A/N: Well… somebody got it… kudos to Lt. Commander Richie.

Yes, the cameo in the last chapter was Colonel Roy Mustang from Fullmetal Alchemist, and yes, it was extremely obvious. But I just couldn't resist.

Note: I know that Advent Children has been out for, like, two years now, but some people still haven't seen it. So, here's a spoiler warning, if you haven't seen the movie: Slight Spoilers ahead.

Further note: This chapter is kind of short. Sorry.

­­­­­­Chapter Four: Reno the Turk is such a Jerk. (Hey, that rhymes!!)

Tifa eyed her newest customer with obvious displeasure. Sure, Reno and Rude had helped them out a few months ago with the whole Sephiroth-and-a-few-of-his-clones-coming-back-and-wreaking-vengance-on-Cloud-and-the-rest-of-creation-in-general thing, but that still didn't erase the fact that the Turks had also been trying to kill them not that long ago.

And combined with the fact that Reno was just plain annoying, the answer was simple: Tifa didn't really want him around. Besides, he was bad for business.

"What's wrong?" Reno asked as Tifa let him in. "Aren't you happy to see me? I'm hurt." He made puppy dog eyes at her, and then ducked to avoid what would have been a stinging slap across the face. "Ok, ok, I get the picture."

Yuffie came bounding down the steps, saying, "Right, so I called Cid and he told me to buzz off. I wonder why people always do that when I call them?" She noticed Reno, and gave him a quizzical look. "What're you doing here?" She asked. It was clear that she had absolutely no idea of who Reno was. "You look kind of familiar…"

With a shrug, Reno slid into a chair at a vacant table. "Business is booming, I see." He remarked snidely, tapping his fingers on the table. He'd come unarmed, which was a good sign. A confusing sign, but a good one.

"Reno, if you've got nothing to say and nothing to buy-" Tifa began threateningly, but the Turk held up his hands.

"Just relax, Tif. I just need some advice." Tifa clenched her fists, imagining with extreme pleasure that they were closed around Reno's throat. She hated that nickname. Anyone with the slightest amount of brains would never even have dreamed of stepping that far over the line, but brains were never something that Reno had had any claim to.

Forcing herself to stay calm, and managing to keep herself from leaping across the table and throttling Reno, Tifa took a deep breath. "What kind of advice?" She asked cautiously, not too sure that she wanted to hear the answer. After all, Reno was Reno. For all Tifa knew, he could be planning to ask her advice about anything from his love life to the best way to make chocobo noodle soup.

"My girlfriend dumped me." Reno said morosely, picking at an imagined spot on the table. "This morning."

Well, Tifa thought wryly, Guess he's not here for the soup. "What do you expect me to do about it?" She asked aloud.

"You could go out with him," Yuffie suggested. But before either Reno or Tifa could offer up their various opinions on the subject, the ninja slapped her forehead, and laughed. "Silly me," she giggled. "I forgot. Tifa's going out with Cloud tonight." For the second time that day, Tifa felt like

Reno's jaw dropped. "Seriously?" He gasped, the corner of his mouth beginning to twitch with suppressed laughter. "She's actually going out with the walking talking self-pity case?" He paused. "Well, maybe not a walking talking self-pity case, but still. Strife? Seriously?"

When Tifa nodded, Reno was unable to contain himself any longer. He began laughing so hard that tears ran down his cheeks. "That's just great." he wheezed, slapping the table. "Oh man, wait 'till I tell Rude…"

"You'll do no such thing." Tifa barked, slamming her hands down on the table, causing Reno to jump. "It's bad enough that Yuffie already told Vincent-"

Reno burst out laughing a second time. "Yet another walking, not talking self-pity case." He managed to say between bursts of laughter. "Don't tell me you're going out with him too."

This time, Tifa really did slap him. Hard. The Turk gingerly touched the welt forming on his cheek, and glared at his antagonist. "Hey, I was just joking around." he all but whined. "There's no need to go all psycho on me."

Yuffie giggled. "Yeah, 'Tif. You tell him." Fortunately for Yuffie, Tifa could only deal with one annoyance at a time, and she chose Reno. He was closer, and he couldn't move as fast as the ninja could.

"I have every right to 'Go all psycho on you'." Tifa retorted. "And as for your girlfriend problems, take them somewhere else. Because frankly, I don't care." Reno looked shocked. Then hurt. Then shocked again.

"Or, you could just ask Elena out," Yuffie suggested innocently. Reno paled, the look in his eyes saying plainer than words that he'd rather fight off an entire boatload of Tonberrys rather than take the terrible risk of asking Elena to go on a date with him.

Tifa smirked; finally, something they'd said had finally made it through all of that red hair and the thick skull to Reno's brain. "Yeah, I'm sure she'd love it if you asked her." She said with a wicked smile. "Why don't I call her right now?"

She began walking in the general direction of the office phone, realizing with slight regret that having a cellphone would have made this moment all the more dramatic. But it wasn't needed. Reno jumped hastily from his chair, knocking it over in the process.

"Thanks, but no thanks, Tif. I've gotta run. The Boss needs me to…uh… run some…errands…for him…" He tried to pick the chair up, knocked it over again, swore at it, and finally just gave up and dashed for the door. He slammed it shut with such force that his trailing ponytail was nearly trapped in it, and raced off down the street.

Yuffie yawned. "That was fun." She said brightly.

"You're right," Tifa realized. "It was. A great way to relieve stress, too." She stretched, and sighed. "So, what did Cid have to say?" During the argument with Reno, she'd completely forgotten what Yuffie had said.

The ninja shrugged. "Oh, well, he didn't want to come by at first, but then I told him that you and Cloud were going on a date, and he asked whether or not there'd be free drinks to celebrate 'Strife finally getting a girl', and I didn't know so I just said 'yeah.' He said he was on his way over." She took a deep breath, and continued.

"I didn't know if you were actually giving out free drinks, but it seemed like a good idea. I wonder whether Reno is actually going to ask Elena to be his girlfriend. Should I call Vincent again? I've never been on a date before, you know."

Her head spinning, Tifa managed to count four topic changes in that one long rant. Then, something registered.

"You told Cid?" She croaked, steadying herself by grabbing onto one of the stools. "And you said we were giving out free beer?"

Yuffie nodded brightly. "Was that the right thing to do?" She wondered naively.

"We're going on a date, Yuffie." Tifa said slowly. "We're not getting married. That means no free beer, no cake, and no party." The ninja's face fell, but brightened again immediately.

"So when are you getting married?" She asked, hands on her hips. "Cause if you don't invite me, I'm gonna have to gate-crash."

Throwing her hands in the air, Tifa gave up entirely.

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