Title:Razor Candies
Rating:M
Author:Freeing Alys
Summary:It's funny how much a person can change in two years. Liley. Rated for self-hatred, self-mutliation, eating disorders, and lots of other stuff I may not be sure of.
Disclaimer:I DO NOT own Hannah Montana or anything/one affliated with it. That all belongs to Disney.
Author's Note: Thank you for the reviews! They mean a lot to me. I hope you continue reading. :)

6. Infatuated

It's Monday and I'm standing outside of my high school, taking swallow breaths and trying to calm myself. "It's okay Stewart." I mumble trying to calm myself down, but I can't. I feel like the entire weight of the world is on my shoulders, not to sound all that cliché, but it's the feeling.

I sigh, adjust my backpack on my shoulder and quickly make my way into the building. If I walk quickly and know when to dodge, I may not run into Lily the entire day. I might be safe from having to explain to her. "Miley!" I stop in my tracks, just a couple of feet from my locket and let out a sigh. I guess I'm not that lucky.

I turn around and see Lily running towards me. She doesn't look mad, sad or disappointed. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing though. It could be either. "Lily." I say and she wraps her arm around my shoulder and steers me along the wall.

"Miley, I know you don't want to talk about it, I realize that. But I think maybe you should talk to Mrs. Avery." Lily mumbles, trying to make our conversation to ourself.

I blink at Lily, trying to digest her words. She doesn't want to talk to me about, but she wants me to see Mrs. Avery, the guidance cousenler. I would tell her no right away, run off, but I know that Mrs. Avery is good. She has helped a lot of kids before, and it feels right in a sort of way. But I'm unsure, because I don't' know if I talk to anyone about it. "What?" I ask and Lily heaves out a sigh.

"I'm worried Miley and I can't just sit by knowing this is happening to you. I love you too much." She says and my hearts speeds up quickly. She loves me? How can she, I'm too disgusting and hopeless for her to love me.

"Fine." I answer, not knowing what I'm saying really, I just want to see Lily smile.

She does and then nods her head. "Okay, do you want to go know? I'll walk you." She suggests and I nod my head. It sounds like heaven.

"Yeah sure." I agree and we start towards Mrs. Avery's office. The place I think I want to be, but I don't know if should be there.

When we reach her office Lily talks to her and when she comes back to me she smiles at me and then walks away, her hips swaying and in that moment I realize I'm completely infatuated with the girl.

HMHMHMHMHMHM

Mrs. Avery is staring at me, her eyes clouded and a smile on her face. I know she wants to help me. She wants to make my world a better place. She wants to do anything for me. I just can't tell her. "Why don't you just start by telling me why your friend brought you here." Mrs. Avery tells me and I nod my head. I can do it, I have to. For Lily, for us.

"I…" I start tryng to form the words but I can't. I have never even said the words to myself before, I have never even thought them. It's too hard.

"Go ahead Miley. This is a safe area, it's fine." Mrs. Avery says and I glance up at her ready to say it.

I smile and nod my head at her. "Okay. I cut…myself." I say, the words sounding forgien on my lips. I don't know what's going to happen now, my hands start to shake and I don't know what to do or say. The out of body experience starts to take ov er me and I pinch skin on my hand to make it go away.

"Okay Miley, that took a lot of guts to do, and I'm really glade you're here. I'm going to try to help you with this, okay?" Mrs. Avery asks me and I nod, feeling safe and happy.

"O-okay." I say and she jots a few notes on her notepad and then glances back up at me.

"Start with the first day you did it, tell me everything." I sigh as I try to figure out if I should tell her about Lily or not, finaly I decide against it. One thing at a tim.e

I take a breath and then I start to tell her all about that first night, only leaving the parts out about Lily. I tell her about the razor and being alone, the panic feeling, the shortness of breath and how when I did it it was like I was out of my own body. It wasn't me doing it.

Mrs. Avery smiles at me athe whole time and I feel like she understands me, she won't judge me. She just wants to help me get thoruhg it.

When we are done Mrs. Avery gives me a paper about panic attacks and tells me to go over the five steps if it happens again. I agree and I step out of her office armed with a late slip to my second class of the day.

I smile to myself as I slip into my class and shove the note into the hands of my teacher, maybe Mrs. Avery will be able to help me with it. And for the first time in months I feel safe and not at all that desperate.