Title: I Shouldn't Have Stopped
Author: Mel
Spoilers: For episode 3.11 Child's Play
Timeline: Set during Child's Play
Summary: One shot. What I imagine should or could have happened during the episode
Rating: K+
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Just filling in the blanks. Dialogue from the show obviously belongs to the writers, creators, and whoever else owns it.
Danny stood pacing outside of the morgue, as he and Mac waited for Sid to begin the autopsy of Ruben Sandoval. He was exhausted; running the scenario over and over again in his head did little to calm him. He looked through the window into the morgue, turning away abruptly as the sight before him became too much.
"I saw him. I saw him, he was fine, I saw him, he rode the bike right away from me." He said upset. "I shouldn't of stopped, I shouldn't of stopped, why did I stop? I should have made sure the kid got home safe." He said in frustration.
Mac turned to face him. "Ruben was a block and a half away from your apartment building. There was a man down bleeding. Justin Scott needed your help, you acted on instinct Danny." He said in a forcefully reassuring manner. It seemed as if he had repeated this speech a number of times already, but there was no getting through to the CSI.
"I wish I hadn't, I wish I hadn't." Sid's movement caught his eye, and he turned to see him begin the autopsy. Danny turned to Mac, and spoke with unjust. "He just got his bicycle blessed this morning."
Lindsay walked through the doors behind Mac just in time to see Danny's retreating frame.
"Danny…" she called out to him, but with a hand raised, he left the room. She turned her attentions to Mac. "I just heard."
"This is a tough one." He sighed, Lindsay followed suit.
"I'm not very good at this kind of thing, what should I say to him?"
"Just tell him your not very good at this kind of thing." She gave him a small reassuring smile, and a pat on the arm, and left in search of Danny.
Danny stood in the darkness, his head resting upon his locker. The room was quiet, but every time he closed his eyes he heard it. The gunshot. He screwed his eyes shut tight trying to block out the sounds, the image of Ruben as he rode away, then seeing him on the table. The sounds and images bombarded him all at once as if someone were fast-forwarding a tape, unable to control it any longer he cried as he repeatedly slammed his hand against his locker. He stopped, breathing heavily as he wiped his eyes and sniffed back the tears. He took a seat on the bench as he calmed himself. A few moments later he heard the door open, and she stood there waiting patiently. He sighed, and turned to face her.
"I'm fine." He said looking back down at the floor.
Lindsay waited a moment before she made her way into the room, as if gauging his reaction.
"Honestly, I'm okay."
"I know you better than that Danny." She said as she slowly sank onto the bench beside him. "I also know that sometimes you bottle things up. You put on a front, so you don't worry the people around you. Kinda like what you're doing now."
"Yeah well, I guess that's just the way that I am."
"What I'm trying to say is, you don't have to do that around me." His gaze was still on the floor and she sighed.
"I'm not very good at this kind of thing." She reached a hand slowly towards his shoulder, and was about to place it there, when the door opened and he pulled away. She frowned slightly hurt, as he stood up and grabbed his jacket from his locker, and pushed his way past Sheldon.
Sheldon looked from Danny to a defeated Lindsay. "Did I interrupt something?" she smiled sadly, as her gaze found the floor.
Danny walked the stairs of his apartment building; each step seemed to drain more energy from him, what little he had left. He had been dreading this moment, and had put it off as long as he possibly could, but the woman had a right to know. Telling her would be one of the hardest things he had ever had to do. He stopped when he reached her door, the tears were already pricking at his eyes, as he remembered how happy Ruben had been that morning. He had been up at 5.30am, and when he had knocked on his door that morning, a part of Danny felt a little annoyed by his early visitor. He reprimanded himself at feeling such an emotion towards the young boy, especially now. He was ten years old, and looked to Danny as a sort of father figure, and he had let him down. He sighed, leaned forward and knocked on the door.
Rikki opened the door, a mixture of surprise and relief washed over her face. "It's about time you guys got back. I was starting to get a little worried Messer. How long was the line?" she smiled, then noticing the absence of her son. "Where's Ruben?"
Danny paused. "Rikki…"
"Where's Ruben Danny?" she asked this time with a little more worry.
He shifted from one foot to the other, as he tried to get the words out. "Rikki, we er, I'm sorry we er, we, we were on our way back, we were on our way back, and then er, he er, there was a robbery, at a bodega." He said as the tears began to prick at his eyes once more.
"No no no, just tell me where he is. You tell me where I can find him, just, just say that he's okay. Oh just tell me that he's okay. Tell me he's okay." She cried.
Danny shook his head as the tears came. "I can't tell you that he's okay. I can't tell you that he's okay." He repeated.
Rikki sank to floor, putting her hands up to keep him at bay. "No no no no." she cried, as Danny slid down the wall and joined her on the floor.
He had sat crying with her, for what seemed like hours, and once there were no more tears, they sat in silence. Then suddenly, she picked herself up and disappeared into her apartment, closing the door softly. Danny waited for a moment but she didn't return, and as he stood from the floor, the thought of being alone in his empty apartment with nothing but his thoughts, was enough to steer him back out onto the streets. He wandered for a while, trying to bury himself in the crowd, yet surrounded by people he felt more alone. He had no direction in mind, but somehow found himself outside of the church. He debated a long while before he actually entered, he blamed himself for what had happened with Ruben. As he walked along the aisle he saw Rikki sat alone, and he slowly took a seat behind her. He waited a moment before attempting to lay a reassuring hand on her shoulder, but like he had done to Lindsay earlier, she pulled away.
Lindsay was worried about Danny. She hadn't heard from him all day, and every call she made greeted her with his answering service. She had gone home tired that night, unable to do anything for him, and she had left countless messages to call when he needed her. She lay in bed trying to sleep, but Danny's sadness had affected her more than she had known. There was a soft knock at the door, and for a moment she wondered if she had imagined it. She climbed out of bed, and once at the door looked through the peephole. Danny stood, his shoulders slumped and his head hung low. She unlocked the door, and opened it as he slowly looked up at her. He began nodding his head, as the tears began to fall.
"Why didn't I save him Linds? Why couldn't I save him?" he cried, as she pulled him into her arms. They stood in the doorway crying, each holding onto the other as if their lives depended on it. Lindsay pulled away, placing her hands on his face, wiping his tears with her thumbs. She closed the door behind them, and led him into the bedroom, where she removed his jacket, glasses and shoes. Pulling back the covers she climbed in, leaving room for him next to her. Once in the bed he wrapped his arms tightly around her, as she covered them over. Wrapping her arms around him, she kissed his forehead, as his tears began to fall once more.
"I shouldn't have stopped." He cried. "I shouldn't have stopped."
She looked him in the eye as she spoke. "Danny, Danny look at me." He slowly opened his eyes, staring straight back at her.
"This was not your fault. This was not your fault." She repeated. "I know it doesn't feel like it now, but things will get better, and it will hurt less. And I'm going to be right here, with you."
"I can't go back there, I can't go back."
"So you stay here with me." She said as she held him tight. "We'll get through this. You'll be okay Danny." She promised, softly stroking his hair as he slowly drifted off to sleep. "You'll be okay."
End