Chapter 4: Baggage

He woke up in the dead of night, soaked in sweat and his breathing coming in sharp, painful gasps. In his mind's eye, he could still see his brother, the red of his eyes matching the red that dripped from the blade of the katana. Sasuke dropped his face into his hands, focusing on his breathing. In. Out. In. Out. The pain came soon after the fear, but with practiced ease he shoved it back, tried instead to call up the anger and hatred he relied so heavily on, only to find that it wasn't enough to chase away his demons this time. He pushed himself off of his bed and headed towards his bathroom, making it to the toilet just in time as he lost the contents of his stomach.

Shaking, he stood and flushed the remains of his dinner with the Hyuugas, and then rinsed out his mouth. He stared at himself in the mirror, noting the pale face with dark circles underneath haunted eyes. His nightmares, which had retreated for a few months, had now returned with a vengeance and it was beginning to show. He knew his friends were becoming concerned, due to the worried looks he was getting from both Sakura and Naruto. Even Hinata was beginning to suspect something.

Hinata…Sasuke closed his eyes and brought her face to his mind. He felt the last vestiges of fear leave him as he focused on her, her eyes, her scent, her taste. He thought back to their training sessions, recalled some of his favourite moments with her – she, blushingly, telling him she wouldn't mind it if he kissed her, her laughter when her birthday present from Kiba jumped up and showered his face with slobbery kisses.

"Shiro likes you, Sasuke," she said, giggling quietly behind her hand, and the only thing that kept Sasuke from killing the mutt had been the way her eyes had shined at him in that moment. Almost like that way they had used to shine at Naruto. He recalled stolen kisses during their sparring, and sympathetic smiles whenever Hanabi laid into him during Friday night dinners.

Sasuke took a deep breath and straightened. He returned to his room and changed the sheets on his bed before crawling back beneath him. He kept his thoughts on Hinata as he tried to fall back asleep. The black night was changing into the early grey of dawn before he finally drifted off.

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Hinata watched Sasuke with concern. They were training in the cool morning of early autumn. She had showed up at the time they usually met, but Sasuke hadn't been there. Hinata waited for a quarter of an hour before he showed up, seemingly unconcerned about his lateness. She had questioned him on it, but he just avoided her gaze and stepped into his training stance. Hinata wordlessly followed suit, but her concern grew in increasing amounts as she watched her fiancée's sluggish and distracted movements. The medic in her took immediate note of the dark circles under his eyes and the almost sallow skin. He wasn't sleeping well, anyone could see that. What she couldn't see was why.

Hinata tried to figure it out, even as they exchanged blows. She had never come so close to actually hitting her fiancée before, something was very wrong with him. When one of her hits landed hard enough to throw him back, coughing up blood, Hinata stopped and hurried over to him.

"Sasuke!" she cried, guilt filling her as she quickly tended his wounds. He brushed her hands away and stood.

"I'm fine, let's keep going," he insisted. Hinata bit her lips, her eyes narrowed.

"No. No more training today," she said firmly. Sasuke blinked at her. Hinata had actually sounded rather…snappish there. He stared at her in surprise. She was annoyed with him. He smirked, then immediately regretted it when her anger left, only to be replaced with tears.

"It isn't funny, Sasuke, something is wrong, and you won't tell me what it is…I hate seeing you like this, I want to help…" she trailed off softly, a blush rising to her cheeks, but she held his gaze, hoping her would see how much it hurt her to see him like this. Apparently, he did, because he sighed and looked away. He moved to sit against a tree, and Hinata quietly sat beside him. They didn't say anything for awhile, watching the sun rising higher in the sky and listening to the various sounds of early morning. Off in the distance, Hinata could hear someone shouting at a child, and wondered briefly if it was Iruka-sensei, loosing his temper with one of his more rambunctious students. She sighed and thought of how much had changed since she was at the academy. Well, almost changed, she though as she glanced at Sasuke. He had always been dark and moody, and he still was. They had been engaged for almost a year now, and she had thought he had softened somewhat, become less sad. But now, the old Sasuke was back, surly, moody, and silent.

"I'm having nightmares," Sasuke suddenly said softly, and Hinata stared at him in surprise. He didn't look at her, just continued speaking, his voice hesitant and quiet, "Nightmares of my brother. I see him slaughtering them all over again, every night…" he stopped, and Hinata felt her eyes fill with tears. She leaned up against him, wrapping her arms around his waist, burying her head in his shoulder. She didn't know what to say, and this seemed to be the only support she could give him. She heard him sigh, and felt his arms coming around her. He buried his head in her neck and breathed in deeply, and they stayed like that for awhile.

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That evening Hinata knocked on her cousin's door. At his quiet 'come in' she entered, slowly closing it shut behind. Neji looked up from the scrolls her was reading to see her leaning against it, her eyes troubled as she looked at him.

"What's wrong, Hinata-sama?" he asked softly, setting down the scroll.

"I want to break off my engagement with Sasuke," she said softly. Neji blinked at her.

"What?" he asked, somewhat bewildered.

"It was unfair of me…of all of us…to put him in the position – of forcing him to choose…" she sighed and closed her eyes, trying to find a way to tell her cousin why she felt it necessary to end her engagement without actually revealing why. Sasuke was an intensely private individual, and she couldn't tell Neji that her fiancée was having nightmares about the slaughter of his family. She wanted to break off the engagement so that Sasuke could search out his brother, could go back to being the avenger. She didn't think he would ever find peace until he completed his goal of revenge.

Neji watched her silently for a few moments, and Hinata held his gaze, willing him to understand. She was relying on Neji's genius at reading people to see what she could not say, and to support her in her decision. She blinked when her cousin sighed and looked away.

"I understand, Hinata-sama, but I must tell you that I think such a decision would be unwise," he said. Hinata, who had begun to relax at the beginning of his statement, stiffened at the end of it.

"Why? It would free him," she said softly.

"It would destroy him," Neji said coldly, staring at a spot on the floor, his eyes distant. He turned back to his cousin after a few moments and saw her looking at him, confusion evident in the crinkle of her brow and the downward turn of her mouth.

"You give him something to live for, Hinata, something other than hatred and revenge. Do not take that lightly. If you leave him, he will have nothing to hold onto, nothing to anchor him. He will become lost – either his brother will kill him, or his own hatred will destroy him," Neji explained softly. Hinata looked pained at this.

"But I'm not helping him," she said, distressed, "he's not sleeping, he's restless, unhappy – he's can find no peace so long as our engagement exists, as he cannot search out his brother and complete his quest for revenge."

"You think completing that quest will make him happy?" Neji asked. Hinata shook her head, lowering her gaze.

"No. But I think he needs to resolve this – he needs the closure before he can move on. I wish he could let go and be happy with me, but it isn't his nature. He betrayed the village, left his closest friends, all for the chance to defeat his brother. Marrying me will not make him happy, not as long as this hangs over his head," she said.

Neji nodded. There was truth in his cousin's words, he knew. He also knew that Hinata should not end the engagement, and he told her as such once more. Hinata protested, but Neji was firm. He believed himself to be right, and Hinata, not one given to being argumentative, decided to listen to her cousin and let the engagement remain.

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It was twilight when Neji finally found the person he was looking for. Sasuke was sitting on top of the roof of his apartment, staring out at the sunset. Neji, however, knew better than to think it was because the Uchiha had developed a sudden appreciation for the beauty of the setting sun. Rather, the Uchiha's gaze was directed towards the west gates of Konoha, his dark eyes pensive. He didn't turn his head away when Neji sat down beside him.

"What do you want?" Sasuke asked, not bothering to look at the Hyuuga while waiting for an answer. He was well acquainted with Neji by now, enough to know that the Hyuuga prodigy would give nothing away in his expression.

"To speak with you. Hinata came to me today, she wanted to end your engagement," Neji said calmly without preamble. Sasuke glanced at him briefly before turning to stare out west again. There was silence for a few moments until Sasuke sighed and looked down.

"She might be right," he muttered.

"She isn't," Neji said matter-of-factly. Sasuke glared at him.

"What makes you so sure?"

"The only reason she wanted to break off the engagement was so that you could go back to hunting your brother. It had nothing to do with her feelings for you, or what she wanted. She loves you, and as is typical of Hinata when dealing with the people she loves, she put your desires before her own. In this case, however, it would be a bad decision," Neji said calmly, turning his own white gaze towards the gates.

"Why? It would leave her free to be with someone she really wants, and I can go back to avenging my clan," Sasuke said. Neji glanced briefly at Sasuke before settling his gaze back on the sunset.

"Have you not been listening, Uchiha? Have you not notice the change in my cousin these last few months? She wants to be with you, even if she has not said as much. And you want to be with her. A separation between the two of you would bring unnecessary pain. You might as well just stay together, get married, and start reviving your clan. As to your brother…" he trailed off and Sasuke glared at him.

"What of him?" he asked in a low voice. Neji looked at him, noting the clenched jaw and fisted hands.

"The chances of you living your life without ever coming across your brother are non-existent. Your paths will cross again, of that you can be sure. I suggest you stop actively searching for him, and let him come to you. In the meantime, train yourself constantly in preparation for when you finally do come up against him. Marry my cousin, Uchiha, and start a family – this way you can be sure that, should the battle between you and your brother go wrong, your line will continue," Neji stood up as he finished, and without giving Sasuke any chance to reply, turned and left the same way he had come.

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The next morning Hinata was pleasantly surprised and a little confused when Sasuke, rather than dropping into his typical fighting stance, came up to her and placed his arms around her instead. Such open displays of affection were rare from him, and she quickly settled into his arms, relishing in the feel of it.

"Thank you," he whispered softly in her hair. He didn't say anything else, but he didn't need to. Somehow, Hinata knew what he was trying to say, even if she couldn't articulate it herself. She rested her cheek against his chest, and they stayed like that for a long while.

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Author's Notes: I apologize for the lateness of the update. I'm afraid the updates will be less frequent now, but they will not cease all together, so don't worry.

I'm sorry if the ending makes no sense to people. It was one of those moments where there was a lot Sasuke was trying to say (he loves her, wants to be with her, is grateful that she's accepted him, wants to be with him, is there for him whenever his demons get to be too much, blah blah blah) but could only come up with 'Thank you' and Hinata knows him well enough by now to understand what he was trying to say. I couldn't think of how else to write it, hence the note.

Thanks for reading, and for all the reviews!