What We Could Have Been

by calliopechild

The feud between the Turtles and the Foot has been long and violent, and Karai is determined to end it. But at what cost? By giving up 'what we could have been'.

8. Confessions

Disclaimer: Do I own them? No. Have I ever? No. Am I ever going to? Not likely. Have I ever claimed that I do own them? Another no. I think that's everything. :D

Alrighty, so all the disclaiming is taken care of. And now for the thanking; thank you!! The response to this story lately, especially the last few chapters, has been so amazing. It's blowing my mind that you guys like this story so much, and I really appreciate all the support. So a big thank you goes out to all my readers. And now, a thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter: Fork tounge, Cascadia-science, Amberli Raven, The Burninator Named Trogdor, BubblyShell22, RedRebel84, Tewi, skyle, and Pi90katana. I really, really appreciate it, and you guys totally make all the work worth it.

As for the story! You guys ought to like this chapter, even if for no other reason than you get to find out what happens to Leo. Please don't kill me. ;; Moving on! There are only three chapters after this one; I can't believe I'm almost done with this. Anyways, after this story is done, it's going to be a while until I post another big one. For a while, I'm mainly going to be posting some one shots; my plot bunny attack from a couple months ago left me with a veritable horde of them, so I'll try to thin out the contents of my story folder. While I post those, I'm going to try to finish another big story so that I actually have it completely finished before I start posting it. That should do wonders for my updating schedule…if it works. On another note, I'm heading back to school on Sunday. I'm hoping that going back won't hurt my updating too much, but we'll have to see. Either way, at least you guys will be up to date.

Anyways, I can't think of anything else, so that's all the ado for now, and on with the story!!!

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Raph nearly jumped out of his skin at Mikey's scream, darting to his brother's side as quickly as he could. He could hear Don following close behind. Relief and panic tugged at him. Mikey found Leo!

But why did he scream like that?

He turned around the corner of the building and skidded to a stop. The alley where Raph had last spotted his youngest brother was empty. I coulda sworn I heard Mikey from over here. "Mikey?" he called hesitantly.

"Raph, get over here!"

The red-banded turtle walked further down the alley, still confused. "Wouldja mind tellin' me where "here" is, bro?"

Mikey suddenly appeared out of the shadows on the left, causing both of his older brothers to jump. He was paler than either of them could ever remember seeing, and his eyes were wide with fear.

Don furrowed his brow. "Mikey, where the shell did you come from?"

"It's an alcove," Mikey explained quickly. "It's pretty dark, so you can only see it from certain angles. Don, have you got a flashlight? Leo's in here, and he—I can't tell too well, but he looks bad," he finished brokenly.

"Yeah, I've got one." Don dropped to his knees, rifling through his bag and coming up with a large flashlight and a first aid kit. Getting to his feet, he flicked on the light and approached Mikey. "Show me where Leo is."

Mikey beckoned to both of them and seemed to disappear again. Don and Raph followed, and were it not for the light that Don was carrying, Raph could have sworn he was walking straight into a black wall.

Don stopped dead in his tracks, and Raph nearly ran into him. Glancing over his brother's shoulder, he could just catch sight of a still, green foot. His heart started pounding in his chest as he stepped to the side of Don and finally saw his brother. "No…" That word, that denial of what he saw before him, was the only thing Raph could hold to.

Mikey's quiet voice sounded behind him. "Leo…"

Their elder brother, strong, unbreakable Leo, was lying bloody and silent on the cold asphalt of a dark alley in New York. The wounds on his body made it look like he'd fought his way out of hell by force. Lines of pain were etched deeply into his face, and his skin was a sickly pale green. His right leg was sliced open, blood still dripping from around the meager clotting. A sodden knee pad was secured to the middle of the wound, covering as much of it as possible. The material was stained a dark crimson, full of more blood than it could hold. But worse than that was what lay deep in his left side. Two pads had been placed over what Raph could only guess was an even worse wound, but both were already soaked through with blood, and more kept leaking out. Various other small cuts and bruises mottled his skin, keeping the larger wounds company.

Raph felt his heart stop in that one moment. "No…shit no!!!" The scream poured out of him faster than he could stop it, as though trying to change what he saw by the sheer volume of his denial, and suddenly he was on his knees, holding his older brother as tightly as he could. One hand flew desperately to Leo's neck, and though he found a pulse, the heartbeats were erratic and weak against his fingertips.

He's cold…dammit, why is he so cold? We're here, bro; why the hell won't you wake up? Raph's mind kept screaming, and he couldn't tell whether he was screaming out loud as well. He had woken up from nightmares like this so many times; he would end up finding one of his brothers mortally injured, but too late; always too late. No matter which brother it was, no matter what the situation was, he always arrived too late to help, to get any sense of justice. But worse than not being able to avenge his brother was the panicked helplessness that always paralyzed him. They would be cut and bleeding, and he would have no idea how to help them. And now that nightmare had been realized.

Even worse, it was the second time that this had happened to Leo.

The second time the Foot had nearly stolen his brother from him.

Raph could feel the rage burning in him. Twice they had done this.

Twice.

That was two times too many. No one messed with his family, and if they did, there was no way in hell that they would get away with it.

Don fell to his knees beside them suddenly, the noise drawing Raph out of his anger-induced stupor.

"Oh shell…" Don's voice was uneven and shaky. "Raph…"

"Don, what do we do?" Raph asked carefully.

"He's bled so much, Raph," Don responded, his voice thin. He stuck the fingertips of one hand in the small puddle of blood that had dripped from the pad on Leo's leg and stared at the crimson liquid. "Most of this is already dry, which means he's been here so long…I should have expected this. I knew he was hurt. I knew it, and I knew it could be bad, but I thought he'd be okay. But there's too much blood, he's been lying here for too long—"

"Don!" Raph barked, letting go of Leo with one hand to grab Don's wrist. "Don, Leo's hurt bad an' we gotta help 'im. What do we do? There's gotta be somethin' we can do."

The words reached Don somehow, and Raph watched his brother come back to himself.

Don took a deep breath. "We…we have to stop the bleeding. He's already lost too much and gone into shock; that's why he's so cold. If we don't stop this now, he's going to hemorrhage and bleed to death." Strength came back into his voice as he pulled himself together and shifted his position, replacing the pad on Leo's leg with one of his own. He turned his attention to Mikey as he pressed his hands firmly on the pad. "Mikey, call April; tell her to get here as quickly as she can, and to bring all the medical supplies she can carry. Raph, check Leo's side, we need to know how badly he's hurt."

Raph nodded, staring at Leo. He shifted his hold on his older brother slightly, propping Leo against his legs with his older brother's head on his lap so that he could free his hands. He reached for the pads on Leo's side, praying that the injury wasn't as bad as it looked.

"Don't…"

Raph jerked his hand back, unsure where the voice had come from. He looked at Don and Mikey, but their faces were turned to Leo…who was awake.

"Leo!" Raph grinned, relief flooding through his system as he gripped his brother's hand. "Damn, bro, you sure know how ta scare a turtle. Man, I was worried ya weren't ever gonna snap out of it."

"You're…okay?"

Raph barely caught the words with how weak Leo's voice was. It worried him, but his annoyance with his brother pushed that aside. "Leo, yer the one that looks like shit an' yer askin' if we're okay? For cryin' out loud, bro, your priorities—"

"Are…you guys…and…your safety," Leo interrupted quietly. "Raph…"

The red-banded turtle rolled his eyes but answered. "Yeah, we're all fine. An' Casey got April back to the Lair; she's fine too."

At the mention of their home, Leo's hand tightened on Raph's. "The Lair?" he wheezed, his eyes widening. "The bugs—"

"We got 'em, Leo, it's okay," Raph assured him, wondering vaguely how Leo had know about the trackers. Karai must have wanted ta gloat or somethin', he figured, setting the issue aside. "Case, April and Sensei found 'em when they picked us up, and got rid of em." He squeezed Leo's hand reassuringly as he reached again for the pads bound to Leo's side. "Anyways, yer the one that needs taken care of, not us. Don't worry, bro, we'll getcha fixed up an' home in no time."

"Nnn…no…" The word breezed from Leo's mouth, more of a whisper than actual speech. His left hand rose slightly to land on Raph's, a feeble attempt to stop his movements.

"'No'? Bro, this ain't the time ta be stubborn," Raph pointed out, concern growing unpleasantly in his gut. He tried again to move the pads aside.

"I said…no…" Leo's words were slightly stronger now, yet still undeniably weak. His hand just hung from Raph's now, no strength left in his arm. "D-don't…look. Y-you don't…need to…see this," he whispered.

Raph's brows furrowed in concern. "Bro, we can't fix it if we can't see it," he said, worry making his voice rough.

"I don't…think you c-can fix…this…" Leo breathed quietly, avoiding Raph's eyes. "Just…don't."

A cold weight settled heavily in Raph's stomach. "C'mon, knock it off, yer freakin' me out here. Stop bein' stupid an' lemme see what's wrong." Without waiting for permission, he reached over and tugged the pads aside. Seconds later, he could feel the blood draining out of his face as Mikey and Don gasped.

"Holy shit…"

Horror rose in Raph's throat, quickly followed by bile. Leo's side featured a thin, jagged stab wound, the severity and depth of the gash made clear by the alarming rate at which it continued to pump blood. Raph ripped an elbow pad off his arm and quickly pressed it to Leo's side. The blue-banded turtle whimpered at the pressure, and Raph felt his heart rise into his throat at the noise. He'd never heard his brother make that sound before. He could feel the wetness that kept seeping into the new pad, unabated by the pressure he was applying. Panic began to race through his veins, and he unconsciously pushed down harder on his brother's side.

A weak scream tore its way out of Leo's mouth, and his body bucked, the pain jolting his body uncontrollably.

"Raph, what are you doing?!" Don shouted.

"I'm tryin' ta keep Leo from dyin'!" the hothead snapped back. "Look at 'im!"

"I am, Raph, and you can't press that hard, not even to stop the blood flow," Don retorted. He snatched the pad from his brother and took his place. "We need him conscious, and he won't stay that way long if he passes out from pain. Keep pressure on his leg and I'll take care of this." Shifting his attention, he held Leo's eyes carefully. "Leo, I need you to tell me everything that happened. Tell me how you got this."

Leo stared at his brother, trying to focus. His entire body trembled with pain and shock, and Mikey knelt down and held one of his brother's hands gently. "C'mon, bro, listen to Donnie; he knows what he's talking about. Just tell us what happened."

"Karai…she, I mean…we—fought. She stabbed me…"

"How, Leo?"

"With a…katana…what else?" Leo responded, his words weak and morbidly humorous. "Wasn't…even mine…this time."

"Leo," Don reprimanded.

"She tried to stab me…in the heart, but it—" Leo gestured weakly at the bloody line that trailed along his plastron. "It s-skidded and g-got lodged in my side…I think one of my ribs—s-stopped it."

"Shell…" Don swore, shaking his head. "At least it didn't go in any further. How long ago was this?"

"Don, I can't—"

Don's voice was sharp and firm. "How long ago, Leo?"

Leo's expression was tired and pained as he tried to remember. "T-twenty minutes, I think…"

"Shit," Don ground out tightly. He snapped his gaze up to Mikey's. "Mikey, you need to target a pressure point and slow the flow of blood to his side. He's been bleeding heavily for way too long, and just putting pressure on this isn't helping enough."

"But Don, I don't—"

"Mikey, you always did well when we practiced using these, and you're the only one with free hands."

The orange-banded turtle gulped, but nodded. "Gotcha." He got up quickly and knelt behind his brother, propping Leo's head up on his legs. Tilting his brother's head to the side, he slowly traced his fingers along Leo's neck and upper shoulder, murmuring to himself quietly as he sought for the right point. He finally settled on one and pressed a finger to it firmly, glancing at Don for confirmation. His other hand was resting on Leo's chest, holding Leo's right hand tightly.

Don nodded. "Good, that's the best one for right now. You called April?"

Mikey nodded, a small grin tugging at his mouth. "She said she'd be here in four or five minutes."

"That's a bit fast."

"Well, we are only three blocks from the Lair. And April said she and Casey both just got back from checking for Leo at both of their places, so they're both still in the Battleshell. She also said she's bringing all the supplies she could find at her place and the Lair."

Don sighed and shook his head. "She is unbelievable. Way too good to us."

"We…cause her too much…t-trouble," Leo wheezed, his voice uneven as his breathing began to accelerate in agitation. "She s-shouldn't be…i-involved…"

Raph frowned down at his brother. "Leo, ya need to calm down, bro—"

Leo ignored him, his breath coming even faster. "The Foot know w-where…she lives. They've been…watching her b-because of us. She—she isn't s-safe, and…it's our f-fault—" His body arced suddenly, his hand tightening desperately on Mikey's. "Hnngh!"

"Leo!" Mikey cried frantically. His attention flew between Leo and Don, and back again. "Don, what's wrong?!"

"He's got a frickin' hole in his side, that's what's wrong!" Raph snapped, still holding a pad to Leo's leg. "Don'tcha think that prob'ly twinges a bit?"

Another sudden movement from Leo cut off Don's angry rebuke. The blue-banded turtle collapsed, the tension bleeding from his body rapidly. His eyes fluttered shut as his breath wheezed out of him.

"Don, his pulse—it's gone!" Mikey yelled hysterically, his hand still on Leo's neck. "What's going on?!"

The purple-banded turtle shoved his brothers out of the way, laying Leo flat out on the pavement. "I'm not sure," he answered tightly, his own hands going to Leo's neck and wrist. "It might be a heart attack, from a combination of shock and blood loss. I think he had a small anxiety attack just now and that sent his heart rate soaring. Combined with how much blood he's lost and how much strain's been put on his body in the past couple of hours, I think his heart stopped."

Mikey froze, looking stricken. "His heart…? Leo, he…he's dead?"

Don snarled at the question, his own fear turning his self-control brittle. "He's not dead until his brain waves stop," he retorted defiantly. Folding his hands on top of each other, he placed them on Leo's plastron and began chest compressions. "Raph, get over here and help me."

Raph got up without a word and gently moved Mikey out of the way. At Don's nod, he breathed into Leo's mouth, then sat back to wait for the next set. He glanced at Mikey quickly, worried by his brother's state, then turned back to Leo for another set of breaths. Raph could hear his own heart pounding in his ears, could feel the fear starting to creep up on him. They all dreaded losing one another, but Leo had always featured largely in Raph's dreams of death. Despite their differences, they had always been close, and they still were. But there was more to it than that; when he chose to look, he could see how hard the role of leadership could be and was on Leo. Without Leo, that burden would fall to him, and just the thought made Raph feel like he was strangling. Yet even beyond that, it still came back to the fact that Raph couldn't imagine a life without Leo. Overprotective or not, aggravating or not, he was Raph's big brother. He stared at Leo with wide eyes, praying that he wasn't really watching his brother die.

You gotta come back, Leo; you just have to.

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Don continued the chest compressions, increasing the pressure as his fear began to grow. He knew they didn't have much time in which to restart Leo's heart. When the heart stopped beating, oxygen stopped traveling through the body. If they couldn't get Leo breathing again, and soon, parts of his brain would begin to die. And then eventually, nothing would be able to bring him back…

NO!!!

His motions became jerky as he struggled to hold onto his growing panic. His sense of time began to become distorted as his fear took hold. Don couldn't tell how long he'd been sitting here, shoving at his brother's chest in what felt like a vain attempt at forcing life back into a motionless heart. The terror in him at the thought of losing Leo was telling him it had been hours, that there was no use, that Leo was gone, while the fading fragments of his reason insisted that a full minute couldn't even have passed yet. Don didn't know which part was right, but he was willing to sit here through eternity trying to bring his brother back, even if the chance of doing so was infinitesimal.

This was straight out of nearly every one of Don's nightmares, this breathless span of time in which all of reality seemed to be held in limbo. Ever since he had begun taking up the burden of being the family medic, the dreams of death that were depressingly common for all them, for him began to become dreams of failure as well. Some dreams would continue like this, with Don trying as hard as possible to save whichever brother was hurt, while nothing happened. The blood would keep flowing, the heart would keep slowing, and try as he might nothing would change that. Everything would stay frozen in an endless moment of sweat and tears and trying so damn hard. He would wake up shaking, part of him insisting crazily that if he just went back into the dream, he was sure to save them this time. Other dreams would end with his brother dying in his arms, with all his efforts for nothing, his struggles proving vain while all around him his family and friends screamed, blaming him for his brother's death.

Why didn't you do more?

Why didn't you try harder?

Why couldn't you save him?

Don shook himself out of his terror, holding desperately to the small certainties he still had. There's still time…it's not much, but there's still time.

Another set of compressions on a silent heart, another set of breaths forced into still lungs.

Please let it be enough.

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Mikey sat frozen on the ground, unable to move or think. He couldn't seem to move his eyes from Leo. Despite what Don had said, to him, death always meant the same thing; a cold body with no breath, and no pulse.

So…Leo had…died?

Mikey's mind was in turmoil. His focus whirled around a dozen different thoughts, a thousand different emotions. He both thought Leo was dead and hoped desperately that he would come back; he had to be able to, or Don wouldn't still be trying. He wanted to race across the city and destroy anyone and anything that had been even remotely connected to what had happened to Leo…and feared moving above all else, because as long as he stayed by Leo's side, his brother could still come back. Determination chased despair, hope rode on the back of anger, and through it all, fear held him immobile.

A warm touch on his leg nearly sent him through the wall, he was so tightly wound. Glancing down, he saw that the cat had come back and was sitting on his lap. Mikey lifted it into his arms and hugged it tightly, desperately needing to hold something warm, something alive, to chase away the memory of the sickening chill of Leo's skin. Then his attention was back on his brother.

It seemed so unbelievably wrong, so totally unfair that they should always have to risk and lose so much. They had never done anything to anyone, had never asked for anything other than the chance to live in peace, and yet all they ever seemed to face was hardship and sadness, loss and pain. It's not fair!!! Part of him laughed mockingly at the statement, but he kept to the mantra, childish though it may be. None of this was fair. Why should they have to lose Leo? Why should they have to pay for peace in blood? Why should he have to lose a brother that had fought so hard to end a war their father had started them in?

Leo, we can't lose you…I can't lose you.

Despite the nagging and restriction that came with it, Leo's protection had always been important to Mikey. Over the years, Leo had covered for him in front of Sensei, sheltered him from Raph after a prank, and watched his back, all their backs, in each and every fight. He's always been there for me, even when I didn't want it or appreciate it. Leo was the big brother, the untouchable one, the shield between him and everything bad in the world. Leo was the nightlight that kept the monsters at bay, the light in the dark that made things bearable at the worst of times.

The thought of losing all of that was terrifying.

A sudden gasp nearly caused Mikey to squeeze the cat in two. His eyes focused again and could hardly believe what he saw…

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Leo was breathing again.

His eyes were shut, and each breath wheezed in and out of his lungs, but he was alive.

Raph sagged in relief, and Don himself was trembling with it. "Okay," he managed to say shakily. "Now we just need April and Casey to—"

A sudden screech of tires broke the silence at the mouth of the alley, and running footsteps could be heard moments later. "Guys?" Casey's voice called out. "Yo, Raph, Don, Mikey, where are ya?"

Don closed his eyes thankfully. "Speak of the devil," he laughed. Moving to the mouth of the alcove, he quickly got Casey and April's attention. Both humans gasped at the sight of Leo, but moved immediately once Don started issuing instructions. April and Don swiftly applied temporary bandages, then moved Leo to the Battle Shell with Casey's help. Four minutes later, the six of them were safely back in the garage of the Lair. Casey, Don and April unloaded Leo carefully and headed for the infirmary right away, while Raph and Mikey stayed behind to bring in the rest of the supplies.

Raph sighed, a small fraction of his tension ebbing away now that they were all home. "We made it, Mikey; all four of us made it home one more time."

"Yeah…" Mikey's voice was as shaky as Raph's. "C'mon, let's get this stuff and get inside. Someone's gonna have to tell Sensei what's going on."

The two of them loaded their arms with the boxes of supplies and closed up the Battle Shell. Raph had just turned off the lights to the garage when he heard a meow. He closed his eyes and groaned. Please tell me I didn't just hear that. Turning to glare at Mikey, who met his eyes sheepishly, he saw that his brother's arms were full of boxes…and the cat from the alley. "Mikey, we don't have time for this!" Raph snapped.

"It's not taking any time, Raph, he's already right here!" Mikey shot back, tightening his arm around the cat. "Besides, he saved Leo's life."

Raph growled in exasperation. "Dammit, Mikey, listen—"

"No, you listen, Raph. You saw what that alcove looked like; you couldn't find it. You even said yourself that you didn't see it until I came out of it. Well, guess what? I didn't notice either until I saw this little guy disappear into it, which means that all three of us could have walked right past it, and what would've happened to Leo then, huh?" Mikey's expression remained stubborn. "He's staying with us. I wasn't going to leave him out there; not after he helped us find Leo, and especially not with how bad this city's gonna be when all the Foot go nuts."

The red-banded turtle groaned internally. Mikey didn't get like this often, but he was as stubborn as Leo when he wanted to be. Raph sighed and gave it one last try. "Ya can't save every single stray ya come across, Mike; and besides, since when have the Foot gone after animals?"

Mikey stared at the bundle of fur in his arms. "It's never seemed to matter much to any of them who they hurt," he said quietly. "And I know I can't save all of them, but I've got to help the ones I can." He looked up to hold Raph's eyes. "We do it for the humans, why not do it for the animals?" His gaze moved back to the cat. "They at least show some gratitude for it."

Raph found himself slightly taken aback at the bitterness in Mikey's words. The orange-banded turtle took Raph's silence for acceptance and walked out of the garage and into the Lair. His older brother stared after him, slightly lost in thought. Of all of them, Mikey had never voiced any complaints or bitterness about never being thanked for the things they did. Every time they'd save someone, only to have that person run off yelling about "freaks", "monsters" or "mutants", Mikey had always had a joke right on hand. Raph felt a pang of guilt hit his stomach; how come I never thought that that stuff really bugged him? The answer was easy, but not one he liked. 'Cause Mikey always laughs at everythin', an' I never thought that he was doin' it to hide stuff. Shaking his head, Raph set the thought aside and followed his brother into the Lair. He dropped his supplies in the door of the infirmary, which was already bustling with Don and April's motions, then joined the rest of his family in the living room.

An' now we wait.

The time passed with agonizing slowness. After explaining to Splinter what had happened, none of them felt like talking, and the only thing that broke the silence of the Lair was the occasional noise from the infirmary. Two hours after they brought Leo home, Don and April finally emerged, both of their faces tight with worry. They sat down with the rest of the family, exhaustion obvious in their movements.

Raph asked the question on everyone's mind. "How is he, Donnie?"

Don spoke quietly without moving his face from his hands. "It's bad, Raph. He lost…so much blood. It's weakened him incredibly. His pulse is very weak and erratic, and his breathing is much too shallow. April and I stitched up his leg; fortunately, that cut wasn't that bad. It was long but not deep, and it missed the muscles. But his side…Karai stabbed him deeply. The blade went all the way to his ribs. The only luck we have is that it was stopped there and didn't enter his abdominal cavity, which means no internal organs were pierced. There was some internal damage, obviously, but since it was a fairly clean strike, there's not as much as there could have been. We fixed what we could, but the rest of it we couldn't do much about. We could have operated to get at it, but Leo's body couldn't have taken the additional blood loss. The blood transfusion we gave him will help ease the deficit a little until his body manages to recover and start replacing the blood that was lost, but he'll probably need another one in a while."

"Is he…gonna make it, Donnie?" Mikey asked hesitantly.

A long moment passed in silence before Don raised his head to look at his family. "I don't know, Mikey. It…it doesn't look good right now."

Tears began to fill Mikey's eyes, and Splinter bowed his head in grief. Raph buried his face in his hands with a choked curse. "What can we do, Don?" he asked brokenly.

"Wait," Don replied bleakly. "It's all we can do, other than pray. It's up to Leo's body whether he can recover from this or not. We also have to wait and see if any infection sets in; with how long he was lying in that alley, one or both of his cuts might have gotten infected. Even though we cleaned them as well as possible, infection may have already gotten inside. We gave him some penicillin, but I don't know if we got it into him in time. We'll just have to wait and see. If he survives the night…we have a chance."

"Will talking to him help? Like it did last time?" Mikey inquired.

"I don't know, Mikey. We can try tomorrow. It might, if hearing us could somehow give him strength. That's what he needs the most: strength. He completely exhausted himself tonight, so his energy stores are basically empty. But right now he needs rest. It's the best thing for him right now."

Splinter stood slowly, grief and worry darkening his face. "Leonardo is not the only one who needs rest. We shall all retire now, and I will watch Leonardo through the night." A flurry of protests immediately greeted this announcement, but Splinter silenced them with a raised hand. "My sons, as Donatello says, rest is what Leonardo needs the most. There is nothing else we can do for him tonight. And with how badly injured your brother is, we will all need our rest as well if we are to help him to heal." Splinter departed for the infirmary, closing the door quietly behind him.

The rest of the Lair's occupants fell silent. "So what now?" Casey asked, unusually subdued.

Don sighed. "We go to bed. Leo's body simply doesn't have the energy to really do anything; even if we all did stay up all night, nothing would happen. Sensei will watch him, and he'll let us know if anything does happen." He turned to their guests. "Casey, April, I know you'd probably like to be in your own beds tonight, but we'd all feel a lot better if you guys stayed here for the next few days."

The two humans nodded. "I'd rather be nearby, just in case," April agreed.

"Good," Don said, relieved. "I know we could use the extra help. April, I can either put up a cot for you in Leo's room, since…it's not being used right now."

April shook her head. "I'd rather just crash here on the couch, if that's alright."

"That's fine. Casey?" Don asked, turning to the tall man. "How about you?"

"Case can bunk with me if he wants," Raph offered. "I've got a spare hammock I can string up for 'im."

"Works fer me," Casey said. "Just as long as it ain't strung too high up; I always fall outta those things."

Raph snorted dryly. "I'll getcha some pillows so ya've got a soft landin', princess."

"I'll see you guys tomorrow," Mikey offered. His eyes strayed towards the infirmary. "I'll see everyone tomorrow," he amended determinedly before he left for his room.

The four that were left said their goodnights as well, each of them remembering Mikey's words with the same idea of hope.

Amen to that.

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Mikey woke with a start, his plastron heaving as he pulled himself out of a nightmare. The three of them had gone out to look for Leo, just as they had in real life, and made their way to the same alley. However, that was where the similarities ended. Mikey had once again been led by the cat to the alcove where Leo was lying, but when he tried to enter, a glass wall had winked into existence in between them, cutting Mikey off from his brother. However, he could still see Leo perfectly. The scene was lighter than he could remember, because he could see clearly all the blood and wounds on his brother. The cat had sat there like before, meowing and staring at Mikey accusingly, as though asking why he wasn't helping his brother. Frantically, Mikey had started flailing at the wall with his nunchaku, trying desperately to reach his brother. Then came that horrible attack again, as Leo stiffened, then fell so still and silent. Mikey had screamed, begging anyone to come help him, but Raph and Don had disappeared. He had woken just as the dream cat had walked away, leaving him completely alone as he watched his brother die helplessly. Shaking off the lingering images, Mikey glanced at his clock to find that it had just reached ten in the morning. He stretched widely, then reached for his bandana. A sudden flurry of footsteps outside his door caught his attention, and he tied his bandana on as he made his way out into the hall. Just as he opened his door, he caught sight of Don and Master Splinter disappearing into the infirmary, shutting the door tightly behind them. His heart began sinking towards his stomach.

"Hey, Mikey."

The orange-banded turtle jumped at the sound of his name, then turned to see Raph. "Hey. What's going on? Is everything okay?"

Raph frowned slightly and jerked his head away from the infirmary, indicating for Mikey to follow. The two turtles made their way into the kitchen.

"What's wrong?" Mikey asked again, Raph's silence making him nervous.

A heavy sigh came from Raph as he stared at the table. "It's Leo. It looks like some'a his cuts got infected after all. When Sensei and Don went ta check on 'im this mornin', they found him with a fever."

"Oh shell…"

"Yeah." Raph shot a troubled look at the infirmary door. "Apparently it's kinda bad. Sensei an' Don are in there with 'im now. Sensei's gonna try an' merge with Leo's spirit, to try and send him some strength and see if they can get rid of this before it really gets goin'. Don's in there to help out and keep an eye on both of 'em."

Mikey followed his brother's gaze. "How long are they gonna be in there?"

Raph shrugged. "Who knows. Either till it starts workin', or till it stops workin'."

Those were the last words either of them spoke for a while. The other inhabitants of the Lair woke as well, and breakfast was a quiet affair. Casey and April both made a quick and careful trip to their homes for some of their belongings, but that was the only action of the day.

It wasn't until a few hours after Don and Splinter had entered the infirmary that the door opened again. All eyes flew to the room in an instant. Don emerged, practically carrying Splinter out of the room. They disappeared into Splinter's room, and then Don emerged alone. Spying the rest of his family, he joined them quickly.

"How'd it go, Don?" Raph asked intently.

"It looks like it worked, or at least helped. Leo's fever has dropped several degrees, so it's no longer at such a dangerously high temperature. The energy that Sensei gave him, along with the second transfusion of blood I just administered, managed to pull Leo out of unconsciousness, so he's sleeping now, which is the best thing for him. Leo's got some of the energy he needs to fight off the infection and start healing, but he's still got a ways to go."

Mikey sighed in relief. "How's Sensei?"

"Absolutely exhausted," Don said exasperatedly. "He didn't sleep much last night, and he gave Leo just about everything he had. I know we really needed what he did, but I just wish he hadn't overdone it. He's going to be sleeping nearly as much as Leo for the next few days."

"Can…can I go see him?" Mikey asked hesitantly. "Leo, I mean. Could I go talk to him?"

Don looked at his brother and smiled tiredly. "Sure, Mikey. I'm sure it'll do you both some good."

Mikey smiled back at his brother and took off for the infirmary. He entered quietly, and took a seat beside Leo's bed. The blue-banded turtle was still pale, and the rising and falling of his chest was the only movement he made. Mikey cleared his throat. "Hey, bro. Look at you, you're a mess. You're really gonna have to work on learning how to play nice with the other kids," he joked weakly, his voice strained. He fell silent, unsure of how to continue, when a quiet noise from by his feet drew his attention. The black and white cat was sitting there watching him, and Mikey picked it up with a grin. Here's something to talk about.

"Hey, Leo, there's someone I want you to meet." Mikey held the cat up in front of Leo as though presenting it. The cat meowed indignantly, unhappy with the treatment. "Sorry, little guy," Mikey said, lowering the cat down to his lap. "Anyways, I thought I should introduce you since you haven't really met yet. He saved your life, bro; did you know that? Of course you don't, you were unconscious. Sorry, stupid question. But yeah, he saved you; he's the reason I found you. You really did find a good hiding spot, Leo. If he hadn't led me to you, I—I don't think we would have found you." He trailed off quietly, then forced a smile back on his face. "Sorry, melancholy moment. And yeah, I do know what that means, thank you very much. With you and Raph always being so moody, I've picked up on a whole new vocabulary; a bunch of new ways to make fun of you guys, isn't that great?"

Mikey gave a tight, forced laugh. "Maybe for me. I hope you don't mind me just goin' on and on like this." He sighed, unable to keep up the carefree façade any longer. "Of course you don't, you never mind anything. Or at least, you don't show it. You've really gotta work on that, Leo. It's not healthy to keep things in as much as you do. You'll blow a blood vessel or get fat from the stress or something. Isn't that right, little dude?" Mikey asked, looking down at the cat jokingly.

The feline didn't even look up, but proceeded to start washing itself instead.

The orange-banded turtle shook his head, grinning slightly. "He listens to me just about as much as anyone in this family. Except you, Leo; for some reason, you'll listen to anyone. Heck, you're even listening to me talking to you about this little guy. Oh, that reminds me, bro; he doesn't have a name yet. I figured that since he found you, you ought to get to name him. Not to mention, he'd probably ignore a name from any of the rest of us; he seems to be pretty attached to you already. He kinda claimed you, ya know? He came in here just as soon as I did. I guess he wanted to make sure you were okay, too. So ya see, you gotta wake up, Leo. We can't just go around calling him "little guy" or "cat" or, in the tender words of Raph, "the newest hairball". I think "damn fleabag" was another one, not that you heard it from me. But anyways, he needs a name soon, bro, or he's gonna get a complex or something. I think Donnie said it's an identity crisis. You wouldn't do that to a cute little guy like this, would you? Not to mention what you'd do to us if you didn't wake up…what you'd do to me."

"Shell, we're so selfish when it comes to you, Leo. I mean, look at you; you just got the tar beat out of you, and we're here asking things of you already. Heal. Wake up. Come back. Make yet another miraculous recovery…sometimes I wonder how many of those you've got left in you, bro. You've already had what, three so far? First after you got ambushed by the Foot, then there was the whole poisoning bit at the Battle Nexus, and then coming back from "broody" you. And here we are, asking for another one. I keep wondering if maybe we haven't run out…out of miracles, out of luck. Run out of time, maybe."

Mikey stared at his brother, disheartened by the lack of response. "I guess we'll find out, huh?"

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Raph frowned. He'd been passing by Leo's door when he heard Mikey talking to the sleeping turtle, and he could easily hear the distress in his youngest brother's voice. He set a hand on the doorknob gently, debating whether or not to go in and talk to him when he felt a hand fall on his shoulder. Raph nearly jumped out of his shell and turned to see Don.

The brainy turtle raised an eye ridge at Raph's obvious eavesdropping. Raph shrugged guiltily, but jerked his head towards the door, indicating for Don to listen as well. The two of them stood quietly as they picked up on Mikey's words again.

"…We sure do ask a lot of you, don't we, bro? Like what we kept asking you to do about Karai." He fell silent, then spoke again even more quietly than before. "I know there was something between you two, Leo. I don't think Don or Raph saw it; Raph would have blown even more blood vessels if he did know, and I don't think it really occurred to Donnie. The guy doesn't see much romance anywhere unless he's looking at April."

Raph almost choked as he tried to suppress a snort, while Don's whole face flamed red.

"I don't know what went on between the two of you up on that rooftop tonight, but in case Karai didn't say anything to you, I figure I ought to. You deserve to know. She…she cared about you, Leo. I know you prob'ly didn't see it, but it was there. I could see it sometimes when she looked at you. Under the hate and all the other stuff, every so often, I'd catch a glimpse of something. It wasn't much, and it didn't happen all that often, but it was there. It was…I dunno how to explain it. She looked at you like—like Raph looks at a new motorcycle. Like Donnie looks at April or a new piece of tech, like I look at a brand new comic or a monster-sized pizza. Like you look at—at…" He broke off, his expression turning puzzled. "I don't know, bro. You do unreadable really well, ya know? I guess for you, it was like how you looked at her." Mikey chuckled slightly. "Bet you're surprised, huh? Never thought I was really the deep one, didja? Don't feel bad, no one does. But I saw how you looked at her. You did it a lot less than she did, though; I guess you were even more afraid of getting caught actually feeling something. But I could tell even beyond that, just 'cause of how many times you kept trying to get through to her. You always try to help everyone, Leo, but you only go that far for people you care about. Anyways, I got off-topic. She looked at you like you looked at her, bro; at least when you both thought no one was looking. And you know how else I know she cared? She saved your life, bro."

Both Don and Raph's eyes nearly fell out of their heads at Mikey's words.

Mikey nodded as though Leo had responded. "Hard to believe, I know, but it's true. It was on the Shred-head's spaceship, after he'd pounded the crap out of all of us. I think I was the only one conscious; Sensei was down after getting shocked, Raph had busted ribs, Don had just got knocked out, and you…well, you know how you were. Anyways, I was still awake, though not very much; two broken legs hurts like shell, let me tell ya. But I was awake enough to hear what was going on. I heard Shredder gloating, and I knew he was talking about you, 'cause out of all of us, he hated you the most; maybe even more than Sensei. So I tried to see what was goin' on, to see if I could get up and help. I knew I wasn't gonna be much help with two bum legs, but I had to try. Anyways, he was about to kill you, and then…Karai was there. She stopped him, said to "leave us in our dishonor"." Mikey snorted loudly. ""Dishonor". He's got ninja everywhere, a crazy-insane exo-suit, and we're the dishonorable ones. Yeah, right; I know an excuse when I hear one. She wanted to save you, bro. If it was anyone else, one of the rest of us…I think she woulda let him do it. But not you. Man, Shred-head did not take that well. He hit her, didja know that? Smacked her almost clear across the room and started yelling at her. That's how they ended up outside of the engine room." He paused and looked at his brother, falling silent for several minutes. "I'm not sure why I didn't tell you before. I think…I think it was 'cause I didn't want you to know. Things were already bad enough for you after that, and I thought if I told you, it would make things even worse for you. And—and I was being selfish, too; I thought that if you knew she saved you, you might start trusting her again, and I didn't want to have to see you get hurt anymore." His voice became thick with tears. "I—I'm so tired of seeing you guys get hurt…"

Don and Raph felt guilt gnaw at their insides as they watched their brother cry; the feeling of intruding where they really shouldn't be was growing.

The tears finally slowed, and Mikey sniffed several times before sighing and speaking again. "Alright, Leo, I tried. I guess you're not up for talking right now, so I'll just wait till you get up." A derisive smile curled up one side of his mouth. "Another surprise, huh? I'm full of 'em today. I can be patient, you know. I just don't do it too often. Probably 'cause I'm always already moving, and I don't wanna stop. It's like that one guy's law…objects in motion stay in motion, objects at rest stay at rest. What was his name? I know it, it's right on the edge of my brain…didn't it have something to do with figs? Oh yeah, Newton, that was it!"

Don slapped a hand to his forehead and shot a pained look at Raph. The red-banded turtle shrugged helplessly. "At least he got the law an' the name right. Does it really matter how?" he whispered.

"But Fig Newtons?" Don whispered back. "Fig Newtons. He connects one of the most important scientists ever with a snack food."

Raph tried not to snicker at the aggrieved tone of Don's words. "Whatever works. Get over it," he murmured, jerking his head back at their brothers.

"Anyways, yeah, I don't like stopping," Mikey continued. "Weird, huh, especially considering how much I like sleeping. But I just like doing things better than not doing things. It's uncomfortable when it's quiet and nothing's happening, 'cause then anything could happen, and "anything" always seems to end up badly for us. But maybe it'll be different this time. I mean, Karai's gone, and unless she ends up being an alien too, which would be completely insane and unfair, she won't be coming back. So maybe the downtime will be a permanent thing for once…either way, I'll be here when you wake up, bro. You've done it enough times for me, so I figure I oughta repay the favor. Besides, I might as well; you're the only one I can talk to, even if you're unconscious. Don and Raph never want to talk about things like this, and Sensei…well, he's totally wiped out and takin' this pretty hard; I don't wanna make it any worse by bumming him out with what I'm feeling too. 'Course, when you wake up, you won't wanna talk about it either, 'cause you're like Don and Raph too." Mikey sighed as he looked at his brother. "Why do you guys think I'm always talking? None of you ever do, so I've always gotta do the talking for all four of us. Shell, that's why I'm always talking to Klunk; even if he doesn't understand, he at least listens. I know you try, Leo; it just—it'd be nice if you all tried a little more, and ignored me a little less."

"Damn…" Raph whispered. He turned to Don, guilt and anxiety in his eyes. "We don't really do that, do we?"

Don stared at the floor. "You know we do," he answered uncomfortably. "I'm always "too busy" for him, or I never expect him to actually have anything serious to say. And you—"

"I never take 'im seriously either," Raph said dully. "I just brush it off as him bein' a clown. An' that way I don't hafta start talkin' with him and admit to anythin'."

"Like being scared?" Don asked quietly.

Raph glanced back into Leo's room, where his older brother lay so silently. "Yeah. Like bein' scared," he agreed softly. His gaze shifted to Mikey. "We gotta fix this, Don. Mikey—we should talk to 'im. Or just listen or whatever."

"I know, Raph; but I'd suggest waiting a bit before letting Mikey know we were listening in on a private conversation. He'll take it better once…things aren't so uneasy."

"You mean 'once Leo wakes up', right?" Raph clarified. He looked back at Leo, still so motionless and pale. His voice got softer. "Do…d'you really think he's gonna? Get better an' wake up, I mean. Can he?"

Don placed a hand on Raph's shoulder. "I seriously hope so. His chances…they should be fairly good, now that he's got the extra boost from Sensei. Tiring as it is, we're just back to hoping now. We've exhausted all our options. Other than keeping an eye on him and keeping him on the IV, there's nothing more we can do for him."

"Nothin' but wait, right?" When Don nodded, Raph growled and stomped towards the door of the Lair.

"Where are you going, Raph?"

"Out ta find somethin' to hit."

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On the fourth day after they'd brought Leo home, Don made his way to the infirmary to relieve Mikey of his watch. Even though there'd been no change in Leo's condition since the first day, for better or worse, the whole family still maintained vigils over him, Casey and April helping to spot the turtles when they got tired. The days were starting to blur together into a series of quiet watches, silent meals, and uneasy sleeps for all of them.

Once Mikey slipped out of Leo's room, Don quietly took his place. He sat down in the ever present chair beside Leo, and carefully examined his brother. After taking his pulse and checking the machines he had Leo hooked up to, he leaned back in the chair. A second later, he jumped slightly as a loud meow sounded from the doorway. Turning towards the noise, he saw the cat that had "rescued" Leo, as Mikey put it. It sat in the middle of the open doorway, staring at Don expectantly and twitching its tail. Don stared back at it, bewildered. "You're kidding me, right?"

The cat made no response other than to meow again, louder this time.

Don shook his head in disbelief. Ever since they'd brought the cat home, it had haunted the infirmary, seeming to keep watch on Leo like the rest of the family. During one of the times that Mikey had kept watch, Don had come upstairs to see the cat sitting where it was now, staring into the room. What had followed still seemed absurd.

"Hey, Mikey? The stray you brought home is just sitting here. I think he might be hungry."

Mikey had turned to look, then grinned slightly. "Nah, he's just here for my report."

Don stared at his brother. "Excuse me?"

"He comes in to check on Leo," Mikey had explained. "Look, I'll prove it." Turning his attention to the cat, Mikey started talking again. "Leo hasn't really changed much. He's sleeping still, but I think he's a little more stable. He's still got a fever, but whatever Sensei did is keeping it from going up. I don't have any news other than that, buddy; sorry."

The purple-clad turtle had wanted to laugh at his brother for talking to the cat in such a way, but then, inexplicably, the cat purred slightly and walked away. Don had stared after it, his eyes threatening to fall out of their sockets. "No way."

Mikey had grinned at his brother's disbelieving expression. "What can I say, bro? He likes to stay informed."

Don shook his head again. "I must not be getting enough sleep, actually buying into something like that." He looked askance at the cat. "You can go now. Go—I don't know, bother Raph. All animals seem to enjoy doing that. Or go give yourself a bath."

The cat's ears went back, giving it an insulted expression.

"I didn't mean to imply that you need one, I'm just—" Don broke off. "This is not happening. I am not talking to a cat. You are a cat," he informed the patiently waiting feline. "An animal. One that doesn't have the mental faculties to fully understand or comprehend human speech. I am not going to sit here and give you medical updates. That's absolutely ridiculous."

Another meow, this one sounding disgruntled.

"Absolutely not. I am not Doctor Doolittle." Don turned away to focus on Leo, purposely ignoring the cat. As soon as he did, it began to meow incessantly, the same plaintive, annoyed sound, over and over. After a couple minutes, Don couldn't take it anymore and glared at the cat. "Alright! Just stop making that racket."

The cat fell silent, looking at Don expectantly.

"I can not believe I am doing this," Don grumbled. "Alright, fine. Leo still hasn't woken up, but he's sleeping instead of unconscious, which means he's improving. The rest will help a lot in his recovery. His pulse is steady, and his breathing has evened out. This stupid fever of his is still hanging around, but it's down a bit more from what it has been. And that's it, okay? Are you satisfied? Is that good enough for you? Have you made me seem insane enough for one day?"

The cat blinked at Don, then stood and walked into the room. It gathered itself into a crouch and leapt onto the bed.

Don frowned and reached to push the cat off the bed. "Hey, get off of there. Leo doesn't need to get stepped on."

The cat hissed and batted Don's hand away, then carefully minced its way up to the pillow. Sniffing delicately, it worked its way around Leo's face, seeming to inspect the sleeping turtle for itself. It then jumped down and wound itself around Don's ankles, purring contentedly. Its tail in the air, the cat pranced lightly out of the room.

The purple-clad turtle stared after it in disbelief. "I'm being second-guessed in my medical diagnosis by a cat. There is something deeply and seriously wrong about this." A rustling noise caught Don's attention. As he turned to look at his brother, Leo began shifting slightly on the bed, the most movement he'd shown since they'd brought him home. Don grabbed his hand and squeezed it, trying to will his brother awake. "Leo? Leo, can you hear me? It's Don. Try and open your eyes, bro."

Don smiled in relief as Leo's eyes slowly fluttered open, and he quickly grabbed a glass of water from the bedside table. Propping Leo up, he held the glass to his brother's mouth. "I want you to drink this for me, okay Leo?" The fevered turtle managed about half of the glass before turning his head away. Don laid him back down and set the glass aside, glad that Leo had at least gotten some fluids into him. Placing a hand on his brother's forehead, he frowned concernedly at the heat emanating into his palm. Damn…I guess the fever hasn't broken like I thought. "How are you feeling, bro?"

Leo's head lolled to the side as he turned to look at his brother. Don felt his stomach clench at the hazy, fever-filled eyes now locked on his. A smile slowly formed on Leo's face.

"I loved her…did you know that?"

Don stared at his brother in confusion until the words sunk in and connected with everything that had happened. As things clarified, Don swallowed hard. Oh no…he can't mean that… "What are you talking about, Leo?" he asked, hoping he hadn't heard his brother right.

"Karai…I loved her. And—an' it was so funny, 'cause you know what? It turns out that she loved me too."

"…Leo, I—" Don felt his heart crack slightly in pain for his brother. "I'm sorry, Leo."

"I killed her. I loved her, and I killed her. That—that's not s'posed to happen, right? That can't be right, can it? I killed her; I loved her, but I killed her. That's…I'm sure that's not right. But that's what I was s'posed to do, right? So Sensei should be happy. That—that'll make everything okay, right?"

Don swallowed hard. "Sure, Leo. You—you did really well, bro; you can rest now."

"Rest…" Leo repeated, his gaze drifting around the room erratically. "Resting means stopping…can I stop, Don?"

"Stop what, bro?"

"Just—just stop. I'm really…tired. I want to stop—stop doing what hurts."

The purple-banded turtle tried for a reassuring smile. "That sounds fine, Leo."

A disbelieving smile curled the edges of Leo's mouth. "So I can stop waking up?"

Don felt his heart stop. "What—?" He shook his head frantically. "No, Leo. No."

"But it hurts. You said I could stop doing what hurts."

"Leo—"

"It hurts, Don. Right now—everything hurts. I wake up, and I—I think, and I remember, and everything I think about and remember hurts."

Don shook his head again firmly. "Not living is not the answer, Leo. Running from this is not the answer. You're going to get well, and live, and eventually, I promise you'll get over this…at least the broken heart part. Trust me, Leo; I know about that at least. But you have to live for it to stop hurting."

"I didn't say I wanted to die," Leo objected. "I just don't want to be awake anymore." A petulant, challenging look took the place of his fuzzy expression of pain. "Besides, you can't tell me what to do; I'm older than you."

"Leo, look—"

"I'm tired of people telling me what to do. I…I've always listened, always done what I'm s'posed to do, while you guys have always gotten to do what you wanted. Do you know what I wanted, Don? I wanted to love someone, and have that someone love me too. And then I actually got that, and you all told me to kill her. And I listened. All I want now is to just stop; why can't you let me do that? There's nothing you need me for anymore; there aren't anymore Shredders, and the Foot are gonna disappear somehow. My dream told me so. So why can't I disappear too?"

"Because we need you, Leo," Don said adamantly. "Not as a leader, but as a brother. We need you, and we want you around."

Leo just stared at his brother. "What about what I want? All these years, I've tried to make sure that you guys got what you wanted, so what about what I want?"

"Do you really want to stop living, Leo?" Don demanded. "Staying in your room sleeping your life away, refusing to come out or do anything because it hurts too much would be just the same as dying. You might still be alive, but you wouldn't be really living anymore. You'd just be giving up. Do you really want to just give up, to go out of this world having known nothing but battles and pain and loss?" He grabbed Leo's hand and held on tightly. "We are so close to being free, Leo; to not having to fight anymore, to seeing what it's like to have things be good for us. You did that, bro; you gave us that. Do you really want to let go of the chance of living in peace before you ever even get to experience it? Is that what you really want?"

"What I want…?" Leo trailed off, Don's words seeming to kindle a spark in his eyes. "No…" he said finally. "I…I want to see that. I want…peace. I want…I want to stop fighting, and hating, and…killing." Those glassy eyes rolled back to lock onto Don's once more, fatigue taking Leo over again. "Please don't make me kill anyone I love anymore."

Don felt the crack in his heart grow bigger. "If it's in my power, I swear I won't, Leo," he vowed softly. "I'll kill for you instead, so that you don't have to. If it comes down to it, I'm willing to do that."

Leo stared at him for a minute, his fever-riddled brain switching gears again quickly. "No," he said, shaking his head. "I'm the big brother. I'm s'posed to kill so you don't have to."

"Hey, Leo." Don squeezed Leo's hand. "Don't worry about it, okay? You're right; for all these years, you've done everything and more to keep us from getting hurt, to protect us. Well, now you're hurt, so let us protect you for a change.

"Can you make me forget her?" Leo asked fuzzily.

Don shook his head sadly. "No, I can't, Leo."

"I didn't think so." Leo trailed off, then looked back at his brother. "I wanna bring her back, Don. We—we could try again. I killed her; I did what Sensei wanted, so it's all okay now, right? We could try again, couldn't we?"

Don swallowed hard, struggling to hold back the tears building behind his eyes. He finally cleared his throat enough to speak, his voice soft. "I don't think we can, Leo," he said thickly. "I'm sorry."

"We—we could try…" Leo's eyes began to flutter, exhaustion pulling him under again.

"No, Leo. It's over. She…Karai's gone, for good. It's over."

"…Why? All of this, all of it…why?"

"I don't know, Leo; I just don't know." He stood jerkily, unable to stay any longer. "But I do know that you can let it all go now, Leo. You don't have to hate her any longer; you can just love her now."

"Just love her…" Leo looked at Don through rapidly closing eyes. "Promise?" he asked, already nearly asleep by the time the word left his lips.

A single tear escaped and made its way down Don's cheek. "I promise, Leo," he vowed softly to his brother as he turned off the light and left the room. Just before Don closed the door, he heard Leo murmur again quietly.

"I'm allowed…to love her…Don said so…"

Another tear fell.

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Raph walked into the Lair, stretching widely. He'd spent the last couple hours prowling around the sewers, trying to work off some of his frustration. As much as he'd wanted to, he'd kept himself from going topside to look for a fight; as Mikey had said, the city was going to be nasty for a while after this…at least at night. Despite that, he'd been glad to take a break from the constant apprehension that permeated the old foundry. As was quickly becoming the norm, the Lair was oppressively quiet, which only helped to reinforce the uneasy feeling hanging in the air. Raph scowled, some of the tension already seeping back into his muscles. Muttering to himself, he headed to the dojo. It wasn't until he was nearly at the door that he became aware of the sound of someone already whaling on the punching bag. Confused, he peered into the room.

Don was inside, furiously attacking the punching bag. The sheer anger that Raph could see in his brother's strikes shocked him; Don's temper rarely snapped, so it was always surprising when it did. Walking into the room, he coughed into his fist, alerting his brother of his presence.

His effort was ignored.

Raph frowned and walked carefully around his brother until he'd positioned himself in Don's field of view, though he kept away from the swinging bag and flying fists. When Don still didn't speak, Raph broke the uncomfortable silence.

"Yo, Donnie, what's up? This ain't exactly where I'd expect to find ya lately."

"Leo woke up," Don ground out curtly.

"He did? That's great!" Raph started out of the dojo to go look at Leo, then paused when he got no response from Don. Turning around, he watched his brother in confusion. The purple-banded turtle ignored him, continuing to attack the battered punching bag. "Uh, did I miss somethin', Don? Did somethin' happen while I was gone that made Leo wakin' up become a bad thing?"

No response came, except for an increase in the speed of Don's attacks.

Raph's brow lowered in concern, and he walked up behind his brother. "Hey, Donnie, what's up?" He set a gentle hand on Don's shoulder. "What's wrong?"

"…What's wrong?" Don repeated, his voice low and shaking with emotion.

"Yeah, is Leo—"

Leo's name seemed to make Don snap, because he whirled around, throwing Raph's hand off and glaring at his brother. "Is he what? Is he okay?!" Don snarled, his voice rising to a shout. "No, he's not okay, Raph! And he's not going to be okay for a long time!"

Raph stepped back, shocked at the force of Don's anger and concerned by his words. "What are ya talkin' about, Don? I thought you said he woke up."

Don remained tense and shaking for another minute before his rage bled away, leaving him to turn away with a curse. He turned his shell to Raph, delivering one last blow to the punching bag. "He loved her, Raph," he finally said softly, pain etching the words. "Leo loved Karai. And—and she loved him too."

"Wait, what?" The words rang heavily in Raph's head. "No way. I know Mikey was goin' on about that, but he was prob'ly just seein' things."

"It's true. He did love her, and he still does. He told me so himself."

"But he—they—" Dozens of memories of things Leo had said and done came back, and now they seemed to make sense. So, too, did Karai's actions. All the truces they both tried to keep, how heated the fights always got between them…Past and present connected, and Raph could feel his heart sink into his stomach as everything clicked. "Aw, no…But Leo…"

"Yeah," Don said dully. "He killed her."

"But—but he had to, Don," Raph blurted, trying to justify what had happened for all of them. "He had to; it was the only way. She woulda just kept comin' after us until she killed us. I mean—I mean, hell, Don, she almost killed him. Lots of times, an' especially now."

Don sighed, covering his face with one hand. "I know that, Raph. We all know that. Hell, even Leo knows that." He looked up tiredly. "But do you honestly think that changes anything? Do you think that makes this any easier for him? Do you think that makes it hurt any less? It doesn't. It can't, and it doesn't. All that that knowledge does, I think, is help Leo justify things enough to be able to stand what all has happened."

"He loved her…and, and she loved him?" Raph repeated dazedly. "An' then…damn…" He rubbed the back of his head, unable to keep himself from somehow feeling guilty. "What are we gonna do, Don? How the shell are we s'posed to help him through somethin' like this?"

"I don't know, Raph. I can restart a still heart…but I can't heal a broken one."

"Shell…" Raph shook his head, then looked at Don quizzically. "I can't believe he actually told ya that."

"I'm not sure how much of it was him and how much was the fever talking," Don admitted. "It is a good sign that he woke up, because it means the fever might be close to breaking, but it's still affecting him. I don't think he knew half of what he was saying."

Raph rubbed his temples. "What else did he say?"

Don shook his head. "It…a lot of it was the fever, Raph. But…this, all of this, is and has been bothering him a lot more than we thought. I know Karai was our enemy, and Leo does too; but she was important to him, she was something he never thought he'd have, and he lost that. And by his own hand, too. It's a lot to deal with. Listen, I'm going to go for a walk, just through the sewers. I just need to get away for a while. Keep an eye on Leo for me, would you?"

"A walk, huh?" Part of Raph wanted to refuse until he got some answers, but he'd rarely seen Don this upset. "Guilt trip?" he asked shrewdly.

"No, I just—" Raph's hard look silenced Don's denial. He sighed. "Maybe a little," the brainy turtle admitted quietly. "I know it wasn't our fault about Karai…but I still can't help but feel like—I don't know, like we should have supported the thought of the two of them more."

"Don, it never coulda worked. They had a clan feud and blood debts between 'em; there wasn't room fer anythin' else."

"I know that, Raph," Don protested. "But still…shouldn't we have seen this sooner? We all thought Leo was just being stubborn, or too trustful, or he was just refusing to admit he was wrong…what does it say about us and how well we know him that we didn't realize until now that he did what he did because he loved Karai?"

"But…" Raph fell silent. Don's words sunk in, and the guilty knot in Raph's stomach tightened some more. He swore tiredly. "Damn, do I feel like an ass."

"Join the club," Don joked weakly.

"Membership is free," Raph quipped dryly back at his brother. He sighed. "Yer right, Don, this is a shit load to think about. Yeah, I'll watch 'im. Go take a break."

"Thanks, Raph," Don said gratefully. "I'll have my Shell Cell on, and I'll stay fairly close in case anything might happen."

"Yeah, yeah. I got it, Don. Go on, get outta here."

Don turned to leave, then faced his brother again. "Oh, yeah, before I forget. Raph, one more thing. If the cat asks about Leo, let him know he woke up. Don't be surprised if he doesn't believe you; the stupid thing wouldn't listen to me earlier until he'd checked Leo over for himself." With a wave, Don walked out the door into the sewers.

Raph stared at his brother's retreating shell, trying to process his words.

"If the cat does what?"

As though he'd called for it, the black and white stray that Mikey had insisted saved Leo came walking out of the kitchen. Stopping a few feet away, it sat down and stared at Raph. The red-banded turtle stared back at it in bewilderment. The staring contest continued until the cat meowed impatiently. Raph raised an eye ridge, then spoke hesitantly. "Um, Don says that Leo woke up."

Loud purring rumbled from the cat's throat before it darted off to the infirmary, leaving Raph staring after it in a daze.

"What the hell?"

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Raph sighed as he walked towards the infirmary. Ever since Leo had woken up and talked to Don three days ago, everyone had been even more anxious than ever, hoping that it meant Leo was about to wake up for good. But the small break in their luck seemed to be a fluke; all Leo had done since then was fall back into the deep sleep he'd spent the last week in. Raph pushed the door open, then stopped in surprise.

Leo was slowly pushing himself up into a sitting position on the bed. When he heard Raph enter, he gave a small smile. "Hey, Raph," he said quietly, his voice husky with sleep and discomfort. "Long time no see."

"Leo!" Raph flew into the room, crushing his brother into a one-armed hug. His hand then went immediately to Leo's forehead, nearly slamming his brother back down onto the bed in his haste to check Leo's temperature. "Yer fever's gone!

"Yeah, but it's going to come back if I don't get these stupid blankets off," Leo grumbled, pushing weakly at the folds of cloth lying on top of him. "You guys must have been trying to smother me in my sleep."

"Hey, none'a that, bro," Raph objected. "Yer just gettin' over bein' sick, ya need ta keep those blankets on." He twitched the layers back up over his brother, though he left one down at Leo's beseeching look. He gave a lopsided grin as he handed Leo a glass of water. "I don't think any of us could take you gettin' sick again. And besides, if it happened on my watch, Don would prob'ly kill me once he got back."

Leo downed the glass thirstily, and nodded his thanks as Raph refilled it. He sipped the water slowly this time. "Got back? Where's he at, anyways?"

Raph shifted uncomfortably. "He's out on a walk. He's been doin' that a lot lately, just needin' some time."

"Walking where? What's wrong?"

"Just in the sewers, don't worry," Raph said quickly, seeing Leo's alarm. "It's just…you kinda unloaded a lotta stuff on 'im the last time you woke up."

"When was that?"

"About three days ago. You've been out cold since then, and it's been a week since we brought ya back home."

Leo frowned slightly. "What did I say?"

Raph glanced at his brother in surprise. "Ya don't remember?"

"I only remember some things about the past week, like random times of being aware of someone's presence in the room and hearing people talk, but everything since I collapsed in the alley is really blurry. I…I remember talking about Karai…" Leo groaned quietly and put a hand to his head. "I spilled a lot, didn't I?"

"That's one way of puttin' it. Apparently there was a lot about the situation that we never guessed, an' that you never talked about." Raph paused, then looked down at the floor. "So, ya loved her, huh?"

Leo looked up in shock. "I said that?" he whispered.

"Among other things. Ya also mentioned that it wasn't one-sided, which was some more news." Raph couldn't help sending a slightly resentful glare at Leo. "Seems like the only way you'll open up to us is if yer delirious."

Leo sighed and met Raph's eyes. "What good would it have done if I'd told you how I felt about Karai? You just would've yelled about how stupid it was, that she was the enemy, that I couldn't trust her—"

"Which is all true," Raph interrupted testily.

"I know that, Raphael," Leo snapped. "Do you really think I'm so stupid that I wouldn't see that? All along I've known that, and it didn't change things. It wouldn't have changed anything if it came from you, either." Pain filled his eyes and face. "Sometimes knowing the truth about what you're doing doesn't make any difference. Does knowing that we'll get hurt stop us from trying to bring down Bishop? Does knowing that no one will thank us stop us from protecting the people of this city? No, it doesn't…just like knowing about Karai doesn't change how I feel. I tried to stop—stop loving her, stop caring about her, but I just…I just couldn't." He leaned his head back, closing his eyes. "Please, Raph, I don't want to talk about this right now," Leo said quietly. "I—I still need to deal with it before I can try to talk about it."

Raph swore silently. I just keep screwin' this up, don't I? Leo just frickin' woke up, an' here I am, gettin' on his case about this. Dammit. "Look, Leo, I'm…sorry, bro. I didn't mean ta bust yer ass like this first thing after ya woke up."

"Planned on waiting a couple days instead?" Leo asked dryly.

"What? No, I—"

"I know it's difficult to accept, Raph, but what I said…it's true."

"Yeah…" Raph rubbed the back of his head uncomfortably. "Look, Leo, about…about everything, with Karai—" He swallowed, trying to think of the woman as the person Leo loved, not the enemy that tried to kill them all. "I'm sorry that it…didn't work out. And that I…I'm sorry, bro."

"Me, too, Raph," Leo whispered. "Me too."

A minute passed quietly as both brothers tried to regain their footing emotionally, and Raph broke the awkward silence. "Well, since I'm doin' a good job of screwin' this up, you ready for some different company, bro?"

Leo managed a small, rueful smile. "Ready or not, it's coming anyways, isn't it?"

Raph grinned, relieved at Leo's mood change. "Damn straight." He hesitated, then clapped a warm hand on Leo's shoulder, squeezing affectionately. "It's been a hell of a long week, bro, hopin' you'd pull through this. But you recovered like ya always do." Raph snickered and let go of his brother. "Yer one stubborn son of a bitch, Leo; an' this is one of those times I'm actually glad about that."

His words got a laugh out of Leo. "Thanks, I think." He trailed off, a thoughtful look coming over his face. "Recovery…that sounds familiar for some reason…"

"You heard that?" Raph asked, surprised.

Leo glanced up. "Yeah, I think I remember hearing something like that while I was under. What was it?"

"Huh. Well, I'll be damned; he actually got through to ya." A small smile curled up the edges of Raph's mouth. "That, bro, was part of a pretty frickin' good speech from everybody's favorite resident chucklehead."

"Mikey?" Leo asked.

"Right in one. Ask 'im to tell it to ya sometime. But fer now, I can think of a few people who'd be glad ta know you're up."

Leo smiled. "As long as no one jumps on me, you can send in as many people as you want," he joked, placing a hand gently over his side.

"We'll put Mikey on a leash, then," Raph laughed. "I'll be back in a sec." Walking out of Leo's door, he made his way to the living room, where the rest of the family was waiting.

Don looked up when he heard Raph's footsteps. "Well? Any change?" he asked hopefully.

"You could say that." Raph couldn't help the grin that broke out across his face. "Leo's fever broke."

Everyone in the room cheered in relief.

"Was there anything else you wished to add, my son?" Splinter asked, leveling a knowing look at his second eldest.

Raph's grin grew as Splinter guessed that he was hiding something. "Well, there was one more thing…"

"Leo's awake."

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A/N: Oi, this was another long one. I don't know why, but this sucker was hard to write; partly because of all the dialogue, and partly because I've been trying to work on this in between getting ready to head back to college. But it's done, so yay! In other news, there's been some changes on the story; namely, me completely reformatting the end. XD Don't worry, it's still going to end in basically the same way, the ending will just be a little more open, and it's only going to be ten chapters long, with "Chapter 11" turning into an epilogue. Anyways, this 'twas a slow chapter, though it at least ended well. And it's all downhill from here, action-wise, though there will be some excitement in Chapter 10. None of you will have seen it coming! Mwa ha ha ha ha:D That's all I can really think of, other than to say that I will do my best to get Chapter 9 up as quickly as possible, and mucho gracias to everyone for sticking with me this far. If there are any mistakes, please let me know, and I hope this didn't drag too much. Please review, and take care!