Title: Jagged Edges
Rating: M
Author: Freeing Alys
Summary: It's funny how much a person can change in two years. Liley. Rated for self-hatred, self-mutliation, eating disorders, and lots of other stuff I may not be sure of.
Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Hannah Montana or anything/one affliated with it. That all belongs to Disney.
Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews! And here is another chappie. Enjoy.

13. Hazy

After three cups of Dad's loco hot coca I feel like crashing on my bed. So after giving Dad a peck on the cheek
I'm now in my bed, trying to ignore the feeling nagging at me. I turn and face the five steps that Mrs. Avery
gave me, hanging on my wall, but it's not like they'll help. This isn't a panic attack. I let out a stream of air
through my lips and then stare at my ceiling. I miss Lily. But I have no idea how to deal with the truth she told
me, it's too confusing and hard.

I sit up in my bed, feeling restless, even though the hot coca is settling in my stomach. I glance at my cell phone
on my night stand and I quickly reach for it. Maybe we can just go forward, somehow. I dial Lily's number and then
press the cold phone to my ear. It rings twice before I hear the click of Lily answering. "Hey." She mumbles into
the phone and I realize that she's mad at me, but I did blow her off.

"Lily, I'm sorry." I tell her and I hear something in the background, but I can't decide what it is.

"Miley, it's fine." She says, but she doesn't sound all that convincing. "You need space." She adds and I shake my
head, feeling upset and frustrated.

"Lily, I was okay? I was hurt and upset and then…it just felt like the good thing to do. I needed
that space." I tell Lily not regretting the choice I made, I needed the space to sort things out and put them out there.

"I heard that song." Lily says and I hold in my breath, unsure of what she is going to say. "I make you feel
strange?" Lily asks and let the breath out, trying to think of what to say.

"No…I mean yes…but it's not bad." I say and I close my eyes, the feeling nagging at me more and more every
second this conversation keeps going. I just want to put it to rest.

"'Strange is like the way I feel when her eyes burn into me.'" Lily mumbles, quoting lyrics from my own song, from
the chorus.

I nod my head and bit my lip, liking the sharp pain it gives me and I relax a little bit more. "Yeah Lily…it's just
a song. I needed to do something…other then…" I trail off, realizing how much I want to do it, how I almost need to
do it. It seems like it's the only thing that can stop my racing mind and feelings.

"Okay, I get it." Her voice gets soft at the mention of the problem, my problem and I shake my head.

"Do you forgive me?" I ask unsure of what to do or say about the whole thing anymore.

I hear Lily let out a breath and then I close my eyes, not being able to shut out of the feeling any more. "I don't
know. Maybe I need space." Lily says and I nod my head, I guess it's fair.

"Okay." I say and then quickly hang up my phone, not wanting fight with her anymore.

I glance back at the wall and shake my head, none of it's working anymore. Maybe if things would just settle
down for a second or two, I would be able to get better. As my thoughts rush through my head I gently bit my bottom
lip and feel the pain surge through my body. "Damn." I whisper, aware of how the feeling just won't go away, and
it's baiting me with every single second that it's there.

I slid off of my bed and walk towards my closet, I haven't seen it for a week, but I know it's still sitting there
from teh last time. I hold it in my hands, it's small, but the coldness of its touch sends shivers down my spin. I
sit back on my bed and let out a sigh. I glance at my door and feeling guilty, but hopeless, I touch it to my
bare thigh. Closing my eyes I feel my head spin and then I pull my hand, moving the razor across my skin. It
rips at my skin and it stings.

My eyes shoot open adn I stare at the small wound. It's not like all the other ones. It's like deep adn angry and
full of saddness. It's just...there. It's nothing. The feeling is gone from my chest, but I still can't breath,
it didn't help anymore then anythign else. I glare at the razor and then toss it across my room, it landing a few
feet from my bed. I stare at it and then back at my leg, where a coupel of drops of blood have formed around
teh cut. I shake my head and then fall back on my bed, feeling hazy and completely confused.