The ties that bind – Chapter Five
A word from the author:
You? Must so be hating me. Because it has been half a year. Seven months, to be exact. And I can not put into words how much that saddens me. But life has been a rollercoaster for me these past months. And between my parents seperating after 33 years of marriage (and that's a battle which is still raging), the death of my grandmother, the fact that the house of my parents (the one I grew up and lived in for more than 20 years) and my grandmother's house had to be sold and the difficult task of helping three family members move into new towns and apartments, I was exhausted, emotionally and physically. And after writing nothing at all for months, I had a hard time getting a feeling for it again, starting with small mood pieces in the weirdest of fandoms. But TTTB is my baby and will always be.
So. Here we are. And I really hope that at least a few of you are still with me on this journey.
A special greeting goes to AJ - you so kindly offered to beta this story - and I abandoned you and went into hiding from the world. I am so sorry. I am putting this online without sending it to you first and I am sorry for that too, but It's simply because I don't know how often I will be able to be online and that would just be unfair. I am hopeless. Please don't hate me :( Like chapter three, this one again was very difficult for me to write and I just wanted to get it done. Phew.
To the reviewers (and yes, I will always answer the reviews, it does not matter how much time has gone by.)
WE CRACKED THE TWENTY! I seriously love you guys. That is awesome.
So. Achem. Thank you for reviewing Chapter Four I was not really satisfied with it, simply because I wrote it in one go (ten pages without a break – that's a record for me) and had no time to really proofread it. If you haven't read "This is not the day" yet, go and do that, it's part of the TTTB – universe too hint hint Okay, you don't really have to do that because it's kind of a standalone, but still. /end of shameless advertisement.
Oh! mistx: I don't remember if I answered your review, I loved it About the motorcicle accident: there won't be any memory loss involved here (it has been done so many times before), but! I have been hiding tiny hints about it in the story already. If you click back to the beginning of chapter two snicker ...
DISCLAIMER: The Magnificent Seven and Without a Trace are not mine and I am writing this just for fun. Oh! And thank you MOG for creating the wonderful ATF universe which offers a myriad of possibilities for us fanfiction writers. The lyrics at the beginning are from the song "Never saw blue like that" by Shawn Collins, which I only slightly edited. And maybe I'll include a few quotes here and there. We'll see.
SPOILERS: Just the usual – this takes place somewhere half way through Season Two of Without a Trace. I don't know exactly when, but the whole Franco Reyes desaster from "A tree falls" has already happened. I don't know about Bonnie though. We'll see.
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"I can't believe
a month ago
I didn't know you
hadn't seen you
or heard your name.
…
But some things are the way they are
and words just can't explain."
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Vivian walked over to her desk to answer the phone, then she stopped in mid motion.
"What?" Sam asked, sounding alarmed.
"Van Doren," Vivian simply answered. Sam was out of her chair within seconds and hastily went to answer Jack's phone. A moment later she turned around and walked back towards Vivian, without even touching the still ringing phone. She was pale.
"It's Victor Fitzgerald's secretary."
There was a moment of complete silence between both women. They looked at each other, knowing exactely what this meant. Time was running out. The moment went by in silence and Vivian's lips were set in a tight line. "I'll get Van Doren," she stated flatly, walking past Sam. "What about the AD's secretary?" Sam asked, pointing at the still rining phone. Vivian didn't even stop. "Let it ring. She's just going to tell us that Victor Fitzgerald is on his way here."
"Great," Sam muttered, staring at the ringing phone darkly.
At the same time, Vivian answerd the second rinning phone, activating the speaker at the same time.
"Johnson."
"What do you thing you are doing?"
Sam walked out of Jacks office and towards Vivian, frowning when she heard Van Doren's voice on speaker phone.
"Excuse me?" Vivian answered in an even tone, knowing very well she was treading on thin ice.
"Don't even try that," Van Doren shot back angrily. "First I find out that your team is still on the Derringer case which was officially taken over by the ATF - and that is difficult enough to handle as it is - and now I hear Victor Fitzgerald himself is interfering? How is he involved in this? And why was I not informed?"
"We are not working on the Derringer case," Vivian corrected her.
"Oh please," her superior huffed in the phone, "I already know that Jack and at least two other agents of your team are in Denver right now, following a lead on a case that they are no longer asigned to!"
"No, they are not," Vivian again interrupted her and Sam flinched next to her. "Right now we are searching for Eve McEvoy, who took a flight from Denver to New York about a week ago and has been missing since then."
For a moment there was silence. Then Van Doren took a deep breath. "Is this an official case? Has this woman been reported missing?"
Vivian cringed a little. "Not officially, no. At least not here."
"And are her whereabouts in some way connected to the Derringer case, Agent Johnson?"
Sam flinched again and held her breath, but Vivian was too much a professional to be impressed. "From a certain point of view yes, you could see it that way."
They could hear Van Doren sigh deeply. "There are going to be consequences, you know. If Jack or any other member of your team is purposedly provoking problems with other agencies, I can not protect them. You are officially overstepping your boundaries here."
Viivan squared her shoulders. "We are aware of that."
There was another uncomfortable silence. Sam was still worried, but to her surprise, Vivian looked pleased. She knew Van Doren well. The woman was tough and played by the rules, but when it came down to it, she was on their side.
"Just one more question," Van Doren finally spoke up again. "Why on earth is Victor Fitzgerald on the warpath? With everything going on, that is the last thing we need."
Vivian couldn't hide a grin. "I am not really sure, but it seems that he called Jack even before the Derringer case was officially taken over by the ATF, telling him to back off."
"What?" Van Doren sounded confused. "Why would he do that?" Sam crossed her arms and lifted an eyebrow, all the while staring at Vivian. Obviously, she wanted to know too. "I have no idea," Vivian simply answered and not even Sam was sure if was the truth or a direct lie. "But I am sure he will not hesitate to explain himself once he gets here."
To her surprise, Vivian heard Van Doren snort. "I doubt that, Agent Johnson. From what his secretary told me, he is not on his way here, but already on a flight to Denver."
Sam's eyes widened and her mouth formed a voiceless "Oh shit".
Even Vivian was at a loss for a moment. "Then...Jack will deal with the situation," she finally said.
"I sure hope so, Agent Johnson," Van Doren answered darkly. "For the sake of all of us, I do."
In the background, the phone in Jack's office finally stopped ringing.
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For a while, Danny and Martin stood next to each other, looking down at the town. The tension was not there any more and for a moment it felt like every normal day at work. It was one of the moments Danny knew why they worked so well together. On a special, strange level, they understood each other. Still, there were a lot of questions left. Danny decided to ask the one question that seemed the most important to him.
"Tell me, Martin… how much of Vin Tanner was real? I mean… was that really you? Or did you just make him up?"
Before Martin could answer, another voice spoke up from behind them. A cold voice.
"Yes, tell him. Because I would like to know too."
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When it comes to friendships, time is an important factor. There is a certain amount of time a friendship can be kept alive, even against the weirdest odds. After a few weeks of not seeing each other, two friends can still catch up on all they have missed and go on like nothing happened. The same is possible after a year. Or maybe two. If those friends met again after more than ten years, such a reunion is usually by coincidence and the atmosphere is heavy with nostalgia and memories. All these possibilities hold the positive vibe of a friendship that is still alive and held dear.
But there are certain events or time periods that can put a strain on such a friendship - or even destroy it. After a certain point, there is no going back to the "good old days". If it comes to that, you find yourself in a place where there is nothing left to say - or at least nobody knows where to start. And this place is ugly and cold. There is nothing there except for uneasy stares, defensive stances and stubborn silence.
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From one moment to the next, Martin found himself with not only Danny standing right next to him demanding answers, but also confronted with Chris Larabee and Buck Wilmington, who both stared at him with their arms crossed, effectively blocking the path between Martin and the exit door to the stairs. If Martin had ever felt trapped in his life, it was right in that moment.
Chris tilted his head to the right slightly, his eyes cold. "Because you know," he started, his voice thick with sarcasm, "if you really are who you claim to be... this story is a little disappointing." He took a step towards Martin, but still kept his cool. "You ran away from home because you did not get along with your father?" he mocked, shaking his head. "That's it? Not very convincing."
Martin swallowed hard, his eyes darting back and forth between Chris, Danny and the door in the background. This was not what he had expected. This was bad. He had seen Chris like this before. Remembered it well. But usually, Chris had acted like that while questioning a suspect. Being at the receiving end of this glare and attitude was a totally different thing - and Martin found to his surprise that it was... scary.
NO.
No.
This was not how it was supposed to be. It had never been like this. Not between THEM. Was it possible that... he had been wrong all these years? That coming back here would have never worked out, whatever the circumstances? Looking at Chris now, he was close to believing it. He had never let that glare get to him. Not once. Not even when he might have deserved it. And he would not back away now. He had so hoped that coming here after all this time would finally make this urge to run, to leave everything behind go away. Sadly, that was not the case. Every instinct in him screamed at him to go for that door, to get away from there. Instead, he took a deep breath and finally turned to Chris, searching for something familiar in that cold green stare.
"Chris..." he whispered, swallowing hard. "I ... I don't know what to say."
To his surprise, Danny noticed that Martin's voice had changed from one moment to the next. It was much softer now, but at the same time a little rough around the edges. There was nothing left of the stubborn, green agent fresh from White Collar Danny had met those two years ago. He now sounded like someone who didn't talk much, but demanded attention whenever he did. And it was not only Martin's voice. The way he held himself had changed too.
"There's so much.." Martin started again, again with that silent voice.
"Shut up!" Chris barked back, interrupting Danny's thoughts and causing even Buck to flinch. "Don't act... like you know. Because you don't. You can't."
For a moment, Martin was shocked. Because as much as he tried to find that connection he had shared with Chris so long ago, he could not feel it. It was gone like it never existed. And the reason for that was simple: Chris refused to believe that it was really him. Could not accept it.
And Martin had to fight the urge to laugh bitterly. Because... in spite of the fact that they had been forced to walk down such different roads since that fateful night four years ago.. in the end, they had come to the same decisions. And one of these decisions had obviously been to build walls around themselves to keep the world away. To shut it out.
And knowing how stubborn Chris could be, how stubborn they both were - this situation was close to impossible to solve.
Of corse Martin remembered how things had been when he had first met Chris. Back then, there had been a wall between them, too, caused by various circumstances. And Martin had never understood where his unwavering will to crack that wall had come from. But back then, it had been different. They had not known him. He'd just walzed into their lifes out of the blue, finding friends where he had least expected them. They had given him the benefit of the doubt and he had taken that chance. But now?
Now, he was no longer a friend. He had turned his back on them, on Chris. He was here - but at the same time he wasn't.
And he never would be. Because he was not Vin Tanner. Not anymore. At least not the one these men - and especially Chris - remembered. Or was he?
"Answer the question," Chris ordered sharply, bringing Martin back to the situation at hand. "How much of Vin Tanner was real?" Still the voice was gold.
Oh God. Of corse Martin understood what Chris was trying to do. He - Vin, Martin, in the end it didn't matter - was the only person on this earth who was able to answer that question. It was a test. Think, damnit, Martin ordered himself. Think. Find something. Come up with the one thing Chris Larabee wants, needs to hear.
No.
They had never worked that way. They had never sugar-coated the truth or bent the facts to make things easier. Their friendship had been based on honesty. So there was only one possible answer to the question- and he just knew that this would not end pretty.
"Everything."
In the next moment, Chris' face turned into a mask of anger and it was Buck who held him back. At the same time Danny stepped between Chris and Martin, preventing any violent confrontation. Martin heard him bark something at Chris - Danny seemed to be immune to the Larabee-glare too, what a surprise - but could not make out exactely what. He heard Danny and Buck shout at each other at the top of their lungs, but it was all a blur. He did not really see Danny standing in front of him, shielding him. Instead he stared over Danny's shoulder, straight into Chris' eyes. Just like him, Chris seemed to ignore everything else.
Martin nodded to himself. If this is what it takes...
He closed his eyes for a moment, blocking out the commotion around him. He took a deep breath and tried to go to that place deep in the back of his mind he had avoided for so long. Too long. It was a calm, laid-back place, far away from the busy MPU office, the frantic search for missing people or the nerve-wrecking confrontations with his father. This place was not perfect, but to him it was as close to freedom and being himself as it could ever be. Going there, feeling what could have been and was now only a heartbeat away - and unreachable at the same time - was painful. When he had gotten on that plane to Denver he had known that it would eventually come to this. That he would have to cross this line in the sand, this possible point of no return. All rational thoughts inside him screamed in outrage, protested violently. Don't do it. It won't last, so don't do this to yourself.
But the decision had already been made when things got worse.
Around him, more voices spoke up, joined the shouting match that was violently bouncing back and forth on the rooftop. He took another breath, listened to his heartbeat that was now much slower than before. He felt himself leaning back, felt how the tension left his body.
"Danny, stop."
His voice was still silent like before, but more demanding, clearer. Still, the men around him ignored him and continued shouting about boundaries, authorities and consequences. A whole lot of big words. And what a load of crap.
He ignored it, zoned it out - and instead scanned his surroundings, took it all in stride. Danny right in front of him, shouting at Buck, who was still keeping his hold on Chris' arm. Jack somewhere to Martin's left, barking orders. Josiah and Nathan behind Buck, keeping their distance.
Another breath.
"Danny, BACK OFF!"
Every voice on the rooftop fell silent. The combatants froze. And Danny slowly turned around to Martin, shielding him from everyone else's eyes.
"What?" he slowly asked, dumbfounded.
Martin's eyes were still downcast and only a short, barely noticable jerk of his head to the right told Danny to move aside.
Danny frowned. This was not like Martin. Not at all. Of corse they had communicated without words in the past, it came with the badge and had slowly developed while they were out following leads in the streets. But it had never been like this. The whole body language was just wrong. Usually, Martin's stance kept a healthy amount of tension while on the job, always alert and driven to the point of perfection. His movements and gestures were clear, simple, easy to read. Behind you. Watch out. Wait. Combined with the occasional huff of impatience, an eyeroll or a smirk here and there, Danny had always managed to understand what Martin had tried to tell him.
But this?
Of corse the gesture was clear as day and he knew what he was expected to do. But the message behind it? The whole attitute? Was as far from the man he knew as possible. Stay out of this. Not your fight.
Confused, Danny still followed the unspoken order and took a step to Martin' s right side. Still, he kept close, ready to interfere if need be. Martin took a step forward, breathing deeply.
And finally, he looked up - and straight into Chris' eyes.
- This is between you and me.-
His hand still on Chris' arm, Buck felt a sharp intake of breath from his friend. And when he finally looked into the eyes of that FBI agent in front of him and realised what had caused Chris to flinch, he let go of the blonde man's arm as if burned - and just stared in disbelief. And so did the rest of the men around him.
"Jesus."
-----
The silence was deafening. Nobody moved.
Surprisingly, it was Danny who recovered first.
"What the hell is going on here?" he hissed, clearly seeing that something had happened, had changed in a split second. He was just not sure what that was. The heated arguement - okay, the screaming match - on the rooftop had come to a screeching halt out of nowhere when Martin had finally interfered. And then? Silence. Total silence. The ATF agents were still staring at the two men who were the center of everyone's attention. But exactely were they doing?
To any normal person, nothing had happened. Martin and that guy were just... staring at each other. Sizing each other up. But the ATF agents looked totally shocked, like something totally out of the ordinary had happened.
And slowly, one by one, they backed away. And none of them answered Danny's question.
Jack too was observing the situation carefully. They did not have time for this. Over the years on this job he had found that he had the ability to feel how much time they had - and right now there was not much left. Still, he knew somehow that this situation was important. For some reason he felt that it had to be solved before they could cooperate to work on this case together. So he would wait. Just a little while longer. His only hope was that Vivian and Sam would do their jobs and find something.
Out of the corner of his eye, Martin realized that Buck, Ezra and Josiah were backing away, giving them room. And even Jack seemed to retreat. Only Danny crossed his arms and glared at Jack, making it clear that he would not be going anywhere. Finally, he agreed to step back up to the railing, his eyes never leaving his friend.
Something had changed. In that split second, the whole atmosphere had changed immensly. A lot of the hostility was gone now, but Martin still could not breath easy. This was only the first step. And a lot of others would have to follow. He was feeling a bit lightheaded, but gritted his teeth against it. Now was not the time.
"I want to know one thing," Chris spoke up, still staring at him. "Did you... plan all that back then? Leaving without a trace? Was that why you asked for the two weeks off? So we would not notice?" Unwanted images of an empty, eerie apartment flashed through Chris' mind.
Martin felt himself go pale. His first instinct was to deny it vehemently - but that was just not true. He had never "planned" something like that to happen, but he had made plans to disappear after receiving that phonecall from Maddie. How could he have known that things would spiral so outragously out of control? So...
"No. At least... not like that." Chris' stare did not waver. It was obvious that this lame explanation was not enough for him. Martin bit his lip. He needed some common ground, somthing to start from.
"Then how?" Chris finally asked, his voice still tense. "That's the only thing we never found out. What happened?"
Martin nodded slowly. Of corse. It had taken him long enough to piece that night back together himself, so it was understandable they wanted to know.
"An accident," Martin finally answered. "With my bike. Don't remember much."
"When?" Chris shot back without missing a beat.
"The night after I left the office. I remember stopping at the appartment. I met Julius. Packed a few things. Left city limits. Then nothing." Chris crossed his arms, his eyes narrowing again.
"You packed? Why?"
"Needed some air," Martin tried to keep up, desperate to steer this question and answer game into another direction. But Chris was not another FBI agent. Or a suspect.
If it was possible, the green eyes narrowed even more. - Don't lie to me.-
Martin was so close to telling him that on that evening his sister Maddie had called to warn him. But this was not the right moment for that. Instead, he stared back at Chris, not backing away an inch. He mimicked Chris' stance, crossing his arms.
"We checked the hospitals," Chris finally hissed, "no match. Not even a John Doe. Nothing." Of corse they had. They had forced the nurses to wade through a weeks worth of emergency reports and files to be absolutely sure.
"But then again.." His eyes turned cold. "Of corse there was no John Doe found. Right?"
- Spill it. -
No, Martin thought desperately. Not now. He was losing ground - and that was not good. It was about time to end this tense questioning.
"I never meant for it to happen like that, Chris," he whispered.
Again Chris simply tilted his head. "You never meant for WHAT to happen?"
No no no. Think. Don't give up now. But as much as he tried, Martin was coming up blank.
Chris took a step towards him, sizing him up like he had never seen him before. And asked the one question Martin had feared the most.
"Who the hell are you?"
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"Enough."
It was a simple, calmly spoken word, but in the silence on the rooftop it cracked like a whip. While the ATF agents and Danny turned towards Jack, Martin and Chris never broke eye contact.
"I said enough! Calm down, both of you."
Finally, he got through to them. Martin slowly turned towards him, surprised to see such a serious expression on Jack's face.
"I don't even want to try to understand what is going on here," Jack continued, his voice tense, "but we do not have much time. There is still a lot of work to do for all of us. Whatever this..." he gestured towards Martin and Chris, "... is, it will have to wait."
There was a moment of strained silence, but finally, Chris nodded. It was true. They had two cases to work on and it was important for them to cooperate. So he ignored Martin and turned towards Jack, ready to listen.
"Darlene McEvoy agreed to answer a few more questions," Jack explained, "after we mentioned the fact that we are looking for her daughter."
Chris nodded. "A DPD cop was the first on the scene when Agent Carsson was shot. He should be here in about an hour." Again they looked at each other - and to the others surprise, there seemed to be some kind of understanding between them - at least when it came to their jobs.
Slowly, the two teams walked towards the door to the stairs, keeping their distance. And while Martin was just feeling tired to the bone, Jack's mood was unreadable - and Danny? Walked next to Martin, as usual. But he was staring straight ahead, his jaw set in a tight line, his movements stiff. Martin flinched - he knew what that meant. His partner was barely keeping his temper in check.
Slowly, they made their way down the stairs and to the office. The office. Martin felt a weight on his shoulders. The office. He had not been in there since...
While the others walked into the office, Martin stayed in the background, delaying the inevitable just a little longer. To his surprise, he found someone leaning next to the door to the office, staring at him.
JD.
Martin felt his stomach lurch. Of all of them, it had to be JD. Staring at him with the same huge, bright eyes he remembered. No. They were not the same. Something had changed. Something important. Four years.
JD never left his place leaning against the wall.
"So it's really you, huh?"
There was no anger in his voice. No accusation of any kind. Just... something that was caught between sadness and fleeting disappointment. It was strange.
Finally, JD straightened up, looked him over. "Of all the things..." he mumbled, shaking his head - and Martin was not really sure what JD was referring to. But he did not dare to ask. The silence between them stretched, and this was wrong, so wrong it hurt. They had always gotten along so well, hit it off right from the start. And now? They were strangers. Four years. Four goddammed years and what had he been thinking?
JD turned around to enter the open office. Then he looked over his shoulder at Martin. And there was a bitter undertone in his voice.
"I know. I read your file. I know why."
For a moment, Martin was stunned. But before he could react, JD had walked into the office, leaving him standing there, not sure where to turn.
Finally, he followed him.
The atmosphere in the office was tense, but not overly so. Jack was talking to Chris, comparing information. Danny was standing closeby, next to Buck - and to Martin, that was a surprise, considering the shouting match on the rooftop. And for some reason, it made him angry. He as singled out, standing in the middle of this open office that was so familiar it made his skin crawl. His eyes wandered to the equipment room door, which was still plastered with post it- notes, just like he remembered. And then... the desk. HIS desk.
Jesus.
It was still there.
Unused.
After four years.
This was insane.
He again felt the urge to run, to hide somewhere and leave this nighmare.
In the same moment, Jack's cell phone started ringing.
Jack answered it, listened for a few seconds. Closed it. Took a deep breath. And turned towards his agents. "Things just got better." He eyed Martin carefully. "Victor is going to get on the next flight here. Just what we need."
Danny could not help but snort and shook his head in a helpless gesture. Martin simply stood there, breathing. Great. This was just great. Jesus, he had expected something like this, but he had hoped his father would give him at least a little more time.
"Who the hell is Victor?" Chris demanded, his paitence obviously running thin.
"Well," Jack started, but Martin interrupted him with a sharp "No." For a moment they stared at each other - and Martin only hoped that Jack would understand that this was not the right time for revelations like these. There was a moment of uneasy silence. And then Danny jumped in. He gestured towards Martin.
"His father."
And everyone stared at Danny in disbelief.
Jack, because he had not expected this at all. Not from Danny. Not when it concerned Martin.
Chris and the others, because the man they had once known had never mentioned a father to them.
And Martin... because this was Danny. His friend. Of all the people in this office, Danny should be the one who understood. But in this moment, Danny just stared back at him, an unmistakable challenge lingering in his eyes.
"What do you think you are doing?" Martin hissed, not really knowing where to direct his anger. Danny just crossed his arms. "Do you want me to tell them?"
Martin just stared at him in disbelief, cornered and angry and disappointed and... tired. He felt several pairs of eyes staring at him, demaning answers.
But then, it was Ezra who stepped forward, eyeing Martin carefully.
"Are we, by any chance, talking about Victor Fitzgerald?"
"What?" Chris asked sharply. "What do you know about this?"
JD stepped up next to Ezra, ignoring Chris. "As in Victor Fitzgerald, Assistant Director of the FBI?"
"WHAT?!"
Silence. Absolute, stunned silence. Martin just stood there, holding his breath, expecting the worst. He was clearly and the end of his rope, exhausted enough to simply wait what would happen. It did not matter anymore.
And then, something changed. It started with a small frown on Chris' face. His eyes narrowed. He took a step towards Martin. Looked at him. Really looked at him for the first time.
"Is this... what it was all about?"
It was a simple, clear question. And yet, it was so much more. Martin dared to look up into the eyes of the man he once called his best friend.
- Because if it is... -
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To be continued
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ACK! I know this is short. But right now, it is thunderstorm season here where I live and after getting soaked to the bone in the rain on three days in a row, I have a murder cold and the ear infection of doom to top it all of. Meaning that I can not breath through my nose and my right ear is totally deef and hurts like hell. BUT! I already have plans how to continue. Oh yes, I have. And this time, I am not going to forget about the casefile.
Comment about the chapter: I am beginning to wish I could kick those two idiots. I mean - I could just skip all this and dish out a happy ending. But... that would be just WRONG. I am weird, I know.
And to prevent all misunderstandings: I love Danny. Really, I do. He's one of the characters who still makes WAT worth watching. And because I love him, I think he would have reacted like that on that rooftop, digging his heels in and staying close.
AND! Did someone catch that Chris made a pun? Unintended, of corse. Poor cowboy, he will never know :)