Hi Dear reader.
HEY! whatever happened to all my reviewers??? What happened to you guys? hah... Ok, I hope you guys review this chapter so that I know you are still reading this story.
Btw, thanks to DCOD for the suggestion.
Enjoy
The seal which keeps me free.
The heat! It bore into my skin with the intensity of thousands of hot spinning needles. The hills ahead of me, although they sprout hamanasu do not excite me… I feel… faint. It's all blurry- Oh no, now my head is paining me and I see spots! Millions of brilliant spots that dot my vision! I must not tell Sesshomaru-sama, he'll think me weak! I must not. I hack out a cough and yellow colored phlegm fell into my sweat-laced palms (A/N: eeew…). I cringe in disgust and drop to me knees. My head feels as if I'm being clamped…
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"Sesshomaru-sama?", a young, but tiny and raspy voice enquired.
"What?," came the slow, monotonous and almost bored reply.
A small smile dawned on the face of the owner of the young voice and she ran her frail palms through her raven black hair and shivered under the afternoon sun. The warmth of the sun made her skin prickle unnaturally and it was a sign that she was ailing. Rin thought Sesshomaru had not noticed her smile. However, his eyes caught her action and registered it as a human show of delight. Still, the expression plastered on his face did not change and he showed no sign of acknowledging young Rin's happiness. Actually, he was curious as to why she was smiling when he knew that she was ailing. He refused to bring her aid so as to see how far she would go before telling him.
"Sesshomaru-sama- " she continued hesitantly.
"I don't feel-" before Rin could finish her sentence, she heaved the contents of her stomach through her gullet and onto the grassy hill. Her mouth tasted the sour contents thoroughly and she sucked her already sallow cheeks. She knew she radiated wretchedness and weakness but she could no longer take the pain of her headache and the burning sensation in her throat and chest. Rin sniffed and doubled over with a small cry.
Sesshomaru looked at her with a hint of disgust on his face. For him to show even a hint of the emotion would mean that he was actually feeling VERY disgusted within, Rin mused. She knew why because the smell of the vomit was slowly rising with the heat and mixing with everyone's sweat and gave a stench to a degree that caused Rin to cringe. If it were that bad for her, it must have smelt far worse for her master.
"I'm sorry- Master, I couldn't-help it!" She cried. Hot tears burned her cheek and her tongue tasted an even wider array of unpleasant flavors. She felt so terrible and wretched. She felt pathetic and sorry for slowing everyone down.
"You are such a disgusting human! Rin! What do you want us to do now?" Jaken hollered at the shuddering mass that huddled at the foot of Sesshomaru who felt other than disgusted, amused. Rin could neither hear nor feel anything other than the quick pulses of her heart and the heat radiated from her master directly in front of her. She did not want do anything but continue to lie at his feet for an eternity as a literal example to differentiate the superiority between Youkais and humans.
"Rin." He spoke. It sounded like a command. Then again, he was always very demanding and had to have things done straight away. Yet, his softer tone indicated that he was slightly concerned for her. Rin smiled to herself and emitted a low hum as a response.
"Sesshomaru-sama! She can sit on Ah-Un! Ah-Un will carry the pathetic brat!" Jaken indicated, patting the dragon Youkai on its haunches. Ah-Un snorted at the physical touch.
Wordlessly, Sesshomaru kneeled down until he was slightly above Rin's trembling form. Rin could feel the heat radiated from his lean and muscular body and the hiccups that followed her tears quieted. Sesshomaru then leaned so close to her that Rin swore that she could actually feel his breath gracing her tiny neck (A/N: this ISN'T supposed to be romantic mind you. He's just really close to her THAT'S ALL). His hair was lifted by the wind and swirled around the both of them. Rin knew naught as to how to react but she felt strangely intimidated by him so she pressed her emaciated frame lower into the earth. Sesshomaru gave one of his trademark frowns. He muttered something, was it a curse? Under his breath and with his only arm, heaved Rin closer to his chest and cradled her and stood up. Rin gave a whimper surprise as she was expecting him to probably knock her head for slowing them down, not carry her. Then again, he has never really hit anyone other then Jaken. Rin felt his powerful muscles ripple as he clutched her tightly. His grip was nearly suffocating but she was too shell-shocked and sorry to move. He had never carried her before and almost never touched her so she was unused to, was it a rare display of- affection?! Luckily for Rin, she was too high above the ground to capture Jaken's unreadable expression; both of disgust and horror.
Rin dared to turn her head upward and she observed her master's facial contours. His jaw was set and slender with well pronounced angles. His face, for a fact was very angular because of his Youkai facial markings and demanding eyes. She attempted to read his expression silently. His jaw was aligned upwards as if he was observing the horizon ahead. Yet, his eyes were looking to the direct front and had an indignant glint. His eyebrows were held poised in dignity and it seemed that the aristocratic Youkai was exuding this appeal that commanded everyone to appreciate his majesty and magnificence. Rin hazarded a glimpse and observed the curve of his neck. She was appreciating the stillness of his face from a close proximity. Sesshomaru-sama seemed like one of the cleanest and most perfect pieces of kami's work; marred only by the absence of a left arm and his tainted reputation of blood and power lust.
Her headache seemed to have disappeared with the passing moments. She slowly allowed her heavy eyelids close. She drifted into a peaceful and simple dream of running through more fields of flowers. For once, she observed the pretentiously simple, peaceful and innocent aspects of life through her dream. Ironically, sleeping in the arms of a paradox of peace and innocence itself whose golden orbs had never ceased to observe her the moment he allowed her onto his arm.
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Rin's POV
I woke up today with a blinding head ache and it worried me at first as today was the fourth day of the moon. Meaning that today, we, the underling assassins, or the "Shitatsupa" as what we are known as are going to carry out "Ageru". Or, a tradition where we were to be screened and observed by the other teams in the village for our fouls and bad points. Those Shitatsupa who were unfortunate- No, pathetic enough to be singled out as inept were to undergo public flogging. At first when we the Shitatsupa were informed of this ancient tradition, many of the horrified majority immediately crumbled under the social and physical pressure. It was explained to us that the purpose of this exercise was to eliminate weakness and reinforce the perfection and strength of the art in which we practiced. To many of the Shitatsupa, the flogging signified that they were the runts of the village and those who were flogged were generally avoided. The wounds also became infected and the weaklings would reek: bad enough to drive the general population in the opposite direction. However, all victims of flogging survived long enough to feel the humiliation and drive themselves to form a resolution to work harder. I had witnessed the flogging and observed that those who cried out were flogged harder. I swore to myself, never to be caught as an underling. I would be then ruin the reputation I took so long to build that I was emotionally and physically strong; in ALL aspects.
The week before Ageru, I would train more intensely and push the physical boundaries of my strength further than before. Ageru's punishment was motivating enough to force even the laziest of sluggards to work taxingly. This would be the fifth and last time I carry out Ageru when next month, a few of other graduating Shitatsupa as well as myself would hunt for a dai-youkai to sacrifice for The Ordeal. After our augmentation, we would become real assassins.
This year for my Ageru, however, I have cause to worry. Firstly, my blinding head ache would definitely affect my standards and thirdly, many Shitatsupa who had graduated into real Shinobis were hot-headed and impulsive rogues who habitually patronized whore-houses outside the village frequent enough to have Yuragu telling them off and banning most of them from leaving the village. Yuragu usually paid no heed to what the assassins did outside the village but with the men frequenting the whore-houses, during the lustful nights, they gave out a wee to much information on our whereabouts. Many Shoguns and Daimyos were willing to pay their blood to control our force. Thus, Yuragu was selective of our clients. By having one of ours reveal information to the shogun's sluts would result in our downfall.
Anyway, I was damned because the lust-deprived rogues turn their attentions to those like me and thus I had to be on high-guard against them. Ever since that humiliating experience near the stream, I had been wary of all males, Youkai or human. Anyway, I had this sinking premonition that they would use Ageru as an excuse for me to sleep with them. I shuddered involuntarily and my stomach churned.
Sesshomaru's POV
Sesshomaru watched. He watched as the pitiable example of wretchedness crumbled into shredded pieces in front of him. He snorted in disgust as the creature's Shouki was exuded through its body in piercing hisses and spilled onto the ground in the form of purple vapors. Such a lowly youkai, Sesshomaru's lips curled in disgust although is face showed no literal expression when the dead youkai's severed arm twitched in a series of spasms. He observed the claw of his index finger for a moment and ran it through the hair that wisped in the breeze.
Such a force of ineffectiveness did not deserve to live on his father's territory. Sesshomaru turned his lean form in the opposite direction and took convinced steps towards the plains ahead of him. He was on a goal to rid his land of the scum which had defiled its magnificence. Starting with the lowly Youkai who had been paid by corrupt officials(all of which had been painfully annihilated through Sesshomaru's Tokijin) to commit treason and reveal stately secrets to the neighboring Shoguns. Sesshomaru scowled at the choice of worthless scum which five of his court officials had hired to carry the secrets.
He paused. Looking at the horizon which radiated orange warmth. Sesshomaru halted again. His sensitive nose picked up the delicate sent of Hamanasu drifting in the afternoon breeze. The same breeze had wafted through the locks on his fore head and flowed through his hair. Sesshomaru took the time to examine his right hand which was stained with the unholy presence of Youkai blood. Of course, he had spent the entire morning ridding the western lands of their presence and had not thought of wiping the grime from it. He still smelt panic within the blood on his hands and felt an unidentifiable urge, a strong urge to lick the blood off.
Lick the blood off… His mind seemed to pulsate with these hidden urges to continue in feral actions and Sesshomaru grunted in surprise at the urges. It was a long time since he had experienced such a compelling emotion (leaving out the incident at the forest). He let loose a deep moan as his inner self created dozens of arguments about what to do next. Sesshomaru's wild and feral urges now returned but with a greater force and battered at the forts of his mind with new found strength.
Why?! Sesshomaru's eyes smoldered a red color similar to the fury and intensity of the sun which lingered in the western sky. He felt the familiar increase of Youki and the increased production of adrenaline in his blood. His blood coursed faster and faster and gave him the feeling of intoxication. Sesshomaru gripped his Tenseiga in a deadly lock. He did not need to change now and yet his body was compelling him to do so! The wind around him was picking up and Sesshomaru's mind and body were contradicting each other. His body, compelling and aching him to change yet his mind objecting and preventing it. It gave him a terrible headache. Sesshomaru could feel his canines lengthening and the tension of his muscles…
Stop!!! He beseeched, to his own body. He begged himself not to loose control.
Begging himself? The thought itself seemed to calm Sesshomaru's body as it immediately stopped the lust to change and Sesshomaru fell to his knees. The sun was almost beginning to set but to the dai-youkai, it seemed only like seconds where his ordeal occurred. He remained on his knees, ignoring the fact that he was on a pitiable position with his arm hanging limp at his side, his head angled downward. An invisible force seemed to be building on his shoulders and he recognized it as the pressures of ruling his society. He needed to return to his citadel after settling all conflicts and think about producing an heir. An idea he refused to look into. Other then that unsettling issue, he also had to consider other stately affairs such as the impending danger of Shoguns and their armies. Sesshomaru scowled at the humans who knew naught about the place in society. The shoguns frequently tested the patience of his as well as other Youkai lords by frequently conquering new lands. Sesshomaru could defeat them with his Tokijin, that, he was sure off. However, their presence became more and more of an irking nuisance. Just like a flea which you refused to acknowledge until it has sucked your blood dry. There were also those mercenaries and assassins which assaulted his lands from within often taking scores of villages with motivation from the high pay from other Shoguns. He would deal with the menacing force later,
He was tired. Yes, he allowed himself to be humbled for once. Ever since he had given up on Rin, his ego had taken a bleak tumble. That was probably why he was literally begging himself not to change his form and experience the care-free life of a common mutt. He laughed sardonically and bitterly drove the sharp claws on his fingers into his palms; drawing even more blood. Now he was calling himself a mutt. The only mutt in disgusting existence that he knew was his pathetic half brother that since Naraku's demise, had disappeared from the Warring Era. Sesshomaru thought him dead but cared naught about him anymore. He was unused to defeat but four years after loosing the human girl, he experienced personal loss after personal loss. Yes, he still could defeat a battalion with only his light whip. However, the only thing that he frequently lost to was the inner beast which had woken up within him and the restricting image of Rin which was the only other thing besides Tenseiga which kept him from loosing his mind.
The exhausted but indignantly proud Dai-Youkai settled himself under a tree and observed the flaming sky in silence. Yes. He definitely was no longer in top shape mentally (physically, he was stronger). Zen: both mental and physical must be at peace, if one gains, the other looses.
Sesshomaru scowled. What? Now I must loose the brawn which I had dedicated so long to training just to regain a healthy mental state? Sesshomaru frowned: Amazed that he still had the energy to create lame jokes.
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Rin's POV
The headache seemed to have gotten worse and I stumbled out of my hut and into the warm sunlight. Judging from the position of the sun, it was late morning and I had little time to prepare. I felt a single drop of cold sweat trickle down my forehead and I gave a moan of despair. Yuragu and the ancient assassins that supervised this village were not known to accept sickness as an excuse to skip Ageru. I cried in exasperation as my sight became was dotted with colorful spots. It was blinding and confusing me.
I spotted the rogues out of the pained corner of my eye and shot them a look which I was sure, made them scamper in the opposite direction. The spots have cleared out and I found that I had bent over in an awkward position like a drunkard. I mentally berated myself for doing that. Despite the nausea and confusion which the dizzying headache brought, however, I continued rejoicing in ultimate sadism. Somehow, I knew that I would be flogged today. Since I could not change my fate, I might as well resign myself to it and try to seek the good of my future judgment.
"Pain is good… it toughens your soul and strips the spirit of conceit and egotism" As I quote directly from Sesshomaru-sama who had once told me to stop crying after I carelessly twisted an ankle while searching for hamanasu for my Lord. I presented to him the flowers as well the throbbing ankle; teary-eyed and shivering. I remember him giving me a frosty frown and walking off, leaving me there. I felt horrible- if horrible was apt enough to describe my emotions. I remember hobbling after my Lord who, I'm sure had increased his walking pace with Jaken rambling persistently and refusing to allow me to sit on Ah-Un. I thrust the bundle of flowers at the feet of my Lord which were quickly walking away from me and collapsed; unable to bear the ache both emotionally and physically. I faintly recall my Lord stopped and even bothered to turn to me. The only clear memory etched into my head forever is lying face down on Ah-Un's rump; moving away from a faint bundle of the color pink, white and yellow. The pain in my right ankle soon felt intoxicating and I felt the throb spread to the rest of my being. After intense pain, the feeling sadistically warped into a hot and even comforting feeling. These, were the earliest incidences which I could recall where I started to understand the world better. I was introduced to a new acquaintance who I had seen many times before. Whenever I see him, I always cringe and cower. Now that Pain and I have been introduced, I think of him as a nice person who, if you understand him well enough, will bring you immense pleasure. These were my earliest thoughts of sadism as well as masochism.
Well, I cared naught for the humiliation save for being seen as weak in the eyes of others. The pain would toughen me and I swear, the moment the thick locks of entwined rope and metal grace my back, I swear and swear to Kami, I shall seal my lips shut and entertain the guest Pain. I will get to know him more. Perhaps, we will become lovers.
I laugh sarcastically and shamble to the quadrangle to find Musashi. I admit, I need courage from my team leader. I feel with the presence of my team leader Musashi, I will be able to calm my mind and achieve peace with both body and mind to meet my old friend Pain again.
Sesshomaru's POV
I meandered through the long and winding corridors of the citadel which my ancestors had spent so long building. In fact, this stronghold is so ancient that it goes eras beyond the Sengoku Jidai. Thus, much of the castle's decorum is eclectic from the different periods. To my indifference, this castle was built for pleasure, not siege. The main wall of defense was elaborate and classy. However, the old and rotted stone and mould from the years posed as not much a better defense as compared to paper.
I had spent the vulnerable days of my youth within these walls studying the ancient text of the land I exist in. Thus, I have abundant knowledge of the common geographical features which mark my father's territory: the Western Lands. Such an elaborate castle is of little use to me. I admit it as a fact that I am a proud Dai-Youkai but such luxury is disgusting. Only useless Daimyos and Shogun lords need the luxury to cover up their weaknesses. They think that by smothering their lives with extravagance and lavishing themselves, the useless heimin would think of them as rich and powerful. Power is not measured in money and I highly doubt that anyone of them know how to correctly wield a katana and swing without spraining their pathetic human wrists. I do not wish for anybody to underestimate this Sesshomaru.
I am currently without a task to do, mainly because I refuse to hold any conversations with anyone at the moment. A servant scuttles past me and when she brushes against my moko-moko-sama, her scent lingers on the adornment. I catch the scent of stress and panic.
Ohoh, so this is what my servants- rather, my father's servants are trained to carry whenever they are around a Lord. I need no servants. The smell of sweat and the hint of oil lingered on me too long for my liking and I snarl at the apologetic wretch who turned around and fell to her knees on a bow much deeper than the protocol demanded. I maintain a stoic facial expression but if my disposition allowed me to, I would snickered and spat at her for all that she was worth. I always wondered why servants were all so bland and monotonous; this one especially. It irked me.
She must have smelt my amusement because she quickly scuttled backwards. I cared naught and I paced towards my destination, The Armory chamber. I intend to study the weapons to see if they were fit to be used to "protect" this in-pregnable fortress.
Regarding in-pregnable- I come to an abrupt halt and the balls of my feet grind into the wooden slats that made the floor. I could hear the atmosphere quiet save for the sound of my joints swaying in the position to hold me up. I had to choose a mate soon… an ominous cloud swirled from the depths of my soul and I chocked. My eyes widened and a felt it glint in defiance.
I quickly regain my composure; brutally reminding myself of my social status by driving my sharp claws deep into the flesh of my palms. It was a ruse to help me remember, but a ruse, nonetheless to help me keep myself from loosing the demanding presence I have upon others. I use my eyes to read others like an open book.
I can infiltrate the frail or strong fortress which many place around their eyes and enter the throne room of the citadel with ease. I will slowly savor destroying the king, or – reading the mind of my target. Once I have destroyed the king, I claim the castle. Just like once I have read their mind, I know that I have been placed in a position of high respect in their eyes; a position high above the target itself.
Rin- the only person who has never guarded her eyes against me. I understood her mind as easily as I could crush her frail body with my hand. I understood the depths and comprehension. Why she chose to allow me to read her only, I cannot comprehend as much as I detest admitting. She always put up a good defense when interacting with other people. I observed that she sealed the gateway to her mind with the strongest and best defense and perhaps after training and time, stronger then mine. I always ponder upon why she allows me to examine her whenever I observe the night sky when the rest of my party is resting. I searched the celestial universe for an answer and this was my strongest conviction:
She allowed me to enter her mind, yes; but at a price. Gullible as I was to access her further, I finally came to the strongest conclusion as to why, why she allowed me to read her. It was like a Taisho holding a castle on siege, he comes to the fortress with his best fighters and when he sights the citadel, the doors and gates are wide open. The bemused, intrigued and somewhat gullible Taisho enters the gates and sights no enemy soldier to attack and conquer. Slowly, he lowers his guard and his motive for entering the castle slowly changes form conquering it to trying to understand the whole rationale for allowing such an easy defeat. He is suspicious but not on his guard as he can sense no trouble. He enters the throne room to find him received as a guest wit the highest honor. He paces towards the Queen aware of all the servants retreating. He meets her with a determined face, determined to conquer her. The queen returns the bold expression and she intrigues him greatly with her beauty and poignancy. Her existence intrigues the Young Taisho and he realized and he could not kill her. He turns around, to see his best fighters on the floor in pools of crimson blood, murdered not by the soldier dressed as a servant, but by their lowered guard. The Taisho turns around in bewilderment and realizes his pitiable fate. The queen raised her silver coated dagger and smiles sadistically.
"Taisho, you attempt to read me and I allowed you to-"
She raises her dagger-
"-only for a few moments, my honorably naive Taisho, before my troops seize your un-guarded castle and then I slit your throat."
She slices.
Rin allowed me to read her, but by slowly understanding the fathoms of her mind, I left the gates of my citadel open. She then slowly read me without my acknowledging of it. I scowl at my bluntness and drive my claws deeper and deeper into my flesh. Blood drips onto the floor in slow and pained trickles.
Hah- Rin is the only mortal who knows how deep my soul has driven itself to, no one else. We Youkai are not immortal. On this earth, immortal is non-existence.
I seem to be falling for last minute urges, I mused after I pulled myself out of the subject about Rin. I had completely forgotten about the more prominent topic of an heir. I despised that topic. Now, I had the urge to change into my other form, he third time since Rin's death. Changing allowed this Sesshomaru a humble form of escape from my duties. For the third time, I was avoiding thinking of my duties.
I curse kami for making me the son of a Taisho.
Now, I act like a coward and escape my duties rather then assault them.
A coward? This Sesshomaru will never admit to being a coward.
You are not a coward! you will face this problem, but later on. It is not an urgent matter now. Now, enjoy your last breaths of freedom before your duties call.
I moan as my conscience start debating again.
I choose transforming. Like I said, I am not a coward, and- I am not choosing to procrastinate. I will merely attempt the situation on a more appropriate date. I cough: something I do only when I am alone.
I turned around to the direction of the scent of trees.
I heard the wispy and indecisive tone of my fate murmuring and hinting to my ear
"You can run-"
"-But you can't hide"
Oooh… now Sesshie is like this drug addict who turns to changing as a source of escape… ooh.
haha, ok... hope you liked it. If you want to read what happens to Rin during Ageru... well... you'll have to revieew! aand wait a while. Don't worry, it'll come soon. I type these chapters pretty fast. Somehow, there's been this problem with the mailing system so all the alerts are late. Argh.
Jaa Ne!