The Moon and the Stars

Chapter 5

Dear Diary,

It's been a long time since I've written. The last time I've written was when I was 15 and now I'm 18. I've been through a lot since then, things have changed.

First, Mom and Dad have divorced. Dad has no visiting privileges, because of physical and verbal abuse. But he has to pay child support. My mother talks of him like he's a hobo living in a shopping cart, near our house. My brother wants to stay around the house and help our poor family. But my mother shoos him off the college, saying that she can take care of me and how she's perfectly all right.

I told Milliardo about school and what happened, then begged him not to tell my mom. So to this day she doesn't know. My brother just told her it was very personal. I was laughed at a couple days after the incident but then it's like I vanished and everyone didn't notice me anymore. Diary, it feels better that way really.

Anyway, My mom and Dad have been to court about three times. Once for divorce a second for custody and a third, for child support. Guess who moved into our house, diary? John. That man whenever I see him at the breakfast table, I either run upstairs or run out the house saying I'm late for school and of course miss breakfast. He's doesn't come home from work until about six and I would go for a walk right when he comes through the door, lock myself in my room or go outside in the backyard and look up at the hollow moon and the bright stars. I'll only do that when there is a full moon.

I guess I have to discuss Heero now. He's gotten a little taller, he looks the same as before just more mysterious and his brown locks cover his beautiful eyes a little more now. I haven't spoken to Heero, and he hasn't spoken to me. I'm pretty sure he knows it was me who called him that day and I'm too afraid to talk to him after I hanged up on him. But that was a long time ago, he is a most private person and I think most people just don't try to befriend him, anymore.

You could say I was immature when I first met him, I had dreams of us together. Kissing on the beach during a beautiful sunset or I was Juliet and he was Romeo. Fantasies about your crush, that everyone has when they are a teen. But the more dreams I had of us together, the more it seemed like it would never happened. I've seen him in the hallways and sometimes he would sit next to me on the bus, with no talking or looking. I'd look at him sometimes but be scared if he caught me staring.

I'm scared of being rejected by my 3-year crush. Especially since my dreams were getting even more adult than usual. I wanted him to be my first and I wanted to have his kids, the worst was that I could see that kind of stuff in my dreams. Imaging him to be a certain way, for "our" children to look and act a certain way. It was so real like I could feel his lips, his body, his hair, and even his breath.

Diary, what's wrong with this perfect picture, is that I don't even know him.

Relena

Story written by Despair's Desire