Light knows that he was Kira. Not only because both he and L figured this out, but also because, somewhere in his mind, he cannot deny that he sympathizes with Kira. That somewhere in his mind, he cannot deny he feels that Kira was right.
Kira is justice.
He knows L is sad because he understands this, too.
L is justice.
There's a metal chain connecting them wrist to wrist.
Sacrificing for the overall good and permanent justice is right.
Deriving intense enjoyment from this sort of sacrifice isn't.
Killing without so much as batting an eyelash isn't.
It is, in fact, true, that without death Gods, Light isn't fully Kira. He doesn't want to kill L. In fact, for some reason he wanted to save L. But even while he doesn't remember being Kira, the knowledge that the doorway to justice has been shut leaves Light feeling eerily hollow.
He understands that things have happened again that he cannot remember.
L would have him shackled in far more intricate a bind had he suspected Light to try anything less mild than the occasional innocent tug attempted late into the night when, half asleep, Light would reveal internal frustration unknown even to himself.
He kicks L clear off the bed, and later shudders internally to discover how readily he expressed agitation. He doesn't like acting as an open book. He doesn't like that L already knows things he doesn't.
At 117 pounds, L falls straight to the floor, bony limbs collapsing in a heap and then rearranging themselves into a sitting position as his big eyes stare across the mattress at his sleeping counterpart.
Disoriented, he climbs back up, murmuring that it hurt and Light shouldn't kick him off like that.
Find it before I do.
Light knew something. Did anyone else know? Does the only way to find the meaning behind this involve revealing information to Light?
There's a third notebook.
Light had a notebook and Misa had a notebook, but when Misa became a death Goddess, she gave her notebook to Higuchi. According to the rules written in the Death Note, however, a Death God must have her own notebook as well, that she may not give out to a human.
When L found the two notebooks at Yotsuba, only one contained names written in English; therefore there must be a third notebook other than the two that were destroyed: Light's notebook. He must have hidden it someplace. And if Light were to find it, L realizes, he will transform again.
Why would death Gods bring these notebooks to humans in the first place? Why would they go through the trouble of writing out so many meticulously organized rules in English just so that humans will be able to use them? L decides that humans have, in fact, received Death Notes before, and wonders how often this happened and how many recipients have taken full advantage of their use.
"Light-kun, stop kicking me," L mumbles as he blocks what would have been another kick.
Light grits his teeth in agitation when he discovers he's been at it again and almost wishes he was sleeping in another room, where L couldn't see so easily how annoyed he was with the turn of events. He wouldn't be at all surprised were he to wake the next morning to find himself strapped down and immobilized with an IV attached to one arm.
"Ryuuzaki," he says quietly.
"Hmm?"
"I'd like a glass of water."
L sits up in bed. Light seems to be coming to his senses.
"Well," L yawns, "let's go then."
He takes Light into the kitchen and sits down at the table with him after he's poured himself a glass.
"I encourage you to eat something," L says.
Light looks up from his water.
"Yeah, okay," he replies.
He didn't mean for L to begin fussing over him, but soon the older boy is at the fridge fishing out assorted leftovers and mysteriously unlabeled containers, piling them haphazardly on the counter.
How old is this stuff? Light wonders when he gazes at something that appears to be one mustard container stuffed upside-down into a second mustard container. It really isn't helping what appetite he has, but he forces himself to eat nevertheless.
What is it that L knows?
They return to bed without cleaning up the mess in the kitchen and without brushing their teeth. Light falls asleep almost immediately, and wakes up neither during L's exasperation after Light has kicked him again nor later into the night when, with a mixture of aggravation and amusement, L remarks that Light also shouldn't pull his hair.
To be continued...