The Dark Truth

When Shego woke up, she saw a light.

"Please tell me I didn't break my neck and this is St. Peter telling me I won a 'dumbest death ever' T-shirt."

"No dear, you just knocked yourself out." Kim's mother looked down at her and frowned. "This isn't a very good time."

"Oh really. Having some problems with the Princess."

"Yes, well, how did you know-"

"She's been at the lair. Crying. Nonstop."

"Oh dear."

"Yeah, Oh dear and Oh my ears." Shego glared up, "What is your Hubbie's Malfunction? He certainly doesn't have a problem using his male attributes on you—unless there's something I don't know."

"No, the family is all James… but…but…." Ann flung her hand to her head theatrically. "It is all my fault! If I just, just…" She put her face in her hands and started to cry. Shego blinked, then tapped her on her forehead.

"If you start Screaming like the Princess, I will knock you out and enjoy it, and how is this your fault?" Ann looked at Shego from between her fingers.

"It's a long story…" She said.

"Fine. Spill."

"Well, you see…." She paused, "James took me on a date and he didn't warn me that it was…it was…. I can barely talk about it even now…."

"What. Was. It."

"A Captain Constellation Convention."

"So?"

"He had entered us into the costume contest."

"And?"

"I was the chained Zyblexian Slave Princess." Shego blinked. Okay, kinky, but on the other hand, if the Princess was too naïve to realize it, Shego had done survelliance on them when they went off to their "retreats".

She brought that up. "At your last 'square dancing' retreat you and your husband spent quality time with 16 other people…and I'm not even going to bring up the hogtieing contest."

"Yes well that was an early date… and he went off to watch a marathon leaving me in the dealers room…alone. Unchaperoned."

"Oh. That would be ugly." Shego said, She'd been to science fiction collections, on her never ending quest to finish up her Dr. Who collection.

"Yes, and I decided to pay him back."

"Um, how."

"Oh, I had a friend in the theater department so we tied him up and put him in front of a TV and…" Then Ann started sniffling, "If I had only known…."

"Known what!" Shego said, exasperated.

"The effects of making James watch 32 hours of 1950's social disease and anti-communism specials."

"You made him…." Shego blinked. "And you have the gall to call us evil! What happened?"

"Err… well, it colored his outlook…" Ann said and closed her eyes.

"Where's James?" Cindi asked.

"I'm not certain… he's been a bit off ever since-"

"Oh, I'm certain he's fin-" There was a sudden BLAM! From around the corner as a balloon seller ran screaming, his popped balloons following him. Behind him came James holding what looked like a plasma gun, his eyes blazing wildly with the fires of true belief.

"BALLOONS ARE ONE OF THE SEVEN WARNING SIGNS OF COMMUNISM AND SEXUAL DEVIANCY!" He screamed, taking aim at one lone survivor….

Ann shook her head. "He got better…mostly…. After the court order that he would have to seek psychological help when he put a rat in a suit of powered armor to protect him from the socialist sociology department….and prepare the college for the Red Invasion."

Shego blinked. Then blinked again. "I'm beginning to understand why Kimmie takes things like giant robots in stride…"

"Yes, it is nice how she handles things like that."

"…and is so completely twisted in every other way…"

Ann Frowned. "But I didn't expect him to deal with Ron and Kimmie like this…"

"Well, I have a plan." Shego paused, "In exchange for a few favors…"

"What favors."

"Do you want your daughter to have a love life?"

"Okay, favors undefined—but no world conquest, cloning, genetic mutation, or…" She shuddered, "Costumes." Ann stopped and amended it, "At least no non-bedroom costumes and that's none of your business."

"Deal."

TBC