Xenos was a friend of mine. I trusted her. And so I did the stupidest thing I could have possibly done.
You see, a while back I wrote some letters. Love letters. To Naminé. Which was a stupid thing to begin with because, well, I'm a nobody. I can't feel. I never sent the letters. Didn't know where to send them to.
But the really stupid thing I did was show them to Xenos.
"Roxas and Naminé, sittin' in a tree," Xenos sang, "K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" Xenos was my age. She should really learn to act it. "First comes love-"
"Shut the fuck up, Xenos," I told her. The fact that I had used the word fuck and called her Xenos (instead of Xen, which is what I always called her) was enough to let her know that I was pissed off. She shut up right away.
"But really, Rox," she said. "You love her."
"Has the fact that I can't love slipped your mind, Xenos?" Not to mention the fact that I hadn't seen Naminé for the past year or so. She could be a completely different person now. She could not exist now, I reminded myself painfully.
"But you do," Xenos insisted. "It's soooo obvious." Childish much, Xenos? She picked up one of the letters and proceeded to read it. Out loud. "Dearest Naminé," I snatched the letter from her hands before she could continue. It wasn't like anyone else could hear – we were locked in my room. But it was still embarrassing. Xenos looked at me. "Dearest Naminé," she repeated. "Not just dear. Dearest. Is it that hard for you to believe that you actually care about her?"
I paused, thinking. "I'm a nobody, Xen," I said softly. "I can't feel."
She held up a fistful of letters. "If nobodies can't feel, why would you write something like this?" She was nearly in tears. "If nobodies can't feel, why would Demyx kiss me the way he does?"
And I finally understood. This whole thing – she was just trying to find hope for her and Demyx. She finally broke down and cried. And I understood that too. Xenos spent all her time caring about us – and she didn't have anyone to care about her. I couldn't stand to see her cry. So, not knowing what else to do, I hugged her.
"See?" she said, finally wiping away her tears. "You do have feelings. You care about me."
I realized later that Xenos might be right. I cared about her and protected her like a sister. And I loved Naminé.
After Xenos left, I was surprised to open the box where I kept the letters to find only a note.
Rox,
It's time Naminé finally got to read your letters. She'll be happy to know you cared.
-Xen
I smiled. Xenos had known where Naminé was all along. It suddenly hit me that I never really knew anything about Xenos. Who she was, where she came from…
…And now I would never get to find out.