5. The Onsen

5.1

"Aaaah! That was... That was..." Shuuhei was desperately gasping for air, turning bright red, to his horror, in patches. His memory promptly supplied the image of baby octopuses on his plate and Yumichika giving them a long dreamy look right before the upgrade talk. "I'll make my attack nicer, if you make your defense nicer." He bought it.

"That was the upgrade," Yumichika helped him to find the correct word and licked his lips. Slowly. "No risk, no gain. What was my risk this time, by the way?"

He couldn't believe it. He never thought that Yumichika might get the flavor of his illusions. That thought scared him much more than the complete brain shutdown for who knows how long. The time had stopped. His overloaded senses almost made his heart jump out, however it wasn't something he'd let himself think about. He would be all right as long as he wouldn't think about it.

"Ice cream."

"What flavor?"

"Red beans."

"What? Is this what you dare to call nice?"

"Are you telling me you can taste an illusion? Can you get the smell too? Because if yes, you're getting durian next time."

"If I'm getting durian, you're getting your reiatsu sucked out to the last drop! And you'll scream all the way while I'm through it! Perhaps the difference between playing nice and not nice will register in that thick brain of yours."

Yumichika's feathers showed the wrong time. It usually looked like quarter to twelve, and now it was... Shit! He was not in the position to throw threats around. He wouldn't visualize durian, thorns or no thorns, to save his live, and creating odor illusions was well beyond his abilities. Besides, he knew about the damn red beans. A couple of days ago Yumichika went through the dessert menu crossing out nearly everything as inedible.

"The point is..." he started without any clear idea what he wanted to say.

Yumichika used Fujikujaku to answer.

It was not going well. Shuuhei could only block Yumichika one time out of ten. By accident. He tried all kidou tricks he remembered, but all of his counter attacks were absorbed one way or another by Yumichika's barrier. To make things worse, he couldn't feel Yumichika's presence behind his attacks, they felt so impersonal, as if Yumichika was not there at all. At some point Yumichika lightly jumped a few feet up and started floating around. In circles.

Running out of time, Shuuhei checked his options again. It was the time to give up, go home, take a cold shower, and feel nothing. Could he just feel nothing? He didn't even have to wait until he was home, he thought, turning an ice bucket over his own head.

The touch was gone and Yumichika landed on his ass. He didn't expect that to happen. He sat, exhausted, on the ground. He won, right?

"Oops." Yumichika sheathed Fujikujaku. "Congratulations."

Yumichika's fake smile made him feel like an utter idiot. It finally occurred to him that Yumichika couldn't care less for the damn flavor, Yumichika's anger rooted in his cowardly response. Instead of playing along, he once again played dumb, pretending he had never noticed other upgrades. Yumichika targeted his sensors highly selective and let him know about it. Why couldn't he reconcile with the fact? A heavy wave of shame washed over him. Why did Yumichika even bother to waste his time on a complete moron incapable of giving anything back?

Shuuhei found Yumichika soaking in the onsen. The hair tied in the back, feathers gone, eyes closed, Yumichika didn't move an inch even when he got in the water.

Not a good sign.

Cute ears. Shuuhei hadn't seen them so exposed before. If only Yumichika could have a ponytail, he'd be able to see the ears then. He wished he could become more familiar with them. Start with the left one, trace the rim from the top down to the lobe, and then bite it slightly just to know the taste of it. It would be warm and dump because of all this steam. Yumichika would relax and he'd push him under the water, and his precious hair would be wet and messy and...

Shuuhei missed the moment when Yumichika opened his eyes and busted him. What the hell was he thinking about?

Oh, shit.

5.2

He could have yelled. He could have yelled for the sake of all the times he held back while being rejected, ignored, or pushed away. He could have yelled for all the times when he had convinced himself that he was smart enough not to give in to the spur of the moment. He could have yelled until the selfish inconsiderate bastard turned green and had a heart attack.

He should have smiled and eaten it up, like always. He had no rights to turn Shuuhei's life upside down and without Fujikujaku he would have no chances whatsoever. It was silly to blame Shuuhei for the complex mental tricks he used to overcome his fear. Therefore Yumichika should patiently follow the chosen strategy doing nothing however long it would take, because patience was a virtue.

So Yumichika had made up the reasons for yelling on a spot, hoping he hadn't been too obvious. And even if he had, whatever.

He slipped quietly in his inner world for a private talk. Fujikujaku climbed clumsily on his lap.

"It's taking too long," he said, gently stroking the peacock's shiny feathers.

"Shinigami view their zanpakutou as prick replacements, prick extenders, or sex toys. You realize, I hope, that you've just promoted your sex toy to a sex counselor?"

"I wasn't asking for any advice," he protested, "I was merely expressing my discontent with the flow of events."

"Indeed?" Fujikujaku snorted. "Hey, did you know that pricks have taste buds? Not many, but some sensitive individuals might even detect sweet tea."

"I'm not in the mood for your silly jokes!"

"Your doubts are highly insulting." Fujikujaku pecked him. "This is my field of expertise."

"How about bankai, sex toy?"

Fujikujaku jumped off Yumichika's lap, and continued from the safe distance, "I think you should enjoy the flow of events more thoroughly."

He would have been happier with some dumb penis extender type of zanpakutou. What was the rotten bird talking about? Buckets of cold water in the face was all he was about to enjoy for the weeks to come. His beautiful plan had no flaws, except that it wasn't working.

His senses alerted him to the heat other than the hotness of the spring water but Yumichika didn't let himself to be tricked again. The moments like this never lasted, all inconvenient urges were hastily suppressed and quick I-don't-wanna-want-you looks thrown. Well, I-didn't-wanna-want-you looks would be worse, yet inevitable, if Yumichika switched to Plan D. Was it time to engage Plan D?

He pulled up his knees and opened his eyes.

"Your hair will be ruined."

What? Is that a special request I hear?

5.3

"You hair will be ruined," Shuuhei said, feeling his throat going dry. It wouldn't take a genius to foresee the natural consequences of stripping his clothes off and getting in the onsen in Yumichika's company. Being out of reiatsu and turning the sex drive off were not mutually exclusive, not at all. He knew that much. What's more, he used that small piece of common sense every time when he was choosing food over a nice dip. Of course, Yumichika never failed to snicker at his not so brave choice and with each passing day he was more and more tempted to choose the onsen just to see the face Yumichika would come up with, regardless of any natural consequences that might have followed.

Hisperception of time played a trick on him again, or perhaps flashtepping through the water up to one's chin had made it to all training manuals and he had managed to miss it. The wave from Yumichika's cut through hit his nostrils and he sneezed. What sort of sick joke is that, throwing water in one's face? Luckily, it wasn't cold...

Oh, no...

The fact that Yumichika, no farther than a feet away, was apparently scanning his mind through his eyes, and obviously succeeding, was not helping.

"And what leverage do you have for making statements this bold?"

What leverage? Indeed, what leverage... It hadn't taken him long to start distinguishing where the jokes were turning into the real bits and pieces of Yumichika's preferences and expectations. From all he had heard and seen so far, he could draw a rather frightening conclusion - the minefield he had so carelessly stepped into, presented him with endless possibilities for screwing up. Wait. Screwing up what? He was screwing nothing but his pathetic illusions. Why was Yumichika-in-his-head capable of saying something good, capable of simply calling him an idiot, so he might believe that everything would eventually work out fine? Why was the real Yumichika driving him up the wall instead?

Shuuhei stared at the drops of water on Yumichika's face, at the mouth corner trembling so slightly that he barely missed it. The reassuring thought that he was not alone here here fighting with uncertainties was all the leverage he needed. Shuuhei let go of his own balls and reached out to find Yumi's.

"How about this?" he asked, as Yumichika's cock, by no means soft to begin with, was hardening between his fingers.

They both looked down for a moment, but the water was too murky to see anything, including the leverage in question.

"It might work," said Yumichika, cracking a light smile, a first one since that horrible lick incident, "That is if you start breathing, or something."

The cock slipped out of his hesitant hand and Shuuhei's priorities began to shift once more. Finding the way to shut Yumi up pushed itself to the to the top of the list, but perhaps kissing Yumi's wet shoulder, working up towards his original goal, the ear, might do the trick, prompting Yumichika to keep his mouth busy elsewhere...

And for a while Yumichika did shut up.

5.4

Sharp pain threw him out of the his sensuous heaven when he least expected it. This was neither a place for pain, nor a time for it. It was not supposed to end like this, not like this. Yumichika opened his eyes and looked down at the rock edge that had just cut his knee, interrupting his otherwise pleasurable pastime. Well, the blood on his knee wasn't the only thing that went wrong, the familiar cooling sensation on his back meant he had missed the moment. His brand new idiot lover had gone ahead, literally dropping him on the rocks and leaving him - Yumichika checked again - not even hanging.

How the hell did it happen, if everything was, despite of the location, flowing so nicely - firm grip on his hips, occasional bites into his shoulders, muffled gasps, and pauses to catch the breath? The pace, unsteady and slow at first, had been eventually brought to sync, and Yumichika having narrowed his world down to the sensations and rhythm, was waiting for the right moment to stop holding back and let his muscles to do the job of triggering Shuuhei's natural response. What could be easier? Simultaneous arrival to the desired destination was one of his many tricks that cost him nothing, yet never failed to impress. Well, that was until now.

"What the fuck?" Yumichika asked, springing to his feet and turning around. His brain was automatically registering streaks of sweat and dilated pupils, and all the other signs that were of no use to him now.

"Huh?" Shuuhei blinked, then his eyes focused on Yumichika's knees and the soft and silly smile that some other time could have made Yumichika's day, vanished without a trace. "I'm sorry," he said, obviously referring to the unfortunate injury.

"Why did you withdraw?" Yumichika was not about to let the topic slip away, "Was that a new contraception technique?"

"I thought you wouldn't like it."

"What?"

"You've said it yourself, it's impolite to come inside..."

"What?"

"That's what you said," repeated Shuuhei.

So this idiocy was not out the lack of attention, but due to its excess. And even though the execution turned out to be far less than perfect, it was the good intentions that counted. In Yumichika's world of expectation people were selfish, even the best of them, and it never occurred to him to give Shuuhei benefit of doubt.

"The possibility of being impolite," he said slowly, "should not necessarily stop you from action."

"You liked it?"

"Were there any hints that might have tipped you otherwise, such as, but not limited to, angry screams, elbows shoving into your stomach, anything?"

"Good point," Shuuhei said barely audible and looked up.

Marvelous!

One couldn't just tell people they're sex failures, even if the vast majority of people were indeed sex failures, and expect they would take it well. Especially when only an hour ago the said one had been so desperate to get any. If he wanted to turn this failure into success, a new plan with plenty of treats to keep the enthusiasm up must be set in motion, and he'd better think of something nice for later tonight, so that no one leaves the room in a bad mood. Having reached this conclusion, Yumichika started limping towards the onsen.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"What?" Yumichika looked over his shoulder.

"We are not exactly done here..."

Yumichika stopped. Shuu-chan's statement went in full accordance with the policy he had just made up, they were not done there yet. To match this by all means exceptional resilience he had to come up with something twice as nice as he initially intended, and not only that, he had to think fast.

5.5

"I won," Yumichika declared with especially smug expression on his face. One could say that at the moment Yumichika was smugness personified. "Your lips on my foreskin, which was entirely your idea, is the ultimate proof of my victory."

The idea to have sex in this rocky and dusty abandoned place was insane, and the bleeding knees were the price they both paid for his stupidity. The teasing started the moment he reluctantly put Yumichika back into the water, and it was the only thing that was keeping him awake. He was tired, hungry, and still mostly out of reiatsu, but falling asleep in the onsen was a sure way to become a laughing stock for weeks. He wondered where all the reiatsu that Yumichika had sucked out of him went, because it looked like the other shinigami also relied on the onsen to heal his fresh scratches.

"You won? Sex was never a part of the deal."

"It was implied."

"You may imply anything you want. If it wasn't stated, it's not part of the deal. Period. Besides, considering the trail of your lips and fingers, and I won't even start on the sounds you were making, you should think twice before claming your so called victory." Shuuhei gave out a yawn. "A draw, if you insist."

Yumichika didn't budge. "I won."

"Don't tell me you had a bet with Ikkaku," he said jokingly, yawning again. Nothing could ruin his mood now, absolutely nothing. He knew everything he wanted to know. The worries were over, it was the time for savoring the sweet moment of bliss.

"Well, I did." Yumichika looked up to meet his eyes, "And I lost that one," he added quickly, with no traces of regret in his voice.

"What?"

"Meeting the three day deadline somehow lost it appeal."

Strangle the viper. He knew it had been a setup, but a bet? With Ikkaku? And here he cared about Yumichika's feelings and bleeding knees. He just cared.

Idiot.

Shuuhei got out of the water, used just a bit of reiatsu to dry up, and started putting his clothes on. Yumichika snorted at his still too precise movements, but he managed to get into his hakama without embarrassing moments, like falling back into the onsen. The fact that he wasn't sleepy any longer didn't help a bit.

"Three fucking days?"

"No. Five fucking days and three days for a nice dance around the subject. That was Plan B."

Strangle the viper. Shuuhei sat down on a rock next to the pool, and thought that Yumichika's Plan A would have certainly crashed him like a grasshopper. "Ever occurred to you I might've told you to get lost?"

"Sure. I was very generous assigning an appropriate probability for that particular case." Yumichika looked at the clouds, as if trying to remember the exact number, "Eeh... 0.9 percent."

Shuuhei took a deep breath. And then another one. The figures were accurate.

"I see. You're also betting with yourself."

"Um... sort of."

"What I don't see is how that affects our immediate future," he said, jutting over the water. "What are you waiting for? A special invitation?"

Yumichika's perplexed expression calmed his urgent need for revenge.

"In case you're still unable to think coherently, I'll spell it out. Today's dinner is on you. However, another hour, and they will close. Then, either you have to remember how to cook, or it's a 24-hour ramen stand. Somehow I have this vague idea that the former is worse. To raid our division kitchens for leftovers is also a possibility, but..."

By the time Shuuhei finished speculating about their midnight dining options, Yumichika was completely dressed and his feathers were miraculously back in place.

"I haven't cooked for a hundred years. I'm not changing that," Yumichika said simply, all the smugness gone.

No surprises here.