Title: Jagged Edges
Rating: M
Author: Freeing Alys
Summary:It's funny how much a person can change in two years. Liley. Rated for self-hatred, self-mutliation, eating disorders, and lots of other stuff I may not be sure of.
Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Hannah Montana or anything/one affliated with it. That all belongs to Disney.
Author's Note: Yeah this story is coming to a close. I think I might stop at either 18 or 20 full chapters. So stay tuned…thanks so much for all of the reviews! They mean more then you could know.

17. Holiday

Snap.

I watch as the red rubber band hits the inside of my wrist. It's the thousandth time that I had snapped the rubber band and watched as it quickly made contact iwht my skin. I lift the rubber band away from my wrist with my index finger and flinch when I look at the red welts that it left. Small patches of red are sprinkled around my wrist-where the rubber band hit it. "What are you doing?" I glance over at Lily and shrug my shoulders.

I listen as the librarian clears her throat and someone else drops a book onto the floor. We first came into the library one hour ago to get some extra study time in after school. Algebra may actually be killing us this year. "What do you mean?" I ask staring back at Lily.

Her eyes roll down toward my wrist and I follow her gaze. I nod my head when I realize what she means. I never told her that I threw It away, or that Mrs. Avery gave me the rubber band. I dind't want anyone to make too big a deal out of it. It's not like I'm better. I'm just…trying to get there. "Oh. Mrs. Avery gave it to me. To help me." I say and Lily shrugs her shoulders in a confused way.

"Why do you need it?" She asks and then she pulls her chair, so she's sitting closer to me.

I glance around to make sure we're alone before I lean close to her neck and take a whiff of her shampoo and perfume mix, it's such a Lily smell and I love it. Rain forest and lavender. "I threw it away." I whisper as I run my finger tips on Lily's bare skin on her neck.

"Really?" She asks and glances at me, her eyes wide and happy looking.

I nod my head and then quickly kiss her on the jaw line. "Yep. I want to be…how I was." I tell her and she smiles at me, making my stomach sink.

"I'm proud of you." Lily says and I smile at her, glad to hear her say it.

"Thank you." I say back and Lily leans her face close to mine and then kisses me.

"You'll be better then how you were." She promises and then she kisses me again and I kiss her back, running my hands through her hair.

HMHMHMHMHMHMHM

Me and Dad are sitting at the piano in the living room and Dad is gently pounding on random white keys. "What do you want a song about?" He asks and I shrug my shoulders, completely unsure.

I ended up taking Jackson's advice and I asked Dad to help me write for Hannah's new CD. He does know what he's doing after all. I'm completely lost in all of it. "I don't know. Soemthing….real." I say and Dad nods his head and then he starts to construte a melody.

"I know hwat you mean. What's important to you?" He asks and I shrug my shoulders. Getting better has been the only thing on my mind for weeks.

"Gett better I guess." I whisper and Dad nods again.

"That's good. Just dig deep into that thought." He tells me and I try, but nothing happens.

"I can't." I say and he smiles at me.

"Just relax." He stands up and points at the kitchen. "I'm going to start dinner, you just work on it. Think about one thing about it and then just work from there." Dad advises and then he's gone into the kitchen, starting the dinner.

I start to hit the keys as I think about what's happened, good and bad. I close my eyes as I remember the first day that I did it, and the last day. "Feeling wrong, don't belong, I'm lost and confused, you make me suffocate under your stare." I sing out as I press on keys. When I open my eyes I realize that Dad is being quiet, so I spin around to face him.

"Wow Mile. That was great." He says and I smile at him, it was a start to…something.

"Really?" I ask and he nods his head.

"Yeah." He grabs a notepad and pen and runs it over ot me. "Just write." He says and then he's back in the kitchen again, leaving me alone with me thoughts.

I smile to myself and then I press the pen to the paper and I start writing, not stopping for anything.

HMHMHMHMHMHMHMHMHM

"Wow, what's gotten into you?" Lily asks as she pulls away to take a breath.

I feel my cheeks grow red as I shrug my shoulders. "I…don't know." I mumbled and I quickly pull her close to me again and I kiss her hard on the lips, gently nibbling on her bottom lip with my teeth.

"Something good." She says again when I pull away from her this time.

I let out a laugh and shrug my shoulders again. "Everything is going okay. I mean, we're okay, I'm doing okay, me and Dad wrote a song today. It's going good." I tell Lily and she nods.

"I know. It's getting to be okay again." Lily breaths out and then she falls onto my bed and stares at the ceiling. "Thigns get hard." She adds and I nod my head as I lay next to her, my hand falling on her stomach.

"I know. It sucks." Lily turns towards me and smiles.

"But it's better now." She whispers and then she starts to kiss me again and I close my eyes, not thinking about anything else.

Two hours earlier Lily had rang our doorbell and then we were laying on my bed talking and musing and it wasn't long until I was kissing her, for minutes at a time. Lily starts running her hands down my legs and she pushes me down into my bed and sits on top of me. I let out a laugh as she starts kissing my neck. It feels like forever since we were kissing each other and not knowing what we were doing. Now it's like our first nature, nothing has to be affirmed or talked about. It just happens.

Lily groans as she leaves a trial of kisses down my skin until she reaches my shirt. She glances up at me and smiles. "This is nice." She says slightly breathless.

I nod and smile back at her, nothing in the world has felt any better. Being with Lily has been a whole different experience from one that I have ever known and I wouldn't take it back for anything. "I know." I agree and then I lean up and kiss her.

Lily lightly pushes on my shoulders until I fall back on the bed and she sits on my hips, her eyes clouded as they take in my body. "It's fine." I whisper in the dark and she nods her head.

"What about your Dad?" She asks me and I shake my head, knowing he doesn't have to be worried about. "He's watching his favorite television shows. He won't even leave the couch for two hours." I promise and Lily smiles at me and nods her head.

"And that should be enough time." She jokes as she pushes her hands under my shirt and starts kissing my bare stomach.

HMHMHMHMHMHM

"I feel like I'm on holiday." I tell Lily. We're laying on my bed side by side under the blankets.

Lily laughs and glances at me. "Meaning what exactly?" She asks me and I shrug my shoulders. I don't really know.

"Just that feeling you get when it's a holiday. Excited and happy for no good reason." I say and Lily nods her head, as she wraps her arms around my stomach.

"I know. This is nice." She whispers and I start to stroke her hair with my fingertips.

"Nothing has felt better." I agree as Lilly shuts her eyes and her breath starts becoming deeper. "I love you." I say, not feeling more in love then in the moment, when it's just me and her and what we feel for each other. Nothing feels better then that.

"I love you too." She says and I smile in the dark, loving the sound of the words on her lips.