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This series is my own private challenge from apocalypse cabaret/art of pretension. This particular one-shot would be from the fall semester the first year the Cullens arrived in Forks.

Customs and Costumes

by silly bella

I hated this. It was the same no matter where we went. Halloween. Alice loved it, of course. I, on the other hand, thought it was the worst day of the year. Stupid human customs. Why the school broke dress code for the day and allowed people to attend class in costume escaped me. I wanted nothing of it. Not even to pacify Alice.

She'd tried to get me to come as a baseball player. Next was Dean Martin. I could hear her trying to persuade me. 'He's the King of Cool, Edward. That's what Elvis called him. He was Elvis' idol. And he knocked the Beatles out of the number one position on the charts with a re-release of one of his songs. You hate the Beatles. It's the perfect costume for you.' She made her way through suggestions of my favorite Shakespeare characters. Then she started working her way through the rest of my favorite literature. She even suggested James Bond. I refused them all.

For once, Jasper had dictated their costumes. Alice wore a hoopskirt and refused to answer to anything but Scarlett, as in O'Hara. She was holding up a carrot stick and speaking in a deep southern accent. "As God is my witness, I'll never go hungry again."

I rolled my eyes impatiently and muttered, "Frankly, Alice, I don't give a damn," but she ignored me. She was too interested in Jasper, dressed as Rhett Butler. Jasper, too, was totally absorbed in Alice. Apparently, he reacted to hoopskirts the way the average human male responded to swimsuit models. I shook my head and kicked him under the table. "Quit thinking about that. It's disturbing."

Emmett laughed so hard he snorted. It would be easier for you if you found a girl… or a guy, if that's your preference. He frowned when I growled at him. Don't growl at me that way. I was just trying to help.

"I'm perfectly happy, Emmett. I just prefer not to have images of my sibling in flagrante delicto, thank you. Particularly in a cafeteria where the smell of the food and the masticulation noises from the hordes of human children are offensive enough." I glared at him, which was difficult since he was wearing a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles costume.

Before he could respond, Rosalie grabbed his arm and exhaled great force. Jasper jerked to stare at her, an angry grimace on his face. I can't believe she wore the same costume I did!

So that was it. Some human girl had the misfortune to choose this year to dress as Marilyn Monroe.

"How dare she!" I taunted, my eyes scanning the crowd to see who the ill-fated human was. Lauren Mallory. I found it difficult to be sympathetic. She was among the most obnoxious students at the school.

Lauren caught sight of Rosalie as she rushed to the table filled with her clique. She stared at Rosalie, her eyes narrowing. Rosalie glared back, her anger hot and fresh. Lauren looked to the side the way a weaker dog does to signal submission. I look better than she does. I could be a model, I'll bet. Those Cullens think they're all that. Then she sat at her table, informing her friends, "I'll bet she heard me mention my costume and decided to wear the same thing. I pull it off better than she does, though. Don't you think?" Her friends assured her that she made a more credible Marilyn than Rosalie, but their thoughts betrayed them. A couple of the boys looked with longing at my sister, who ignored them.

Unfortunately, Rosalie heard as well as I did, at least when Lauren spoke. "The very idea that I would mimic her. Stupid human. This dress is the real thing, just like the one Marilyn wore. I can't believe Richard Travilla tried to tell people that dress was made just for the movie. He may have altered it, but it came straight off the rack. It wasn't even couture."

I watched some of the other students carry food to their tables. A tall, shy girl named Angela dressed as a ballerina.

A boy from my Spanish I class followed her every move. She looks like a Degas. He was dressed as a manga character. I didn't follow the books, so I wasn't sure of the name. I couldn't help being impressed that he knew who Degas was. Most of the students here thought the Impressionists were a band.

Jessica Stanley, one of the Forks girls with a more persistent infatuation, wore some sort of leotard and a headband with animal ears. Her eyes flickered in my direction. Peeking into her brain when she thought about me was almost worse than an eyeful of Jasper's thoughts earlier. A weaker man might have bitten her just to stop the fantasies. She noticed me and smiled, arching her back to push out her chest.

With a roll of my eyes, I turned to Alice. "What is it you like so much about Halloween? You can't even eat the candy."

"It's fun, Edward. It's almost as good as Christmas, but there aren't any presents." Alice beamed.

"I'll buy you a Halloween present next year if you promise not to try to make me dress up." I truly hoped she'd take me up on the offer.

Rosalie scoffed. "Remember who you're talking to. Edward's above fun."

"It's not that. I like fun as much as the next person. I just have a different idea of what constitutes fun," I said, narrowing my eyes at her. "Dressing up to celebrate some utterly stupid human event is not fun."

A nerdy boy dressed as a… well, a nerd, passed by. I'll be just like Bill Gates. See what they all think when I come back our five year reunion as a millionaire… a … billionaire, even. But what really caught my eyes was the two boys behind him. The first one, Tyler Crowley, wore a football uniform. That came as no surprise since he was already, even as a freshman, one of the school's better known jocks. But the other one, Mike Newton, made me laugh.

"What's so funny, Edward?" Emmett asked. Then he turned to look. "He did not…" Emmett wasn't even able to finish the sentence. Too shocked to laugh, he stared.

The rest of my siblings turned to see what had captured out attention so thoroughly. They watched, utterly horrified as Mike Newton stepped away from the food line carrying a tray of cafeteria cuisine and wearing traditional horror movie black, complete with a cape and plastic fangs. For a moment, they were stunned into silence.

Crap. I'm going to have to take my fangs out to eat.

A vampire? He came as a vampire? You have to be kidding! Alice giggled.

Rosalie, on the other hand, seemed angry. On my worst day I don't look anything like that. Where do people get these ideas?

Jasper shook his head, chuckling. In fact, we all laughed, even Rosalie.

Suddenly, the noise of the cafeteria hushed. Every head turned in our direction. I could hear their thoughts, but no one spoke.

The Cullens are laughing? They never make any noise at all. They don't even talk, just stare in different directions at the walls and ceiling. And now they're laughing?

What's so funny? Why are they laughing?

What did I miss?

Their confusion bombarded me, but I couldn't stop laughing. If I'd been human, I might have cried. But then, if I'd been human, it might not have struck me as so funny.

Alice jabbed me in the ribs. "See, Edward. Halloween can be fun!"