Light's fingers stiffen around the cell bars, lips pressed tightly together but otherwise expressionless.
He remembers that he is Kira.
Did I kill my own…?
"It wasn't you," L says as if reading his mind, and Light looks to him with such panic and desperation that L understands he really is confused.
Burn it, Misa had said, and L sees that the destruction of the notebooks is somehow related to the change in Light's motives.
He won't give up his mission now, but I will force him out if it saves him.
He isn't sure how, but he understands she sacrificed herself for Light.
And, in admitting to being Kira and asking to be arrested, Light sacrificed himself for him.
There is sadness in L's eyes when he speaks, "you should be with your family now."
"Ryuuzaki," Light's voice issues forth soft and brittle, "I'm—" he looks up in astonishment,
"—afraid."
He is shocked and terribly perplexed, having lost control as well, it seems, as his own mind, and he is terrified at what he might do were he released.
"Your mother and sister probably want to be with you right now."
Leaning hard against the bars, Light presses his eyes tightly shut and, teeth clenched, he cries silently; he truly loved his father. He refuses to leave the cell.
L knew they took a risk in following the shinigami's plan. The notebooks have been destroyed, but at what cost? Have they been too rash? How could this have been prevented?
"We were all taking a risk," Light murmurs quietly, "we were all risking our lives. Still…"
L unlocks the cell door and comes inside, sitting down on the mattress.
"What happened…exactly…?" Light asks, turning to face him.
"Sit down, Light-Kun," L replies, his voice quiet and composed as always.
Light hesitates, but fatigue gives way and he joins L.
"There was a third Kira," he explains, "and the good news is that we caught him today."
"Was?"
"That's right," L continues, "he's dead now." Then, after a pause, "We learned a great deal of interesting things."
He considers telling Light about the shinigami, the notebooks, and how he believes Light had saved him, but the younger boy is so overwhelmed that he decides to wait. After all, if Light has truly forgotten the details of his actions as Kira, perhaps it is best not to tell him things that might refresh his memory—not just yet.
"A lot of people died today," L adds quietly.
"Who else has…" Light trails off.
Silence.
"Aizawa…Mogi…" he says almost inaudibly, and then, looking down at Light,
"…Misa…"
Light's eyes go big.
"Did you—"
L shakes his head slowly. "She took her own life." For you.
"I don't understand."
He is absolutely overwhelmed and falls limp against the stone wall behind him, thin and exhausted.
"Also," L adds softly, gazing at Light with amused composure, "you saved my life."
Light's eyes open partway, and he gazes at the other boy tiredly.
"Thank you, Light-Kun."
Light stares ahead blankly.
What to do now? Light is Kira—or was Kira—and the real source of the mass murders were the notebooks, which he destroyed. Lives were sacrificed for this. Light saved L's life. Now Light, himself, fears his own actions, and is terrified at the prospect of committing murder unbeknownst to him. He won't leave the cell. He won't talk. He won't eat. L is oddly fascinated by the magnitude of the transformation in Light; he is decidedly different.
"Light-Kun," L says to him several days later from outside the bars, "please try to eat something."
That morning he discovered in Light's cell the tray from the evening before, cold and untouched. It isn't a deliberate attempt at starvation – rather, he is still in shock, perhaps more so at himself really being Kira than about Mr. Yagami's death.
"You have to drink," L explains as he walks into the cell carrying only a glass of water, "please don't make us hook you up to an IV."
Light takes the glass and stares at it intently for a few moments before raising it to his mouth. He drinks slowly and presses the glass to his lips for a long time, deep in thought.
"Thank you," L says with what sounds almost like relief.
"Do you think you can stand up okay?" he continues, and when Light doesn't reply, L takes his hand and begins to help him up slowly.
"Come on," he says with calm reassurance, "why don't we take you out a while. You might want to clean up."
Light doesn't respond. L has tried getting him out of the cell for the past several days and he doesn't really expect it will work this time, either.
"Why don't we try it like this," he says, taking Light's wrist and once again closing the metal link all but forgotten to them both.
Light considers, and, to L's surprise, ultimately agrees to go.
"Let's try that, Ryuuzaki."
To be continued…