Title:Razor Candies
Rating:M
Author:Freeing Alys
Summary:It's funny how much a person can change in two years. Liley. Rated for self-hatred, self-mutliation, eating disorders, and lots of other stuff I may not be sure of.
Disclaimer:I DO NOT own Hannah Montana or anything/one affliated with it. That all belongs to Disney.
Author's Note: Thank you for the reviews! They mean a lot to me. I hope you continue reading. :)

5. Insane

I feel like telling Lily that I made a mistake. I want to tell her I'm confused and maybe I'm just with her to subdue my insane feelings and to make sense of that thing that I do. But I really can't. Lily is staring up at me with wide eyes and she looks content and happy. I can't break the spell. But it's not like I really want to do that anyway.

I love being with her, I love kissing her, I love being the one for her. "This is great." She mumbles as she turns her head and burrows her head into the sheets. We have been laying in her bed for hours, just passing our Saturday.

I smile to myself and nod. It might have been confusing, my I enjoyed the night before at the Hannah and concert and today it was no different. I want to tell Lily I made a mistake, but I would be lying to her. "I know." I agree softly.

Lily suddenly pops up in her bed, a smile on her face. "Let's do something. I mean this is nice…but I'm restless now." She tells me and a faint smile passes on my lips. She reminds me of myself, when I can't help myself doing it.

"Sure." I agree, my response barely audible.

Lily laughs and slides off of her bed. "What should we do?" She asks me and I shrug my shoulders. I have no idea, I'm not exactly the idea of fun as of lately.

"I don't know." I mumble and I walk up next to her. "Maybe we should go hang out with Oliver at the beach. Like the old days." I say and Lily jumps up in the air quickly and then back down.

"Awesome. Great idea." She grabs my wrist, the one I destroyed the night before, and pulls me out of her room. I hold my breath the whole time, just praying she doesn't notice it.

HMHMHMHMHMHM

"Oliver!" Lily jumps at him as he's sitting at Rico's eating a hot dog.

Oliver turns towards us and smiles. He looks the same as he did as when he was fourteen, the only difference about him now that he's sixteen is his hair. He cut it last summer and he looks completely different. "Hey Lily, Miley." Oliver greets us, and then he polishes off his hot dog. "What's going on with you two?" He asks and I know he's hinting at us to tell him why we've been so distant from him. But I'm not going to say anything.

"Nothing." Lily mumbles as she scoots into the stool next to Oliver. She smiles at me and pats at the space next to her and I sit down. I smile to myself as I set my arms on the counter.

"Well I have been doing nothing but hanging out with Mary, she rocks." I shake my head as Oliver dives into yet another conversation about his girlfriend of two months, Mary Vega. She is a year older then us and beautiful. So of course Oliver can't help but be in love with her.

"Sounds like you two are it for each other." I hear Lily says and I glance over at her, trying to read her face. I wonder who the person is that she invisions for herself. Me? Another girl? A boy?

"She rocks. And speaking of, I have to go. I promised we would watch a marathon today together." Oliver rolls his eyes and then runs off, into the direction of the small neighborhood just off the beach, mine included.

"So that was short." Lily mumbles turning to face me.

I glance up at her and notice that her hair is falling along the counter, I feel like running my hands through it. But I don't know if I'm really allowed to do that. "It was." I agree, my voice sounding meek and pathetic. Not like the voice I used to have.

Lily furrows her eyebrows at me and shrugs her shoulders, she looks insanly confused and I realize I'm the reason for it. "You okay?" She asks and I quickly nod. Of course I am. I have to be.

"Yeah." I stretch out my arms, just wanting to move to break this feeling. I don't want Lily to stare at me and wonder what the hell is wrong, I just to be. I want to act careless and laugh all the time, the way I used to. The way that we used to.

"What happened?" I realize that I'm staring ahead of me so I glance at my side at Liy. She is glancing downwards and I follow her gaze. I gasp as I realize that my wrist had slide out of my sleeve after I stretched my arm out.

"N-nothing." I quickly say, pulling my sleeve back over my wrist. I try to come up with a lame excuss that she'll buy, because I know she won't let it go. Who in their right mind would?

"Miley, what happened?" Lily tries again, sounding more aggressive about it.

I glance at her and notice that she wants an answer. The real answer. She wants me to tell her about all the hours spent in my bathroom and my closet. She wants me to spill my guts out to her. But I can't. I just can't do it. "I have to go." I mumble and I race off into the direction of my house, that feeling creeping into my skin again. It's itching at me worse then it ever has before.

HMHMHMHMHM

Dinner is really quite tonight. Dad is picking at the sandwhich that he made and not really noticing me or Jackson sitting with him. I sigh, hoping it doesn't have to do with me or Hannah and then take a bite of my own sandwich, but it feels like sawdust in my mouth. Bland and tasteless.

"So one of my Professors may like to cause human pain." Jackson jokes and I laugh, just for his benefit. He is in college now and he loves every minute of it.

"Why do you say that?" Dad says, breaking the quite spell and I let out a sigh, feeling better.

Jackson shrugs, takes a bit of his sandwich and then swallows it down. "She loves to give us five page long papers every single weekend." He says and I smile. I wish my biggest problem was that right now. Not Lily or her knowing about my thing. Or maybe she doesn't, maybe she hasn't put it together. She might not have. But I know she has, it kind of spells itself out.

I glance down at my sandwich again and I want to eat it, but I know it's not going to do anything for me. It taste horrible. In a way that really can't be fixed. "Aren't you hungry Mile?" Dad asks me and I shake my head and then touch my stomach, for emphasis.

"No. I'm kind of sick." I tell him and he nods his head.

"You should go to bed early then, you have a Hannah interview tomorrow." He reminds me and I nod my head.

I leave the kitchen table and quickly make my way to my bedroom. As I shut my door I heave a sigh and that feeling creeps into me again. I walk to where the razor is hidden and take it in my hands. I walk to my bed, fall down into it, cover myself with my blanket and start to lightly trace the razor on my skin, everywhere.

I don't break my skin, but the metal on my skin makes me feel better and I can almost breath again. I think about Lily and I hope that she doesn't hate me know. I feel tears spring to my eyes as I think about her and us and I just want to call her. But I can't, because I don't want ot have to explain it to her. I can't really.

I lower the razor to my hip, swipe it across quickly and then drop it on my nightstand. I ignore the sting and the feel of the sticky blood falling down my leg as I close my eyes and try to sleep.