Precious Time; Chapter Six

You talk on the telephone, long distance to new york or rome
Some would say you got it made
Your home is like a fortress, no one comes in but the florist
The gardener, and the maid
You call me on the telephone, you say you feel so alone
Too tired to get dressed and get out
First you're happy, then you're sad
Somehow you always hang up mad
Excuse me if I shout

I drove down to La Push in a hurry, hoping that Jacob would talk to me. Hoping that I could find him. I opened the door to his house and went over to where his room was, "Jacob?" I timidly opened the door, all the walls that had been knocked down in our relationship were suddenly there again.

"Bella, I want to be alone right now."

I barged into the room, ignoring his plea, "Yeah, that's great. But I don't want you to be alone. You shouldn't be alone through this, Jake. I care about you, I really hate seeing you suffer like this. Especially when you've already been forgiven."

"By you, but not by myself. Bells, I've scarred you, I've permanently damaged you. You shouldn't even forgive me."

I sat down next to him in his bed and held his hand, he didn't grip back, "Jake, I'm not one to hold a grudge. Besides, what's another scar for me? I have a ton of them, these one's will just blend in."

"But it'll remind you of the terrible thing that I did."

"What? Save my life? Kill Victoria? Yeah, that was really terrible of you Jake," I smiled at him, waiting for him to look at me. He did and I was met with his dazzling smile, I sighed in relief, thankful he had seen the light side.

"I don't want to hurt you again, Bells."

"You won't."

"How do you know?" his smile left his face, a gloomy cloud passed back over his eyes.

"Because, I know you Jake. Besides, there aren't any other vampires after me," maybe my spell of bad luck really was over.

"So, you still like me better, even though I hurt you?"

"I like you better than all the guys and the girls, Jake. You're my best friend," I paused and looked to the comforter for answers, "You're my boyfriend."

Jake smiled his wonderful, blinding smile, bent down and kissed me. It was a wonderful kiss, everything with Jake was wonderful because I never had to watch myself around him and, for the most part, he never had to watch himself around me. We could be free to do what ever we want.

Unless of course, your vampire ex boyfriend was waiting at your house to whisk you away to Canada for a doctors appointment.

"Jake," I said against his lips, he had pulled me down onto the bed and I was engulfed in his warm body. If I knew that Edward wouldn't come down to La Push and whisk me away I would have stayed there forever.

"Jake, this isn't the only reason I came down here," he moved away from my mouth and kissed his way along my jaw line and neck, "Jake! Edward came back," I didn't want to introduce the situation like but it did get him to pay attention. Jacob was off of me and across the room (or across the bed) in a matter of seconds, shaking and clenching his hands.

"Calm down, Jacob."

"Why? You get me all happy and then just tell me it's all over? There's your five minutes of happiness, that's all you get!"

I scooted over to him on the bed, wrapping my arms around myself; I was now rather cold from the loss of his body on top of mine, "Jacob, I'm not going back to him. I can't. Not now," I lifted his face up to meet mine, "When I'm with you, the way I feel- it's like nothing I've ever felt before. Ever," emphasizing the 'ever' part, because these feelings truly were new. New and amazing and something I never wanted to give up.

"He might convince you though. Bloodsuckers have those kinds of powers, Bella."

I grabbed his hand again, loving the warmth it gave me, "I know. And, you're right, he might try to convince me to go with him again. He might try to whisk me away, but I won't let that happen, Jacob. I'm with you now. Only you. Forever with you."

"You know what, Bells. Just go, okay."

"Jake, I don't want to leave like this."

His eyes were angry and wouldn't met my own, "I don't know how else for you to leave, Bella. Please just go," I got off of his bed, kissed him on his unresponsive lips and left.

Edward and I were in the car within the half hour; I had left a note for Charlie explaining a spree of the moment camping trip with a group of kids from school.

We sat in silence for the longest time before Edward turned on the radio, I didn't want to mention how much I detested music these days. I didn't want him to know how much him leaving me really affected me.

Life is so cruel with out you here beside me. Unbreak my heart.

Next.

If I should stay I would only be in your way so I'll go, but I know I'll think of you every step of the way.

Next.

I just love you, I don't know why, I just do.

Next.

The one I love belongs to somebody else, her thoughts are for somebody else.

Next.

It only hurts when I breathe.

I slammed my hand down onto the player, "Maybe the silence is good." His hand slipped out from under mine and I ignored the feeling running up my arm and through my body.

"I have a Debussy CD, we could listen to that," I pulled my hand away from his and held them in my lap.

"No!" I paused, not wanting to explain my sudden hatred of music, "It's just… I have a headache. Stress, you know? I think I'm actually going to go to sleep," and I did. I managed to sleep all the way to Canada.

"They seem fine, Edward. You know it wasn't necessary to bring her all the way back here."

"I just thought-"

"That you could get her back."

"Maybe there was something wrong with the scratches-" I heard him sigh, "Yeah, I thought I could get her back," Edward's voice was sad.

"It's her choice, Edward."

I shifted and their attention was drawn to me, ""Hi Carlisle."

"Hello Bella. It's nice to see you again, even under these circumstances," I sat up and stretched, I could feel tight new bandages on my torso.

"It's nice to see you too. How are you?"

"Very fine, thank you. Those scratches are healing up very nicely, but there will be scarring. I'll leave the two of you alone to talk."

Carlisle left the room and we sat there alone. The silence drifted slowly around us, I shifted uneasily in my seat, "Bella," Edward grabbed my hands I flinched, but he kept a fast hold on them, "There's not easy way for me to say this."

There was a slight pause, "Generally saying it helps," my voice dripped with sarcasm.

He looked down and took my words to heart, "I want you to come live with me. I want us to be together again. I'll change you and we can get married. We can have our happily ever after."

I stood up and walked across the room, his hands fell limply to his side. I knew what I had to say though, "If you had asked me to marry you- asked to change me- just a few months ago I would of said yes faster than you can run around this house," I saw his eyes light up and it pained me to know I was going to have to stab him in his dead heart, "But a lot of things have changed in the past few months and I've realized something."

Love in a relationship is necessary. And we had that Edward, we have a very beautiful love and it's something I will always cherish and remember. I'm glad that I was able to experience that."

But I also know that you need to have trust, from both sides. And we didn't have that; you couldn't trust yourself not to harm me and you left-"

"Black left you too and he hurt you!" Edward accused.

"Yeah, Jake did hurt me, but- how do you know he left?" I had never told him about any of the conversations Jake and I had had.

"I was watching you two, I didn't want him to hurt you again!"

I raked my fingers through my hair, frizzy from the sleep filled ride up here, "Edward! This is exactly what I'm talking about! You can't just go behind people's back like that! Just because you happen to be some all might vampire doesn't mean you don't have to follow the rules; you don't spy on people if you want them to have your trust!"

"Bella, it was for your own good!"

"How do you know what is for my own good, Edward? Are you really one to be the judge of that?" I turned around and walked up to him, looking him directly in the eye, "You left me, Edward. Crumpled in the woods, if Sam hadn't of found me I would of died out there. And then you didn't come back, for months I was this miserable shell of a person. But Jake was there to pull me out of it!"

Edward shook his head, stubborn as ever, "He hurt you, he ripped apart your skin. You're going to scar."

I lifted up my shirt and shifted the gauze out of the way, "Yeah, he did, but you know, they make medication for that now. Besides, how many people are going to see these?" I put my shirt back down and looked back at Edward, "They haven't found a way to mend broken hearts and for some reason, everyone can see that."

He knew it was a losing battle, "He could hurt you again."

"Then I'll stock up on Merderma. What's a few more scars for someone like me? I'm willing to risk a few more scars, but I don't know how many more broken hearts I can handle."

"Jacob could break your heart."

It was true, Jake could decide one day that he wanted a girlfriend his own age. He wanted a girl who he could hold hands with in the lunchroom. But, Jake had stuck through everything I had gone through. He had accepted me for the damaged goods that I was.

And he had said before that age didn't matter to him.

"I don't think he will."

"You're really sure about this."

"Yeah."

"I hope you can be happy, Isabella."

"Don't worry, Edward," I kissed his cold, hard cheek for the last time, "I already am."

Alice drove me back to my house and made me promise to keep in touch, we switched emails and phones numbers, "You know you can't hide from us, Bella. I can just see where you are or I can get Jasper to hunt you down via the internet," I smiled and promised to write frequently as long as she kept me up to date on everyone else, "Do you want me to tell Edward?"

"Only if you think he can handle it. I'm scared that he won't find someone else, Alice. I'm scared that it'll be like how you said he was before he met me, all dark and depressed all the time."

Alice smiled, her cool hand against my cheek, "Everything will be fine, Bella. Trust me," and of course I did.

I drove to Jake's house in a comfortable silence. The hole I had felt in my chest that I grown so accustomed to was finally whole again. It was a nice feeling.

It was raining La Push and I was getting thoroughly drenched as I waited for someone to answer the door, it was Billy, "Your back from your rendezvous with the bloodsuckers" I ignored his jab, knowing that once things became 'normal' again we would be on good terms again.

"Where's Jake?"

"He's sleeping. There were vampires on La Push and he had a long night, I'll tell him you were here," I knew he wouldn't. I pushed him aside and went to Jake's room, ignoring the guilt I felt for taking advantage of Billy's handicap.

Jake was spread out on his bed, making the room seem even smaller. Once we were on good terms again I would have to ask how he had managed to get the mattress into the room. His dark, smooth back slowly went up and down with the rhythm of his breathing.

The breathing from his real, live lungs. I was certain that if I put my hand onto his back I would feel the steady beat of his heart.

"Jake," I shook his foot gently, "Jacob," I said a little louder.

He rolled over and became tangled in the sheets, his eyes were sleepy, than angry, "Hey," I said softly.

"Aren't you supposed to be with your lover boy?" his tone was sharp, but I didn't argue.

"I think I am."

He smiled, "Really?"

"Well, yeah," I sat down on his bed and stretched out my tired legs, "I like you better than everyone else."

"Even though I hurt you," he propped himself up on his arms.

"Hey, what's a few scars here or there. I don't have a much of bikini figure anyway, no one will ever see them."

He sat up all the way and pulled him onto his lap, "I'd beg to differ on that, I think you would look wonderful in a bikini. You're all wet though."

"It was raining. It's really coming down," he slid open his closet door and pulled out a shirt, he dug deeper into the pile of clothes and found a pair of sweatpants that looked way to small for him.

"These sweatpants might actually kinda fit you."

I went to the bathroom and changed. The sweatpants must have been very old since I didn't have to tie the drawstring all the way around my waist like last time.

"You look nice," Jake commented.

I struck a catwalk pose in his door way, "Really?"

"That's not what I meant- well, you do look nice. You look nice in everything you wear, Bells," he backpeddled.

"Do you need a shovel?"

"What I meant was, your eyes. You look happy."

I smiled and crawled up into the bed in his lap again, "It's probably cause I am happy," he noted my lack of body heat and flipped the light blanket over both of us, his own body heat keeping us both warm.

"I'm happy too, Bells."

"Good."

We sat there for a while, dozing in and out of sleep, trying to find comfortable positions for both of us.

When I woke up the sun was shining brightly in from the small window, we were both on our sides facing each other, my legs thrown over the side of his waist, his arms around me holding me close and working as a pillow.

It was nice thing to wake up to; my boyfriend actually sleeping.

I sighed, content with where I was. I wasn't completely safe, but when was I ever? Jake could hurt me again, but I knew that if it were to happen he would be there for me no matter what. No matter what.

I felt Jake nuzzle my head, I laughed. He lifted my face with his finger, I met his still sleepy eyes, "I love you- but you talk in your sleep."

I laughed again, I had forgotten to mention that to him, "What did I say?"

He smiled, "Lots of things. You kept saying sorry," he kissed my forehead and pulled me closer to him, "And that you were warm."

"Anything else?"

"That you loved me," his smiled brightened.

I sat up on my arms, did I really love Jake?

"Be happy," the velvet voice said to me one last time, fading away for good.

"Yeah, I do, Jake. I love you," I kissed his soft, warm lips. And he kissed back. A kiss with no boundaries.

"I love you, too Bells."

Owners of the song in order are: Toni Braxton, Whitney Houston, Five For Fighting, Frank Sinatra, Shania Twain.