Vala's Valence by Cleo the Muse
Rating: All Ages
Genre: General, Humor, Missing Scene/Epilogue
Warnings: Not really.
Episodes: Missing scene for "The Ties That Bind". Minor references to "The Powers That Be" and various "Dead Again Daniel" moments throughout the years, plus several characters from previous stories from within this series.
Synopsis: Continues on in the fashion of the preceding "The Thief" and "The Archaeologist" series (plural). The bracelets are off, but Vala and 'her' Daniel are still connected. Poor Daniel!
Notes: Spiffy new name for the series! Oh, and "valence" (not to be confused with "valance", which is a type of window treatment) in psychology means "the degree of attraction or aversion that an individual feels toward a specific object or event."
Status: Completed as of January 12, 2007

Vala's Valence

Each of us is full of too many wheels, screws and valves to permit us to
judge one another on a first impression or by two or three external signs.
--"Ivanov", from Anton Pavlovich Chekhov's Ivanov

It was the crunch that did it.

More specifically, it was the untimely demise of the object which did the crunching that gave Daniel that annoyed, slightly hurt expression that really just made her want to kiss it better.

"Found your glasses," Vala grinned nervously, plucking the now-broken object out from underneath her right cheek.

Looking forlornly at the twisted metal, Daniel seemed to deflate. "I'm going to go see what Doctor Lee's doing."

Too bad kissing Daniel wouldn't fix his glasses, and he was too busy speeding out of his laboratory for her to test to see if the odd Tau'ri expression had any merit. She tipped her head back and sighed.

Maybe not, but it would have been fun to find out!

She couldn't for the life of her figure out why he kept shooting her down, though, when she'd never before had much difficulty wrapping men around her fingers. Impishly giving the tablet Daniel had been working on another poke, she slid off the table and turned back around to collect the magazines she was supposed to be perusing. A quick glance at her current guardian proved the woman was still as stonily silent as ever. It was a shame the lovely Sergeant Westerholm had the day off, as she really could use a little "girl-talk", as Tracy had called it. She'd also been an invaluable assistant in getting Vala undergarments, toiletries, and several of the marvelously droll uniforms for the duration of her stay on Earth, not to mention an adorable lingerie set that, sadly, didn't seem like they'd see much use.

Or be seen in use.

Maybe this new sergeant--Finney, was it?--would be friendly too, especially given how under-represented women seemed to be on this base. Her mind made up, Vala cautiously approached.

"Hello," she began nervously. "You know we really haven't had much of a chance to talk yet. As I'm sure you know, my name is Vala Mal Doran." The sergeant continued to ignore her. "Anyway, I was hoping you and I could get to be friends."

Finney didn't even blink.

"Look, I'm supposed to go to some place called 'Washed-up-town' tomorrow and--"

"Washington."

"Pardon?" So she's not mute after all!

"The city's name is Washington, ma'am. Also known as the District of Columbia."

"Oh, is that where Daniel gets his coffee?"

"No, ma'am. That would be the country Columbia."

"Oh. Well that's confusing," she remarked. Finney didn't react. "So... how would I go about learning more about this fair planet so I don't make that mistake in... the District of Columbia and embarrass Daniel?"

The sergeant's eyes flickered slightly downward. "Reading seems like a good start, ma'am."

"Oh, you can just call me Vala."

"Thank you, ma'am."

Ah ha! Her lips twitched. There is a sense of humor in that woman! "And what might I call you, Sergeant?"

"Sergeant," came the monotone reply. "Or Finney. For real variety, ma'am, you can call me Staff Sergeant Finney."

Vala grinned. "I like variety, Staff Sergeant Finney." She straightened out the magazine she'd rolled up and presented it for the sergeant to see. "Unfortunately, this Variety magazine is dreadfully boring! It just keeps going on and on about who was wearing what at what awards show and I don't even know any of these people!"

"Of course not, ma'am."

"What I'm really interested in are the real people," she declared emphatically. "Not these fake-looking creatures called... actors? What are the 'normal' people like? How do they react to different situations? Somehow, I don't get the impression the lovely men and women of this base are typical citizens of this planet. Like Daniel, for example."

"No one is like Doctor Jackson, ma'am."

The quick response stunned her. "No one?"

"That's correct, ma'am."

Intrigued, she leaned back against the work table. "He and Colonel Mitchell look so much alike, though."

"Not really," Finney disagreed. "And I wasn't talking about appearances, ma'am."

Vala crossed her arms. "Really? What do you mean, then?"

For the first time, Finney's expression changed, to a frown of confusion. "You don't know?"

Would I be asking if I did? Not wanting to antagonize the woman after she'd finally gotten her to talk, though, she shook her head and replied, "Know what?"

"Doctor Jackson's the reason we have a Stargate program, ma'am. He's the one who made the 'Gate work when no one else could, and he and General O'Neill defeated Ra."

Vala didn't think opening the Stargate was all that impressive, but defeating Ra certainly was... even if she'd heard about it already from Sarilis Camir, her bounty hunter friend. "Go on," she encouraged.

Finney took a deep breath. "He's saved the planet hundreds of times, ma'am, just because he can think faster than pretty much anyone else. He has several Ph.D.'s, speaks more languages than I can count on my fingers and toes and has died more times than my daughter's hair."

She quirked an eyebrow. "Your daughter's hair is deceased?"

"Sorry, ma'am... play on words. My daughter colors her hair... very unnatural colors, too."

"Ah. Clever! But, uh... he doesn't look dead to me."

"That's because he always comes back, ma'am."

Would you look at that! Stone-Face Finney practically glows when she talks about Daniel. So had Tracy, for that matter, when Vala plied her for information yesterday. "That's fortunate."

"Yes, ma'am." As though suddenly realizing she'd said too much, Finney immediately straightened again.

"What are Ph.D.'s?"

"Degrees of education, ma'am."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning you have to study for several years to be licensed to practice. My daughter is going for her Ph.D. in sociopsychology."

Vala sighed. "And what does that mean?"

"She studies human behavior, ma'am. How individuals react in certain situations."

"Everyone reacts differently, don't they?" she shrugged.

"Not according to my daughter," Finney replied. "Just last year, she pegged my husband as a textbook case for a mid-life crisis."

"Textbook case?"

"A clinically-proven and documented example. Sure enough, two months later the bastard filed for divorce and ran off with a younger woman... ma'am."

Intrigued, Vala dropped her magazines and propped an elbow up on the lab table. "Tell me more."

Hesitantly at first, but gaining in momentum, Finney began to describe how her husband bought a new car--a Tau'ri form of transportation which was also utilized as a symbol of wealth and status, Vala discovered--started wearing different clothes, and would go on sudden "business trips" out of state. Thanks to her daughter's keen observations, the sergeant was prepared for the separation from her husband.

"No offense, ma'am, but you resemble his new girlfriend."

Vala winced. "I guess that explains why you didn't like me at first."

Finney angled her head. "I suppose so, ma'am. I'm sure my daughter has a name for that behavioral tendency, too. Actually, she claims that it's part of the reason she dresses in short skirts and chunky boots and dyes her hair blue: people tend to underestimate her."

"Seems like a sound strategy to me."

"Very sound, ma'am. While the other students snicker behind their hands at her 'unprofessional' appearance, my Julia's half-finished her thesis on stereotypes." Finney was now beaming with pride.

"Now this is the sort of thing I was talking about," Vala grinned, pointing at the sergeant. "I want to learn more. I don't suppose there's any chance I can have a heart-to-heart with... Julia?"

The older woman shook her head. "No, ma'am. I'm afraid she doesn't have the necessary security clearance."

If there's one thing I've learned about the Tau'ri thus far, it's that they love this precious "security clearance". Vala wanted nothing more than to see something other than the boring gray walls of the underground base. Between her experience with the SGC and the cave at Avalon, she half-jokingly wondered to herself if the entire planet was a subterranean-dwelling culture.

Fortunately, tomorrow she was being permitted to leave the base with Daniel! Of course, the only reason she was going anywhere at all was because he would die if they were separated, though she doubted any of the government officials of this world would care if she expired. Still, despite the escort of the blustery General Landry and stoic Teal'c, it was sure to be an adventure.

"Would you happen to know of any other way to study up on this... sociopsychology, Staff Sergeant Finney? It sounds like a fascinating topic. Useful in many applications!"

"Uh, do you have computer access, ma'am?"

Officially, or have I "acquired" it for myself? Figuring that it wouldn't be wise to point out that she'd sneaked a peek at Doctor Lee's pass codes while the pudgy scientist studied the Ancient communication device from Avalon, Vala shook her head.

"There should be limited public access in the base library, ma'am... though I've never figured out why."

"Since everyone who works here has a security clearance?" she questioned.

Finney nodded. "It might be some sort of government rule, then. Congress is full of self-serving idiots and the top brass at the Pentagon have never been terribly skilled at making logical decisions... Generals O'Neill and Hammond being the exceptions, of course."

"Of course," she agreed. Finney didn't "ma'am" me that time! Making progress, Vala, making progress...

"Anyway, if you'd like, I could show you how to access the internet--that's a world-wide network of computers that store an incredible amount of information. Some of my daughter's term papers are posted online, actually, if you want to read those. There should also be a few books or magazines which might help, too."

Vala snatched up the "lifestyle" magazines from the lab table. "What are we waiting for, Staff Sergeant Finney?"

"Just Finney, ma'am."

"No first name?"

"Bridget, ma'am."

The younger woman grinned inwardly. "Then I will call Bridget if you'll call me Vala."

"Agreed, m--Miss Vala."

Not quite what she'd asked, but definitely an improvement. She spared a glance at the wall clock. "Well, we'd better make it fast, Bridget! Daniel's been gone over fifteen minutes already, so that leaves us little more than a half-hour to gather a few research materials and find him again."

"Now?"

"No time like the present!" Vala practically bounced to the door. "Which way?"

Face crinkling in confusion--and doing nothing for the already-homily features--Bridget led the way. Clearly, she was perplexed as to why Vala was showing so much interest in her daughter's chosen field of study, but the self-made con-artist had ulterior motives. Some of these personality studies could probably be applied to humans all over the galaxy, and likely a number of non-humans, too. The "mid-life crisis" trait seemed to be pretty much universal, as even Goa'uld experienced a form of it. Of course, their version usually meant they switched to a younger host or wasted valuable resources on an attractive new slave.

And the egotistical bastards think they're better than humans. Ha!

A fair portion of pulling off a successful con required anticipating your victims' reactions. Again, Vala could see only benefits in giving Julia Finney's term papers a thorough investigation. It would certainly be far more enlightening than the ridiculously frivolous "entertainment" magazines had afforded, despite the lovely clothes on display on the artificially-attractive actors and actresses. After all "acting" didn't necessarily mean "fake", as she knew a planet of genuinely nice people who enjoyed putting on performances for their "god" Qetesh.

Last but certainly not least, she might finally find out what motivated the frustrating Doctor Daniel Jackson. His wife had been dead for years, but he apparently hadn't had any serious relationships in the almost-six years since. Well, he had been dead for one of those years himself. Still, it obviously wasn't from lack of "volunteers", given the way Lisa Rosenbaum's eyes had glazed over as she talked. Susan Henessey--the other nurse at the lunch table yesterday--had been similarly affected.

That's not the worst thing, Vala reflected, paying only half-attention to Bridget's instructions on the use of the computer and internet--both of which the younger woman already knew how to use, but knew better than to admit she did. The worst thing is, I'm getting caught in his "fan club", too! Which really wasn't fair, since she'd never had to aggressively pursue anyone's attention like she'd tried time and time again with Daniel and failed. Miserably, it seemed.

But boy was it fun trying!

"Are you listening, ma'am?"

Vala jumped. "Yes! Type the keyword into the box and click the button to search."

The sergeant nodded. "That should just about do it then, ma'am. Vala."

"Can I ask you a question, Bridget?"

"Of course."

"Does your daughter happen to be the same size as me?"

"Probably. Why?"

Vala grinned, deciding it was time to kick up the heat. After all, hadn't one of her dear, close friends advised her to not play "hard to get"? "I'd like to borrow one of her skirts and those lovely boots you described... for tomorrow. Somehow, that rather boring skirt set someone was kind enough to bring me just doesn't quite send the right message about who I am, if you know what I mean."

Bridget's eyebrows rose. "But you're going to be appearing before a Senate panel, ma'am. People don't--"

"Now aren't you the one who was saying that Congress is full of self-serving idiots? Well, I'm hoping for a little of that underestimation Julia gets."

Her new-found friend didn't look terribly convinced, but shrugged. "I'll check."

"Thanks, Bridget!" Vala beamed. "Oh, and one more thing... actually it'd be a huge favor. I'd like to apologize to Daniel this evening... in private."

And here I was worried that charming lingerie set was going to be wasted...

Author's Notes:
It's BAAAAAAA-ack! At first, I didn't think this was as fun as some of my others have been, but then I realized it's ALWAYS fun when Vala's scheming!