"Flesh is a trap, and magic sets us free."
Dorothea stared at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. She no longer looked like the beautiful woman she had slowly turned into through the years. Before she was just a helpless terrified twelve year old girl, curled up and crying. Then time past and the awful memory of what happened became distant. She was beyond grateful for the life she was given, and how she had been loved from the very beginning. She remembered growing taller, her hair becoming darker, her body becoming developed and smooth. The way she learned about taking interest in herself and was always given the best of the best. Clothes bought in Europe, and the latest makeup lines and jewelry on her. She loved walking through a crowd in a tight cocktail dress. People turning, looking at her, knowing how beautiful she really was and the whispers she would hear of how lucky she was. She was Philip Swann's beautiful and young wife. And though the years that's what she was. Standing by his side, smiling for the crowds and always looking untouched, an angel…perfect.
Now the last few weeks she felt as through she was frozen in Hell. It all began when Philip showed her the newspaper reporting Quaid's death. From that point onward her seemly perfect life in her mansion in Los Angeles was shattered. Her distant relationship with her husband was no longer her biggest problem. Over the years through success and time, Philip had changed. He was no longer the beautiful nineteen year old boy who had saved her. Even though he performed all over the world and seemed like the most amazing man in the world on stage…he was scared. All those times looking over his shoulder, keeping to himself, unable to show her the love she needed. They grew apart even though she knew they still loved each other. Philip had been the person who saved her, who gave her everything she ever wanted, who worked so hard and risked it all just to make her happy. She knew he was a good man underneath it all. It just seemed impossible to reach him now so many years later. Then the deaths happened, she remembered that faithful night watching the swords fall on him. She remembered the stunned and confused feelings that rushed through her. She told D'Amour over and over again she didn't marry Philip for love.
But that wasn't true.
She couldn't help herself. Even though she couldn't place the feelings that were going through her, she knew deep down inside he really wasn't dead. Her mind kept grieving, trying it's hardest to understand what was happening. But heart stayed the same. She was to scared to deal with anything. She knew he was alive, somewhere…watching out. Danger was all around her and her life began to shatter and fall apart. It wasn't until she knew for sure that he was alive. The guilt and awful aching feeling inside her when she found out Philip knew about D'Amour and her. She wanted to find him, throw her arms around his thin body and beg for forgiveness. Tell him she didn't love D'Amour like she loved him. That she was sorry and that she was just so scared of being alone. That she would leave all of this behind to hide with him. To be together in the darkness as long as they loved each other.
Then she saw him, standing there talking with Nix. She remembered how terrified she felt rushing through the ruins of the desert house. Looking in at the monster they had killed when she was a child. There she saw the devil, speaking with her one true love. Then his eyes drifted over to her. So exhausted and tired looking. For a brief second she saw the same flicker she used to see in his eyes when he was younger. How his sparking blue ones would lock with her wide brown ones and how they knew without even speaking, how they felt. Here she understood that he had really loved her all this time. That everything he had done was to protect her. Now she had forgotten about him. Slept with another man, and seemed so ungrateful. She knew what she had done and it broke her heart to see him like this. Even though they had been apart for nearly a week…it seemed like a lifetime.
"Wait, you still feel something for that bitch."
Dorothea stood in the doorway in the room where it had all started. There Philip's sad looking eyes locked with hers and he slowly nodded.
"Yes…"
"YOU WILL NEVER LEARN!"
Nix screamed as he forced Philip up against the wall. Dorothea cried out as he watched Nix use his power, crushing his bones, squeezing his weak heart, and finally making his head bleed. Dorothea stood helpless, crying as she watched him scream out in pain and finally drop. Seconds later Nix laughed as Dorothea ran down the hallway looking for D'Amour.
"She's just flesh, Swannnie-boy. I'll show you!
Dorothea remembered when it was all over, only minutes later. D'Amour stood by the hole that lead deep down into the darkness of Hell. She meanwhile crawled over to her dying husband and held him in her arms. There he cried out in pain and began to shake. Dorothea remembered when he had saved her as a child how badly she had cried, and how his arm went out her and tried his hardest to sooth her. There he looked up at her, the flicker in his eyes dying. Dorothea had so many things to tell him before he shut his eyes and was still.
It was over now. Nix was dead and so wasn't his people. His never ending nightmare had finally been stopped. But along the way Dorothea discovered how much she had truly loved Philip. Now he was gone, torn away from flesh and set free. Now she had to live, move on and try her hardest to forget. But it wasn't that easy. Now knowing that she would never see him again, the grief and pain seemed to great.
Looking at her reflection, she saw she looked sixty-five instead of twenty-five. Dark circles were under each eye. Bloodshot and raw from crying, she lowered them for a second and knew how bad she looked. At first she tried thinking that Philip could finally be at peace. It was over, and she was alive. But it wasn't enough…it never would be. Her husband who she now knew that loved her so much was gone. Feeling her heart ache, she bent her head and began to softly weep. She no longer cared about her life. All she wanted to do was curl up in her bed, still smelling the faint scent of his cologne. She would sleep through the entire day. Taking pills that numbed her. She would cry thinking about him and not even want to look at D'Amour. She knew he would leave her soon, go back to New York and forget about this entire thing. She didn't mean to push him away, but she felt so guilty. What they had done was a sin. She loved Philip and she did something so awful to him while he risked everything. She didn't look at D'Amour in that way. All she wanted was to have Philip back. To open her eyes and see him. To hold onto him and make him promise never to let her go.
"Dorothea?"
Dorothea snapped out of her thoughts before quickly wiping her eyes.
Turning towards the door, she opened it and saw D'Amour standing there. He had been staying with her every since it happened. His guestroom was right across from hers. He made sure she was okay, even though all she did was sleep. He somehow understood what she had been going through and was very understanding. He knew there wasn't a chance between them. Whatever had happened, it was over. Now all he wanted was to make sure she was okay. But the past two weeks had moved slowly. He didn't know if leaving for New York was the greatest idea right now. Dorothea felt guilty about doing this to him, but somehow knew the second if he left she would be alone and want to be with Philip. She would take to many pills and just fall asleep and never wake up. Remembering how his face looked as he died in her arms killed her every time. Knowing how much pain he was in and how she couldn't do a thing about it.
Looking up at him, D'Amour kept his face serious as he held up in arms and held her. She cried against his shoulder saying how sorry she was. She couldn't help it. It seemed to hit her over and over, even when she was asleep. The pain never went away. She didn't know how she was doing to deal with this. All she wanted was Philip back and hated herself for what happened. D'Amour lead her back to her bed and made sure she was comfortable before sitting by her side. Dorothea tried to control her tears before sighing, looking around this big empty room.
"I'm so sorry…I just can't help it."
"Shhh…it's okay, I understand.'
"I don't mean to act so helpless, that's the one thing I'm really not…at least not since I was a child, I just can't help but think about it, how I acted the first time, and now…"
"I think the first time you were confused and scared, you didn't know who to turn towards since Philip and you had been together for so long…I think deep down inside you knew he wasn't really gone."
Dorothea wiped her eyes again before shaking her head.
"I never knew it would hurt like this, I know I should be grateful that it's over, but it keeps hitting me that he's really gone, that all of this was to protect me and he's gone…oh I wish I could have him back, even if it was just for a second…I wouldn't let anything happen."
D'Amour took her hand and slowly began to rub it.
"I know, that's what makes you such a good person…but you can't do this to yourself, Philip didn't want you to be like this, the reason why he protected you was to let you live and forget about everything."
"I wish it was that easy…"
Dorothea then looked up at D'Amour.
"I want to thank you for everything…you stood by be though it all, thank you."
"I did that I was supposed to do, and I found out that there really is such a thing as magic, I think that's going to change me, and fight away my bad dreams for now on."
Dorothea faintly smiled.
"I'm sorry…"
"Shhh…"
D'Amour then smiled down at her.
"What we had was amazing, but I understand…I'll always love you Dorothea, but as a friend."
"You know, you can stay as long as you like…but if you want to go back to New York I'll understand, I don't want you to feel that you need to make care of me."
"I won't…in fact I've been thinking about it, unsure right now."
Dorothea then sighed before looking at him.
"I don't know if I should really tell you this…"
"What?"
Dorothea tried to search for the words. It had only been two weeks since everything happened. Now here they were in the master bedroom of her big empty mansion. Finally she sighed.
"I think I'm pregnant, I took a test earlier but I don't know for sure."
Dorothea didn't know what D'Amour's reaction would be like so she waited. Finally he tried his hardest to smile.
"That's great Dorothea…but."
Dorothea nodded.
"I know, I really don't know how to feel about it, I had been sick last month…brushed it off with everything that's happened, but I'm pretty sure."
"It's not mine."
"What?"
D'Amour cleared his throat.
"After my wife's death I got a vasectomy."
Dorothea blinked, she felt sick again. Earlier when she finally got the guts to dig out the pregnancy test underneath the sink, she held her breath before looking at the result. Through her thirteen years with Philip, they had talked about children but nothing ever happened. They tried a few times but with Philip being so busy touring…it never happened. Soon Dorothea blamed his fear of something happening and how children might add towards the entire thing. So it stayed in the back of her mind…but time past and nothing happened.
Dorothea remembered always wanting children by Philip the second she turned twenty. She only real job was to spend his money and keep the mansion up. She felt lonely at times, most of all when Philip was away, but as their marriage became more distant she thought maybe a child would fix everything. They joked about it and tried, but it seemed as though faith was waiting, knowing something awful was going to happen. Thinking for a second back at the past month before everything had happened, she remembered feeling sick in the morning and even once Philip seeing this. How she was late and never even got a chance to look into it since Philip's "stage" death happened. Was it really true.
Then she remembered that night…the night before news of Quaid's death in Philip's study. Remembering them making love. Suddenly her thoughts began to link together and she drew in a quick breath.
"Jesus…it's Philip's…"