Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of its characters. I do not own Time and Again or its plot.

CLAIMER: I DO OWN SARA AND ALL PERTAINING TO HER.

Italics: thought or emphasis

Bold: dream or flashback

SASUKE'S POINT OF VIEW

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Chapter One: Mindless

"That'll be one thousand yen," said the puckered old woman at the vegetable stand, clarifying the word "thousand." I looked up, called out of my reverie. I looked blank for a moment before shaking my head.

"Right," I murmured. I pulled the coin out of my pocket with a shaking hand and flipped it to her, snatching the thin bag of tomatoes. I turned and walked away slowly as the strange woman bit the coin to check that it was real money.

I crossed the busy street, walked to the corner, and turned left on Chagrin Street. I walked slowly and carefully, but I was paying the most attention to my mind, restraining it. I forcefully blocked the painful memories, but I couldn't help it…

I had to picture Naruto next to me…carrying the Raman, and munching on a piece of it dried as we walk… I gulped as I looked over as if he was really there, and I saw him smile…

I ran into what was now my house—my house, alone—as tears welled in my eyes again. I just couldn't… I just couldn't face it! I pounded my fist into the doorframe and took deep breaths. After a few minutes, my tears disappeared, and I wiped my eyes. I tossed the tomatoes in the fridge carelessly and went to the living room. I needed to sit down.

As soon as I did, it seemed, the doorbell rang. I sighed and got up to answer it. I pulled the heavy door open, and Kakashi's somber face was waiting for me. My face was cold and stony, as it always was. As it always would be, now.

"Hello, Sasuke," he said softly. I turned to let him in in response. He walked in quietly, understanding my lack of speech. "I hate to ask, but how are you?"

I looked up at him. "Mindless," I answered, my soft voice cracking. His eyes flickered to the ground. I finally noticed that he didn't have his book, for once.

"I understand," he replied in a voice even softer than before. Then, abruptly, he changed the subject. "Have you talked to the others lately?" he asked.

I had to think for a moment before I remembered who "the others" were. Right…Sakura, Neji, Hinata, Ino, Shikamaru, Chouji… "The others." I had to think even harder to remember the last time I'd seen them.

"Right… Sakura stopped by last week and dropped off some Raman." He didn't think I caught his wince. He knew how much Raman reminded me of… Anyway. "Um, Hinata stopped with some herbal tea." Kakashi looked skeptical.

"How long ago?"

I looked away from him. "Last month…" Kakashi sighed, and I knew I was in for a lecture.

"Sasuke, you can't just shut everything out." Here it comes. "Sakura's really, really worried about you, and—!"

"Look, I know!" I shouted. I took a grip and sighed. "She likes me, Kakashi. She's always going to be worried about me, but if truth be told, she's probably the happiest one about this whole…incident!" I struggled with the last word. He stood, angry now. Good. All the sooner he would leave.

"Don't you ever imply she's happy that Naruto and Sara are dead!" I looked down at Naruto's name, and I winced at the last word. Kakashi looked immediately remorseful. He sighed. "I'm sorry… Okay, I'm sorry. It's just that Sakura and I have hurt the most through this—aside from you, that is," he amended. He struggled, knowing he'd hurt me enough so far. "We all miss them," he finished softly.

Short speech. Unlike him.

I was staring at my hands, clenched at the edge of the chair I sat in. "Go," I managed after a few moment. "I need to be alone…" He sighed, hesitated as I knew he would, and walked out.

Of course, I only needed to be alone because I didn't want to hear it anymore. I didn't want to hear that Sakura or Kakashi or anyone else missed my husband and my daughter. I was clenching my fists to keep from shouting in return. 'You anguish can't even compare to mine!' I would have shouted.

He was my husband… I thought, surprised my eyes were still dry. I had cried all too much in the past two weeks, and it took nothing more than a familiar activity, image, sound…to get my tear ducts to work. My husband… The jubilant, easy-going blue-eyed blonde was all anyone ever saw. Except me. I saw that side of him that was loving, understanding, clingy, jealous, affectionate, considerate…

I missed him dearly, and that didn't even come close to describing my grief. There were so many times I thought of the way he smiled and stroked my hands softly when I put my arms around him, the way he blushed when I implied a compliment, his reluctance to admit his courtesy when he made me breakfast or went grocery shopping. 'You woke up late, I was hungry,' he would mumble, even though it was eight o'clock in the morning. 'The fridge was empty,' he'd gripe when I caught him putting away the groceries.

Specific moments were worse than that… Like our first fight. We had argued about the way Sakura was always all over me. Something that seemed petty even then. I was just trying to convince him that I wanted nothing more than friendship from her, and he wouldn't believe me until I emphasized the 'you' in 'I love you.' Then he froze, and suddenly he was shy and reluctant. He was so cute, I couldn't help but pull him into me, lift his chin, and kiss his lips.

But the worst, the time it hit me the hardest, the greatest pain…was waking up every morning since…and realizing again that he wasn't there. To wake up to nothing but cold, stiff sheets. No scent, no baby blue eyes, no splash of blonde to disrupt the dull, white sheets. No Naruto.

She was my daughter… The words floated into my mind. The memories of Sara and the memories of Naruto always fused together, and they hurt the worst of all of them. The first thing that came to mind when I thought of Sara was Naruto's pregnancy. The first thing I thought of when I thought of that was the night our—mine and Naruto's—beautiful daughter was conceived…

It was the night Naruto and I both lost our virginities. I think it was more significant that most consider it because it was sheer love that drove us. Not alcohol or drugs. Not passion or lust. Just love. Of course, that doesn't mean it was planned.

We were watching Titanic—corny, I know—and he was driving me crazy. He was quiet through the whole movie. But that was mostly because his lips were against mine nearly the entire time…

I could feel my heart thumping loudly in my chest. So loudly I was sure he could hear it. My hand lay there next to my thigh on the couch. His hand started there, on mine. But it slowly trailed up my arm, to my shoulder… By the time he was sliding his hands down my chest, he was facing my completely. I couldn't help it: I looked over at him, and my onyx eyes met his sapphire ones. They looked darker in the darkness, I noticed before I completely lost track of thought. I did so because his path led him to my thigh. My inner thigh.

It was only then I realized I was hard, and I had to suppress a moan. The sheer hint of his hand made a spasm shoot to my erection! He seemed satisfied with that, his cheeks tinged pink. I glanced down to notice he was hard, too.

That I seemed to enjoy it encouraged him. Slowly and carefully, he climbed into my lap. I welcomed him eagerly, looking up at his whiskered face. Our eyes barely met before he leaned down and pressed his lips to mine.

I could have sworn my heart stopped, and the blood stopped rushing through my veins. I say that because my heart skipped three or four beats, and all the blood had to be in my groin. I couldn't help the soft, muffled moan.

That greatly encouraged him. His seat in my lap quickly became a straddle. I gasped so deeply that our lips parted when he shyly rubbed his erection against mine. My lips were still parted when a soft moan escaped, so it was louder than usual. I could feel his hardness swell! He took advantage of the moment and delved his tongue into my mouth. It took a lot of will power not to moan again.

I allowed him to explore my mouth until he was forced to part in order to take my shirt off. I could subconsciously feel the fabric lifting and the warmth between us on my bare abdomen, but most of me was concentrated on either every movement his tongue made or every movement his hips made. He was beginning a slow, agonizing rhythm with his hips, rocking back and forth against my aching erection…

That's when I couldn't take it anymore. I had enough of my mind left to pick him up, his legs still wrapped around my waist, and carry him to our new bedroom. (We'd just bought the house.) I was careful to be gentle as I pinned him to the bed. I broke the kiss again to lift his shirt out of the way, and then our lips collided passionately again. I was working on his pants when he gently pushed on my chest. I pulled back enough for him to speak.

"Stop," he whispered. I frowned, my eyes showing the reluctance and the pain it caused me to stop. My pants were so uncomfortable! He smiled his assurance. "I want to do this right," he continued. It was only then that it dawned on me what we both needed. "There's lube in the top drawer…" he said in a soft, embarrassed whisper. His flushed face was so adorable that I had to exercise will power to keep from smashing my lips back against his.

I barely had to lean over to get to the lubricant in the top drawer. I pulled it out and set it at the top of the headboard. "I need to finish undressing you first," I had whispered huskily, smirking. To get him going again, I took off my own pants. His face flushed, but he made no effort to restrain his eyes. I smirked, glad I was a decent size. I was eager to see him… It didn't take me long to get his pants off. On the contrary, it took self-restraint to keep from ripping them off.

I bit my lip to keep from moaning once his pants were off. He wasn't exactly small, either. I rubbed my erection against his, and treasured the moan that I knew came from within deep in his chest.

I could see now in his eyes that he was ready. He was hungry for it, eager. I slowly drew off my boxers and didn't even pause before taking his.

"I need to get you ready," I whispered. He nodded. I squirted a little lubricant onto my hand and reached for my own cock, but his hand grabbed mine before I knew he was sitting up. He wiped the lube off my hand and reached for my cock himself.

There wasn't a better way to make me need him even more.

His hand barely touched my dick before pre-cum oozed out of the tip. I looked away, ashamed, but he rubbed gently and slowly. He applied the lubricant all over my cock, and I couldn't help but moan slightly. He smirked at that and lay back down. I opened my eyes—not realizing I had closed them—and smirked. My turn.

I knew how to prepare him. So I bent down without hesitation and licked around his entrance. He gasped and moaned loudly. He hadn't expected that. I pulled away, oozed more lube onto my fingertips, and began to rub it around his entrance. He moaned again, softer. I dipped a single finger inside, shallow and brief. He gasped, but made no other reaction. So I pressed it back in deeper. He moaned softly. I pressed another finger inside. He grunted, and I twisted my fingers inside. He had to get used to this, or he couldn't take my 7 ½" cock. His tight entrance loosened a little, and I knew I couldn't prepare him anymore.

I lifted his ankles to my shoulders and pressed my oozing tip to his entrance. His eyes snapped open to meet mine. My own were probably hesitant.

"This is going to hurt, you know," I had whispered. He nodded.

"I know… But I want it." He was very decided, I noticed. "I want to lose this…to you…" His cheeks flushed again, and I smiled.

And climax that night would lead to the birth of our baby girl. I remember Naruto, pregnant… At first, he just got dizzy and stomach aches often. On a hunch, I bought him a pregnancy test—especially for males, of course. The day we found out was nearly as remarkable as the day it happened…

I was waiting on the couch in the living room—just outside the bathroom. When I heard the door open, I jumped up immediately, my eyes immediately catching his. There was a blush on his cheeks, tears streaming down his face, and a smiled planted to his lips. And I knew.

I didn't feel the catastrophe or the overlaying burden like I thought I would. Instead, I felt an unbelievable feeling I haven't experience again, and I probably never will. I felt my heart lift, and I could have sworn the butterflies were going to fly right out of my stomach. There was a tingly feeling running through my veins and a sort of happy "high" came over me. The first thing I did was close the distance between us and hold him tightly to my body.

Soon after, the morning hot flashes and cold chills started. Sometimes I just couldn't help but smile, despite his nearly constant grumpiness. He really was the picture of pregnant. After another month or so, it started to show. And the morning sickness started. And the cravings for tomato sandwiches and rice cake. A few more months, he weighed more, and he started to lose his memory.

But those were the extent of his symptoms. He remained like that for the last trimester, and then we were in Tsunade's office. I couldn't bear to watch it. He had to have a C-section of course—how else would it get out? So I closed my eyes and squeezed my lover's hand. I only opened my eyes in amazement when the screaming of a child filled the room.

A few months later, we were married. Instead of a bouquet, Naruto had walked with Sara in his arms. I remember the way she clung to his white tux coat and stared at me with those large blue eyes…

Years passed, and out precious daughter was my pride and joy. No one would ever guess how good of a mother Naruto was. He was strict, and I even had to keep him from going overboard a few times (he wanted Sara to learn how to do the dishes at three). By the time she was six, I knew where the both of them wanted her to go, and I wasn't happy about it.

One night she came home crying, having scraped her knees. I immediately stepped forward to aid her, but Naruto had stopped me. He stepped forward, picked her up, set her on the couch, and told me to go get the first aid kit. When I came back, Sara wasn't crying anymore.

It became more and more obvious as she grew. When she was seven, she jumped down from the trees when I called her in for dinner. I found knives under her bed cleaning her room one night. I watched every muscle in her in her body tone and strengthen over the years… But I drew the line when I caught her sliding kunai into her belt. She was nine.

The conversation I had with her that night was the last…

"What are you doing?" She looked up at me with a start. She looked guilty…knowing she'd been caught.

"Daddy…" I sighed.

"Come. We need to talk." Her eyes were focused on her feet as I led her into her room. I pointed for her to sit down on the bed, and she obeyed. She still had a kunai clutched in her small hand. "Sara, why are you doing this?" I asked, though I already knew the answer. It took her a moment, but then she met my eyes with defiant ones. A chill ran down my spine. Her eyes were identical to Naruto's when she did that.

"I want to be a ninja, Daddy," she said firmly. Now I could scowl.

"No," I responded simply. She glared at me. Here's where she took after me. She was waiting for an explanation. "No daughter of mine is going to be a ninja. I spent my entire life on becoming a jounin, and it's not worth it."

"But Mommy said I could be one!" she shouted.

"Don't raise your voice at me." Unlike Naruto, she knew I was serious when I got quieter—not louder. "I'm going to talk to Mommy. You sit right here. You move, and you're grounded, do you understand?" She crossed her arms over her chest, looked away, and pouted. I knew that was a 'yes.'

I marched out of the room. "Naruto!" I called. He was in the living room, slurping Raman. Of course. He looked up at me when I entered the room. "We need to talk." He mumbled in complaint, set his noodles on the coffee table, and followed me to our bedroom. He normally wouldn't have agreed so easily, but he too knew I was serious.

"What is it, babe?" he asked me barely as we got in the room.

"You told her she could be a ninja?" I hissed.

We fought for at least an hour… Finally, he stormed out of the house with Sara on his heels. I plopped down onto the bed and held my head, unsure of what to do with my little girl. She was growing up too fast for my liking.

By ten o'clock, I was getting worried. I kept looking out the windows, and my ears were intent on the sounds in the house. But I couldn't stay awake as long as I'd wanted to. By one, I had fallen into a restless sleep, waiting for my two beloveds.

The next morning, I woke to the sound of Kakashi ringing the doorbell…

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MUCH longer. XP R&R please.

Next Chapter: Family? I don't have family.