, Nathan." As Haley breathed in the cold air, she could feel Nathan's eyes on her. "This is just how we are. It's how we have always been. We would fight and then the next minute you'd have me pinned up against your bedroom wall."

Nathan cringed. The way she put it made it seem like it meant nothing. "I really have changed..."

"Have you?" She fired back fiercely. "Because I don't believe it. You acted like the boy who I fell in - who I let take advantage of me." Haley corrected herself, hoping to God Nathan didn't know what she meant. "I'm glad we had this chance to see each other. When two people shared such a - complicated past, it's silly that we at least didn't call each other. Nathan, we really did share a lot with one another. Remember when we sat out on the beach that one night and we told one another our fears and our dreams? We let ourselves be so vulnerable and in pain, but it was perfect."

Nathan couldn't help but smile; this was his Haley. This was the constant dreamer who let him into this world of wonder and love. Sometimes he wished he could understand where the faith came from, but he lived it through her. "I remember everything." She looked up at him, her eyes shining with tears. "Seriously, every word you have ever said to me, I remember. The first day I met you, we went out in the snow and you threw a snowball at my head" Haley giggled. "I hated you for the fact that you made me, I don't know, want to have a life that was more than just what it was already. You were my best friend, Haley."

"Ah, well what can I say?" She replied, brushing off her shoulder jokingly. "This has been an interesting night. I'm cold and wet and I take it that you are too. Nathan chuckled. "I take it you are leaving tomorrow?"

He sighed, another goodbye. "Yeah, I just had some business to take care of up here." Why was it so hard? Nathan had to admit to himself that he was in love with Haley. He was so in love with her that it actually hurt, but there was nothing that he could do. Telling her how he felt just seemed absurd, they were so far from who they use to be. i"It's been a weird night, don't you think?"/i

"It's always weird when we are together." Haley admitted softly. "Well, I guess it's time we say goodbye."

Nathan breathed in deeply. She wasn't fighting; she was simply letting it all go. "I guess so..."

"You're doing okay." She gave him a hopeful smile. "God, we are so dysfunctional." Nathan laughed softly, knowing she spoke the truth. "We go from really awkward, to screaming at one another, to a heartfelt apology."

"That is just how we have always been..." It was hard admitting the fact that things with them were so unorthodox. Nathan wanted to believe that something between him and Haley would work, but in all honestly it just seemed hopeless. They caused one another so much pain and it was not right. They both deserved happiness and there was a good chance that they weren't going to find it in one another. "Never a dull moment with Haley James."

She smirked, brushing a piece of her golden blonde hair behind her shoulder. "Yep, everyone is super jealous." It was so easy to pretend. The pain of feeling vulnerable was just way too much to bear and Haley couldn't handle it. "Sometimes I wish I never met you..."

Nathan Scott was known for his parties. They were infamous, but Haley didn't really care for it. Funny how life is; she now found herself at one these parties, feeling extremely uncomfortable. Nathan had invited her in passing and she stupidly agreed to show up, but she felt that she owed him this. Haley sighed when she saw Nathan flirting with one of the cheerleaders. Sure, they had kissed a few times, but she wasn't stupid enough to really believe he cared about her. Haley grabbed her jacket from where she placed it and quickly put it on. The beach just seemed so inviting. It was a beautiful night; the sky was clear and you could see every single star. It was the perfect night for a little romance.

"Are you always this antisocial?" Nathan asked with a cocky smile. "I invite you to my house and then you just disappear."
Haley rolled her eyes, digging her feet deeper into the cool sand. "I just do not find drunken teenagers appealing. My apologies." Nathan laughed and sat down next to her. "Why do you do it?"

"What?" Nathan asked confused. He hated when Haley acted vague. "Oh, I take it you mean this whole lifestyle. The parties and the sex, all of it?" Haley nodded. "

"It's just easier, you know? Sure, I could be like you and step outside of the box, but it wouldn't do me any good." He let out a heavy sigh, admitting things about his life were never easy. "Not everyone is as brave as you, Haley."

"I'm not brave." She admitted softly. "I'm just afraid of failure."

Nathan desperately wished that he understood Haley's logic. "Haley, you are brave. Trust me. I've never met someone with more strength and wit than you. You do what you want and say what you feel. That is a brave person. If I said half of the stuff on my mind, well, I would probably be crucified." Haley chuckled, playing with her hair nervously. "Half of the people that I am forced to be around, I can't even stand."

"Been there!" Haley said with a smile. "Seriously, people are so - so I can't think of a good adjective to describe them, but honestly, they really all suck." Nathan couldn't agree more. It was a constant thing in his life, with people wronging him and making him feel like he didn't matter. Haley had always made him feel like he was somebody, and that he did matter. "I've just learned that when you aspire to be different, life isn't going to be all peachy keen. People are going to ridicule you and they are going to tear you down, but you have to be strong."

The way she said it, so free and strong, seemed unbelievable. "You make it seem so simple." Haley shrugged. "Look, I have to tell you something."
"Alright, shoot!"

Nathan was never one to be nervous, but sitting here on the beach and gazing into Haley's soulful brown eyes- it was overwhelming. "In one of my classes we had to write a paper on who we admired most." Nathan breathed in deeply. "I wrote about you, Haley."

"Wha - why?" She asked softly. "Nathan, I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything."

Haley sat in her apartment, thinking back on the events of her night with Nathan. It had been interesting, yet very much needed. He was a wonderful man deep down, but so much heartache and pain kept him from being the person he truly was inside. She sat in front of her closet, holding a box full of letters. A smile appeared on her face when she found what she was looking for- the paper that Nathan had written about why he admired her. Haley was shocked that he had chosen to write about her, but it made her feel worthy. All she wanted was to help Nathan; she wanted to make him see that he was a good man, and the very fact that he wrote a paper about her showed it.

Who I Admired and Why.

I know that a lot people are going to choose athletes or musicians, maybe even their parents, but not me. There is a girl that I know she really is a wonderful person. She taught me so much in such a little amount of time and it amazes me. Some may not see what makes her so special, but I do. Haley James is a girl who isn't afraid to be herself. She never lets the weight of the world pressure her into a life that she doesn't want to be living. Haley is who she wants to be and no one can change her. When I first met her, I honestly didn't get it. The way she saw things always gave me a headache and I never understood why she thought life was so great, but then I realized something. Haley isn't meant for this world; she is meant for something so much better. I sometimes wish she knew how smart and witty she is, but I believe that her not knowing keeps her humble. Haley is the most compassionate person that I have ever known. No matter how angry someone makes her, she still wants to see something good happen to them.

Everything that Haley is, I admire. She can laugh when things aren't even that funny, and she will cry with you when life is tough. I can remember this one time we were driving somewhere, and this really strange song came on. Haley just began singing; she didn't have a care in the world. People like that should be admired because they are who they are and they don't care. The people in this world don't matter because they don't have her inner strength and confidence.
Haley James is a special person and I thank God everyday that I know her.

Tears blurred her vision as she put the paper Nathan wrote safely away. What happened to the girl she use to be? The girl who didn't have a care in the world and was able to walk around and not care what people thought? Haley sighed, realizing that she had changed dramatically over the years and she couldn't help but regret it.

Could having Nathan back in her life bring her back to the girl she use to be? Only time would tell.