As winter set in, the couple spent more and more time at home with me. Lucy's belly grew and grew, and it seemed that with every expansion of her waistline and every kick of the baby, she and Ben grew closer and closer. Lucy and I grew closer, too. Soon I was knitting sweaters and socks for her unborn child and talking with her long into the night about anything and everything. One evening, sitting by the fire while Ben took one last customer, she gave me the shock of my life.
"Nellie," she said, "Will you promise me something? Will you promise me that if anything ever happens to me, you'll take care of Ben and our baby for me? You're the best friend I've ever had. I'm sorry to bring up such a morbid subject. I just have a strange… a bad gut feeling. I don't know. Call it a mother's instinct." My mind raced. I couldn't understand it.
"But Lucy, nothing will happen to you here!" I cried. She nodded slowly.
"It's alright, Nellie. I understand. Of course you don't have to if you don't want to." Despite her brave smile, she suddenly burst into tears. I reached across and hugged her as best I could, what with her huge belly in the way. I wiped her tears away with my hand.
"Of course I promise, Lucy. Of course I promise. But nothing can harm you while I'm around. I won't let anything happen to you." She smiled up at me. Such a trusting smile. It sent a shiver of guilt through me, for although most of me meant what I was saying absolutely sincerely, a small part of me hoped… hoped that her gut feeling was right. Suddenly, Ben walked through the door, beaming.
"My last customer paid me double the usual rate!" he said. Lucy and I smiled back at him, and at that moment his eyes flickered to mine, and held my gaze for a second. I was breathless.
"Why did he do that?" asked Lucy. Ben shrugged.
"It was the Judge. You know, Judge Turpin. He's usually such a miserable old man but he came in with a smile today and paid me double. Told me to buy something nice for you, Lucy." He leaned over and kissed his wife, who was looking slightly uncomfortable. As he did so, she let out a short cry of pain.
"Oh, my! I think the baby's coming!" she squealed excitedly. Ben whooped with joy.
"At last!" he said. "At last! Are you sure?" Lucy nodded, half smiling in anticipation, half grimacing in pain.
"This is it, Ben," she whispered. "We're about to be parents. We're about to have a child."
It was such a special moment for them. I felt incredibly awkward, but I couldn't take my eyes off Ben. Lucy looked over at me.
"I'm sorry, Nellie! You must feel… Oh!"
A few hours later, a tiny baby girl lay in Lucy's arms. A miniature Lucy. A perfect child. Instead of focusing on the baby, though, my mind kept wandering back to the moment when Ben had told Lucy about Judge Turpin's request that he spend the extra money on buying Lucy a gift. She had looked uncomfortable, but not physically, despite the fact that she was about to go into labour. And the Judge always made a point of talking to her when we met him in the market. Suddenly, Lucy's voice penetrated my thoughts.
"Nellie… This may sound silly since we've known each other a while now and I should probably know this, but what is Nellie short for?"
"Helen," I replied. "Why?" Lucy and Ben glanced at each other, smiling widely.
"We've decided to name the baby Johanna Helen Barker," Ben told me, in his lovely deep voice. I gasped.
"What… after me?" I asked stupidly. They laughed, those same laughs I'd heard when they first entered my life.
"Of course after you, silly," Lucy said affectionately. "Johanna was my mother's name, and Helen is the name of the kindest person and best friend in the world. I hope Johanna grows up to be a lot like you, Nellie." I looked at her, and then at Ben, our eyes connecting in a now familiar but still terrifying way.
"Well, if you're sure." I wanted to change the subject. She should not be being so lovely to a woman who had thought only a few hours earlier that she wished something bad would happen to her best friend so she could steal her husband. It was wrong. "Do you need anything, Lucy?"
"Well, now that you mention it, I'm a little uncomfortable. Could you get me the soft chair from the parlour? Oh, sorry. It's probably too heavy. Don't worry about it." Ben swiftly strode towards the door, taking my hand on the way.
"Say no more. We'll handle it, won't we, Nellie?" I nodded silently as he led me out of the door, with Lucy calling, "Thank you!" after us.
He pulled me into the parlour still in silence, and to my surprise pinned me against the wall and put his hand over my mouth.
"Don't say anything until I'm finished, Nellie." I nodded, and he took his hand away and let me go. I brushed myself off as he carried on.
"There's something between us, isn't there, Nellie? An attraction." He'd told me not to speak, so I nodded again. "Yes, there's something between us. I don't know if it's a good idea for Lucy and I to carry on living here, not with Johanna to think of. It would kill Lucy if anything ever happened between us, you know." It was as if my head was on a spring. I carried on nodding, wanting desperately to object, to remind him that Lucy was my best friend and she wouldn't agree to move out. Instead I kept my mouth shut while he continued.
"The thing is, Nellie, I think… I think I'm falling in love with you. And that can't happen." Falling in love with me? We were close, in a way, but we didn't talk much. I was in love with him, but the thought had never even entered my mind that he might feel the same, because he always seemed to talk so much with Lucy. They seemed to have everything in common.
"With Lucy… We have to work so hard. We got married so young, and now… We're happy, don't get me wrong. But it doesn't come naturally like it does with you. Lucy and I don't have the connection that we have. When you look into my eyes, it's like you're looking into my soul."
The words I'd wanted so badly to hear. The words I'd wanted to say myself. But a part of me just wanted to say…
"No." There. I'd said it. "No, you're wrong. You and Lucy have a wonderful relationship, and now you have a wonderful child." He wrung his hands together.
"I know. This couldn't have come at a worse time." I pushed past him and picked up the chair Lucy had wanted. It wasn't really that heavy.
"Lucy will be wondering where we are. I should take this up to her. I suggest you stay here until Johanna is a bit older. Neither she nor Lucy would appreciate an upheaval at the moment." I had my eyes cast downwards as I made my way up the stairs by myself, knowing I'd done the right thing but still wishing things had gone differently.
A few days later, Lucy and I went for a gentle stroll while Ben looked after Johanna, to give Lucy a little while to herself. We walked in silence at first.
"Nellie," Lucy said presently. "You know what I asked you just before I had Johanna? Did you mean it when you said you would take care of Ben and Johanna for me?" I stopped and looked at her.
"Lucy, you know I did." She smiled.
"Yes, I know. It's just that you and Ben have been acting strange around each other recently. Has something happened?" I looked at her again, at her open, honest face, and replied.
"No," I said. "No, nothing has happened. I think things are just a bit awkward, what with the three of you being a family, and me being an outsider. That's all it is." Lucy looked shocked.
"Nellie, you must never think of yourself as an outsider!" she exclaimed. "Why, you're as much a part of our family as if you were a sister!"
"I know, Lucy. Thank you." But she wasn't stopping there. She looked impassioned.
"In fact, Nellie, if anything happened to me, I'd like for you to marry Ben and bring up Johanna together! That's how big a part of our family you are!" I gulped and smiled at her weakly.
"About that, actually… Nellie, you know the other night, when Judge Turpin paid Ben more than he should for his shave, and told him to buy me something? That wasn't the first time the Judge has… shown an interest in me. He's starting to frighten me, Nellie. He talks to me in the street, and he sends Beadle Bamford to talk to me. He always seems to know where I'll be."
"I heard my name!" We whirled round at the booming voice. Judge Turpin stood a few yards away from us. Lucy cowered. She looked so intimidated. As the Judge advanced towards us, I stepped in front of her.
"You may be the Most Honorable Judge Turpin," I scoffed, "But you don't scare me. And you've no right to scare Lucy. Don't come near her again." He smirked and tried to step past me, but I stood in front of him once more. "I mean it," I warned.
"Oh, get out of my way, woman!" he said impatiently, pushing me to the ground and striding purposefully towards Lucy. At that time he was quite a young man, fast enough to outrun me, and he soon reached Lucy.
"Lucy, run!" I cried, but she stood stuck to the floor, terror all over her face. He grabbed her roughly and pushed her against the wall of a nearby house.
"I will give you one more chance, Mrs. Barker," he snarled. I reached them and tried to pull him off her, but before I could he pushed her aside anyway. "You know what I mean," he said as he stalked off.
"Lucy!" I grabbed her as her knees gave way. We fell to the ground together, and she sobbed on my shoulder. "Lucy, has he ever done that before?" She nodded miserably, wiping her tears away fiercely with the back of her hand. "What did he mean when he said he'd give you one last chance?" She shrugged but starting sobbing even harder. "Lucy, you've got to tell me. What does he want you to do?" She looked straight at me and raised her eyebrows. My eyes widened. "But you're married!" She looked away from me. "He can't expect you to do that!"
"He's Judge Turpin, Nellie. He can do whatever he wants," she choked.
I knew she was probably right, but I could not admit defeat. I couldn't let him bully her this way. But what could I, a poor, pie making woman from Fleet Street, do to stop one of the most powerful men in London?
AN: I was really happy with this chapter when I first wrote it, but now I've read it back I don't like it much… reviews greatly appreciated!! Sorry for the long wait for this chapter.