A/N: Yes, oh people of It is I, the great Samwise, delivering you from the horrors of…um…horrible things with my shiny pen of…yeah. Coolness. (Even though it's not a pen, only Microsoft Word. But still.) I have returned! I have challenged the evil that is high school and have emerged triumphant! Fear my wrath, oh ye denizens of the PSAT! Tremble in fear, oh ye minions of the bluebook exam! THIS…IS… STUPIDITY! GRAAAAHHHH!!!

In reality, my computer was being stupid and refusing to acknowledge the existence of the Internet. Also, I was watching 300. And Transformers. Which are both kickass movies.

Ok, I'm done talking.

Chapter 10: Grand Theft Auto, the Inner Yuffie, Cigarettes, and Reno.
What words could be used to describe the interior of the Seventh Heaven?

Well, the first would be messy, since Yuffie Kisaragi plus clean room multiplied by time equaled mess. The second would be chaotic (no pun intended), since Yuffie and Vincent plus an incredibly important errand that both of them forgot about generally equaled mayhem in the fifth degree. The third adjective that could be employed would be empty, since both of them had charged out the door at top speed immediately after realizing that they'd forgotten to go pick up Marlene from her friend's house.

Simply because she could, Yuffie had taken the keys from the coffee can on the shelf, and had hijacked Cloud's other motorcycle. It had been a group gift from the other member's of AVALANCHE for Strife's last birthday, but he'd never ridden it other than the obligatory test run around the block after it had been presented to him. It appeared that he was too stuck up to use it, but Vincent thought that he knew better. One, Strife just liked Fenrir too much, and second, the other motorcycle had faulty brakes.

"You should have let me drive!!" Yuffie howled as they rounded another corner at breakneck speed, nearly throwing both passengers off to the side. Yuffie was forced to grab him around the middle to keep her seat, and she nearly squeezed him in half. "You're going too fast! Lemme off!!"

She almost got her wish as they swerved to avoid clueless pedestrian, skidded through a puddle of water, ran a red light, slaughtered three trashcans, decimated a poor bush that was just minding it's own business, and mangled a stop sign. All of this was set to the soundtrack of Yuffie's ear-splitting scream of terror. Vincent didn't think she'd taken a breath once the entire time, but he could be mistaken: He'd lost the hearing in both his ears by the time they encountered the trashcans.

"Damnit, Vinny- I didn't think you'd take me seriously!" She shrieked as they approached the house at a speed that would put the Highwind to shame.

And then, both of them realized the problem: How were they going to stop? It really hadn't occurred to the two of them that they'd need to do more than just avoid hitting people and things as they ran every red light in Midgar, which was an extremely foolish move on both their parts.

"How are we gonna stop?"

Vincent answered the question by simply letting go of the gas. The bike skidded to a stop, and Yuffie let out one last scream for good measure, effectively destroying any hearing her companion still had left.

She climbed shakily off the bike. "I'm never letting you drive ever again as long as I live!" the ninja moaned, clutching her stomach. "Sweet Leviathan, I think I'm gonna be sick. Did you have to try and break the landspeed record? Maybe you just wanted me to hug you, or something. If that was the case, you coulda just asked, you know. You didn't need to try and kill us. If you'd asked, I'd have-" Noticing that Vincent was staring at her, she stopped. "What? IS that what you were trying to do? If it was, I'll whack you from here to next Tuesday! And don't you think that I couldn't! I am an amazing hot ninja babe, and I could totally kick your a-" Vincent waited patiently for it to register.

Someone tugged at her arm, and Yuffie looked down mid-rant. "Not now, Marlene, I'm ranting. So anyway, I could totally kick your ass and feed you to my choc- Oh my god! Marlene! I'm so sorry we forgot to get you! It was all Vincent's fault for trying to kill me!" she gave the girl a quick hug, and giggled nervously. "And you wont tell Tifa or Cloud anything about this when they get back from their date, ok? And you especially won't tell them that we stole chocobo head's bike, right?"

Marlene gave her a puzzled look, and then turned to Vincent. "Mr. Vincent," She asked, "Has Aunt Yuffie been drinking again?"

It was probably just an optical illusion, a trick her eyes were playing on her in the bad light from the dim streetlamps, but Yuffie could have sworn she saw him smile.

Three hours, two glasses of wine, and one plate of spaghetti later, Tifa was having more fun than she'd had in years. She'd succeeded in getting Cloud to smile-several times- and made a mental note to cross that one off the list. They'd talked about absolutely nothing for the entire time, and had had a blast doing it. And after she'd gotten over the initial awkwardness of being on a date with Cloud, it had turned out to be a memorable night.

And the flowers. He'd brought her flowers. No, he'd brought her roses. It was an extremely un-Cloudlike thing to do, and it was an extremely un-Tifalike thing for her to get a kick out of them, but the fact remained that it was so damn cute she really couldn't do anything else. As soon as she got home, she'd find a vase for them and put them up in her room, next to the bed. Or maybe on the counter in the bar, so she could look at them while she was working. Or maybe both- she could mover them around.

A voice that could only be described as her Inner Yuffie spoke up, shaking some sense into her. You are on a date with the hottest guy in Edge. It was saying. Stop thinking about the flowers and start thinking about something else… like his big…blue…eyes. I think that might be the reason he's so successful and famous. Yes, definitely. Tifa called this little voice her Inner Yuffie, because it told her the things that the Outer Yuffie would tell her, and did so with uncanny precision. Earlier that day, her Inner and Outer Yuffies had both told her to call Cloud, and she had complied. Look where she'd wound up. In fact, cute guys surround you! The voice went on. How come you never ask any of them on dates, huh?

But the best part about the Inner Yuffie was that, unlike the Outer one, it could be shut up fairly easily.

Making a mental note to thank one or both of them, Tifa took another sip of the wine that Perverted Waiter Guy had brought over, and allowed herself the luxury of a small laugh. He wouldn't be repeating his mistake with her any time soon, that was for sure. On the pretense of using the restroom, she'd gotten up form the table right before the food arrived, and had let the waiter know exactly what she thought about him. He hadn't liked one bit, and had been polite as a pea ever since.

Everything was going just fine. Tifa hoped that it would stay that way.

Meanwhile, Cid stood in front of a newspaper stand, pretending to look at the magazines, but actually eyeing the cigarettes. Realizing what he was doing, the pilot turned around and refused to even look at the things. He'd made a bet with Tifa, and he intended to keep it.

Then, a mischievous look spread over his face, and he reached for his wallet. What Tifa didn't know wouldn't hurt her. She was at the restaurant with Strife, and would have no way of knowing whether or not he'd had a few cigarettes while she was away. Whistling, he paid the guy behind the counter and scooped up the two packs he'd bought.

After a furtive glance around reassured him that there was no one around, Cid opened up the box, tapped the bottom against his palm a few times, and pulled out a cigarette. So far, so good. He fumbled around in his pockets, and pulled out a lighter, which he flipped open casually and used to light the cigarette.

Ah, that was more like it. Cid wondered why he'd ever made this stupid bet in the first place. It was going to drive him crazy if he had to think about it much longer, much less go through with it. He didn't even know what he'd get if he won the bet. He frowned, and made a mental note to ask Tifa about that when she got back.

But as Cid was puffing away on his cancer stick, he heard a familiar sound: The roar of a motorcycle engine. He looked around in a panic, trying to determine the direction of the noise. They were coming back early, and if Tifa saw him, he'd never hear the end of it.

The glare of the headlights became visible just down the street as a motorcycle with two passengers turned the corner sharply and raced down the street. Thinking fast, Cid threw the cigarette to the ground and stepped on it. Then, he leaned against the wall of the building and tried to look inconspicuous.

He didn't pull it off.

Reno was terrified. Actually, he was close to pissing himself in fear.

He'd fought Sephiroth clones. Cloud Strife, Barret Wallace, and Tifa Lockhart, all at the same time. The odd summon here and there. But the only thing that really scared him was her: Elena.

Sure, she was adorable, with those beautiful big brown eyes and short blonde hair…and she looked drop-dead sexy in a suit. But she could also kick ass. That was a big problem, since she was better at it than Reno was, even though he'd never actually admit it to anyone but himself.

Aside from the fact that she could shoot better than anyone else he knew, and did so on a regular basis, she was also Tseng's girlfriend, and therefore totally off-limits. Or, she had been. Reno wasn't quite sure whether or not they were sill together, but that had never been a major roadblock for him in the past. And who knew when Tseng was involved. Reno had also heard that his fellow Turk had once had a thing for Aeris Gainsborough.

He had to smirk at the thought. After all- was there anyone who hadn't had a thing for Aeris Gainsborough at one time or another? Sure, she was some weird Ancient thing, but she was hot. Reno had liked her at one point too… until she'd gone psycho on him for stepping on her precious flowers that one time.

Reno winced just thinking about it. For such a quiet and peaceful looking person, the Cetra had packed one hell of a punch.

He walked up to the door of her office with a confident smile on his face. He knew that if he showed any sign of weakness, he'd be devoured alive. Or shot, more likely. He swallowed nervously, wiped his sweating hands on his wrinkled jacket, and knocked.

You can do this, Reno, man. He told himself, trying to build up some false self-confidence. Most of his self-confidence was false anyway, but now he was going to need even more of it than usual. After all, what's the worst that could happen? He thought it over for a few moments. Well, she could shoot you, karate chop your sorry ass into next week, shoot you again with an even bigger gun, or maybe she could just say no.

He reflected that saying no would probably be the least horrible thing that Elena could do to him.

Gasp!

Thats... three cliffhangers, people. Count 'em!

They're not very good cliffhangers, but they're still cliffhangers.

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