Hairdye & Vengeance & War Gods, Oh My! (part 3/3)

…three weeks later…

It was intolerable. Really it was. At first Ares' preoccupation with her had been semi-amusing, but now it was just intolerable. It'd been nearly a month since Ares first levied her sentence and it showed no signs of decreasing. Diana couldn't steal any time away for herself. It seemed every time she turned around, Ares was there, wanting to complain about some new problem – or worse, the same old problems. Diana had heard all she cared to hear about his dysfunctional family, his woes with Xena and his never-ending obsession to be better than Hercules. The worst of it was, she not only had to listen, but she had to summon sympathy from some untapped resource of her soul to consistently comfort and cajole him. The whole state of affairs was growing old -- and the more frequent the visits from Ares became, the more Diana learned to dread them. Things had grown so bad; she didn't even have the time to pull jokes on him anymore. All the fun in their relationship was 'poof'. Gone.

There had to be a way to discourage Ares from using her as his personal sounding board. There had to be a way to convince him that having her as his complimentor was a bad idea.

So Diana began to plot like she had never plotted before. Plans hatched and formed in her mind and were subsequently dismissed. Various scenarios were played to every possible conclusion and Diana scrapped one after the other for fear of ending up in the same boat or worse. She bit her lip in frustration. There had to be a way to break the cycle. There had to be a way to make Ares mistrust her again.

The answer came to Diana like a windfall from heaven. It was so simple -- but if she played it right, it would work. Ares would most definitely leave her alone -- and that was exactly what she wanted.

Wasn't it?

Diana frowned. She couldn't understand why she suddenly felt reluctant to go through with it. There was something inexplicably -- nice -- about Ares trusting her to go to with his problems. Something that, as sappy as it was, made her feel warm and fuzzy inside. Sometimes when she was listening to Ares, she'd catch herself staring at him and the stirring in the pit of her stomach, well -- it wasn't entirely unpleasant. In fact, it was really rather -- nice. More than nice. Downright -- wonderful.

Don't be stupid, Diana. It can't go on like this. Ares is getting too clingy and you need to have a life again. It can't be all about HIM.

Diana shook her head firmly, as if to clear it. She was right of course. Ares was too clingy lately and if there was anything she'd learned through past heartaches, it was when Ares started growing possessive, there were dark and dangerous waters ahead. She had absolutely no desire to face his obsessive side once he decided he wanted something. The last thing she needed was that obsessive fixation of his to become her.

Course there is something to be said for a lack of stable duty. I haven't had to clean a stall in a whole month. When have I had the time?

It was nice not to smell like horse poop for a change, granted. But Diana knew that wasn't enough of an inducement to become Ares' permanent shoulder to cry on. Maybe inducement enough to keep her out of trouble -- but she doubted it.

It was time that Ares found himself another priestess to play his surrogate mother. It was time for Diana to put her plan into action.

…a day and two hours later…

The first sign Ares had of impending disaster came in the form of a laundry basket. Innocuous, certainly -- but then he didn't notice right away. It was laundry day and even though, being a god, he didn't have much laundry --he had a tendency to materialize and dissolve outfits at will, which gave his closet a very random element-- Jocasta generally did do a good job on his clothes and today was her day to do laundry.

But something made him pause and observe the basket more closely. Ares narrowed his eyes as he realized what was bothering him. The clothes were too clean -- his leathers so smooth and shiny, he could see his reflection in them and a few stray shirts --which had escaped his notice and now dwelled with the mothballs in the back of his closet-- were starched and pristine, folded to military standard creases. Ares hung around some very gory landscape and was used to his laundry coming back with stains that no amount of elbow grease could remove. That was why he didn't require his priestesses to spend much time with his clothes. He could always 'summon up' new leather.

He picked up a shirt and unfolded it cautiously, not sure what to make of it. It was perfect, stainless, the wool as clean as if just sheared. He lifted the fabric to his nose and sniffed. It even smelled new. He frowned.

"What in Tartarus…?"

He dropped the item and went to find the priestess in question. He located her --as expected-- in the 'laundry room' of the Temple, washboard in hand. Indoor plumbing was one of concessions Ares made for his priestesses and it was a modern convenience they greatly appreciated, especially come wintertime.

"Jocasta, you've done a very nice job with my laundry," he began, leading up to the question gradually. As it turned out, he didn't even have to ask it as Jo looked puzzled.

"Your laundry? My Lord, I didn't do your laundry today."

"You didn't?" Ares hesitated, feeling nonplused. While he came to ask Jocasta about the laundry, he hadn't once considered that she wasn't the one who did it. He gathered his thoughts, rallied and came back with, "Well -- who did?"

"Diana, I think."

This caused Ares to pause again. Next to stable duty, laundry was Diana's most hated chore. She barely did it even when it was her laundry day. So why would she do his laundry when it wasn't.

"Diana?" he echoed helplessly. "Um -- why?"

"Dunno My Lord," Jocasta shrugged. "When I was gathering your clothes to wash them, she showed up, grabbed the bundle and disappeared without offering an explanation. I figured you must have told her to do something with them, so I didn't question it."

Ares frowned. "No I didn't," he admitted. "But they are clean. Very clean, in fact." He hesitated again. "I think I'd better talk to Diana about this."

Jocasta ducked another few garments into the tub of soapy water and carefully stirred them. She nodded in agreement with Ares words.

"Maybe. Seems odd to say the least. Diana isn't one for doing mysterious favors without credit. I wouldn't be too surprised if your clothes turned purple in a few days or something."

Ares frown grew deeper. "Yes -- quite possibly," he murmured suspiciously. "But she must have known I'd trace it back to her."

"That's exactly my point," Jocasta said with a smile. Her hands deftly rubbed a priestess gown against the washboard with increasing friction as she arched a brow at Ares knowingly. "It's not like Diana to not take credit for her specialized brand of mysterious favors."

The scowl on Ares face grew black and he vanished without so much as another word. He used traces in the aether to track his errant gypsy down and it was only moments later that he found her in the Temple armory. She was polishing a sword, which Ares realized with growing horror was his sword, and whistling. She seemed usually cheerful. That was a really bad sign.

"Diana," he growled, reverting straight to anger. He had no idea what her scheme was yet, but he damned if he couldn't wring it out of her, "What is this?"

Beguiling emerald eyes stared up at him with an innocence that would've done Bambi proud. "What is what, My Lord?"

"Diana, don't you even start with me," Ares hissed. He reached down and grabbing her upper arm he yanked her to her feet, causing her to drop the sword she was holding. In a lightning swift move, he flicked a wrist and the sword changed direction in midair, flying up and leaping into his fist. He sheathed it without looking at it then realized in hindsight that was not the best move.

"Tell me the truth," he barked, glaring at her. He grabbed her other arm with his free hand, circumventing any escape attempts. "Did you just put superglue on my Sword of War?"

"No, My Lord."

"Silvery, corrosive paint or acid?"

"No, My Lord."

"A different type of glue or adhesive?"

"No, My Lord."

"A mysterious solvent that deflects godly powers?"

"No! Of course not, My Lord." Diana had the nerve to look wounded by the accusations. Ares kept glaring and racked his brain for something else.

"Well what did you do to it then," he finally demanded, a suitable explanation failing to reach his thoughts. Diana looked taken aback by the question.

"I was polishing it, My Lord. Naturally."

There was silence, thick and dark. Ares tried to read Diana's thoughts, looking for an alternative explanation. But her mind was impenetrable. And her expression revealed nothing but sweet, guileless virtue. He pursed his lips together in frustration, dimples popping into play. He never realized until now what an accomplished actress she really was.

"Diana, you cannot possibly expect me to believe you were just polishing my sword out of the goodness of your heart! You cannot possibly think I am that gullible!" His gaze locked with hers firmly and held. "Do you?"

Diana's look was still all innocence. "Don't you want me to polish your sword, Ares?"

Ah HA!He knew it. She was acting. There was no innocence in that remark. It held innuendo so obvious Hestia could've caught it. Tempting it was, but he refused to be distracted and the obsidian light in his eyes didn't flicker as he tightened his grip on her arms.

"Don't play games with me Diana! What did you do?"

Diana winced and tried to pull away, but Ares sensed the movement and thwarted it, refusing her release. Diana's eyes widened.

"Nothing. Nothing at all," she wailed, squirming to be free. "I thought this would make you happy."

"Happy? You expect me to be happy?"

"Ares, you're hurting me!"

Ares' gaze aimed downward at the soft skin between his fingers and sure enough, her upper arm was starting to color. He sighed and his fingers slid away as he took a step back. Diana bit her lip and rubbed mindlessly at the injured limbs, but her eyes never wavered. She watched Ares intently, afraid of what he'd do next.

"You do realize," Ares began in a voice soft as velvet, dangerous as a crouching panther, "that if I unsheathe my sword and it doesn't pull free or if there is anything wrong with it, that you will not be around long enough to offer explanations? I take my Sword of War very, very seriously!"

Diana raised both hands defensively. "Ares, I'd never damage your sword," she said. "How you could even think such a thing saddens me. It would be heartless and cruel, not to mention foolish."

Ares narrowed his eyes and without a word, he gripped the hilt of his sword and yanked it from the scabbard. It slid out as easily as a hot knife through butter. He examined the sword narrowly, looking past the obvious for defects. But the sword appeared normal. Try as he might, Ares couldn't find any reason to complain. The jewels on the hilt glittered wildly the light, like a thousand tiny strobe lights. The blade was blemish free and seemed sharper, shining effervescently of its own accord. It smelled like polish and ammonia and there was no trace of tampering anywhere. In years of intimate contact with his weapon, Ares had never seen it looking so good. It was too damn shiny to carry into battle. The enemy would be able to see him yards away. For half a second Ares actually wondered if that was Diana's plan, then dismissed the thought as stupid. He was a god. Sword or no, no one saw him coming until he wanted them to.

Diana was regarding him with an expression of wounded pride. "Satisfied?"

Ares lifted a finger. "Don't get cute. Just because there doesn't appear to be any outward damage proves nothing. I know you Diana. I know how clever you think you are. You've pulled too many schemes with far reaching consequences for me to believe this benevolence act of yours is as harmless as it looks."

"I can't understand why you don't believe me," Diana said, tears appearing in her green eyes. She placed a small hand on Ares arm and stepped nearer to him. "Ares, how could you think I'd do something so malicious? I know how much your sword means to you." She shook her head in disbelief. "You asked me how gullible I thought you were, now I ask how heartless do you think I am? I wouldn't destroy your most prized possession."

"Then why?" Ares bellowed, his frustration hitting its peak. "Why are you messing with my sword? Why did you take my laundry from Jocasta? What is it that you want from me?"

"You," Diana said softly. "Just you."

Conceivably for the first time in eons, Ares jaw dropped. Out of all possible responses, he would never have anticipated that one!

"What?"

"Ares, I know I haven't been very respectful of you or your property in the past and I'm sorry. I was trying to make up for that, but I guess I screwed it up in some way." She sighed. "I seem to be good at that. Anyway, I'm sorry. I just wanted to make you happy."

Ares stared at her, eyes narrowed. He was still suspicious, but was finding it difficult to guess what she was truly after. "You wanted to make me happy?" he repeated disbelievingly.

Diana nodded. "Yes, My Lord. I thought doing things for you would show you how much I admire and adore you."

Ares tilted his head and his sword earring swung with the motion until it hit the hard barrier of his shoulder. His words sounded tired. "Diana, I'm really not in the mood. Are you being quite serious?"

Diana stepped even closer until there was no space between them. She leaned up towards him and Ares found himself fighting the urge to lean back. It wasn't that he minded the closeness, but there was something unnerving about her taking the lead that bothered him.

"Quite serious," she whispered, her lips only inches from his.

Wait. Something was wrong here.Her surrender was what he'd wanted for so long. He should be doing cartwheels with joy, but frankly she was scaring him. This was too good to be true. She hadn't held out for years to suddenly capitulate without a reason. Ares knew by instinct that his gypsy would never give in so easy.

Besides, the look she was giving him had him worried. It was soft, admiring -- downright worshipful. If he didn't know better, he'd say she had a crush on him.

"Diana—" he began, but was interrupted by pair of shoes. Flying gold shoes to be exact and they were currently adorning the feet of the biggest gossip on Olympus next to Aphrodite.

"What do you want?" Ares growled, in no mood to be polite. Hermes ignored the rude tone and flashed a sunshiny grin.

"Hey Bro! Good to see you too. How's the wife and kids?" He smirked. "Or rather, just the kids?"

"Do you have a death wish?"

"Well somebody woke up on the wrong side of the four-poster this morning. I have a memo for you from Dad; he wants to see you pronto!"

Ares paused. Zeus wanted to see him? For the life of him, he couldn't imagine why.

"Why did he send you instead of calling me himself?"

"Don't know, but it's probably because he's still calming down Uncle 'Seidy. Seidy was pretty pissed off and still screaming at Dad when I left. I figured I'd better clear out before his trident did something slimy and irreversible to my anatomy."

Uncle Poseidon? Ares felt more confused than ever. What did Poseidon have to do with this?

"Oh good. He got my message then," Diana chimed in. Ares had forgotten was there, but the moment her words sank in both gods whirled to look at her.

"Milord, you deserve so much more recognition than what you receive," Diana continued, oblivious to their scrutiny. "I mean, you have been God of War for how many millenniums now and what do you have to show for it? Certainly not the credit you deserve for all the work you've invested. I intend to see you receive the promotion that is long overdue."

Ares' attention fixated on Diana with a mixture of curiosity and horrified fascination. "Diana, what did you do now?"

"Well, I went and had a little talk with Poseidon. He got an attitude with me at first, but I just told him he had 24 hours to clear out or else you would kick his pruney ass back to Olympus."

Ares' jaw dropped again, making it a record two for two. "Oh shit," he mumbled, running a hand through his curly black ringlets. "Please, please tell me you didn't."

"Oh she did," Hermes replied, unable to hide his amusement. "I hope you have a helmet handy Bro --invisible would be best-- 'cause it's all hitting the fan now. And Olympus will be stinking with gossip for eons after this."

Ares glared. That was all he needed. Another infamous stunt to be dragged out at Solstice and parties and the hell of it was he wasn't even to blame for this one. Not that Zeus would believe him of course. There would be the usual ranting and raving about his irresponsibility and selfishness, this time coming from two directions instead of just Dad. Then, worse still, there would be the watching. Zeus would ordain surveillance duty to whatever minor deity was out of favor with him and Ares privacy would be completely violated, just to 'make sure he didn't get out of control'. After months of the jeers, taunts and having his every move scrutinized (just when it all seemed to be over), all it'd take was one wrong word and too much elderberry wine and the whole situation would be flung in his face again.

He sighed and shifted his weight, fighting to repress his homicidal urges. He reminded himself that Diana had many redeemable qualities, besides being breathtakingly gorgeous. Damned if he could think of one now, but there had to be something he liked about her.

"Diana, for the millionth time today -- why?" he asked wearily. Diana smiled enchantingly at him and Ares struggled to keep focused on his frustration with her.

"Don't you understand? As God of the Sea, you will finally be privy to the power you should already have. You'll rule, not just Greece, but the entire Known World. You'll be able to influence the seas surrounding in Rome, Egypt, Brittania -- all travel will depend on you. The nations of the world will be vying for your good favor. You can singlehandedly cause the rise and collapse of people and cultures all over the map. Because you deserve it, My Lord." Diana broke off her impassioned speech, her face red and flushed. She shyly dug a toe in the ground and without looking at him murmured, "Um, did I tell you how very handsome you looked today? Of course you are always handsome Lord Ares, but today you look -- well, you really look -- uh," she blushed and coyly fluttered her eyelashes at him, "I'm sure you can read my thoughts, so I needn't go on."

Ares could actually, now that she wasn't masking them from him and her thoughts were practically making him blush. What the hell had gotten into his hot-headed little gypsy? This shy, demure act of hers, it so was not the Diana he knew and -- and --

Not loved. Lusted after.

He would have taken her to task right then, but a bellow that shook the Temple to its very foundations echoed angrily from above. "ARES! Nooooooooowwwww!"

Ares grimaced. He could already smell the thunderbolts. "Couldn't you just tell Dad you couldn't find me?" he asked Hermes. Hermes shook his head so hard it threatened to snap free of his neck.

"No way Bro! Love you man, but you are so not gonna drag me into this. This is totally your sitch and dude's gotta face the music sooner or later." he flashed Ares the high sign and clapped him companionably on the back. "Whenever Dad and Uncle Seidy finish whooping on your ass, give me a call K? We'll totally hang out then. Peace, Bro!"

With that, he clicked his heels together three times and winked at them. "Inside joke," he said and vanished in a sparkling trail of light. The duo watched him go, Ares glowering and Diana admiringly.

"Now that's style," she said happily and grinned at Ares. "Which reminds me Boss, why don't we step up your wardrobe? Now that you are the God of the Sea, you have a reputation to maintain. Aqua blue would look so hot on you -- hunter green too. Jewel colors definitely. And white. White with your skin tone --ooohhhh talk about sexy! I see a lot of white, pants or a loose robe maybe?" She circled him, measuring with her hands as she talked. Ares eyed her warily, not unlike the former Mr. Borgia after he discovered the pill Lucrezia just gave him was not an after-dinner mint.

"We will discuss this Diana when I get back," he warned just before vaporizing away. Diana smiled sweetly -- painfully, artificially sweet.

"Of course Boss. I live only to serve you."

Ares was still glaring as the aether enveloped him, summoning him to Olympus and the foot of his father's throne. He tried to think of a strategy for dealing with this. He might as well shoulder the whole blame, he'd be blamed regardless so what was the point in involving Diana? Granted it'd be nice not to be alone while he was being bitched out, but considering Diana was mortal, female and incredibly beautiful, most she'd get from Zeus would be a slap on the wrist, if that. More likely it'd be a pat on the head, a mild finger-wag and a long diatribe about 'oh you poor innocent child, corrupted by my evil son. You mustn't let him draw you into any more of his wicked schemes, there's a good girl.' Hah. Innocent indeed! All the machinations of Hell itself couldn't compare to the plotting going on behind those lovely emerald eyes of hers.

At least Diana wouldn't have to deal with eternal repercussions like he did. Say what one would about his blustering and bellowing, but Ares believed firmly that once an incident was dealt with, that was it. Subject closed. He didn't dredge up past sins every freakin' time Diana got out of line, not because he couldn't --though with Diana, it was a challenge to remember them all-- but because Ares hated how his family --following the example of dear old Mom and Dad-- bitterly held grudges and rehashed old dirty laundry at each opportunity. Ares thought dwelling on the past was stupid. Stuff happened. That was part of life. Deal with it and move on.

But he was not so lucky as Diana. This would haunt him forever. And future occasions at Olympus would be tainted by 'Remember the time Ares tried to kick out Uncle Seidy, ha that was a good one!' and rich chuckles at his expense. And naturally there'd be a scolding if he zapped the pants off the person who said it. Sigh.

Still, if Ares had to weather the storm, then Diana better have an explanation for this once he got back. And it better be a damn good one!

… five hours of bitching later…

"What in Tartarus is it?" Ares stared at the murky brown liquid with disdain. He shook the goblet clutched in his hand, but the liquid remained the same dismal color. Red Phoenix sighed.

"It's called chamomile tea, Boss. I lifted it off an oriental tradesman. Try it. It's very soothing."

"I'm not in the mood to be soothed," Ares bit out. His ears were still stinging and he seriously doubted the suspicious-looking chamomile would do much for his pounding head. "Find me Diana -- and tell her I want to see her. Now."

Red sighed again, but knew better than to tempt him. She loved Diana like a sister, but not enough to take the bellowed lecture and stable duty that lay ahead. There were some storms a priestess just had to weather alone and though Di knowingly invited more than her share; that was the price for her finding her entertainment at the expense of a god. Red reflected as she headed for Diana's quarters that in some ways, her gypsy friend was rather stupid.

"Di," she said dryly, stopping to lean against the doorframe. The door was already open and Diana was sprawled across her bed, busily scribbling on a parchment. Red couldn't quite see what she was writing. She tilted her head, trying to get a better look. Wait. Was Diana doodling hearts around Ares name?

"Di, Ares wants to see you NOW or there'll be hell to pay. I don't know why I'm bothering to deliver that message to you. God knows you've heard it so many times you oughta get it on a button or something."

Diana looked up at the sound of Red's voice. She smiled, green eyes shining happily. "He does? Oh that's wonderful!"

Red visibly hesitated. Wonderful? Er, no. She'd heard Ares' tone when he commanded Diana's presence and -- wonderful? She'd highly doubt it.

"Funny, Di. Really it is. I think it's cute that you want to play the perky type today -- but I don't think it's going to cause the Boss to ease up any."

"I don't know what you mean," Diana replied softly, her face all naiveté. "I couldn't be more pleased to be summoned by Lord Ares. It will afford me the opportunity to learn from him. I can only think how lucky I am that he is willing to allow me to be with him, to embrace his legend, to breathe in his essence. It's unbelievable that he is so generous."

"You're hilarious, Di. But I doubt you will find it so funny after Ares punishes you for whatever it is you did this time."

Diana looked bashfully at her toes. "If that is His will, then I must be punished. Ares always knows best."

Red scratched her head in confusion. "Di, you feeling ok? Hit your head very hard, did you? Can't remember your name, who Ares is, the fact that you hate him, stuff like that?"

Diana smiled angelically. "No matter what happens to me, I could never forget Ares," she said softly. "He is the core of my entire existence and I live only to praise and serve him. You should know this, Red. I know you feel the same."

Red's blue eyes widened. "Dear Gods on Olympus! You really mean it don't you?"

Diana nodded, still smiling. Red took a step back and grabbed the door to steady herself. She felt the room reel around her and knew if she wasn't holding something, she'd pass out. Diana had to be drunk -- or this had to be a dream. Or maybe they slipped through a vortex into an alternate world. Any explanation was more plausible than Diana saying all this on her own!

"I uh, I--I," Red took a deep breath as her voice cracked and tried to calm her nerves. She extended a shaky hand in a restraining manner, trying to keep Diana away. "I think I'm going to let Ares sort this out, oh strange being who looks and sounds like Diana but isn't the Diana I know. I think I'm just gonna go now and drink heavily. See ya!"

She backed out and made her exit as quick as she could, not about to speculate what was going on with Di, although in retrospect Di had always been borderline psychopathic and it seemed inevitable that she'd succumb eventually. Maybe the Furies were having a bad day? Diana enamored with Ares was truly an original torture. But, as Xena once said, it's not good to have a lunatic with lethal combat skills running about and so Red made her exit as rapid as if Diana's lunacy could be contagious.

In the meantime, Diana meandered to Ares throne room, a place she knew well as an old friend. Ares looked up as she wandered in and he tossed aside the goblet and leapt up from his throne. There was murder in his eyes.

"Diana! Come here!"

"Happily my Lord," Diana replied cheerfully, strolling along as if on a sunny beach, rather than tap dancing over her grave. Ares leapt from his throne and stood erect, the movement sharp with anger.

"Do not tempt Me! I have had enough of your antics. Now explain yourself."

"Explain myself," Diana looked puzzled. "About what, my Lord?"

Ares balled his fists to physically prevent himself from reaching out and shaking her like mad. Lightning formed at the tips of his fingers, causing Diana's raven curls to crackle with energy.

"Diana. I am only going to say this once more. Explain yourself."

Diana sighed and started pacing in front of him. "There's nothing to explain. My motives are transparent as glass."

"Meaning that they reflect only what you want me to see! I don't appreciate being mocked, Diana. That was your last chance. Say hi to Uncle Hades when you get there."

Ares casually lifted a hand, but Diana threw up her own first.

"No! Wait!"

Ares arched a black brow and lowered his hand simultaneously. "I'm listening."

"What is it you want to know Ares?"

"Everything."

Diana sucked in a breath and swallowed, looking edgy. Ares felt comforted by this somehow. A scared Diana wasn't exactly his Diana, but at least they were getting closer to her than perky, worshipful Diana.

"Well I guess it all started when you asked me to be your complimentor. I mean, at first I was mad -- obviously. I couldn't escape the irony of you asking me to be the one who comes up with nice things to say about you and to you. It was like Hercules asking Hera to babysit."

Ares half-smiled, but his eyes remained intense. He didn't say anything to interrupt her; still he seemed quietly amused.

"But the more I thought about it, the more I realized how wonderful you are," Diana continued softly. "I don't know how I could've been so blind to it all this time. It was then that I realized you are worthy of so much more. The other gods are jealous of you -- understandably, because they could never measure up. So they try to hide you, disguise the true potential of what you are capable of. God of War?" she scoffed and made a disparaging gesture. "Oh please! Prince of Olympus -- hell no. Even God of the Sea's not good enough for you!" She narrowed her eyes, folding her arms across her tightly laced bodice. "I won't stop 'til you are King of the Gods!"

Tartarus!

Ares own eyes widened. He had no idea how his scheming little gypsy intended to accomplish that, but it didn't bode well for either of their futures. Especially not with the foul mood Zeus was in. Another escapade spelled the end for both of them.

"Diana, I forbid it," he said shortly. He reached out and grabbed her by the shoulders, yanking her up the short steps to his throne so she was on level with him. He leaned down so they were on eye level, commanding her full attention. "I've had enough of this. Whatever you are planning, I forbid you to go through with it."

Diana gasped. "But my wise and wonderfulLord, I only want to help you!"

"No! No helping me! I forbid it!"

"But Ares—"

"No buts! Diana, this has gone far enough. I release you from the duty of being my complimentor. I don't want you to be my advocate any more!"

Diana lifted a brow. "Are you sure about that?"

Ares stopped. Something in her tone had changed. And the sickeningly sweet voice he'd grown so tired of just had a discordant --yet familiar-- ring.

"Diana?"

"Yes My Lord?"

"You put me through this whole act on to make me rescind my punishment, didn't you?"

There was clear triumph in Diana's eyes now as she replied smugly, "Yes My Lord."

Ares gritted his teeth. "I should kill you right here and now. Damned if I know why I even hesitate," he muttered grimly. "You do realize you are holding onto your life by a hairsbreadth, don't you?"

"Yes My Lord."

"Why don't I kill you?"

"Because you like me," Diana said, still smug. "I don't bullshit you Ares and you know that. It was a stupid idea to make me try. You like me just as I am and you don't want me to change. Not really. Now why don't you just admit defeat gracefully and let things get back to normal around here."

"'Normal' meaning you making my life hell with your little jokes?" Ares replied sarcastically. Diana only laughed.

"Maybe, My Lord."

Ares studied her a moment, trying to decide whether he was still furious or just amused. Frustrating as hell his gypsy was, but no one could say life with her was boring. At length he laughed mirthlessly and nodded a concession.

"Very well. Normal it is. Stable duty -- six weeks," he winced with remembrance of Zeus' tongue lashing, "Make that eight weeks. No compliments necessary."

"Eight weeks? But Ares, that's hardly fair," Diana wailed. All saccharine emotion gone, she grabbed a gauntlet and tugged plaintively. "After all, the Poseidon thing was just a joke -- and I did do your laundry and polished your sword. I think I deserve at least a two week reprieve for that!"

"Eight weeks," Ares repeated firmly. "AND laundry day for two of them. I'll have you know Uncle Poseidon packs a mean punch." He rubbed his jaw meditatively and shot Diana a look. "If I bruise in the next 24 hours, the sentence jumps to ten weeks."

Diana sputtered helplessly. "Why you slimy, no good, flea bitten, minotaur-hugger! I'll get you for this Ares!"

Ares smiled deliciously. His laughter rang out, warm, confident and spine-tinglingly wicked.

"Welcome back, my gypsy!"